Speaking Before Meeting

[rainbowsandroses]

On 4/6/2024 at 4:34 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

Anyway @Sindy_0311I hope he shows up and you have a great time! 💛

Hey @Sindy_0311, I realize this isn't your thread and apologies to yoga, but you posted about it and was wondering how your meet/date went?  

Inquiring minds..... ??

[Sindy_0311]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Hey @Sindy_0311, I realize this isn't your thread and apologies to yoga, but you posted about it and was wondering how your meet/date went?  

Inquiring minds..... ??

You are being curious 😁

We met yesterday. I did sent him the location on Sunday. We met and spent almost 3 hours together for a drink. 

In the beginning I felt a bit intimidated, so I just let him talk. He mainly talked about his business and activity as a coach, then he talked about his personal life. His ex-girlfriend broke up with him last December after cheating on him. (3 years together) He said he got really hurt and now feeling better but still having ups and downs. He asked about me, me marriage, my work, my life and at what point in my life I am. I told him that I’m enjoying meeting new people, and willing someday to find a partner. I mentioned that I’m usually cautious not meeting people who struggle with a recent breakup and that I would have appreciated him being honest about it in our first exchanges (which he did not. He said he understood) But then, we just enjoyed the evening. We were more relaxed, we laughed, talked a lot, he opened up a lot. We were sometimes touching each other, him on my shoulder or fixing my jacket. He was very (overly) chivalrous during the whole time. He also jumped to pay for the drinks and offered to drive me home when the bar closed. He opened the cars door (they don’t automatically do lol). I went out the car, hugged and thanked him. He said he would text me to ask how my surgery went (its scheduled for tomorrow).  No kiss. I didn’t want at this point, but I felt like he wanted to because he seemed confused when we parted…  

According to the topic, I think the issue is this guy doesn’t seem in a good place. I felt sadness and disappointment from life in general. He is going through therapy, and is still healing from his past, childhood traumas, tough things… I didn’t feel this before because we didn’t exchange enough. I mainly saw what he portrays on social media, which is someone strong and ambitious, happy with his life. But right now, he clearly is not. Even his work seems to annoy him. He used to be a coach, and now he does more paper work, financial stuff which keeps him away from what he loves to do; coaching people.

He also said how he struggles in approaching women in real life. Like make the first move or engage in conversations… (it reminded me of Yoga’s last topic about the man who don’t court women anymore. He is the archetype of those men, very masculine on the outside but so sensitive/feminine and often criticized for being so) 

Now the first exchange we had through text on the dating app was like usual: what are you looking for, what kind of relationship, where do you live, do you have kids, asking about values etc… I didn’t feel any issue in his responses… would we have texted more, maybe I would have sensed some things. I did feel some connection and familiarity during the date, like teasing and sitting very close to each other. I’m attracted to him, but I will let the ball in his court… Now HE has to figure out whether he wants this to go further according to what point he is at in his life. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I’m attracted to him, but I will let the ball in his court… Now HE has to figure out whether he wants this to go further according to what point he is at in his life. 

I think it's - open of him to lead with where he is right now in life.  I think if he were your coach and not your first meet/date he'd tell you - run now.  (At least for now). I'm not such a fan of veering toward a first meet being a therapy session as he seemed to maybe do?

[Sindy_0311]

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think it's - open of him to lead with where he is right now in life.  I think if he were your coach and not your first meet/date he'd tell you - run now.  (At least for now). I'm not such a fan of veering toward a first meet being a therapy session as he seemed to maybe do?

I couldn’t agree more… 

[DarkCh0c0]

See, despite his social media making him look ideal, he's just a normal human being.

I agree with your thoughts on this topic. He doesn't seem in the right headspace for anything serious now with all the therapy and healing going on.

[yogacat]

On 4/6/2024 at 3:46 PM, Batya33 said:

I like spontaneity and I hate it as an excuse for being unreliable/not making a time and place plan -even "let's meet up at the park at 1pm, and then we'll see how it goes" - so yes to adventures and exploring spontaneously, no to "I don't make plans in advance -I'm spontaneous" if someone wants to get to know someone by going on dates.  That didn't work for me, personally and still doesn't with rare exception when it comes to making plans.

For sure. I think back then I was kinda of "I don't want to end up constantly planning out things and turning things into a mechanical chugging locomotive" type of mindset. Now, I love planning 1 week in advance if I can. But if we were out doing something and a thought would strike me. I would say "I had an idea lets do it."

One guy, not too long ago, asked me if we could go out or something. Part of me was thinking that there might be something to be discovered beyond false starts (I went on a date with him once and I wasn't particularly interested romantic wise, I liked him as a friend). But we did hang out a few more times after that and I think I genuinely enjoyed his company.

He would poke fun because I would tell him the days I was going to be busy and I him. But we almost always made plans a few days in advance. Which I can appreciate so much. I guess I had to figure that out on my own without no one really telling me.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, yogacat said:

But if we were out doing something and a thought would strike me. I would say "I had an idea lets do it."

Love that -that's so fun! I like to do that with my son when we're traveling and exploring another city.