Silentlyfor Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 nc day 12 I believe. Still going strong despite my best friend Link to comment
NCTuskie Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Day 13. Almost at the two week mark. I've been getting week the last few days. I try to keep myself busy. Today I set things in motion to get my future underway. Link to comment
strndedbyluv Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 well 73 days down the toilet...starting over with NC today is day 2... why did i have to stop when i saw him? ugh this sucks... Link to comment
Silentlyfor Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 NC 13.... I think I'm monster. I don't even know why I feel this way towards one person. Link to comment
NCTuskie Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Day 14. Two weeks into NC. I've been having dreams about us. Good dreams about how things were, and how the could have been. That makes it tough, but I want to make it to week three. Link to comment
lioness726 Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Day 21, a.k.a week 3. Today I was fine till the night came. Friday night and noone is able to do anything so I'm sitting in the house, alone. This is so NOT a good idea. Sigh, I need a new hobby. My old hobby left me for another man. hahaha, i sound so silly right now. perhaps laughter will get me through tonight. Ah, gaiden. I know how you feel. Luckily I'm still living at home with my parents so I'm never fully alone. However, they went out of town a couple weekends ago and I was stuck at home on Saturday night with nothing to do and everyone was busy. Luckily I had recorded a movie I had never seen on my TiVo thing. So it was just me, the TV, quacamole, and my dogs. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. At first I was crying and then I pulled myself together and made the quacamole. Having pets helps too. So after three weeks of NC I had broken and agreed to meet with my ex because he wanted to talk. Well, that was a week ago so I'm on 1 week of NC. And of course it just happens that when I was out last night I get a text from him at 2 am. It was his review of a movie he had seen. What's that about? You think he's having a just as hard or even harder time letting go than I am? I mean, I've been able to hold the NC no problem. HE was the one that initiated contact last week. HE was the one that wanted to chance going to a bar where he knew all my friends always go to. And of course I ended up being there. I've stayed away from all his haunts and other places where his good friends may be. But after we talked last week and ended on better terms, he texts me with his opinion on a movie? Maybe since we ended on better terms he thinks it's ok to text me or something? I mean, we did say to eachother that if we ran into one another some place we would at least acknowledge that the other person was there by a wave or saying "hi". But his opinion on a movie? I didn't respond back to him because I didn't see the text until almost an hour after he sent it but... What am I suppossed to say to that? Thanks? I think he was drunk... Why else would he text me something like that? Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 And of course it just happens that when I was out last night I get a text from him at 2 am. It was his review of a movie he had seen. What's that about? You hit it on the head babe. He's trying to hold on to you, it's clear he misses you. I know if I was to do that to my ex, that would be the reason why. I wouldn't talk about 'us' at all, id pick something completely neutral (like a movie). I have had several moments when I wanted to ask my ex how much I should feed her fish, or how I should wash the conforter. She did all that stuff and of course I could figure it out, but it seemed like a great way to open the door again to her. Meh, then I realize exactly what is behind the door and I put my cell back down. You need to figure out if that's what you really want. I'm sure you not responding gave him something to think about. Ask yourself a question. Do you WANT to be his friend? Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I have had plenty of moments of weakness where I wanted to page my ex. I know she's still waiting on me. She hasn't blocked me from her IM. There were only two people she really talked to on IM, me, and the guy she now lives with. Since she has left, she turned her IM on her phone and has left it constantly running. I know her, she's waiting for me to text / im her. Hope she isn't holding her breath. It's really hard for me to not contact her, over the last 8 years, we talked at LEAST once a week. These past three weeks have been hell. I have had so many moments where I would have called her normally but that I remember how she burned me, and burned me BAD, and I just feel like ****. I know with time, it's going to pass though. I'm glad lioness, that I'm not in your posision. My ex is nowhere near me. We didn't have the same circle of friends, and short of my family mentioning her in a blue moon, noone but my therapist mentions her name. It has made this much easier. Link to comment
lioness726 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Thank you gaiden. I think he misses me and it's the reason he texted me. It was a way to get back to "normalcy". My ex treated me badly and semi-cheated on me. I know he loved me (may still) and there were many moments that I knew were wonderful and TRUE. But he was two different people. I think he's now realizing the amount of impact I really did have on him. I know he took me for granted and only thought of himself. But now that I'm not around (which he became accostomed to for the past three years) he's left in a bit of an upheaval. I have felt this way before but I honestly think I'm stronger than he is. And in answer to your question, yes. I probably could be friends with him but that will be a lot farther down the road. We were friends before. But I think it would probably end up the same as it was before. We were casual friends but he would always try to get into my pants. Lol. I think later it will be the same. Friendship later would be nice but right now I just want to forget the life I had with him. I'm already in a much better place now. I'm just trying to get used to being alone. I definitely don't want to be with him. There's no question about that... I just miss being in a relationship. That's what I'm grieving. I know it's the relationship I miss. Yes, he and I shared a lot of memories I will never forget but... I can make new ones with someone else. Link to comment
Silentlyfor Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 NC day 1. Not discouraged or ashamed. If this is the time for mistakes, it is now. Link to comment
didyoumissme Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 NC day 1. Not discouraged or ashamed. If this is the time for mistakes, it is now.I am right with you red! *hugs* Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Friendship later would be nice but right now I just want to forget the life I had with him. Ya know, I thought I would do the same thing with my ex, then I remembered something from a TV show that I saw. There was an episode of 'That 70's Show' where Eric was grieving the loss of his relationship with Donna. An angel visited him and to make a long story short, in the end of the episode, Eric said he just wanted to forget her and his past with her. He asked the angel to make him forget everyhing. The angel said "Okay, but before I do that, let me show you what you'd be losing..." The angel touched him and gave him a quick flashback of all the happy moments he had with her-- the kisses, the laughter, the first time they made love, the trips they took-- All the good times they shared. Eric shouted "Stop, stop... I want to remember, I want to remember. Please don't make me forget". Eric opened his eyes and the angel was gone, and the episode ended. Link to comment
lioness726 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Yes, I remember that episode. I saw that one. I understand what you mean and the point of the episode. I'm not saying that I want to completely erase everything. I just want to be able to recall all those things as if it were NOT just yesterday. I also want to recall those things and not feel hurt when I do. It's now been only a month since we broke up and even though I can't believe it has already been that long, it's still only a month compared to the three years we had together. Practically most of my adult memories or experiences I think of now has him in it. It's like, I used to be part of a set. Now, I'm not. I'm not saying I'm not whole. I am and always have been. A good partner doesn't make you whole, they just complement you in the best way. And my ex did NOT complement me at all. But still... it's hard to get over someone who was a huge part and force in your life. I sometimes sit here and say, I hope he's having a harder time than I am. I hope he really mourns over me. I say this because he took me for granted and hurt me soo much throughout our relationship. I feel it should be what goes around comes around. He now knows he messed up the relationship. He now knows he needs therapy. I just hope the memory of me haunts him and he finally and actually sees all the wonderful things I did for him. I hated all my wasted efforts on him... Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I understand your feelings. I did so much for my ex as well. Everything from a DUI she got with an ex to her credit which was completely destroyed. I helped her to the point of causing myself pain but I had thought it was an investment. I mean come on, we were engaged, she was going to be my wife, I wanted to help her out as much as I could. I don't regret it one bit because I know even though she erased most of the work we did together, eventually she'll have to do it all over again and she'll remember me and then maybe she'll actually apreciate the effort I made. It's too bad she didn't stick around so we could finish it. After I wrote in the letters to ex's section, I actually started to cry. I thought about my ex, drunk, high, and sniffing cocaine off a table. The thought of her going back to her old ways and hurting herself like that was just too much for me. Watching my ex walk away from me would be the least of my concearns. I had to watch her walk away from me and then continue walking right off the edge of a cliff. And the person she fell into the arms of is worse then her, it reminds me of Jenny from Forest Gump, just so sad... Link to comment
GreatGuy Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 LOL, that was nice bro. I was laughing all night!! But you make a very strong last point, and you know what I am glad someone else is sharing that with me. NEVER EVER EVER CHASE A GIRL PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just wish we had known that a long time ago, especially during "honeymoon period" when everything seems to be jelling. The hate aspect though, i have to say I do not feel it is for me. Instead i have been able to See that this is all about Unconditional Self Acceptance, Unconditional Other acceptance, Choices. With that in mind my self esteem is very high, i couldn't even allow anything less than that. I am very alert when it comes to compromising myself, I make sure i check myself first. Really the hate thing is cool earlier if you need a quick fix, but if it drags to long it can grow and become a part of you forever. I choose to Love myself more than Ever, that means not allowing anyone to come into my life run it however they see it fit, or influence me enough that i ain't able to see/think straight. Right now I am in my 5th month, and it is getting better and better with each day. Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Day 20 something. Listening to Eamon - Don't want you back. Haha, yea, that's the real deal. Link to comment
lioness726 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Just wish we had known that a long time ago, especially during "honeymoon period" when everything seems to be jelling. HA HA! You said jelling. Reminded me of those Dr Scholl's commercials. Ah, the "hate" thing. Welcome to the anger stage in the grieving process! Don't fret, it means your're healing! But, really. I had the bitterness part but I really didn't want to hit "hating" him. I wouldn't be any better off than the "love" phase. They're both an intense emotion and I really don't want to feel any kind of intense emotion toward him. That would mean I'm still using up my time, thoughts, and energy on him. I would rather just not care. I don't feel he deserves even hate. Too much attention. Tomorrow marks exactly 4 weeks/one month since we broke up and I'm moving farther away from sadness and more toward... I don't know. I feel as if I'm in limbo. It's not like I'm not happy, though. I just am in a weird stage right now. Kind of drifting. I remember things and I feel things but it's not really pain that I feel. It's more like I feel myself fearing this huge change and find myself kind of lost. I guess I just feel lost. Over the weekend I met a cute guy at a bar when I was out with friends. He was cute, gave him my number and everything, but I was over it by the end of the night. He was already giving me red flags! Ha! He was too drunk, which was a turn off. And he was really jealous over the guy friends that were there with me. My girl friends were like, "What happened with that guy? He was cute and you were talking to him a lot." I was like, "Meh. I'm over it. He probably won't call me because he won't remember tonight and to be honest, he was too jealous/possesive and I just met him!" I did have fun flirting though. Something that's really new to me. There used to always be this line that I could not cross because I had a BF. And I was soo very good at NEVER crossing that line that when I finally did, I was in foreign grounds... It was surreal. Link to comment
pablovblack Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 It must be day erm.... 45 now, and do I feel better, oh absolutely.... Would I take her back, Probably.. Can I live without her, Deffinately.. Am I going to move on, You better believe it.... Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Oooo, today has been rough for me. I'm seriously starting to think that the weather plays a key role in determining how steadfast I can be to not contact her. Today, the sun has yet to come out and it's been raining all day. 8 years of talking a few times a week and when she moved in, talking everyday only to be replaced with 25 days now of no contact at all. If I make it through this, I'm going to quit smoking because there is no way it can be harder then this. If I can just make it till tomorrow, I have a therapist appt. Sigh, just need to make it till tomorrow. Link to comment
blindreepr Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 NC Day 3, hopefully she doesn't call and mess it up again. She's tricky though, she pretends to be asking about the house, or the bills then proceeds to ask about what I have been doing with my life before I can get off the phone. Link to comment
notanymore Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Hi everyone gaiden, lioness, red, nctuskie, strndbyluv,pablov i m really glad the badwagon is doin great wonders for u all,sorry i ve been out of the picture for a while, am walkin a real tight rope here, whether i like it or not, i have to see her everyday in class,though i choose to ignore her, she n her new beau, well they dont exist for me anymore, but the fact is i have these terriblemood swings, which range from feeling happy about not contacting her, angry bout hey actions and how she trashed me and is happily seeing this guy,and sometimes sad about the times we had, the days we shared, those kisses, those cuddles,i see her and i just wanna rush to her and hug her, she s right in front of me but i just can't. one of the ironies of life i have to get over.trust me guys, keeping NC has really worked for me, even though i bump into her everyday for the past 10 days, i have not spoken a word to her and i guess thts whats been my strength,go with NC, it does work, hugs to u all, cheers Link to comment
Silentlyfor Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Nc 1.... again for me. Don't worry. I'm getting thru this Link to comment
notanymore Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Nc 1.... again for me. Don't worry. I'm getting thru this dont worry red, we are all there with u, u ll come out of it, pm me if u feel like.dont give, not just yet, stick to nc, cheers Link to comment
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