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Tell us your reasons to stay.


Dako

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--Spugly is that you in your avatar?

 

Nope thats the nice trafic warden that tryed to put a tiket on my car AS IT WAS MOVING this morning, but he looked so sad when I told him he had broken the law and that I was going to report him for it that I asked if I could take his Pic. Im going to have a big one made and put on my wall just to remind me of his happy face.

 

We have in London some of the meanest trafic wardens on the planet.

 

My fave story is the one where I guy go nocked off his bike and the police moved it to the side of the road as hes was being treated by the PAramedics.

A nice trafic warden came along and gave his bike a ticket, all in site of the biker and the medics and police.

 

Dont ya just love em

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God telling me not to. He told he has something bigger, something better in my life. I still don't know what it is. I know God kept me from committing the biggest mistake I could have made.

 

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declanres the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

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im too much of a what if person, no matter how bad things get. im pretty sure id convince myself i was missing out on something.

 

id be like.. what if the world became stupendously fabulous? or i was destined to be the first woman to walk on i dont know.. the fifth moon that was found.

 

i just dont think i could 100% give up hope.

 

alot of it has to do with family.

but (not that i love my family any less) i couldnt do it to my twin.

 

i think theres too many people ive yet to meet

 

too many things ive yet to do

 

i havent been good enough

 

i havent been bad enough

 

ive yet to experience every emotion thrown at me

 

to you know what... im just unexperienced

 

if i had actually tasted the entire world.. then maybe.. but if i had i wouldnt be going.

 

or would i

 

im too curious thats me xxx

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I'm too selfish. That's my reason.

 

I want to see my kids grow up. I want stuff. I want to see things I've never seen before. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Screw everybody else. THEY'RE the reason I would want to exit violently.

 

AND, an added bonus of my being here is that it prolly drives a few people crazy. And THAT by itself, is reason enough for me to soldier on.

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because I choose not to give in to bad of this world

 

because I dont want to become another forgotten faceless number vanished into some dark unknown and known only as another suicide victim that people refuse to aknowledge.

 

because even though it may mean nothing, there is too fun and good feeling on this earth to leave it all behind.

 

because I'd rather feel pain than nothing

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theres too much to learn.. and i want to take every last piece of vital information to the grave .. giggles.

 

obviously share a little first but.. maybe take a few things.

 

i dont think i could do it to myself. thats bad isnt it?

i couldnt do it to anyone else.. but i randomly couldnt do it to me.

 

just i dont know.

maybe i could ... but not how i feel now.

 

if theres ever 0.00000000000000000000000000000000001% of question in it, then its wrong.. id have that little bit. im sure of it. (only in this situation... if theres a bus that looks like number 10.. but your not sure if its just 1... please.. do put your arm out

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i have my misspent latter years to look forward to.

 

i want to live under an African-American US president (Obama in '08!!)

 

i haven't watched The Big Lebowski or Being John Malkovich yet and i'm still trying to figure out Pink Flamingos and Koyanisqaatsi.

 

who will be the next Pia Zadora?

 

wait, just one more orgasm...

 

i like earthquakes.

 

plus, there are gravestones to be dusted and memories to be kept alive.

 

busy, busy, busy.

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My mom said she needed me and I believed her. She illustrates so many times in so many ways what it would do to her if I was gone. She may not know me well, but I am her life. Knowing that, I wanted to stay. Knowing that with someone, I was needed. I think we all have a responsibility to be alive.

 

Now there are more reasons. They grow as I grow. I care about more than me, much more than me.

 

I was angry at first at my mom's word not leaving me any escape. I think my worse moment was when I turned around those thoughts, turned for help and realized she could NEVER understand me or how to be close to me. After that, I stopped caring how much she cared because she couldn't show it right. Like reasons to live grow as I do, so does also my needs in this life. Yet you shouldn't kill yourself when that happens. You should expand yourself. I find that my happiness IS in my growth and everything leads up to that.

 

Calling to God gives me answers- certain answers don't work for everything, but for each moment I've been lost in, something's been revealed by me reaching. That's the beauty of life that many don't pay attention to

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