NC Bandwagon 2, hop on n hope for the best

[eyeswideopen]

I have no idea how long it's been since NC but man, it's struggle to get through every day. And I mean EVERY day.. my work is effected, my personality is effected, everything... Regardless that I know, if I keep this whole down period up for long, I'll take some serious financial hits... that won't be good... that won't be good at all..

 

I was tempted to e-mail her today cause I read an article about some girl that got stabbed at a high school.. I thought it may be the high school her mom taught at, but decided against it...

 

I'm dreading the wedding.. I have no idea if I can make that or not... I want to be strong about it.. 29 yr old guy... and I'm thinking about this kind of stuff. I thought those times were over..

 

I wake up everyday miserable... defeated.. like I can't go through this alone anymore... I want to just go be comforted by family, 100's of miles away from here, and say screw it all.. foreclose on me... I don't care.. my mental health is more important..

 

But I get up, go to work, and do the best I can... I hope I can keep it up til the house sells.. please God... please help me through this.. please..

[Psylocke960]

Hey eyeswideopen...I know it's a struggle trying to deal with all the things you've mentioned but as much as possible, keep your chin up. The only thing you need to focus on is yourself now. Believe me, as much as I don't want to, I have to go through all the stuff my ex and I shared together, sort through them and just ship what's his. And we still have a car in both our names and he told me it was up to me what I wanted to do with it. Part of me wants to get rid of the thing since it reminds me so much of him and part of me wants to keep it because it's a car I've wanted for a long time. Or I should just let him have it. But when I start thinking about that too much, I don't want him driving it around with some other girl. *sigh* It's frustrating.

 

Like you said, your mental health is more important so do what you need to do so you can be with your family. Keep us posted!

[alteer]

He's known me my whole life (he's a friend's father - 61 effing years old).

Granted, I wanted to be rid of her for a LONG time, but I'm immature and was never ready to deal with the pain. Regardless, he knew we were together and he chose to be "that guy" for three months. I'm biding my time, but he's going to lose a couple of teeth for that decision.

 

 

What the hell was she thinking.....61!!!!!! Sheesh the thought makes me cringe......it would be like sleeping with your grandfather.........ewwwww.

 

malcontent violence is never the answer. And as you said yourself you wanted to be rid of her for a long time. I know it doesn't make it easier knowing that she cheated on you.....and with an old man no less. But kicking his teeth in will not ease your pain......well it might for a bit ......but then what?!

 

Try and think of it this way. She will end up being extremely lonely when he crokes.....or she has to start feeding him...pushing him around in a wheelchair....or even wiping his * * *!!! Karma man....karma

[eyeswideopen]

It'd be so irresponsible of me to let the house go into foreclosure.. that'd be stuck with me for a long time and it's taken me a long time to rebuild my credit.. I don't want this to impact the rest of my life..

 

and at the same time, I'm finding it harder and harder every day.. not easier.. I'm really confused as to why I'm moving backwards instead of forward...

 

On a positive note... malcontent.. just remember Big Daddy.. the guy with the old balls...

[Cute Band Rat]

Officially day 2 for me today. Gonna keep going. I am hanging on for one month...

[notanymore]

Alteer

the team effort counts in this case.we all have to encourage each other and spread hope this way we ll get hope for ourselves,glad to know u did not break NC, as u said live and learn keep it up

 

Malcontenteven my so called home-breaker is known to me and is a friend of mine.he hasn't had the b**ls to call me after ruining it for me.Though I preach non-violence, only I know how I am resisting the temptation to give him a nice upper cut .

 

Whatever my understanding of the situation is, if u act violently or do something similar , u are trying to prove to your ex that u dont care anymore, but the fact is u do , thts why NC .to hell with them,don't even bother finding out what she s up to, maintain NC, its for ur own good.i hope i dont sound like a preacher, nor an expert on NC,just someone in the same boat as you, trying to get my life back.and i know i will and so will u.

 

Arielle you don't have to lie to come up with something interesting .your life is goin great, you ve recovered .you have moved on from misery,isnt that a big change

 

Psyloche960 ,let the tears flow, wipe em clean n move on, we are all here for you, hang in there, it ll get better by the day.

 

eyeswideopen

hang in there buddy,even i ve gone through a lot of financial difficulties,i was numb,i let things go,get a grip on life shake yourself frm time to time, try n focus, NC will improve things, stop thinking about her,have faith in yourself.

 

cute band rat keep it up mate we r all with u for the entire month.

 

day 12 : left office early , went to a pub with a friend,ironically she s also had a breakup some time back and helped me a lot to recover during my bad times,as we sat the topic of our ex s came up and she could nt help cryin,this time around , to my surprise , i did not go down thinking about my sob story but was in fact trying to cheer her up.It was not the same when we d last met a few weeks ago,I d say NC is in fact workin.had a peaceful sleep last night, didnt think much about her or to put it better her thought did not come, i m coming out of it and i am sure you all wil , as well, keep the NC bandwagon moving,cheers

[minnie]

Day 5. I have changed my number and it has been so much better not waiting for that call. I still think about things but im not ready to deal with them thoughts yet, all i know is, its over.

 

Im in my last year doing my nursing degree, saving for a brand new car (to make myself feel better, and i deserve it) i have worked so hard, no one is going to bring me down.

 

I feel good today.

[pablovblack]

Day 3.

Woke up feeling not so bad, then as soon as I got into my car for work it hit me again, like a ton of lead, Is she really gone, will I never kiss her lips, will she forget me, Im sat at work now crying and in pain. All I want to do is just go to her house and plead with her and beg for some kind of forgiveness. Ill try be strong.

[Rainz]

Officially day 6 for me.

After work yesterday I went to meet up with a guy friend of mine to talk, catch up and play some cute arcade games. It was nice being out, and I played many of the games that I love and enjoy which was fun.

 

My guy friend told me about the split that he's about to go through with his soon to be ex girlfriend after 4 years, the predicament that she's going to be faced with as a result of this split was sad to hear as well.

 

I fell into such a downer by the end of the night, as although I was "enjoying" being out, the emotions and feelings were still there inside me, socialising took the edge off of it but it just made me sad that it wasn't my ex whom I was out with sharing the moment and playing the games with.

It seems futile to be socialising with everyone else in ym life when I know really I want to be doing these things with him preferably.

 

I got the train home last night and felt so empty sitting there, as I'm heading back at home at night to my empty house. It just made me feel so empty and unfulfilled all over again.

So it was a night of crying myself to sleep.

 

This morning I'm there, neutral I guess, I'm currently at work with the "mask" on just trying to get through as best I can. I'm out with work this evening for a leaving do and that's going to be my day.

[almostgolden]

It's been over 2 weeks now since I've tried contacting him. It's so hard for me. It's looks as tho he's letting go, he hasn't contacted me in like 2 months almost. I just want to get over him.His birthday is coming up next month and I don't know if he would appreciate a birthday message or not.

[alteer]

Ok day 10 is about to end and I'm having a really tough time.

 

I just signed into msn and my ex was signed on......hadn't blocked me......and he had webcam going. I didn't even know he had one. So I'm thinking he has probably met someone and it kills me thinking about it.

 

How can he just turn off his feelings like that? I can't and I hate the way I'm feeling. The hurt just doesn't seem to end.....it's constant, and it's annoying, and I just want my life back so badly. I want ME back.

 

I'm sick of my brain acknowledging him. I'm sick of him taking over my thoughts. I'm sick of thinking about someone who obviously doesn't care about me.

 

I'm so unbelievably sad right now. I know I'll look back on this some time and probably laugh and wonder how I could've been so pathetic. But at the moment the pain is absolutely unbearable.

 

I wish there was some kind of patch (like the nicotine ones) to cure a broken heart.

[kickedwhereithurts]

Welcome kickedwhereithurts. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. But you're doing so well to have made it as far as you have!! We are all here to support each other, and I've found this site and the people on it so helpful. It really helps keep you strong when you feel so down.

 

I've also found it an enormous help just to write my feelings out, so keep posting, get it out there, we are here for you.

 

Thank you Alteer.

I have been writing my feelings out to myself to try and help things.

I am afraid I buckled though last night (day 21 NC) and gave in....I sent her the message I have been trying to stop myself sending for the last 4 days!

 

I know it goes against all NC rules, but personally due to our situation, I feel like VLC is more appropriate, as I was basically a rebound after her marriage seperation (now going through divorce) and we had no issues with each other at all, until she realised she was jumping too fast into us, and needed time alone to self build and be sure in the future, a relationship between her and anyone would be for the right reasons and not just looking for security....which now I understand completely, but was a shock out of the blue when it happened.

 

I do feel much better for sending the message and I mean MUCH better, dont get me wrong I still feel like crap about everything, but her ignoring me again after having time has just reassured me that not only am I flogging a dead horse, but that she is not emotionally mature enough to treat me with any respect, I always thought she was better than this....thats my positive way of looking at it anyway

Maybe she is still struggling with letting me go, I know she wasnt coping well with it at first, but realistically, she has probably moved on now.

I know she may need 3 - 9 - or 12 months before she feels she is ready again, she told me she needs to experience a single life alone after being in relationships all her life constantly, which again I can understand, I just wish she hadnt choosen one with me first before deciding this,.... although it took being with me for her to realise that although she thought she was ready, infact she actually wasnt!

 

My message didnt suggest I was awaiting a response, it said in essense that I cant believe I still miss her so much, its funny how feelings can hit us for 6, that I wish I had met her at a different point in her life as she was everything I have ever looked for, but I understand and respect her for doing what she is doing now.

I appologised for invading her space and said I was just trying to be honest (as we always were with each other).....I know the message may have been a little heavy, especially if she has truly moved on from me, (but then if she had truly moved on, she would not have a problem with responding honestly?) however, I just cant sit around guessing at everything any longer....thats partly why I sent it, no repsonse from her is now making it slightly easier for me to concentrate on me and go forwards with my life again....I had a great life before I met her, then it went to a point of cant possibly get any better whilst I was with her, and now back to a whats the point?

 

The point is I cant stay like this!...I cant keep hoping that she will eventually realise what she threw away with us!

I'm still like this 2 months after our split, she is probably having a great time now (and I really do hope she is as I just want her to be happy, even if that means with someone new)

Sure, I'd love her to come back, who in the right mind wouldnt want to go back to something that was so good?....I cant understand why she wouldnt want to have it back, but then, maybe the "rebound effect" was the only reason it was so good, if she was so desperate to find comfort, love and security so soon?.....she will only know this personally, once she has done what she needs to do, I will never know, or will I?

 

I cant keep living in hope, I need to move on, sending this message now, if it was the right or wrong decision to make for "us", has been the right choice for me, I needed it, I needed the slap in the face, sometimes more hurt is needed for me to get through stuff quicker and frankly I am sick of the time this has been taking, I am usually much, much stronger than this, my friends hate seeing me like this (first time they have) and I hate being like this.

[kickedwhereithurts]

Be strong, I know only too well how hard it is (pot/kettle/black after I caved in last night!)

Remove him completely from MSN if you want YOU back...I know just how you feel and that makes us as bad as each other!...we should not be feeling like this due to someone else, if we do, then in black and white, they do not deserve us, end of.

 

I dont know your situation, but I'm guessing it was his choice to end things with you?...if thats right, then thats how he can switch off his feelings, he made the break mentally probably a long time before you actually ended.

If its not his feelings switched off, then it is his knowing he needs to move forwards that makes him appear like this.

People do not switch off feelings overnight, but everyone has a different way of dealing with them and letting them be shown, some do not like them to be seen at all, those people are usually the ones who are going through even more pain than us now.

 

If he obviously doesnt care about you, then return the favour!...concentrate on that over everything else, why waste your time and emotions on someone like this?....see him for what he is.

[Blue In Texas]

I am on Day 1. I was at 4 Months, and was feeling really strong, strong enough to build a friendship. (Don't make my mistake and break NC just b/c you think you are better. There is a difference between feeling better and being better.) Consequences were predictable. She's still confused, still loves me, but... All my old feelings came back in roughly 10 seconds. Having now messed with both of our heads I am back to NC and trying not to check for messages.

[malcontent]

 

Malcontenteven my so called home-breaker is known to me and is a friend of mine.he hasn't had the b**ls to call me after ruining it for me.Though I preach non-violence, only I know how I am resisting the temptation to give him a nice upper cut .

 

Whatever my understanding of the situation is, if u act violently or do something similar , u are trying to prove to your ex that u dont care anymore, but the fact is u do , thts why NC .to hell with them,don't even bother finding out what she s up to, maintain NC, its for ur own good.i hope i dont sound like a preacher, nor an expert on NC,just someone in the same boat as you, trying to get my life back.and i know i will and so will u.

 

 

I'm not going to do anything to hurt the guy, but I'll probably keep giving him a hard time when I see him around. The last thing I need is to get arrested for beating up an old guy.

[Romi]

Hey everyone. It's day 9 for me and I would like to join this wonderful group.

The longest I could handle NC was 3 weeks. I used to check on him once in a while because his mother died and that's bassically why he broke up with me, but last thursday I saw him with some girl in his car kissing her and I thought what's the point? I been really depressed and he is ok? We been together for 4 years and he allready moved on. That also make me give up hope. Hope for being with a person that doesn't want us in their lifes. And we deserve much more than that!!!!!!!

Everytime I feel down or about to break NC i sing in my mind this classic song. Hope you all like it. People sing it with me. It goes like this:

 

First I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

without you by my side

But I spent so many nights

thinking how you did me wrong

I grew strong

I learned how to carry on

and so you're back

from outer space

I just walked in to find you here

with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed my stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

you'd be back to bother me

 

Go on now go walk out the door

just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore

weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

you think I'd crumble

you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I

I will survive

as long as i know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive

I will survive

 

It took all the strength I had

not to fall apart

kept trying hard to mend

the pieces of my broken heart

and I spent oh so many nights

just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry

Now I hold my head up high

and you see me

somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person

still in love with you

and so you felt like dropping in

and just expect me to be free

now I'm saving all my loving

for someone who's loving me

 

 

Hugs

Romi (from Argentina)

[notanymore]

please help me, i m a wreck.

 

though i m maintaining NC and dont have the slightest of urge to contact her why am i feeling sad,i m sitting in my office tryin to control my tears, well as i told u earlier i m doing my internship in a different city as my other friends and her, our college opens july and all my so called friends have ganged up against me and i was told that i have been alloted a room in the opposite wing of the dorm as the others for the coming year.

 

while all of em stay together, i m the one being sidelined.feeling so p****d off right now.I bet she s behind this , in fact i feel really angry to those ppl i called my friends , who in all probability knew what she had done to me and are all by her side comforting her,i mean how heartless can ppl be,its as if i ve lost all my buddies.though i havent told any of em about it but i get the picture that they want me out of the group.whts the point in tellin them i know wht they r up to.in the end they come up with a lame excuse that they tried as much as they could.feeling so disgusted.

 

day 13

as u know the state of affairs ,the day has not gone too well, had one of my friends come over for dinner, we discussed football for a while ,then he started his stories about his ex. dont know if thts the favourite topic with ppl. did not make me feel any better .at the end NC maintained, i guess that was the only good thing i could get out of the day.

 

i guess i m at the recieving end today,i need some hope that things are gonna be fine.so disgusted with life, so heavy in the heart, about to burst out.hope i come out of it soon.help me

[mikeca]

^^^ even thought its been 3 months since the break up I never downloaded "i will survive" but after your post haha.. i dl'd the original and cake's version

[alteer]

please help me, i m a wreck.

 

notanymore I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

 

I know how you feel. Everyday is a challenge, and some are worse than others. We will all get through this......without exeption. Be strong. I feel your pain as does everyone else here I'm sure, as we are all going through the same thing, our hearts are broken, but eventually they will heal. We are here to support each other.

 

I'm thinking of you notanymore......((((hugs))))

[notanymore]

thnx alteer

i guess u r right, it may be one of those days.have to cling on to as much hope i have .Thnx for being there and supportin me,i ve not done anything wrong so i should not be feeling bad,thank you all who feel for me, as much as I feel for you .

 

alteer , thnx again for the support, i needed that

 

as u say , Mean ppl suck....i hope they rot someday

[pablovblack]

Day 4.

I went out last night for some drinks with a friend, I was ok until around 11.00pm then I just broke down, I went outside and walked home I didnt even tell him I was leaving, I walked 2 miles home and cried all the way, I felt so insignificant and crap. I was crying out for my ex, It was so hard.

 

Ill resist the urge to call or try see her, i wish the pain will go away

[alteer]

Day 4.

I went out last night for some drinks with a friend, I was ok until around 11.00pm then I just broke down, I went outside and walked home I didnt even tell him I was leaving, I walked 2 miles home and cried all the way, I felt so insignificant and crap. I was crying out for my ex, It was so hard.

 

Ill resist the urge to call or try see her, i wish the pain will go away

 

Hi pab

 

Hang in there. I'm also trying to resist the urges to call me ex. But what I'm trying to tell myself when they come is this "he doesn't want me. So why call someone who doesn't want me. It won't get me anything but more heartache because I won't get the answers I want. I refuse to give him that satisfaction."

 

I have also spent alot of time crying. It is hard, and the pain almost unbearable. But we're here for you.

 

Stay strong

Alteer

[alteer]

I dont know your situation, but I'm guessing it was his choice to end things with you?...if thats right, then thats how he can switch off his feelings, he made the break mentally probably a long time before you actually ended.

If its not his feelings switched off, then it is his knowing he needs to move forwards that makes him appear like this.

People do not switch off feelings overnight, but everyone has a different way of dealing with them and letting them be shown, some do not like them to be seen at all, those people are usually the ones who are going through even more pain than us now.

 

If he obviously doesnt care about you, then return the favour!...concentrate on that over everything else, why waste your time and emotions on someone like this?....see him for what he is.

 

 

Thanks kickedwhereithurts

 

He did break it off with me. Very suddenly. He went from calling me everyday for the past 2 1/2 yrs to literally ignoring me overnight, for 3 days he didn't return my calls or my messages, until I went to his house (the worst part is that I thought there was something seriously wrong with him. Like he was lying in a morgue somewhere) how stupid did I feel?!. I've never received any real answers and the pain is killing me. I didn't plead, I didn't beg, I just walked away.

 

He doesn't seem to care at all and I'm trying to remind myself of that. My emotions are just a real mess right now. I'm trying but each day is seemingly harder and I don't get that. Shouldn't it be getting easier?

[alteer]

Ok it's day 11.

 

I spent the day at a literary lunch and book signing where I was the guest of honour. I had to speak infront of 500 people about my achievments as a writer. Not exactly what I felt like doing. I normally enjoy these events but today it was extremely difficult to feign happiness. Inside I was feeling lost, and hurt, and alone, even amogst a sea of well wishes.

 

At the moment I'm at home consoling myself in a bottle of wine, even though I know it will ultimately make me feel worse.

 

So I may be back later making a drunken cry for help post. If that's the case just ignore it. But I would rather post here than calling my ex like a drunken pshyco. (far from attractive)

[Hurting4Sure]

I have two kids with my wife, and am trying hard to do LC as best as possible. I am feeling better most of the time now, because of this forum!! In about a month she is supposed to go overseas and see her "internet love affair", so I need to be prepared for that, which I think I will be better in a month to deal with that.

 

Out of this thread the point that really stuck with me is , why call or text someone that does'nt want you? Would you do that to a person that you asked out and they said no, of course not! (unless your'e a stalker, thats a different thread). I know that's not the same situation, but similiar in the fact our ex's don't want us.

 

And btw, mean people suck, everytime I drink even a little, I get all sad crappy felling inside also. It's hard to not call her when I have had a couple of drinks.