Speaking Before Meeting

[yogacat]

4 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

This topic is interesting because I’m experiencing something different right now according to texting and knowing each other before meeting. I used to text with guys during a few days before meeting them in person. Usually they would reach out once a day at least.
 

On Wednesday I matched with a new man (50) on a dating app. we had some exchanges during the evening and at the end of that conversation he suggested we go for a drink some time. I replied positively for next Monday, he accepted. Then no news during 24 hours. I reached out asking how he was doing and he replied in the evening saying he has been busy with work, but gave me his phone number so we could set things up easier for Monday. We had a few more texts after that. Today no news at all. I watched his instagram and found out that he is the head owner and coach of a famous CrossFit center and that he used to co-present a tv show and knows some celebrities. He didn’t mention he is a coach during our conversation until I brought it up. I do CrossFit, we have acquaintances in commun. And I can imagine how busy he is throughout the day. Him not texting makes completely sense. Why would he? I’m just a random woman he matched with on a dating app. This made me rethink this all texting before meeting… as Batya suggested, it’s maybe better to text only to set up dates after the first exchange.

But I have to say I don’t feel very comfortable going to that date now (he might/probably cancel it til then) because I feel like he’s out of my league and he doesn’t seem curious to know more about me. He is an abstract concept, and I can’t stop thinking about him, wondering whether we will actually meet on Monday. I already feel so intimated. First time it happens. First time that a guy seems healthy enough not to give me more importance than what I or any woman/man deserves at this stage. I just hope he won’t bail on me, or laugh at me during the date if he actually decides to show up, which I doubt very much 😅 

Now I’m just here, sitting back and waiting to see what will happen on Monday, but the true/little anxious me wants him to reach out and make sure that he isn’t going to ghost me… 

I would reach out 24hs before and confirm. Not because you're anxious but because it's always better to firm up plans. 

I would stay away from stalking his Instagram and trying to find out more about him. Let him reveal information about himself naturally during the date.  He's not a celebrity or out of your league. He's just a potential date.

I mean sure, you can wait until he confirms with if that makes you more comfortable, but then again- reaching out casually isn’t going to be a deal breaker. Making up your mind about how available you can be, when both of you are available, SETTING the date you guys have already planned for - and engaging with him on that date isn’t going to lose you this potential date?

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

But I have to say I don’t feel very comfortable going to that date now (he might/probably cancel it til then)

It might help not to think of it as a date, just a quick drink to decide whether you'll like him enough to go on an actual date. If so, great, and if not, enjoy the experience for it's own sake, and move onto finding the next potential date.

Quote

 ...because I feel like he’s out of my league and he doesn’t seem curious to know more about me. He is an abstract concept, and I can’t stop thinking about him, wondering whether we will actually meet on Monday.

I'd think of him as more likely to meet, not less, as his work has him making and keeping appointments all the time. He IS curious enough about you to set a time to meet you and learn more about you.

Quote

 I already feel so intimated. First time it happens. First time that a guy seems healthy enough not to give me more importance than what I or any woman/man deserves at this stage. I just hope he won’t bail on me, or laugh at me during the date if he actually decides to show up, which I doubt very much 😅 

If he bails at this point, you can be confident to know that it's certainly not about you. He doesn't know you, he's never even met you, so there's nothing about you for him to want to reject.

He's just another human being, complete with his own insecurities and vulnerabilities. Meet him on that level. If he turns out to not be a good match, then he won't own the right lens through which to view the right stuff about you. That would only speak of his limitations rather than of any deficiency in you.

If you hit it off, great. If not, depersonalize it. "If the train doesn't stop at your station, it's not your train."

Challenge yourself to see how well you can enjoy a simple drink with someone who is no better than you--and no worse than you.

Head high!

[EternalOptimis]

 

Years ago, I connected with someone on a dating site and we exchanged phone numbers. I only knew her first name, but at our first call, my smartphone's reverse-lookup feature unexpectedly flashed her full name. Of course I googled her. She was a hotshot lawyer at a very large firm. No wonder reverse-lookup found her. Her Facebook circle ran over a thousand as did her LinkedIn connections. I was intimidated. I mean she even knew the CEO of my firm!

Breathe.. she's still on a dating site because she wants to meet someone.

We were both abroad a lot over the next month or two and I assumed she wasn't really interested. Then a text out of nowhere and we met for a drink, which turned into a meal, which turned into a wonderful relationship.. Life can be quirky like that.

Not all encounters were positive. There was the creepy interrogator "but where are you REALLY from? Where do you work?". The "I've always been cheated on so I'll treat you like a cheating pig till you prove me otherwise". But my biggest dating regret was long long ago when I was new to online, a 6-months long distance relationship ensued without so much as an exchange of photos. I know. When we finally met, there was zero chemistry and I broke her heart. 

Never again. A few due-diligence exchanges on the site, a phone chat then a meeting in person.

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, EternalOptimis said:

Breathe.. she's still on a dating site because she wants to meet someone.

 

Thank you for sharing. Yes this is the point. they are on dating sites because they want to find someone and maybe they didn't find the right one in real life. Its intimidating because only by seeing some pictures, social media, and some videos you already get the sense that you will like the person. 

8 hours ago, yogacat said:

I would stay away from stalking his Instagram and trying to find out more about him. Let him reveal information about himself naturally during the date.

Too late, I have been going through his social media quite a lot... But I think I will just treat him like any other guy. I'll try avoid talking about his work, and try to discover more about his personality to see whether he is compatible. He didn't seem willing to talk about his professional activity so I'll respect that, because I don't want this first meet to turn into a CrossFit discussion that would lead nowhere... 

8 hours ago, yogacat said:

I mean sure, you can wait until he confirms with if that makes you more comfortable, but then again- reaching out casually isn’t going to be a deal breaker. Making up your mind about how available you can be, when both of you are available, SETTING the date you guys have already planned for - and engaging with him on that date isn’t going to lose you this potential date?

I think it's ok to reach out tomorrow in the evening to set the place for the meet if he doesn't. He asked me where I wanted to meet him and I didn't tell him because the conversation turned to another subject. I will suggest the place tomorrow... I already heard his voice, so I think I will send him a voice message so he can hear mine too. Stakes are high 

Now according to the topic, what I experienced is that on OLD apps, when you don't exchange regularly with someone (like 2 or 3 days in a row), the conversation dies and we actually never meet. It just fizzles out until one meet someone they are more attracted to or get another interesting match. Which is often my case. I sometimes used to reach out after a few weeks again, only to find someone who wasn't that interested anymore... I think it's all a question of momentum. You sense some chemistry over text and you just enjoy the conversation until one suggests a meet. Once the meet is set, conversation usually dies a bit until we meet. And from there, you start texting or calling like you usually do with people you know in real life. 

Now, if you begin texting someone online, you have a few usual exchanges in the first minutes/hours and you exchange phone numbers and decide to set up a meet, I think there is no need to keep in touch in between. I just hope he won't bail... because this guy, frankly he is the personification of my mister perfect 😅 omg I feel so nervous... If I get the chance to actually meet him on Monday I don't know if I will be able to say a word in front of him. im so excited. I never experienced a crush like this without meeting, which makes me now understand how people can go for months entertaining long distance relationships with someone they never met. 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

because this guy, frankly he is the personification of my mister perfect 😅

Mr perfect on paper.

Tbh, a lot of coaches are self-absorbed and superficial, so I'd be wary of that to keep the expectation more real.

A family member of mine is dating a well known coach and he is a manipulative entitled self-centred one. Because he's attractive to some women, he plays on that to manipulate and charm them. Sigh...

But I feel you on the crush. If it helps, remember that he could be like any person with pros and cons.

Also, he might be intimidated by you too! You've got your own personality and charm too.

[yogacat]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I think it's ok to reach out tomorrow in the evening to set the place for the meet if he doesn't. He asked me where I wanted to meet him and I didn't tell him because the conversation turned to another subject. I will suggest the place tomorrow... I already heard his voice, so I think I will send him a voice message so he can hear mine too. Stakes are high 

Now according to the topic, what I experienced is that on OLD apps, when you don't exchange regularly with someone (like 2 or 3 days in a row), the conversation dies and we actually never meet. It just fizzles out until one meet someone they are more attracted to or get another interesting match. Which is often my case. I sometimes used to reach out after a few weeks again, only to find someone who wasn't that interested anymore... I think it's all a question of momentum. You sense some chemistry over text and you just enjoy the conversation until one suggests a meet. Once the meet is set, conversation usually dies a bit until we meet. And from there, you start texting or calling like you usually do with people you know in real life. 

Now, if you begin texting someone online, you have a few usual exchanges in the first minutes/hours and you exchange phone numbers and decide to set up a meet, I think there is no need to keep in touch in between. I just hope he won't bail... because this guy, frankly he is the personification of my mister perfect 😅 omg I feel so nervous... If I get the chance to actually meet him on Monday I don't know if I will be able to say a word in front of him. im so excited. I never experienced a crush like this without meeting, which makes me now understand how people can go for months entertaining long distance relationships with someone they never met. 

I know there are a lot of rules and strategies floating around, but at the end of the day, firming up plans is just basic 21st century communication etiquette.

Put it this way, I rather be proactive and potentially "scare" someone away (since in that case they'd most likely be flakey anyways) than waste time trying to read the tea leaves.

That way, I can make other plans and not put my plans into the hands of another individual. 

Come to think of it, there was a time where I had plans with a man and he did not reach out the day before to firm it up/confirm and I did not either. I just hopped in my uber🚗, saying to myself..."wherever the night takes me, it takes me...". (open to going home and calling it a night lol!)

I showed up, he showed up, he bought me drinks, and we had a basically good time. He offered me a ride home, I declined, but I got the sense that he didn't know what to make of me. 

What I later learned is that a lot of times what people present to you is them, testing you (maybe not intentionally, but...), which I think may be sometimes why men don't actively try to firm up plans. It's kind of like they want you to value the invitation, appreciate it, and be willing to be the kind of woman who is willing to contribute something to the venture (of course this is all site unseen, just what I think). 

I prefer talking to a man a bit before meeting, so I get where you're going about talking more online. But with the odd exception from online, these are people I met IRL. Like we joined groups/events and I met them there, I saw them out a few more times, we never really exchanged previously or much at all after first meet, eventually exchange phone numbers and the texting around the same day to keep in touch which turns into a  "Hey - do you want to meet up for a drink - Are you free tomorrow" scenario. 

[Batya33]

58 minutes ago, yogacat said:

which I think may be sometimes why men don't actively try to firm up plans. It's kind of like they want you to value the invitation, appreciate it, and be willing to be the kind of woman who is willing to contribute something to the venture (of course this is all site unseen, just what I think). 

Interesting - never would occur to me.  I don't think a woman firming up plans contributes anything. Just part of basic common sense IMO - if plans need to be firmed up.  I never valued an invitation to meet up via a dating site and didn't expect a man to appreciate my suggesting a first meet.  I always appreciated when a man asked me out in advance and planned or suggested specific plans for the date and I showed appreciation every time.

[rainbowsandroses]

15 hours ago, yogacat said:

But I have to say I don’t feel very comfortable going to that date now (he might/probably cancel it til then) because I feel like he’s out of my league and he doesn’t seem curious to know more about me. He is an abstract concept, and I can’t stop thinking about him...

@Sindy_0311this^^ is a very interesting observation you made about yourself and your reaction to him.  And how powerful (IMO) the unknown, uncertainty and a bit mystery can often be! 

And also how powerful social media can be!

I mean from my read, there hasn't been much communication between you since meeting on the app on Wednesday.   A few text exchanges but that's it.  

But yet reading your posts, you seem to have developed quite a "crush" on him and appear to be quite intrigued, so much so that YOU are considering reaching out tomorrow to confirm rather than having the expectation that he should and if he doesn't, he's not that interested and letting it go, no harm, no foul. 

All from reading his social media, forming an 'image' of him based on what you've read and seen (pics etc), 

Again just my read and if true, I understand it, it's easy to do and have done it myself when meeting and interacting on line before the meet.

I have had men do same with me, NOT from actually talking to me; many times I ended the interaction after one brief chat.

But yet they found my SM, looked at a few pics and went absolutely gaga, berserk obsessed like the guy who showed up at my workplace and caused a huge seen!

You'd think I suddenly dumped the guy after 20 years the way he was acting, ALL from viewing my social media!  

Obviously you're no where near any type of obsession, you're intrigued and have a crush which is OK, it's harmless and can be fun.

I just think how this crush came to be is interesting - NOT from actually communicating with HIM, learning about him and connecting but rather from what you've observed from his social media. 

If I'm mistaken about any of this I apologize, but this is one reason why I dislike having a strong presence on line and SM and why I dislike OLDing in general. 

I'm with @yogacat, and would prefer we both learn about each other and develop a connection based on how we interact in person, asking questions and observing each other in various situations in person.

In any event, let us know what happens and have fun!!!  😅

 

 

 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

@yogacatI agree .  Like it or not, there IS a bit of "testing" that goes on for both people, it's been happening since I can remember.

It's been discussed and written about, Dr. Judith Sills has written about it extensively, she's presented many scenarios in her books from those she has counseled over the years.

It's a real thing and it's good to be aware of it.

I also agree that in today's dating environment, men want and need a woman to participate in the process. 

Gone are the days when men were required to do all the "work," asking for a date, calling, pursuing, chasing. 

Many (not all obviously) require equal participation from the woman, and yes I've talked to men who will intentionally not reach out to see if the woman will.

To gauge interest and/or to create mystery and uncertainty and get her "wheels spinning," believing doing so will increase her attraction.

This is not just on the PUA forums, it's all over. 

I don't agree with it, it's classic game playing at its finest but it happens, it's real.  

[Batya33]

I don't think asking for a date is chasing on either end - including when I asked men out.  And I think asking out is not doing all the work - I always think women can and should show interest and asking out is one of several ways to do that.  Back in the day especially in the beginning I expected the man to do most if not all of the planning/asking out/calling - once we were exclusive/steady then definitely reciprocity/fairly equal etc.  But I always showed interest and didn't like being the chase-ee.  I didn't chase when I suggested a phone call to a man who I messaged or who messaged me and I didn't chase when I suggested a first meet.  

Interesting point about SM.  I had no SM until after I got married. I feel like maybe I checked myspace for some people I met through online sites or - lol - Friendster! - but no real memory of that and  that was just nothing like SM today.  So - I wonder if SM kind of invites more "tests" and "games" - I mean obviously people have to choose to play games but what Rainbowroses and Sindy wrote made me think of that.

[boltnrun]

If some guy wants to "test" me I'm outta there.  I ain't got no time for that BS!

He's welcome to ask me questions like an adult.

[kim42]

Great topic! I'm not a huge fan of dating apps, probably because I live in a big city and most people use these apps just to hook up. 

As far as speaking before meeting, I usually like to text at least for a few days but not like 24/7 texting. I don't like texting too long before meeting though because then I feel like the guy doesn't want to meet up at all.

I agree that 'texting chemistry' can be misleading. I once matched with this guy on Tinder, we texted for a few days - very kind, he planned the date and everything but zero chemistry when we met, at least from my end.

[rainbowsandroses]

Dr. Judith Sills presented one particular scenario that I recall in her book "A Fine Romance" written back in the 80s!

A man and woman were only dating a short time when the woman went on vacation with her girlfriend.

She told the guy the date she was returning and she expected HIM to reach out on that day.

She intentionally did not reach out when she returned to "test" him to see if HE would. 

HE did the same.  Intentionally did not reach out to test her to see if SHE would. 

Meanwhile they are both highly interested but at a standstill because they were both testing each other to determine interest, again this was discussed in her book written in the 80s!

This has not changed in 40 years and highly doubt it ever will.

Best to be aware of it and learn to deal.

My opinion.

 

 

[boltnrun]

Well, my way to "deal" with tests and games is to walk away.  Homie don't play that lol!

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Well, my way to "deal" with tests and games is to walk away.  Homie don't play that lol!

In the case I just presented, they were both testing and playing games, and you say if a man did, you'd walk away.

Which is absolutely fair!  I dislike games too. 

However how would you know for certain it IS a game or test?  I mean sometimes it's obvious but not always. 

Would you not think he's simply not interested or lost interest while you were gone?  OR just busy?  But will reach out in a few days? 

And if you were her in same scenario (and uncertain of his feelings, again they had just started dating when she left on vacation), would you have reached out when you returned?

Just my experience but I don't always know it's a test or game, what I have often thought is he simply lost interest (my insecurities).

And yes I've walked only to learn later HE also felt insecure and was testing ME.

I never reached out either so essentially I was playing a game as well.

I dunno I think dating and our various actions and reactions and such "tests" are nuanced, they're never so cut and dry.

[boltnrun]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Would you not think he's simply not interested or lost interest whileyour were  gone?  

Reread your post and I understand better.  Yes, I would have reached out if I wanted to see him again.

I would not (and have not) play "games" or do "tests" on men.  I prefer to be direct.  I find it's much easier and takes much less time when I just ask for what I want.  As in "I'd like to see you again.  I'm available this weekend for lunch.  Are you interested in joining me?"  He'd either say yes, no or he'd ask to get back to me.  If he didn't get back to me I just moved on.  BTW, as I've mentioned several times I've never dated (as in, used a dating site or been asked out on a date).  I would meet men in my daily life, he or I would suggest getting together outside of the event or we'd spend time together afterward and we'd either start seeing one another regularly or we wouldn't.  What helped a lot with this is I was involved in a sports activity as support staff.  There were literally 15 men for every woman and many of those men were single.  I was newly divorced so it was very easy for me to meet these men and I had their attention because an unmarried woman in that arena was so very rare.  That's why I recommend women who struggle to meet men to go to the places where the men are (not feign interest though as that has its own set of issues).

[rainbowsandroses]

Bolt you're quick!  Lol

I modified my post two seconds after it originally posted, but anyway. 

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

BTW, as I've mentioned several times I've never dated (as in, used a dating site or been asked out on a date). 

Yes I recall reading that previously.

[yogacat]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Interesting - never would occur to me.  I don't think a woman firming up plans contributes anything. Just part of basic common sense IMO - if plans need to be firmed up.  I never valued an invitation to meet up via a dating site and didn't expect a man to appreciate my suggesting a first meet.  I always appreciated when a man asked me out in advance and planned or suggested specific plans for the date and I showed appreciation every time.

Yes, those were qualities I appreciated as well.  The times that I have struggled though were with the extremes.  

One extreme is men who are very spontaneous type; really living for the moment. This started happening in my 30's. To me in some ways it made my life seem like a fairytale. I kind of liked the idea of being swept up in spontaneity and adventure.  

I grew to appreciate men who were more planful. I kind of thought of them as master. They didn't rule me, but led me. So I could quit thinking and planning so much and simply trust in them and let them spoil me. At times felt like this I feel my most female, soft, submissive, generous, feminine. When a man has good masterful style, it brings out my best. He seems more powerful.

I don't know if I can make any sense but if a man is going to progress it is unlikely that he'll plan something like 3 days in advance and announce specifics. Where he'd go to dinner, what time.

There is a middle ground with "plans" girl. This is the woman that is happy to pitch in and share richness of life. She's in full support of his endeavors. She's almost like the woman in a sitcom...nurturing, supportive, funny and intelligent.  Only she doesn't fall into the hello-kitty airhead silly woman.

IF a man is long haul marriage minded, he might prefer laid back woman who shows no ego and positively responds to his plans perhaps in someways eagerly and in some ways with heartfelt appreciation of his interests and planning abilities misguided or not.

Personally I don't think women make men better or vice verse but I do know that some couples are magical together.  Each bring out the best in the other bringing out a whole lot more than either can be alone.

Anyway, I've gone a bit off topic, I was responding to another poster and then the conversation kind of took a path away from interacting a bit beforehand before meeting.

I enjoy the process of learning a bit more about each other before committing to an in person meet up.

Not where it's like, exchange two messages and then 10 minutes later you're sitting across from each other at a cafe... not that extreme but maybe an hour or two of messaging or a more extended phone call to get a feel for each other, maybe be a little flirtatious and friendly before diving into meeting up and getting to know each other in person.

It just feels more natural to me to kind of warm up to someone a little bit, especially if there's chemistry and attraction right away.

[Sindy_0311]

4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

She intentionally did not reach out when she returned to "test" him to see if HE would. 

HE did the same.  Intentionally did not reach out to test her to see if SHE would. 

This whole testing thing sounds so crazy and stupid. But let’s be honest, I think we all do that at some point. Now I know that if I reach out to him before he does I will have this little voice in my head wondering whether he would have done it. And it would make me feel uncomfortable.

I remember the guy I dated last summer, the festival guy. I actually reached out to him after our first meet, after almost 48 hours of silence. And during 3 month I wondered whether he was spending time with me just to please me or because he knew I liked him and he liked that feeling. If I had not reached out, maybe he wouldn’t have either… it’s often said that a relationship ends the way it began. In this case it was true. He wasn’t available enough and too nonchalant. I guess this is the lesson I had to learn and apply now. I won’t reach out to mister perfect, if he doesn’t, no harm done, I have two other “good guys” asking for a meet. 
@rainbowsandrosesyou were right about this SM mistery. Someone said higher that as a coach he might be self absorbed or superficial, really I don’t know what he is about. so I will get down back on earth and stop my fantasies… (maybe i will stalk his social media until Monday and stop afterwards, he is such a cutie 😂) 

[Jaunty]

I would always want to talk to a person on the phone - the way a person sounds is a big deal to me.  Also just to see if we could get a conversation going at all.  

Could be fine with just one talk though.  This "talking stage" thing is baffling to me.  

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Dr. Judith Sills presented one particular scenario that I recall in her book "A Fine Romance" written back in the 80s!

A man and woman were only dating a short time when the woman went on vacation with her girlfriend.

She told the guy the date she was returning and she expected HIM to reach out on that day.

She intentionally did not reach out when she returned to "test" him to see if HE would. 

HE did the same.  Intentionally did not reach out to test her to see if SHE would. 

Meanwhile they are both highly interested but at a standstill because they were both testing each other to determine interest, again this was discussed in her book written in the 80s!

This has not changed in 40 years and highly doubt it ever will.

Best to be aware of it and learn to deal.

My opinion.

 

 

Love that book!

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, yogacat said:

One extreme is men who are very spontaneous type; really living for the moment. This started happening in my 30's. To me in some ways it made my life seem like a fairytale. I kind of liked the idea of being swept up in spontaneity and adventure.  

I like spontaneity and I hate it as an excuse for being unreliable/not making a time and place plan -even "let's meet up at the park at 1pm, and then we'll see how it goes" - so yes to adventures and exploring spontaneously, no to "I don't make plans in advance -I'm spontaneous" if someone wants to get to know someone by going on dates.  That didn't work for me, personally and still doesn't with rare exception when it comes to making plans. 

[rainbowsandroses]

11 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I never experienced a crush like this without meeting, which makes me now understand how people can go for months entertaining long distance relationships with someone they never met. 

^^Yup, it happens.  I never considered it a "relationship" though or "dating," but rather simply an "on line interaction." 

Like I'd never go exclusive before meeting in person or consider him a "boyfriend."

But the feelings are real. No matter what they're based on, fantasy or whatever.  

People don't consider that yes it's 'words on a screen' but there's a real live human being complete with feelings and emotions typing those 'words on a screen.' 

And as such, it's two human beings communicating and connecting, not two robots with programmed responses. 

That said, until one experiences it (developing a crush or feelings) for a person on line, I do think it may be difficult to understand.

Anyway @Sindy_0311I hope he shows up and you have a great time! 💛

Me?  Speaking of crushes, I can't talk about it, but my heart was just crushed by a man on line.💔

[LootieTootie]

On 4/5/2024 at 7:52 PM, DarkCh0c0 said:

No way 😍🥰🥰🥰

I love this!! How was the first date? And your proposal!!

Lol I can't help it. You guys give me hope ❤️

Our first meet was our first date, even tho technically he didnt call it that. And it was funny. Mind you, when we first met on the game he was living 600miles away. However, he was also doing random odd jobs for a transportation company. About 2 months of us playing this game, he let me know there was a job to transport a military vehicle to a base near my town and if I would like to get a drink because he didnt mind driving 30mins over to my town after he dropped off his load. It was obvious he really wasn't into this PS4 game as much as me LOL but was playing/engaging just because he thought I was cute and funny. He was a looker too, the type I would go for, but I didnt think it would work out due to distance so I just never tried to flirt or entertain that idea. So, agreeing to  meet up with him, I was really treating it as an old friend coming to town. Also, what was old me doing on a lonely Saturday night? Not much- so why not? So no nerves going into this until I laid my eyes on him! My face suddenly turned red and I was flushed with fear. I think I was just struck at how attractive he was and questions came flooding me head 'why did I not brush my teeth, or do my hair, do I smell good?' He just looked at me, smile and hugged me and that hug, whew... felt so warm and good - it actually felt like it released me from the ill feeling of wanting to pixel fade from the bar. I was still nervous and sweaty, so I ordered a drink, down it and took the edge off. Thats when we started to vibe and he said he thought I was going to vomit when I first walked in. Any way, the chemistry in person was 10x better, he was so much better in person, and he felt I was so much better in person. I am now a believer that the stars will aligned for you if you're meant to be with someone, even if you're not looking LOL

The Proposal was funny too and not one bit romantic. I actually proposed to my husband and it was nonchalantly posed. We were having dinner and I just said "Hey I don't think you have health insurance? I think you should join my plan... There's only one way you can join my plan." And he just answered without pause to what he was doing: "You had me at hello." LOL He did get me a ring - he remembered I don't care for diamonds, but yea I am crystal girl! So he got me my favorite stone, an opal ring.

[DarkCh0c0]

35 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

So no nerves going into this until I laid my eyes on him! My face suddenly turned red and I was flushed with fear. I think I was just struck at how attractive he was and questions came flooding me head 'why did I not brush my teeth, or do my hair, do I smell good?' He just looked at me, smile and hugged me and that hug, whew... felt so warm and good - it actually felt like it released me from the ill feeling of wanting to pixel fade from the bar. I was still nervous and sweaty, so I ordered a drink, down it and took the edge off. Thats when we started to vibe and he said he thought I was going to vomit when I first walked in. Any way, the chemistry in person was 10x better, he was so much better in person, and he felt I was so much better in person. I am now a believer that the stars will aligned for you if you're meant to be with someone, even if you're not looking LOL

Awww that's such a cute story. He could totally see your nervousness, but he carried on and made you feel comfortable with a hug 🥰

You guys met via a hobby, so it's like you already established something in common. I like that!

And, the opal ring sounds fabulous!! 💍