Dating apps are just awful. (M20)

[Bene20]

I'm convinced that most, if not all girls use dating apps solely to get free food and drinks from guys, or to promote their social media. Why do we even use them? Women have all the advantages there, they don't need the app at all. Men are the only ones that really need it. Why should we go through hundreds of bad experiences before we can find even one woman that might give us a chance? If you don't know what I mean then get ready to experience it. I've never had success with these apps and usually have to pay for premium as well. Dating apps are a waste of time, don't even bother with them. I have spent tons of money on them without any success. I'm done with those apps, I don't want to use them anymore!

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're frustrated. I used dating websites from about 2000-05 on and off. I met over 100 men in person and most of them were good people.  I know of several happy long term relationships and marriages that have resulted from using dating sites. I know many of the kids they've had too! I don't agree that they're as awful as you say and if you find them that way then of course don't use them!

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

. I've never had success with these apps and usually have to pay for premium as well. 

Don't use them if you're so bitter and jaded about it.

Join some groups and clubs, get involved in sports and fitness, volunteer, take some classes and courses.

Broaden you social horizons and start making friends and meeting people you have something in common with.

You could start  talking to women as people rather than the enemy who's depriving you of what you feel entitled to. 

[LotusBlack]

48 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

I'm convinced that most, if not all girls use dating apps solely to get free food and drinks from guys, or to promote their social media. Why do we even use them? Women have all the advantages there, they don't need the app at all. Men are the only ones that really need it. Why should we go through hundreds of bad experiences before we can find even one woman that might give us a chance? If you don't know what I mean then get ready to experience it. I've never had success with these apps and usually have to pay for premium as well. Dating apps are a waste of time, don't even bother with them. I have spent tons of money on them without any success. I'm done with those apps, I don't want to use them anymore!

Not true. I always insist on paying my own way and I have zero social media except Facebook - and even then, I only have close friends and family on my list. 
I actually feel incredibly uncomfortable if a guy insists on paying for me.

Also, like Batya, I personally know 3-4 couples who met on dating apps who are now either married and/or own a property together with kids. And this is over the last several years. I also met, married, and had a child with someone I met on a dating app. We didn’t last, unfortunately, but we set out with good intentions.

[Bene20]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you're frustrated. I used dating websites from about 2000-05 on and off. I met over 100 men in person and most of them were good people.  I know of several happy long term relationships and marriages that have resulted from using dating sites. I know many of the kids they've had too! I don't agree that they're as awful as you say and if you find them that way then of course don't use them!

You're the exception, not the rule. And let's not mention the fact that dating apps have changed tremendously over the years.

[Bene20]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't use them if you're so bitter and jaded about it.

Join some groups and clubs, get involved in sports and fitness, volunteer, take some classes and courses.

Broaden you social horizons and start making friends and meeting people you have something in common with.

You could start  talking to women as people rather than the enemy who's depriving you of what you feel entitled to. 

I've done all of that, I joined multiple groups and clubs, worked out and got into fitness, even took classes and had hobbies that I shared with girls, but none of them made any difference. I do talk to women as people but no one is ever interested in getting to know me better. I'm not the one who's making them my enemy, they're the ones who made me their enemy because of their behavior towards me. Maybe you should stop trying to dictate my life when you have no clue what I've gone through.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Bene20 said:

You're the exception, not the rule. And let's not mention the fact that dating apps have changed tremendously over the years.

How long have you been using them if you are supposedly 20? You have to be 18 to use them. You may not have any luck because of manosphere misogynistic attitudes and extreme entitlement. 

[Bene20]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been using them if you are supposedly 20? You have to be 18 to use them. You may not have any luck because of manosphere misogynistic attitudes and extreme entitlement. 

Well, yes, I started using them at the age of 17. And I'm not misogynistic, I respect women as much as they respect me. What about extreme entitlement? I'm only standing my ground and telling the truth about what's been happening to me for the past several years. I am entitled, but it's the truth. I can't find someone in real life and women reject my efforts on dating apps.

[ShySoul]

You're right women don't need dating apps. For that matter, men don't need dating apps. No one really needs them. There are all kinds of ways to meet people. If that way isn't working for you, don't do it.

Dating apps are run by corporations. A corporations number one objective is to make profit, not to find you the love of your life. And if you do find that love, then you don't need their service and they can't profit off of you anymore. Can you meet someone that way? Sure. But it's not the companies goal. They want to dangle that elusive carrot just out of reach while giving you the hope that you'll reach it. They want you to increase your odds with premium services. And they want you to constantly be ready with another option so you don't put to much stock in any one person.

Dating and finding someone is not easy for a person of any gender. Do you think it's easy for women to deal with men who are misogynistic? Do you think they all love knowing there will be men objectfying them based solely on how they look or the outfit they wear? Do you think they are happy that guys will call them entitled or claim they have it easy without knowing anything they might have gone through? And there are men who are just as superficial as the girls you say you have met. There are male "influencers" and there are men who just want to find a way to "score" with another girl. 

At this point, maybe it is best to just not look for a relationship at all? Maybe embrace being single and the advantages that come with it? Dating shouldn't make you upset or bitter. It should be a fun experience. If you aren't having fun, don't do it. Live your own life and do things that are fun and make you happy. At the end of the day, we have to live with and be happy with ourselves. A relationship is a nice addition, but it is us that will ultimately give us the most fulfillment.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Bene20 said:

 I can't find someone in real life and women reject my efforts on dating apps.

So if you refuse to use dating apps and refuse to socialize and meet women in real life, what are your options and why are you regurgitating incels rhetoric?

In your other threads you claimed you are some sort of Adonis who should have women falling at your feet so you're not even trying. When you put zero effort into something you get zero results. 

[Bene20]

12 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

You're right women don't need dating apps. For that matter, men don't need dating apps. No one really needs them. There are all kinds of ways to meet people. If that way isn't working for you, don't do it.

Dating apps are run by corporations. A corporations number one objective is to make profit, not to find you the love of your life. And if you do find that love, then you don't need their service and they can't profit off of you anymore. Can you meet someone that way? Sure. But it's not the companies goal. They want to dangle that elusive carrot just out of reach while giving you the hope that you'll reach it. They want you to increase your odds with premium services. And they want you to constantly be ready with another option so you don't put to much stock in any one person.

Dating and finding someone is not easy for a person of any gender. Do you think it's easy for women to deal with men who are misogynistic? Do you think they all love knowing there will be men objectfying them based solely on how they look or the outfit they wear? Do you think they are happy that guys will call them entitled or claim they have it easy without knowing anything they might have gone through? And there are men who are just as superficial as the girls you say you have met. There are male "influencers" and there are men who just want to find a way to "score" with another girl. 

At this point, maybe it is best to just not look for a relationship at all? Maybe embrace being single and the advantages that come with it? Dating shouldn't make you upset or bitter. It should be a fun experience. If you aren't having fun, don't do it. Live your own life and do things that are fun and make you happy. At the end of the day, we have to live with and be happy with ourselves. A relationship is a nice addition, but it is us that will ultimately give us the most fulfillment.

So, what you're basically saying is that we should just stop trying to find love and live a life full of regret and loneliness? I get that there are a lot of advantages that come with being single, but it just gets so lonely after a while. It's only natural to want to be in a relationship and to have a significant other, why should someone suffer and be forced to go through life alone when no one wants them? And yes, I agree with you that dating apps are just businesses designed to make money. I spent tons of money on them.

[Bene20]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So if you refuse to use dating apps and refuse to socialize and meet women in real life, what are your options and why are you regurgitating incels rhetoric?

In your other threads you claimed you are some sort of Adonis who should have women falling at your feet so you're not even trying. When you put zero effort into something you get zero results. 

I don't refuse to socialize with women, I just think it's pointless. I could talk to a hundred women in real life and they'll all say that they have boyfriends, or they'll just ignore me all together. And I do put in effort when it comes to finding girls, but nothing seems to work out. I put in a lot of effort when I try to meet women, I always approach them and try to strike up a conversation. But no matter how many attempts I make, it ends up getting ignored or rejected. I approached a girl in my class back in high school and said hi to her, but she just ignored me and didn't acknowledge me at all. I feel like she broke my heart when she didn't even say hi to me because I thought she was pretty and I wanted to get to know her.

[ShySoul]

No, what I'm saying is that our attitude determines what we get out of the world. Perception shapes reality.

At one point I was just as fustrated as you. I was a little older then you and had zero success in finding someone I could relate to or who was interested in me. I allowed myself to be filled with regret and lonliness. I blamed myself for not being able to speak up more when I did like someone. I cursed myself for being different. And at times I wondered why none of the women I was around could just take a moment to appreciate all the things I had to offer. 

You know where that got me? Bitter and alone. And even if there was someone who would have liked me, my attitude would have turned them off. In seeing the world in a dark way, in not believing something was possible, I shut the door on myself.

Then a wise woman told me I was a good, caring person and told me to believe in myself. She said to not worry about it and be happy just being me. She said that eventually someone would come along who would appreciate everything I could offer. I listened to her advice and stopped trying. I didn't try to find anyone or make that my priority. I learned to just be happy on my own and embrace my full self. Not long after that, things turned around and girls noticed me. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. The only things I've ever really wanted in my life are: 1. To help people. 2. To find someone who loves and understands me and who I can spend my life with. But love finds you in its own time, when it wants to. When you put so much focus on it that it makes you miserable, then you aren't doing yourself any favors. Your bringing suffering upon youself that you don't need to. Just because you don't have someone now, doesn't mean you are doomed forever. But the angrier you become, the more you close yourself off from the chance of anything good happening. I just don't want to see you imprison yourself in that lonliness.

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

, I agree with you that dating apps are just businesses designed to make money. I spent tons of money on them.

In your 24 months of "experience" on dating apps, it's odd that you believe they're nonprofit organizations to find you dates.

The phone you're typing on and all the apps in it are made by for-profit companies. So the whole dating apps are just be to make money is a ridiculous copout. 

It seems you lack experience and true confidence and are matching steadily toward inceldom with your skewed attitude towards dating and women. 

[Bene20]

47 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

No, what I'm saying is that our attitude determines what we get out of the world. Perception shapes reality.

At one point I was just as fustrated as you. I was a little older then you and had zero success in finding someone I could relate to or who was interested in me. I allowed myself to be filled with regret and lonliness. I blamed myself for not being able to speak up more when I did like someone. I cursed myself for being different. And at times I wondered why none of the women I was around could just take a moment to appreciate all the things I had to offer. 

You know where that got me? Bitter and alone. And even if there was someone who would have liked me, my attitude would have turned them off. In seeing the world in a dark way, in not believing something was possible, I shut the door on myself.

Then a wise woman told me I was a good, caring person and told me to believe in myself. She said to not worry about it and be happy just being me. She said that eventually someone would come along who would appreciate everything I could offer. I listened to her advice and stopped trying. I didn't try to find anyone or make that my priority. I learned to just be happy on my own and embrace my full self. Not long after that, things turned around and girls noticed me. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. The only things I've ever really wanted in my life are: 1. To help people. 2. To find someone who loves and understands me and who I can spend my life with. But love finds you in its own time, when it wants to. When you put so much focus on it that it makes you miserable, then you aren't doing yourself any favors. Your bringing suffering upon youself that you don't need to. Just because you don't have someone now, doesn't mean you are doomed forever. But the angrier you become, the more you close yourself off from the chance of anything good happening. I just don't want to see you imprison yourself in that lonliness.

So, what you're essentially saying is that I need to be positive and optimistic all the time? I'm already tired of the same old advice that society gives me, I'm trying my best to remain calm and positive, but it's difficult when the world is against me. Sometimes it seems like there's no hope for me, it's like every girl I come across hates me and I just don't understand why, why is everyone so against me? It's so depressing, I feel like I'm living in a nightmare sometimes.

[Bene20]

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

In your 24 months of "experience" on dating apps, it's odd that you believe they're nonprofit organizations to find you dates.

The phone you're typing on and all the apps in it are made by for-profit companies. So the whole dating apps are just be to make money is a ridiculous copout. 

It seems you lack experience and true confidence and are matching steadily toward inceldom with your skewed attitude towards dating and women. 

What's wrong with the way that I see dating apps? I just know that they're a waste of time, they give me false expectations, which always end up being disappointing. But that's just what they are, dating apps are literally meant for profit. There's no other reason why they exist. The only reason why women use them is because they're the easiest way to get free meals and attention because they know that so many guys are desperate for them. Dating apps have allowed them to be more picky too, now they can have any type of guy they want with little to no effort.

[Seraphim]

Met my husband the organic way, in real life . 

[Lily Aldridge]

That's expected if you use dating apps. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Bene20 said:

So, what you're essentially saying is that I need to be positive and optimistic all the time? I'm already tired of the same old advice that society gives me, I'm trying my best to remain calm and positive, but it's difficult when the world is against me. Sometimes it seems like there's no hope for me, it's like every girl I come across hates me and I just don't understand why, why is everyone so against me? It's so depressing, I feel like I'm living in a nightmare sometimes.

No -that's silly - just have realistic expectations and dating to me requires a thick skin.  Why are you interested in dating? Narrow that down first because that greatly affects the expectations.  No need to use dating apps but no method will work if you have regular pity parties and regular blaming of society -we all have our moments -I did for sure after some colossally bad dates/first meets/interactions. 

Timing and luck are factors. Most of it -for me-was about front line, proactive stuff without desperation and with a thick skin that I worked on as needed.  But first be honest about why you want to date -with yourself -and be honest as far as whether you're ready to be open to treating people as individual human beings without too much of a negative/jaded "society has it out for me/woe is me" attitude -that's a huge turnoff and can be sensed a mile away from most people who have just basic common sense and basic natural intuition (even that is not required -the negativity oozes out and is fairly transparent).

When I was 20-ish I met men -through friends (this was 1980s), through religious organizations, at college, and met a long term boyfriend I was briefly engaged to when I was 20 -through a print personal ad. I also started doing volunteer work in my teens and have done so regularly for the last 40 years or so -I regularly have met people through volunteer work.  

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, Bene20 said:

What's wrong with the way that I see dating apps? I just know that they're a waste of time, they give me false expectations, which always end up being disappointing 

I dont dispute what you said about dating apps. In lots of times there are a lot of people, especially women who use it in that way. Just like social network, to have as many likes, to promote their Instagrams or even Onlyfans etc.

But, you need to manage your expectations accordingly. For example, when I used them, I didnt count it as something meaningful until the date happened. Meaning that likes, matches, even messages I viewed as casual as they are. Lots of then just wanted attention and somebody to message them. So I filtered them with asking to see them. If that didnt happen I didnt continue. More expectations means more dissatisfaction in the long run. If you would disappoint with total stranger you matched didnt message you, you would not last long there.

Second thing is,  you dont have to use them. There are a lot of people who dont have even a social network, let alone a dating app. You can do without them. Instead, go out and socialize more.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Bene20 said:

 it's difficult when the world is against me. Sometimes it seems like there's no hope for me, it's like every girl I come across hates me and I just don't understand why, 

Please try seeing a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a licensed qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Therapy could help you with chronic negativity and cognitive distortions.  For example that the world is against you.

The problem isn't dating apps. They're no different than Netflix. You pay to use it whether you like what you see or not.

It's this skewed self-pity that stands in your own way and all the commiserating simply increases this twisted bias.  It's not that the world hates you, it's that you hate the world. 

[smackie9]

Don't use them. Maybe at one time they were useful, but now these app have eroded. Time to get back to basics and meet people irl, organically by having a good social circle/network to go out and do things outside of your phone screen. 

[Crawfords Wine]

Your biggest hurdles are your sense of entitlement, and your rather over-inflated sense of self.

No-one,  whether male of female, owes us their attention, their time, their energy or their interest. 
If you randomly approach girls they have every right to ignore you, to not engage or walk away. A lot of women are wary of men accosting them when they're just going about their business.

Work on bettering your social skills, learn to read situations and environments before you dive in to talk to someone. Adapt to the social cues you're being presented with. Get familiar with the  subtleties of body language.

Tone down your ego. You seem present yourself not just as God's gift to women, but to the entire word's population.
Most people don't really take to braggards or massive egos, regardless of how handsome or beautiful they may be.
A slice or two of humble pie wouldn't go amiss in your case.

Make friends with all kinds of people; male, female, young and old. They'll give you a broader understanding of people in general and can help enormously with honing those social skills.

Lose the whiny attitude, all of it. It's really off-putting.
Folks who are entitled, bitter, envious and angry carry around an aura of negativity. It makes others wary of them, and less inclined to engage. Women especially have a fine-tuned intuition when it comes to this.

Be open, positive, respectful and humble. You'll go a lot further that way.

 

[catfeeder]

19 hours ago, Bene20 said:

...most, if not all girls use dating apps solely to get free food and drinks from guys, or to promote their social media.

I can't speak to the SM point, but most people I know don't use apps to schedule full expensive dates, just first mets over coffee to check one another out. If either wants to invite the other for a full date after that, then great, but in most cases it not a match. That's just a statement of natural odds, it's rare to strike simpatico no matter how you opt to meet a new person.

[Sindy_0311]

I use dating apps only for casual dating… I know that if I meet someone through an app theres a higher chance that it won’t lead to a serious relationship. IMO, people trying to find true love on dating apps are the one who are new to it. After 3 or 5 years of using them, if you are smart enough you realize that the process itself (after a few years you become disgusted by it…) and the competition (you can always find better) These are not sustainable to find true love… (except for the exceptions to the rule…) 

So just use them to make new friends…