sukerbut Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 super dave you are absolutly right... since this break up i have immersed in improving myself to the max...i am back in the gym religiously..i am trying to get the negativity out of my life. i am smiling again .. even though the pain is brutal i some how found myself again..that happy go lucky guy is back. so for everybody out there going through this pain..make sure there is an upside..the past year i had let myself go..my self esteem hit rock bottom and in turn ruined my relationship..this is my time to become the best i can be..pysically and mentally..not for her but for me!!! and i suggest you all do the same. i made it a goal to look the best that i have ever looked. i channel all that negative energy at the gym..i tell you it works wonders..to anyone out there feeling alone and hopeless..go to the gym..workout for 2 hours..that has been my therapy and it is working wonders..my physique is back to almost peak conditioning and in turn my confidence is back. good luck and super dave your the man Link to comment
OCD Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 As always, great advice SuperDave71. In my situation I finally had her open up to me as you predicted. As she told me there was nothing wrong with the relationship only we met too soon after her divorce. She gave details how much fun we had and missing our nightly conversations. So I have taken this time and communicated to her things I've done to improve myself. She was happy to hear these things, but just needed time and she didn't rule anything out in the future. So for now I'm not calling her and seeing if she'll call me again, but I'm not waiting on it. I'm moving forward, but on those weak days I come here first before I try to make contact with her again. I always feel better afterwards. So bottom line I'm past the pointe of wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done better in the relationship...my ex told me nothing could have been better. My problem here was just bad timing. She told me that I could call her if I needed to in middle of the night or when ever and I said the same. But a friendship is not what I want with her...I still and will always have feelings there for her. But I am not pushing and just doing NC to heal up and if she Cracks that door open I'll be ready, and if not my next relationship will be better for it. Thanks again! Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Dave..I needed that wake up call.. thanks. I am doing well with NC but have had a few weak moments...I posted here and got through it..BUT ..I am still having these "moments"..UGH. God I just want them to STOP. I want to wake up and NOT think of him..I want to go to sleep NOT thinking of him. Why do these thoughts torture me???? How long before they go away?? Link to comment
OCD Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I hear you loud and clear Echo...I'm with you. I wake up in the morning and the very first thought in my head is her. It's not really a thought...it's like I was thinking about her when I was asleep and when I wake up it residule thoughts from thinking about her all night...is that crazy! This is my second major breakup in my life so I will tell you that it does get better over time. You just slowly stop thinking of them and NC will help with that....take care. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Echo, To put it in perspective.....Do you think your ex thinks of you when HE wakes up? The reason why you still think of your ex so much is because you are holding on so tightly that you can't stand the fact of truly ( AND I MEAN TRULY) letting go. When you do....you learn to deal with only you. Holding on to something that isn't there is difficult until you learn to love yourself FIRST. Then and only then can you make the necessary steps in making the very changes you need for you....its really a win win situation for you no matter what.. Now stop obsessing before you make me get the DUCT TAPE!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Thanks OCD! I suppose I could live with thinking of him constantly If I knew he were thinking of me even half as much as I am him! Then again if he KNEW how often I think of him he might think I am a closet stalker..or a froot loop. lol....neither of which I am...but it's how I feel, you know? The good news is that I have maintained strong with NC.....at least I can have some dignity in knowing I am not ACTING on all these crazy thoughts. It's tough though... Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 You're right Dave...but I really don't think I am being "obsessive"....just having a hard time letting go completely. I AM trying though I really am....a testament to that is the fact I have maintained STRICT NC for close to a FULL month..and really only very sporadic contact the last 2 months. I am getting there...slowly but surely. ps....will explain more to you in a PM Dave.....Thanks.... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Ok Echo... Maybe Obsessive is a bit harsh....I am sorry. I am still getting the dayum duct tape though!! OCD HOLD HER DOWN!!!! ha ha h aha -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 HAHAHA Dave..I love you...wil you be my new object of "obsession"?? LOL Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Love you too Echo!! BUT YOUR STILL BEING DUCTED TAPED TO THE FLOOR!!!!! -HA HA HA HA -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Hmmm..did I ever tell you duct tape turns me on??? LMAO Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Oh My!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Oh my...what big...EYES you have Dave....LMAO Link to comment
OCD Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Anything I can do to help SuperD...let me know, I'm there 8) Hang in there Echo...it's a bumpy ride. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 It's hard to just sit there and wait for the ex to contact you back. It has been two months since my ex broke up with me. We have talked a few times, not a lot. I have seen him about a total of three times, the first and last time being the longest. He still has my cell phone that he uses. It is my only link to him. It is hard to truly let go of the ex because sometimes that is the only thing in your life that you want now. For me, it is very hard because now in hindsight I saw what was wrong, he told me what was wrong, and I did nothing to stop it. I was mean to him at the end and I pretty much ignored him and let him be. I wasnt there for him and I kinda shafted him. He never did anything bad to me, he wanted to be there for me a lot, was nice and kind to me, but was just too much of a kid. Now that he is gone, I see all the stuff I did wrong. I should have tried to stop it and give him some love and attention, but I didnt. I took him for granted and he is gone. I spend every day beating on myself for what I did since I am so sad right now. I miss him a lot, I miss his kindness, his love, his attention and affection, but he is gone. He isnt coming back because the last time he took a break from me, he came back because he missed me and how much I cared about him and was there for him. This time there is nothing for him to miss. I treated him so bad these last few months, he has every right to have left. I was so wrong. I am giving him time and space to see if anything can be salvaged. He tells me he wants to move on and get his life together and he wants to keep me as a friend. To show him I still care I let him keep the cell phone so he can use it w/o having to deal with his parents. These are the thoughts that plague my mind. Also it is hard to forget about the ex and think about happier things when everything else in your life is going wrong. My best friend is leaving in two days to move to CA. I was supposed to go out with them but now him and his bf dont want me coming with them. That hurts. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 That is why you do not wait... You go on being you -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Bigbilly Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Yeah, it's tough. For the best, though. I've told my story a bunch of times, so I shant repeat it, but needless to say ...we aren't in touch. It's been two weeks since I spoke to her for the last time, and even though I get my fits of lonliness, I know beyond a doubt that getting in touch with her is going to do nothing good for me. Bad enough I'm having to resist the occasional urge to check her livejournal. Some friends have warned me though, that in the future ...the call is gonna come. And to ignore it. She's not gonna want me back as a boyfriend, all she's going to want is to become a part of my life again, so help ease the guilt. Well, nuts to that. If it even does happen, we'll see. Not holding my breath, and I sure as sh-t am not waiting by my phone. Link to comment
FCTex Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 FCTex, have you ever thought about forgive and forget? What if they broke up with you because it was their mistake and they know it was their mistake, not many people like to admit their own mistakes so that's probably why they won't tell you that it's their mistake. If you're feeling better when you talk to her, why not talk to her? What is so wrong about being friendly? The more the merrier. There's also a possibility that your ex is just waiting for you to make a move. Have you thought that maybe she was afraid of making a move because of what she did? She might feel guilty. It sounds like as if your ex can't be your friend? But why not? If you're feeling good about it then there's no reason not to contact your ex. I have thought about that.. I have forgiven her and myself for our mistakes. I've forgot about some of the hurt... However, in the whole picture of things, I certainly don't feel like she warrants anything from me. I don't need to give her something when she's not giving something to me.. I am getting by fine without her friendship. I'm still living, still breathing, and I'm still going out. I dont call her, I've even forgot how to get to her new place already.. I mean, I dont have contact with her, other than the little bit she makes. If she made a mistake and doesnt have enough heart and will power to swallow her pride and make amends and per say, make another go at it. Then quite frankly, she wasn't worth the time I invested. Love over comes all, and if it came over come pride, then it's not really love, now is it? I can be friendly with her, for a short period. Then it just pisses me off to hear what she's doing, and how she's doing. I dont really care to be part of that. Annie24 had it right basically. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Sometimes I think it is harder to forgive yourself than the ex. That is how I feel right now. Link to comment
Juha Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Renwoman I am in the same boat as you... I am having a hard time forgiving me for what happened, I know it was not all me but feel like I am being punished for my anxiety... I know how I treated her now that I am better and do not blame her for leaving...There is nothing I can do except become myself again or even better...Do it for me and if she will ever want to know or look at me again I will not be the person she remembers...All the bad things... I am moving forward but I would be lying if I said I did not still hurt and have this huge hole in me... Just remember to get out and keep doing for you and you will get better over time...Like you I have very little hope they will ever come back and I can't be put into friends category as it would hurt me too much... That little tiny hope I do have is deep down inside and will probably always be there for some reason as this person is the most special person I will ever be with....... Link to comment
Echo Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Juha...That "hole" you speak of is what drives me crazy. I feel like I can feel the wind blowing through it sometimes..when I want to contact him most. It actually HURTS......This is that 'broken heart" people speak of..it truly feels like there is an empty spot where the heart SHOULD be.... Thats the best way I can describe my pain. My main goal has been to maintain NC....I have almost gotten THAT part down... The next step is truly LETTING GO...and moving on. Hard to do..but I WILL do it. As long as I have this forum, I WILL get past it..and so will all of you. Stay strong Link to comment
Juha Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Yes Echo that hole includes my heart and my soul.... It feels like it is the size of the Grand Canyon... I don't have abroken heart, for now it is gone... It will get better, I am much, much better than before and you will be also... Stay srtong and do it for you..... Link to comment
Rickster Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Hey SuperDave glad to see you back on the forums. The funny thing is that after I did 2 weeks of NC I contacted her. And after a few times of contacting her she started to text me. So I guess it can go the other way round. Plus she sounds very happy to talk to me, although we never talk anything about our relationship. Fair enough if you think you can go on without her, if you can, then don't bother thinking about her or typing up in this particular topic and asking people what to do. Have you thought that she might be scared to tell you that she wants you back after what she has put you through. Just because they did something wrong doesn't mean you do the same, it just makes the whole thing worse. It's already bad enough, but you're making it worse. If you don't start something then no one will start. Everyone will just be expecting someone else to start. I call my ex like twice a week, I don't get hurt by what she says, whether she is talking about something I might not want to hear, but I listen. I enjoy her friendship before the relationship, and even if I can't be with her, I still would want that friendship. I certainly don't care about pride nor dignity, I think that is rubbish, if you loved someone so much, pride and dignity wouldn't mean anything. Im not thinking with my heart, Im thinking with both my heart and mind together. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Rickster, I wish I could be as brave as you and just call the ex every so often for small talk. I miss him a lot and I want him back. Problem is I think he may have found a new gf. There are telling signs about that. I also dont want to talk to him because I am sad after every time I see him or talk to him. It just hurts too much. I know he tells me that he wants to be friends with me. He told that to the lady too. I am not sure anymore. Just trying to keep it together is hard, and my best friend is moving tomorrow and that is making it even harder since I have no idea whether I am going to be moving to CA or not. If there is a chance I can get back with the ex, I WONT move out to CA and my best friend knows that. If there is NO chance, then I probably will. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 renaissancewoman101, All it takes is time and effort from you. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
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