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Rickster

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  1. Rickster
    SuperDave... May I ask whether you have some days where you think about your ex and get emotional about your past and the stupid things you've done, even after so long? I just wonder whether someone like you with such strong inspirational words and great belief in your actions have such feelings. I still do get one of these days that just come by, I don't mind it, it reminds me of the one thing I was proud of back then.
  2. Rickster
    Take as long as you need with NC. Once you've realised that you can't be concerned for her like before it should be alright. I wish you the best.
  3. Rickster
    ebsmith1, I hate to hear people breaking up, it reminds me of mine. I feel quite sorry for you, especially when it's a relationship that was very loving. Sometimes I just can't see why people are not content with what they already have and take things for granted. I would believe that NC works for anyone, whether it be male or female. But NC is meant for you to give you time to think about mistakes and how you can improve yourself. Maybe the best thing for you to do is to not be so pushy and clingy. It's the one thing that killed my contact with my ex. Just remember he's not with you anymore, he's entitled to do anything he wants.
  4. Rickster
    This was what I always fell for at first. I had good conversations with my ex and then the next time we contact I would feel down because it wasn't what I had expected. I feel as long as you don't make anything of the conversation and have no expectations then you should be alright. It's a common error people make, and that's why a lot of people are adviced to stick to NC. But if you're strong enough to conquer that, then there be no need or worrying. Torn&Tattered, just don't assume and over-analyze your conversation, let it be.
  5. Rickster
    DeviantOne, really loved your poem... The poem described the situation I once was in. My scar hasn't faded away yet and I don't think it ever will. But it's a good poem, and I feel your emotions. If it's ok to ask... how did you loose your loved one?
  6. Rickster
    To me I don't believe in closure letters. If you want to tell someone something, why not tell them face to face or in voice. Written words are emotionless. If she wants to talk then let her talk. Let her do what she wants. As I said, NC to me was just the short period to give myself so that I can think without any frustration and anger. It made me think about her feelings, what she wants best, and what I could do to please her wants, and analyze the situation. My goal is to ultimately make her happy, and I can only do that if I give her what she wants. What can I do if she wants away from me? The hurt will go away once you realise this. Well it did for me atleast. But I must admit, it took a long time for me to realise it. I used to be afraid of talking to her, because of many reasons, like fear of saying something wrong, fear or hearing something else from what I was expecting, fear of rejection, and over analyzing things, I hated to over analyze things. But as time past, and realizing that I need to be myself if there is any chance she's going to get back with me, I grew not to fear my fears. I can tell you everytime hear the beeps in the dialtone my palms got sweaty, and if I had a good conversation I would jump in joy, if I had a bad conversation my heart would crumble. I guess what I'm trying to say is just be yourself, do what you want to do, and don't be afraid of saying or doing what you want to do. If they are going to love you again, they need to know the true you. If you feel NC is good for you, then do it. If you feel the need to talk to her, then do it.
  7. Rickster
    Well now that I read it the situation isn't what I had expected. I recon you need time to think about this yourself. I remember the days when I refused to do NC, and people kept saying NC was good cause it kept your mind away from him/her. NC worked differently for me, it gave me ample time to think about stuff I could have possibly done wrong, in a calm state. And that's why my period of NC's were considered short and cut up into many segments. I think you should tell him to stop kissing you and telling you "I love you". Tell him that both of you are already separated. Give yourself and himself time to think about what you want and what he wants with NC. And when you do contact him, find out what he really is and his true character. I'm sorry I'm no expert... But this is my opinion.
  8. Rickster
    Well, my ex doesn't talk to me unless I initiate it first. But it's still something so I'm happy with what I've got. Sunflowereyes best thing to do now is just leave it that way. Think of it this way... For now you are best friends with him and communication is still open. If something develops out of this then so be it, but if nothing doesn't, atleast you know you've retained your friendship status. It's a win win situation. And maybe this is the time you're starting to get to know each other again, and he doesn't want to jump into the relationship too fast.
  9. Rickster
  10. Rickster
    I know this sounds abit odd. But do you really love him? Or do you just see him as a companion? It sounds like as if there's no real understanding between you two. I may be wrong.
  11. Rickster
    Me? SuperDave, I'm really no inspiration to others like how you are with the rest of these people seeking advice. But if you and everyone really wanted to know what I did. Well... the answer is simply nothing... like what you've always said. I'm not back with her, but we do occasionally talk on the phone, and figuring out what really happened made me more relieved because atlast I knew what my mistakes were. I figured that I can't make her happy by not letting her have what she wants, and I accept that. She tells me she prefers life now, and I'm happy for her, although not for myself. But I'm fine. There you go, I'm really neither happy nor sad. I guess some people may disagree with what I do, but people have different tolerances and mindsets. SuperDave thanks for asking. I would love to hear from your experience now.
  12. Rickster
    Air Supply - I'm All Out Of Love I'm lying alone with my head on the phone Thinking of you till it hurts I know you hurt too but what else can we do Tormented and torn apart I wish I could carry your smile and my heart For times when my life feels so low It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you I know you were right believing for so long I 'm all out of love, what am I without you I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong I want you to come back and carry me home Away from this long lonely nights I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too Does the feeling seem oh so right And what would you say if I called on you now And said that I can't hold on There's no easy way, it gets harder each day Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone
  13. Rickster
    Hi SuperDave. Yeah Im still here. How are you doing now? Im doing pretty average at the moment. Ive sorted some things out. Wouldn't say Im happy nor sad. Not heard from you in a while, what have you been doing?
  14. Rickster
    I glad you guys liked it and could relate to it. It's not made up or anything, so I found it quite easy to write. I highly doubt I could write another poem as I'm not exactly sure what else to write. But once again thanks. But I've been reading alot of poems here and I do enjoy them, sometimes it makes my heart feel all so heavy and I start to think about things again.
  15. Rickster
    Hi, this is my first poem I've ever written. It's about my ex a year and a half ago and I've never really gotten over it till now. I hope you guys understand my feelings. I think this is the only poem I'll ever write as I don't normally pen down my feelings. Mods, I'm sorry if my poem has a swear word, but it's my feelings. Since you've been gone, Laughter doesn't seem to work anymore And for the depression, It's like a sore thumb I just can't ignore Since you've been gone, My heart beats a different pace And for the memories, The memories bring tears to my face Since you've been gone, I reflect upon life and the rejection I never understood why, My mind dwells on this damn unanswered question? Since you've been gone, Smiling has never been this easy to fake It forms new relationships, but I fear them, It reminds me way too much of this burning heartache Since you've been gone, You never once looked back I'm not sure how the heck you do it, It's like nothing happened and everything's intact Since you've been gone, I've always felt like this, I'm not sure why And although the void still remains, I'm happy to let you be
  16. Rickster
    Only through your actions. Actions speak louder than words.
  17. Rickster
    I really like your posts guys.. & girls. Im not so afraid of hearing what I had done wrong, I mean its the only way I'm ever going to learn and make myself better. I know the stuff I did wrong during our relationship, but just not during the break-up and after, and I was working on the stuff I was doing wrong, which was my anger and my sudden change of mood. I'm a guy, so I don't have PMS or some sort. I think it's got something to do with me being a Gemini. It's true. Actually I've heard a couple of things from her, but it had alot of crap content in it, or maybe it wasn't the things I had expected the reasons of a break-up to be. She gave me reasons like she was 1 and a half years older than me and such. This girl was my first, and it did hurt me for a year and after talking to her after the break-up she sounded like I never knew her at all, like an exact opposite of her personality and her beliefs were totally different from when I knew her, which hurt me most because I couldn't believe she had changed so tremendously, it was like as if the relaitonship I had was a lie. But I'm fine, I understand she wants to be with this new guy, and I can't make someone happy if they can't get what they want. Not exactly, no. I haven't clarified why I wanted to know, but I had already planned to tell her why (I'm quite forgetful at times). Maybe you are right, maybe she is trying to ignore the pain. I think she really knew how much I hurt. But you could be right about her not knowing the actual reasons and thereforeeee not being able to explain it. I do try to talk about other stuff, which has no relevance about our past, but sometimes it's hard to find things to talk about because I hardly know her now and it's not like she would tell me about her day and such. But I do hear she's very happy with her lifestyle now. I ask her questions about the stuff she does now and things. Just to know her a little bit better once again. After talking to her and telling her how I truly felt, she did say we still could be friends. So I hope I don't pressure her too much about these questions that I just want to know for my own good, that is just my real intentions out of it. I know that people will critise me about not letting these memories go and forgetting about answers that will answer my clouded mind. You see I just over-analyse things too much sometimes, it's the way I work. And just not knowing exactly what happened keeps me agitated. I can't possibly blame her on the incident, nor can I blame myself fully. I guess break-ups are just a mass of wrong doings from both parties. And I don't see this as a way to blame each other. After the break-up I did a lot of things I couldn't imagine myself doing, I don't think I was conscious about what I was doing. And I don't want her to think that I was really this person. And I have already told her about it, and I'm quite happy telling her. Thanks guy, I appreaciate your feedback
  18. Rickster
    It's been a year and a half, and I have yet to know what went wrong. I have little guesses and ideas, and I still don't have a solid reason. Do breakups just not have a reason? Recently, I have become on talking terms with her, and I've asked her a few questions about the past, she does reply me and it makes me a bit more relieved to understand the situation from her point of view, but it's not too detailed and there's still many things I need to understand. After telling me a bit, she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it and ends the conversation about the past. Im only asking these questions to understand what I've done wrong, if I have. And the answers will allow me to become a better person, and get a lot of things of my mind which I think about. If I don't know my mistakes, how can I improve? Also, she really never knew how I felt, I mean the real me, not the person who was frustrated and said things I didn't think of and didn't mean. So I intended to tell her about my feelings, so that we could understand each other, and for her to know that I never intended to hurt her by my actions, and for me to understand why she took those actions. Could it possibly the memories of us being together that hurt her? Or the memories of the breakup that hurt her? Or she doesn't care much about it? Or she gets angry when she talks about it?
  19. Rickster
    Maybe you should refrain her from taking those pills. It might be affecting her badly. You situation is kind of similar to mine. My ex told me that she had lost feelings for me, and that if I came back from England it would not help (long story). She kept telling me that she doesn't love me anymore, and she turned out to hate me after the things I did. I experienced the exact opposite of her personality during those days. She changed a lot, and I couldn't cope with how much she had changed, I couldn't recognise her inner beauty anymore. She tells me she smokes infrequently, and that really hurt me, since she was the one who agreed she disliked smoking in the first place. Even till now, I still don't understand the entire situation. The reaons why she did it, or was she already that person before i got with her. I guess I'll never ever find out, but it does keep me thinking about it. I wonder whether it was me or her, or whether it could have been her new bf that has changed her. But I think the reason why this woman is probably saying these things is because she is confused, and pressured. Maybe you should give her time to think about things, and if she really thought about what was best for her, she would realised what you have given her and whether it makes her happy. Leave her to do what she wants now, give her the space, and she won't say things at the heat of the moment. I can hardly believe that she has totally changed from one person to the exact opposite. You could say that people change over time. But they still have a core which they live by.
  20. Rickster
    It sounds great, I hope you don't rush things from here, take it easy. You might slowly drift back into your reationship. Who knows. Just remember he knows you as a friend, so hopefully you keep your ideas of physical contact away. I wish I was in the same situation as you, but... Anyway good luck leboheme.
  21. Rickster
    I think Im going through a mild depression as a matter of fact. Well, the only thing that Ive achieved in the past was in accounting, and I think Im doing that because it's the only thing which Ive done good in, but I don't neccessarily like it, it's kind of a 50-50 thing. Ive kind of lost the mood to carry on studies. My sister has got goals in her life, and she plans to do a doctrate degree. Sometimes I envy her because of this. Relatives talk on about her and stuff. Im 18 at the moment, and I have to think about my goals, Im worried Ill be stuck in the future if I dont take it seriously now. I had this double degree in mind earlier, but Im planning to scrap that plan since it requires me to go overseas. And frankly speaking, I just despite going overseas after my breakup with my ex (its a long story). I have this phobia after the breakup and since then when I go for holidays I feel afraid to stay there too long. Maybe it's got something to do with lonliness? The reason why I started talking to this girl in university was because I felt bored and lonely, but I stopped talking to her because I find that contacts her most of the time and she doesnt do the same. I felt that she was the one that I could contact outside university, however, its not the case. Maybe I suffer from some sort of personality disorder. I did this personality test, and it described me as having a schizoid personality. I did some research on this and basically it says that I like to stay away from crowds and don't like to participate much. Which is quite true. I do like to keep away from people and thats why I always had a small circle of friends. Im kind of a loner to think about it. My ex didnt quite like the non-participation part of me, although I tried to fix it and managed to accomplish it in certain areas. Maybe the reason why I dont have goals is because I dont have to care much about anything now. I dont know, Im quite confused.
  22. Rickster
    Good Luck Scruff. I wish you all the best. Now I'm waiting for myturn
  23. Rickster
    KIDD I feel exactly the same as you. I don't know what is going on. I just feel bored with life.
  24. Rickster
    I wasnt sure whether I would post this here or in the personal growth forums. But it had to do with a breakup to start it off. Basically, after my ex dumped me I was depressed about it for a year, basically mourning about it for a year. After that, and a few months of NC here and there (I broke NC occasionally and felt better about it), I finally came to my senses and understood things, and gave in to what my ex wanted (to let her go). I fully understand the situation, and if I could prevent the breakup I would have done so, and I do regret my actions, but I know I can't change it. Its been a year and a half after the break up, and I finally managed to talk to my ex and to chat for the first time about our feelings during the breakup and we both understood what happened in each other's views. Im glad that we had that conversation, because for once I understand her, and for once I feel that Ive explained my actions to her and that she understands me now. I don't deny I miss her. She's changed me to become a better person, and for the first time in my life I managed to show my feelings that I normally keep for myself. Recently, I have been feeling bored most of a the time. Im not sure of the actual reason. I have interest in computers and soccer. I play soccer with my college friends once a week and fix up my computer as a hobby, but it's an expensive hobby so I can't do too much of it. Despite doing all this, I still feel bored. When I do these activities for some reason I start getting bored aswell. I don't have a sense of direction in my life and Im living it day by day, letting the days control me. I don't know what I ultimately want, no goals, no objectives, no mission, no future. Im in university now and I hate it. I have few friends as Ive always had in my life, and I only speak and visit my best friend from high school almost every weekend, and I guess it's the only time when my mind is drawn away from boredom. I don't even know what I want a career in. I started talking to this girl, in university and aswell as on the phone, but I feel that I cannot accept her personality, and thus I cannot accept her being more than friends. I have no religion, and I don't plan on getting one, I feel quite lazy most of the time to carry out religious duties, though friends have asked me to go for service in their "charismatic"(sp) church, I did go, and I didn't enjoy it too much. I don't know what excites me now. Life is dull and boring. I think I took the break up quite badly. I think it started this boredom I have and it slowly carried on. Sorry I can't write properly, I type my mind. I had to start this thread, I felt I was getting out of hand.
  25. Rickster
    I have to disagree with the thread starter. Nothing is impossible. I never exclude the possibilities of getting back together with my ex, and it would probably be my dream to do so. What happens if somewhere down the line you grew to a different person, and your ex so happens to like you as this new person? Anything can happen. I was young and not mature enough to realize some things. But I think Im capable of dealing with such things now if I had another chance.
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