lostandhurt Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 These are your words right from your very first thread on here. "even though I'm the perfect guy with very good qualities. Girls should desire me and want me. I am the epitome of perfection! I am absolutely fabulous yet somehow, I still find myself on the sidelines while other guys who are not as good as me have more girls and are doing very well in the dating world." The common denominator in all this is YOU. It doesn't matter if it is in real life of on a dating app. You are still the center of this situation and having this grandiose vision of yourself is not attractive. You might think it doesn't show but it does. So what you have been doing hasn't been working for you. Instead of blaming women and the apps how about you take a step back and take a good hard look at yourself and see what you see. Yes women have options and they do not owe you or anyone else a chance if they are not attracted to you. How many women have you talked to or met for a drink that you are not attracted to? I would guess zero. The good news in all this is you can change and grow as a person and become more attractive. There are so many of us that know some guy that is less than attractive but has a great personality and is funny and they seem to be with attractive women a lot. Women can sense things in men and if a guy is putting off the kind of vibes you are then they will take a pass most of the time. Get off the apps, get into some self discovery and STOP blaming others for your failures. This is the only way to succeed. Ask the lovely ladies here what they want most in a man and see what they say. This is fixable but you have to work hard on it. Lost 3 1 Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 On 4/15/2024 at 12:52 AM, Bene20 said: I need to be positive and optimistic all the time? Yes. People can spot self-loathing and hatred a mile away. Along, with thinking all women are just meeting you for a "free lunch" You are only 20; not sure why you feel you will be alone the rest of your life. I would spend this time focusing on what makes you happy and finding a bigger problem to solve outside of your own orbit, instead of driven by getting a girlfriend. When you do, your world will open up along with attracting different and new types of people in your life for the better. It takes 30 days to create a habit, and 90 days to create a life change. Stay positive and open minded, because negative never ever works. 1 Link to comment
mylolita Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 On 4/15/2024 at 12:55 AM, Bene20 said: I've done all of that, I joined multiple groups and clubs, worked out and got into fitness, even took classes and had hobbies that I shared with girls, but none of them made any difference. I do talk to women as people but no one is ever interested in getting to know me better. I'm not the one who's making them my enemy, they're the ones who made me their enemy because of their behavior towards me. Maybe you should stop trying to dictate my life when you have no clue what I've gone through. Afternoon Bene! Sorry if I have missed this, but can I ask how old you are? You still sound quite young? I think men have an easier time once they become a bit older and established! Many men find their dating opportunities and serious offers expand more into their late 20s, 30s through to their 40s. This is generally because by this point; a man may have been able to secure somewhere long term to rent or buy, be in an established and stable career and generally has a bit more life experience under his belt. I would become disheartened but I would say, your gut reaction to dating apps in 2024 is not uncommon and I personally would try to get off being online as much as possible, simply go about your life, work towards personal goals be that education or work or fitness or hobbies or a mixture of all and, build your castle, enjoy your life, expand on your confidence and you will probably find the tables turn! x Link to comment
mylolita Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 Apologies, just read Bene you are 20! Still so young! Most guys are still boys at this age and have nothing to offer women, not in stability or resources or even personality - some men are very impulsive and also hot headed just out of their teens. Try and relax into yourself, keep on and try enjoy yourself, get out there, get off the dating apps. I think you’ll be just fine. x 1 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Here we go again. I mean, we're not getting the "I'm a perfect specimen, girls should flock to me, they'd be lucky to be in the presence of such perfection like me!" this time. Maybe there's some humility. And being humble is good, BTW. 1 Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 40 minutes ago, boltnrun said: I mean, we're not getting the "I'm a perfect specimen, girls should flock to me, they'd be lucky to be in the presence of such perfection like me!" this time. Maybe there's some humility. And being humble is good, BTW. Look at his first thread. Zero humility, huge ego. Lost Link to comment
Bene20 Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 27 minutes ago, lostandhurt said: Look at his first thread. Zero humility, huge ego. Lost Jealous my guy haha! Link to comment
Bene20 Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 1 hour ago, boltnrun said: I mean, we're not getting the "I'm a perfect specimen, girls should flock to me, they'd be lucky to be in the presence of such perfection like me!" this time. Maybe there's some humility. And being humble is good, BTW. jealousy is not a good trait bro! Link to comment
Bene20 Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 4 hours ago, mylolita said: Apologies, just read Bene you are 20! Still so young! Most guys are still boys at this age and have nothing to offer women, not in stability or resources or even personality - some men are very impulsive and also hot headed just out of their teens. Try and relax into yourself, keep on and try enjoy yourself, get out there, get off the dating apps. I think you’ll be just fine. x I know so manyy younger guys with hot girls and I am all alone. I want a girlfriend but girls don't want me. I feel like I miss out on love being 20 without a girlfriend. Link to comment
Bene20 Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 6 hours ago, tattoobunnie said: Yes. People can spot self-loathing and hatred a mile away. Along, with thinking all women are just meeting you for a "free lunch" You are only 20; not sure why you feel you will be alone the rest of your life. I would spend this time focusing on what makes you happy and finding a bigger problem to solve outside of your own orbit, instead of driven by getting a girlfriend. When you do, your world will open up along with attracting different and new types of people in your life for the better. It takes 30 days to create a habit, and 90 days to create a life change. Stay positive and open minded, because negative never ever works. Yeah, I know being negative and bitter will prevent me from being with someone and it will only get worse with time. You're right, I should focus on other things that make me happy and I should focus on solving bigger problems. I need to stop focusing on what I don't have and I should be grateful for what I do have. I'm not old, I haven't lived half of my life yet and there's still so much that could happen. I shouldn't let my bitter thoughts hold me back. Thanks for the advice. 2 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 13 minutes ago, Bene20 said: Jealous my guy haha! This poster has great success with women and dating apps, so delusions of envy is just another symptom of your narcissism. 2 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 12 minutes ago, Bene20 said: I know so manyy younger guys with hot girls and I am all alone. I want a girlfriend but girls don't want me. I feel like I miss out on love being 20 without a girlfriend. You have no idea whether they are dating, in a relationship, hooking up, together in a healthy and positive way etc- are you looking for a partner - who is also a close or best friend -or a "hot girl" who you can show off as arm candy? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 1 hour ago, Bene20 said: jealousy is not a good trait bro! Not a "bro". 1 Link to comment
Bene20 Posted April 17 Author Share Posted April 17 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: This poster has great success with women and dating apps, so delusions of envy is just another symptom of your narcissism. I'll take this as a compliment, I take pride in myself and my magnificence. There's nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself and feeling like you're superior to others, in fact it's a good thing. 1 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 Nothing bothers these people more than being ignored. Seems like a great plan to me! 1 Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 Are you sure you are 20? All this nah nah boo boo but what are you sounds more like a middle schooler. 1 Link to comment
poorlittlefish Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 If you're going to use online dating, you need to develop a thick skin and learn not to take rejection personally. I don't reply to 99% of the messages/likes I receive because of all sorts of reasons. Yes, I may not find the guy attractive, but he may live too far away, participate in hobbies I don't care for, seem illiterate etc etc. Similarly, if I message a guy, it's almost never that I receive a reply. If I got bitter and twisted from all that, I'd end up like the OP. What puts me off otherwise promising men is what they sometimes write in their profiles. I see men writing a big list of things they're not interested in and it's obvious they're describing their exes. If they have sarcastic comments about what they are or are not looking for, it's a red flag. If you have a similar list of unrealistic requirements, delete them. 1 Link to comment
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