MewSkitty Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Due to some mental illnesses that I have, I'm suicaidal often. I haven't felt happiness in so many years, and whenever something good happens to me, something comes around to make my life 10 times worse. I've longed for death for a few years now. I guess it's just the fear of what will happen to me afterwords that keeps me from trying to do it again. Yup, I said again. When my first GF broke up with me, and might I say it was a hard break up, I got so depressed and alone that I took a whole bottle of aspirin. It put me in the hospital for a few days, but it didn't kill me. I just want it to all end quickly and painlessly. Also, right now I have something to live for and that's my GF Jesse. She may have been tooken away from me but I will not rest until I get her back. Link to comment
Sylph Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I only have one: 1. curiosity. That's about it, I haven't got a great deal to look forward to and I imagine I'll go through countless periods of anguish through out my life. But since I'm interested in seeing how certain things play out I'm going to stick around. I'm quite certain that the end of the humanity is going to play out in my life time and I want to be around to see it. Perhaps I'll enjoy the bits in between while I'm at it, it'll give me something to do. Oh, I also want to see all our technilogical advancements, all the things of the future that people don't realise are literally just around the corner. That's usually good enough for me, most of the time. Link to comment
Dako Posted April 30, 2006 Author Share Posted April 30, 2006 Sylph, That's simply a great reason, and probably key to your personality. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Curiosity killed the cat... But people arn't cats. Good one. Link to comment
Mrocza Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Another reason... I want to see myself do all the things I dreamed of doing, despite the odds. I know ina few years I'll have the resources to fulfill some of them... I just kind of wish I could go to sleep and wake up then, lol. Also, I wish to be happy. Kind of a weird reason, I know. I want to see that it's possible to be happy, because I know it is...I know it's there, I just don't know how to get there (hense the waking up there part, lol). I also want to write a book once I'm there, on how I got there. Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I have a new one, A young me who would still like me to make his dreams come true. I hope me and my wife have a son. Today was a very good day Link to comment
Polypeptide Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I had a friend committed suicide when I was in 9th grade. I remembered I was sad too. Whatever was bothering her, I felt like if I had talked to her more often, she may not do this. But at her funeral, I had the feeling that someday I would be laying in the coffin just like her. I had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid. There was a point where I was really close to doing it. I'm almost graduating from college. But I don't think I have the skills and strengths to live my adult life. Now is the best time to do it. No kid, no job, no obligation. But I moved out and went to university 2 hours from home. If I commit suicide, my family would have to drive 2 hours to my room to pick up everything that I have left. They would be heartbreaking during the 2 hours drive. They would be really sad when they have to pack my things. And they have to suffer for the rest of their lives. Suicide is the fastest way to end all of my problems. But what about them? They have to live with the pain. Family... Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I want very badly to see my brother get married, and to be an aunt. My dear mumsy who needs me in this world. The only person, through death and disease, I have never doubted loves me with all she's got. I know she cherishes my life even when I don't. Knowing that I have seen death and suffering I thought I could not bear, and lived to tell the tale. I want to see how strong I am. I want to push the limit. Pure stubborness. Pure greed. I want to leave kicking and screaming. I want a last thought of life as something that makes me smirk. I want more coffee, more love making, more arguments. I want wrinkles and wisdom. When all the desire feels drained, I stay because of my father. If he were alive, he would kick my rear : so I'd have his spirit chasing me around and hounding me ....Ridiculous maybe, but that's my truth. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 what keeps me from jumping off a bridge when the world throws large rocks at me is the slight glimmer of hope that some distant day, if i live a long, long time, i might once again see the Dodgers win the World Series. plus, i wouldn't mind outliving Tom Cruise and that annoying Nancy Grace chick. Link to comment
Spawn Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 women.....there are so many of them. mine is there somewhere.... Link to comment
Mysterious Gurl Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 women.....there are so many of them. mine is there somewhere.... Thats a good way of thinking. I often find it hard to accept that there is the "Mr Right" for me though .. especially when you have fallen in love or broken up with someone. I'm glad this thread was posted. I have been feeling down a lot lately and wanted to end it. I thought out exactly what I'd do to kill myself and when I was going to do it. Then ... when it comes down to it, why should I end my life just because certain people want to mess with my feelings? This post has given me some comfort and some reassurance, so thanks for posting it *hugs* Miya xx Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I cant figure out how to die quickly and painlessly,thats my only reason. LangFord I put a lot of thought into that and I did work out a way. The neurons of the body run very fast so you need some thing that will Remove any chance of pain. Things like drugs and gun no no no to slow. They only why to be 100% sure that you will not be there when the pain comes is to be next to a thermal nuclear device when its goes off. Vuuupppp and a blast of Comma, x-ray, hits you reducing you body to poure energy at the speed of light, you become part of the light front that travels out from the point of detonation. No pain, no feeling at all just moved to a new state. But it’s a bit selfish could leave a bit of a mess behind bit more that a stain on the carpet. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 hilarious, Spug! i just hope no suicidal terrorists read that post. it would sound awful tempting, i bet. Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 1.) I would not want to give the individuals who devastated me, emotionally, the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me that bad. 2.) Knowing those same individuals would move on with their lives and not even feel guilty... 3.) My mother, whom I love dearly would follow directly after me...That is not what I want. 4.) There are so many books I haven't read... 5.) So many movies I have not seen... 6.) So many places I haven't been... 7.) And I still want to find Mr. Right so I can give my whole heart to him... 8.) And I want to leave behind a legacy of good. 9.) I don't want a suicide to be on my obituary. 10.) I'm here for a purpose and I won't end it until it ends. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 plus, i wouldn't mind outliving Tom Cruise and that annoying Nancy Grace chick. I think I'm the only person I know who has an affinity for Ms. Grace, maybe it's her passion, or maybe it's just that southern accent. Anyway, what keep me from commiting suicide is the comfort in knowing that eventually I will die, so when you think about it in that context, suicide is really unnecessary. I'm here, and life sucks 99.999 percent of the time, but that other .001 percent is so goddamn mystifying and breathtakingly beautiful that somehow, in ways I've yet to understand it seems a worthy reason to stay here and experience it. Link to comment
NKP Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hey well i want to die everyday of my life and get really close to doing it and i have tried it befor too, the only thing keeping me alive is my brother when he dies a big piece of me dies and thats when i will kill most likely Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I think I'm the only person I know who has an affinity for Ms. Grace, maybe it's her passion, or maybe it's just that southern accent. Anyway, what keep me from commiting suicide is the comfort in knowing that eventually I will die, so when you think about it in that context, suicide is really unnecessary. I'm here, and life sucks 99.999 percent of the time, but that other .001 percent is so goddamn mystifying and breathtakingly beautiful that somehow, in ways I've yet to understand it seems a worthy reason to stay here and experience it.this post made me smile for two reasons. first, because you're the only person I know who likes Nancy Grace; second, because i know exactly what you mean about the .001%. everything goes sucking along as usual, and then all of a sudden one of those "things that make you go hmmm" happens and you think wow, i would have missed out on this wonderful experience if i was dead... so can we agree on Tom, and agree to disgree on Nancy? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hey well i want to die everyday of my life and get really close to doing it and i have tried it befor too, the only thing keeping me alive is my brother when he dies a big piece of me dies and thats when i will kill most likelykita... your friend, the one who passed away so young... listen to her quiet voice inside of you. don't you hear her telling you that she wants you to live? Link to comment
NKP Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 kita... your friend, the one who passed away so young... listen to her quiet voice inside of you. don't you hear her telling you that she wants you to live? Yeah i do, i know she doesnt want me to die she would want me to be strong Link to comment
hazeleyed Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Committing suicide in my eyes is a sign of weak character. I believe life is given to us for a reason and we should use it well. In my religion we become humans after many births so why waste this life with killing yourself? When I am not happy and really down in the dumps I use music to help me out. The reasons I wouldnt be able to do it are as follows: 1) It would be a great betrayal to my parents because they have loved me, cherished me, and spoiled me. They have so many hopes and dreams for me that it just wouldn't be right. 2) I want to achieve something so that in the future I can help save the world I have nothing wrong with me physically, there are people who are poor yet they still are happy, there are kids who are orphaned as soon as their born, there is so much trouble in the world and I am lucky to be where I am in many ways. 3) I dont want the world to remember me as the "suicide girl" 4) I think about God...he does love me you know. 5) my books...how can I read a billion books in a day or so?????? 6) I will never get to experience exams or law school, or anything.... Link to comment
bubzley Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 1. More so the fear of if it didnt turn out right and i ended up with all the same problems but more because i would have lived through my attempt. 2. Hurting the only person who has ever truly cared about me. 3. Not being able to help others which is my life long goal. 4. Letting someone down. 5. The fear of not knowing what awaits me. 6. The fear of i may miss out on something ive waited long for. 7. I dont want to give the people whom have hurt me the satisfaction of knowing they have completely succeded Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 don't you hear her telling you that she wants you to live? Yeah i do, i know she doesnt want me to die she would want me to be strongsomehow, i knew that. often times individuals like you with the gift of poetry are the ones who can best tune in to the personalities of absent friends. so maybe, just maybe... you could have been brought to this little website not just to lay out your poems, but to discover a reason to challenge your belief that now is the right time to die. these are things that i don't mention in everyday conversation, so i really hope you read this whole long post: it's something we're not supposed to talk about but many, many people have reached the conclusion at one time or another that they should not wait for a natural death. that includes even me, yet here i am. wanna know why? come on and take a few minutes for a short walk with me through the attic of one person's mind. maybe there's something among all the junk that you will find worth remembering. these answers that bring the strength to struggle on when all hope is lost--they do exist. here's the catch: those who hear them and who have enough intelligence and self-awareness to recognize these ideas as unshakable and indispensible truth will also find it their solemn moral duty to pass the same kind of lifesavers on to anyone at all, whether we know them or not, who may be still thrashing in the water after our own lives have been spared. furthermore, you will be obliged to continue this work for as long as your strength holds out, which means ~natural death only for you babe~ and no quitting on the job! the saved life carries with it a certain amount of responsibility to try to prevent tragedy for all others whenever possible. that's something you'll just be stuck with, but it isn't for a bad cause. so let's continue, ok? i heard somebody say once that the dead want only one thing for themselves from us, and that is to be remembered. now i understand what that means: they love us absolutely unconditionally and they want to keep their presense known. they want us to move on in their honor so they can be there through all the ups and downs that a living soul experiences. they want to speak through us, they want us to help someone in their name, and yes, kita... i believe that they want us to cry for them too. and only if we carry them in our hearts and spread the good news from person to person that our friends and loved ones still live inside of us can we be sure that they become truly immortal. ya follow me? half a dozen of my close friends passed away before they could make it to 30, including one who felt like an identical twin to me. i do my best to keep their memories alive, and if i listen carefully i can sometimes even hear their voices. it doesn't matter to me if it's all my imagination or not because what they say usually makes sense to me, even if down the road a bit. truthfully, it's when i DON'T listen that i run into trouble. sometimes i even wonder if that's what God or a conscience really is. so this is why i take your writings here seriously and personally. please 'kita', whatever your true name is... don't make me weep for you, because if you go silent now it will be a burden that i carry the rest of my life, especially because i don't know enough about you to talk about you as an individual in a way that would make me feel good inside. last night at Dodger Stadium here in Los Angeles i watched the Pink Spiders do a cover of a tune written by Nick Lowe: As I walk through This wicked world Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity. I ask myself Is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery? And each time I feel like this inside, There's one thing I wanna know: What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? And as I walked on Through troubled times My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes So where are the strong And who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. 'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry. What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? but today i hear a different song in my head; an old one by Devo (of all people) called "Gates of Steel": twist away the gates of steel unlock the secret voice give in to ancient noise take a chance a brand new dance twist away the gates of steel twist away now twist and shout the earth it moves too slow but the earth is all we know we pay to play the human way twist away the gates of steel a man is real not made of steel but the earth is all we know we pay to play the human way twist away the gates of steel the beginning was the end of everything now the ape regards his tail he's stuck on it repeats until he fails half a goon and half a god a man's not made of steel well kita, that was a semi-quickie tour of my head. i don't know about you, but i'm exhausted. i hope you don't feel like i was ministering to you or anything like that. believe me, i am not a religious person, and i have no actual knowledge of metaphysical things... only guesses. but as one of those who has been so-called "saved" by the "gospel" in what i DO believe, i found in me an overwhelming urge to offer these thoughts to you before it's too late. did you hear anything in there that meant something? please feel free to send me a private message if you would rather respond that way. kita... life has just begun. ((HUGS)) Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 XJF1300 O boy that bike fast Link to comment
Dako Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 Spugly, Cool. Be sure it doesn't become a way to leave. Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Aways do bikes are fun but it can be painfull when you crash I know I have more than once Link to comment
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