Was I played ??

[Lexismith]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Remember this.  Words mean NOTHING if not backed up with action. 

Hear his words, acknowledge them.  But inside, take with a grain of salt unless and until he's able to back up those words with solid action. 

Otherwise they mean nothing.

You’re absolutely right . 

[yogacat]

He was indifferent because you became too clingy so he backed off so you would get the clue and back off.

 

Then you tried to interject stupid 3rd grade level methods saying you were interested in possibly poking another dude potentially, to which he should have just left but couldn't take a hint so it turned into a fight.

 

Just ghost him and move on. He is just not that into you.

[Lexismith]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

He was indifferent because you became too clingy so he backed off so you would get the clue and back off.

 

Then you tried to interject stupid 3rd grade level methods saying you were interested in possibly poking another dude potentially, to which he should have just left but couldn't take a hint so it turned into a fight.

 

Just ghost him and move on. He is just not that into you.

Do y’all agree with this ^^^???

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Lexismith said:

Do y’all agree with this ^^^???

I agree with this part:

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Just ghost him and move on.

In truth none of us know the mental machinations of this guy.  All we know is your interaction/situationship (whatever it was) was NOT working and imo becoming quite toxic.

Stop trying to get into HIS head, seriously who gives a * ?  It doesn't matter and you'll never know anyway. 

Figure out what YOU need and want, what you're about and go from there. 

Not saying it's easy, it's not!  But to me, you have no other choice. 

Anything else is a massive waste of time. 

[yogacat]

14 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Do y’all agree with this ^^^???

Why do you need other people to agree with me?

I understand that this situation is frustrating and confusing for you. It sounds like this guy has been inconsistent and has not been clear about his feelings or intentions. It's understandable that you feel played and disappointed.

But please, save yourself some dignity and stop begging for his attention and asking for closure. You're going to have to find a way to move on without getting that closure from him.

Posting quotes about getting boinked by someone and trying to make him jealous? That isn't the way, it's like begging him to come back and admit that you have value, and that's not how it works.

[Lexismith]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Why do you need other people to agree with me?

I understand that this situation is frustrating and confusing for you. It sounds like this guy has been inconsistent and has not been clear about his feelings or intentions. It's understandable that you feel played and disappointed.

But please, save yourself some dignity and stop begging for his attention and asking for closure. You're going to have to find a way to move on without getting that closure from him.

Posting quotes about getting boinked by someone and trying to make him jealous? That isn't the way, it's like begging him to come back and admit that you have value, and that's not how it works.

What do you mean I haven’t begged him for closure. I haven’t contacted this man in a whole week. ? 

[kim42]

I think this is one of those situations when you just have to move on without fully understanding what happened and why he did certain things. It's not easy but you'll feel better not thinking about him anymore.

[Lexismith]

1 minute ago, kim42 said:

I think this is one of those situations when you just have to move on without fully understanding what happened and why he did certain things. It's not easy but you'll feel better not thinking about him anymore.

It’s been a week so it still kinda of bothers me but I know I’ll get over it.

[yogacat]

16 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

What do you mean I haven’t begged him for closure. I haven’t contacted this man in a whole week. ? 

Moving forward, all you can do is be forthcoming about what it is that you want—you put it out there and he didn’t respond to you for days until you wrote him a full paragraph, and then hit you back three days later saying the most bizarre and confusing thing ever, and what I think you need isn't his response or what he's thinking.

But you also need to be honest about what this guy has been like with you—yes, he's taken you on dates and bought you flowers a few times—but it's only been three months at the longest and you've been having issues for two weeks and you're not together anymore—and he's given you the most head-scratching non response about what's happening here, saying things that are almost impossible to understand.

It's flaky to the max, and yes, frustrating, and yes, it hurts your feelings. So you need to take care of your feelings today, and redirect that hurt to a couple other places in your life that can use some healing, pronto.

I know it can be tempting to hope that if you just say the right thing, or do the right thing, he'll come back and want a relationship with you, but the harsh reality is that it's out of your control. The only thing you can control is how you respond to this situation.

All we can do is put it out there and show up in our lives, full out, unapologetically ourselves, because that is what it takes to have a really gorgeous love life.

If it doesn't come back you will feel rest assured knowing that you put it out there, you showed up and you expressed yourself, and that's what matters most— knowing you put it out there without sacrificing your integrity.

[Lexismith]

7 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Moving forward, all you can do is be forthcoming about what it is that you want—you put it out there and he didn’t respond to you for days until you wrote him a full paragraph, and then hit you back three days later saying the most bizarre and confusing thing ever, and what I think you need isn't his response or what he's thinking.

But you also need to be honest about what this guy has been like with you—yes, he's taken you on dates and bought you flowers a few times—but it's only been three months at the longest and you've been having issues for two weeks and you're not together anymore—and he's given you the most head-scratching non response about what's happening here, saying things that are almost impossible to understand.

It's flaky to the max, and yes, frustrating, and yes, it hurts your feelings. So you need to take care of your feelings today, and redirect that hurt to a couple other places in your life that can use some healing, pronto.

I know it can be tempting to hope that if you just say the right thing, or do the right thing, he'll come back and want a relationship with you, but the harsh reality is that it's out of your control. The only thing you can control is how you respond to this situation.

All we can do is put it out there and show up in our lives, full out, unapologetically ourselves, because that is what it takes to have a really gorgeous love life.

If it doesn't come back you will feel rest assured knowing that you put it out there, you showed up and you expressed yourself, and that's what matters most— knowing you put it out there without sacrificing your integrity.

I didn’t send him a paragraph. I texted him asking him if we were done. He didn’t respond, Then that’s when I let it go and removed him from social media. Three days later he sends me that text. It’s not so much that I want him back cause I don’t. Maybe for my ego because it’s bruised considering the fact that I’ve told him several times we’re not good together and I wanted to end things with him. 
 

He said things like “why are you so quick to throw away the towel, you’ve been over this for while, you been wanting to end things” etc. which made me think and I stayed for him to do a complete 180. 

[yogacat]

6 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

I didn’t send him a paragraph. I texted him asking him if we were done. He didn’t respond, Then that’s when I let it go and removed him from social media. Three days later he sends me that text. It’s not so much that I want him back cause I don’t. Maybe for my ego because it’s bruised considering the fact that I’ve told him several times we’re not good together and I wanted to end things with him. 
 

He said things like “why are you so quick to throw away the towel, you’ve been over this for while, you been wanting to end things” etc. which made me think and I stayed for him to do a complete 180. 

You wanted him to 180 because you wanted things to continue with him. 

Seems like it caused unnecessary confusion. He didn't want the relationship to end but he wasn't busy coming after you either. And you didn't want the relationship to end but you were ready to pull the trigger on doing it.

I think it's clear that the two of you weren't in alignment about what you wanted. Coming forward it seems like it should now hopefully be clear that you don't want to be in a relationship with him. You just weren't right for each other.

Human behavior makes it easy to wonder. But the response is comically clear, time to pick your pride up off the floor and move on. Determining whether or not you've been wronged in the context of you no longer wanting to go out with this person is 100% unimportant.

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

 I’ve told him several times we’re not good together and I wanted to end things with him. 

Be careful what you wish for. Threatening to break up is manipulative. 

[Lexismith]

28 minutes ago, yogacat said:

You wanted him to 180 because you wanted things to continue with him. 

Seems like it caused unnecessary confusion. He didn't want the relationship to end but he wasn't busy coming after you either. And you didn't want the relationship to end but you were ready to pull the trigger on doing it.

I think it's clear that the two of you weren't in alignment about what you wanted. Coming forward it seems like it should now hopefully be clear that you don't want to be in a relationship with him. You just weren't right for each other.

Human behavior makes it easy to wonder. But the response is comically clear, time to pick your pride up off the floor and move on. Determining whether or not you've been wronged in the context of you no longer wanting to go out with this person is 100% unimportant.

But you said he wasn’t into me ..

[boltnrun]

You know how many times I wonder if my exes think about me or if they'll try to come back?  Zero.  Same number of times I question whether or not I was "played".  

Like I wrote you before, if he played you he did an excellent job because YOU are the one who's thinking about him every single day, multiple times per day.

[Lexismith]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You know how many times I wonder if my exes think about me or if they'll try to come back?  Zero.  Same number of times I question whether or not I was "played".  

Like I wrote you before, if he played you he did an excellent job because YOU are the one who's thinking about him every single day, multiple times per day.

Do you think he’ll see this ?

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Lexismith said:

Do you think he’ll see this ?

See what?  This forum thread?

[yogacat]

10 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

But you said he wasn’t into me ..

He wasn't. Just barely.  He didn't pursue you.

Remember: He did not pursue you for a relationship. 

And you ended things because of it and you've been second-guessing your decision and not following through out of insecurity ever since. This has been ongoing!! This is 3 months in ??? You've been amortizing all of this in cycles of arguments for about half of your entangling-with-him time? That you weren't sure you guys were "working out?" And even before all of this.. he didn't actively pursue you? 

And it isn't "assumptions" of yours to wonder if a guy who just stopped talking to you without follow-through has lost interest.. because he never pursued you in the first place. He didn't even pretend to be interested in the first place beyond sex. He is shutting down your intuition and telling you it isn't okay to do exactly what he is doing. 

You've been playing a non-game with a non-chalant guy trying to understand a non-relationship for months. It was a let down. An ongoing let down.  You were dating someone who likes to go with the flow. To muse. To be in love with love. To not have a passionate interest at the current time. To go with the flow of a relationship. He never committed to you in any way despite verbally agreeing to a goal of it that he never actualized anything...but he did have sex with you. 

Sex, for him, was the practical form of relating for him, something fun to do and do over and it offset the inevitable weirdness of making strict agreements. He doesn't know how to do intimacy with someone, let alone understand he is doing the opposite that you want him to do. He mostly just wanted to meet his standards of an okay relationship balancing your needs with his lack of desire to engage  in a traditional relationship that is decidedly serious. He didn't take to following through too. He had time, motivation, enthusiasm other concerns blocking him and never prioritized them with you. 

In addition, he played a game about your time together he said he didn't. He lied to you. He wanted to mostly steamroll his way to where he feels comfy in the stagnant world he constructed for himself wandering around passively communicating and reminding you how he's chill, nonchalant and thought you were cute, if distant. 

You made the right decision the first time you ended it but you did it because you were insecure about him not being "excited" and scared and you thought telling him it gave him an out would up his pursuit. Your insecurity was right for the wrong reasons. 

It's time to move on and find someone who is willing and able to pursue a real relationship with you. This guy is not it and it's not worth your time, energy, and emotional investment to try to make it work.

Focus on loving and valuing yourself and finding someone who can reciprocate that love and commitment. Let go of this toxic dynamic and move on to better things.

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

He wasn't. Just barely.  He didn't pursue you.

Remember: He did not pursue you for a relationship. 

And you ended things because of it and you've been second-guessing your decision and not following through out of insecurity ever since. This has been ongoing!! This is 3 months in ??? You've been amortizing all of this in cycles of arguments for about half of your entangling-with-him time? That you weren't sure you guys were "working out?" And even before all of this.. he didn't actively pursue you? 

And it isn't "assumptions" of yours to wonder if a guy who just stopped talking to you without follow-through has lost interest.. because he never pursued you in the first place. He didn't even pretend to be interested in the first place beyond sex. He is shutting down your intuition and telling you it isn't okay to do exactly what he is doing. 

You've been playing a non-game with a non-chalant guy trying to understand a non-relationship for months. It was a let down. An ongoing let down.  You were dating someone who likes to go with the flow. To muse. To be in love with love. To not have a passionate interest at the current time. To go with the flow of a relationship. He never committed to you in any way despite verbally agreeing to a goal of it that he never actualized anything. ...but he did have sex with you. 

Sex, for him, was the practical form of relating for him, something fun to do and do over and it offset the inevitable weirdness of making strict agreements. He doesn't know how to do intimacy with someone, let alone understand he is doing the opposite that you want him to do.  He mostly just wanted to meet his standards of an okay relationship balancing your needs with his lack of desire to engage  in a traditional relationship that is decidedly serious. He didn't take to following through too. He had time, motivation, enthusiasm other concerns blocking him and never prioritized them with you. 

In addition, he played a game about your time together he said he didn't. He lied to you. He wanted to mostly steamroll his way to where he feels comfy in the stagnant world he constructed for himself wandering around passively communicating and reminding you how he's chill, nonchalant and thought you were cute, if distant. 

You made the right decision the first time you ended it but you did it because you were insecure  about him not being "excited" and scared and you thought telling him it gave him an out would up his pursuit. Your insecurity was right for the wrong reasons. 

It's time to move on and find someone who is willing and able to pursue a real relationship with you. This guy is not it and it's not worth your time, energy, and emotional investment to try to make it work. Focus on loving and valuing yourself and finding someone who can reciprocate that love and commitment. Let go of this toxic dynamic and move on to better things.

This can resonate so much to many of us. I will magnet it on my fridge as a reminder  🙌🏻

[Lexismith]

32 minutes ago, yogacat said:

He wasn't. Just barely.  He didn't pursue you.

Remember: He did not pursue you for a relationship. 

And you ended things because of it and you've been second-guessing your decision and not following through out of insecurity ever since. This has been ongoing!! This is 3 months in ??? You've been amortizing all of this in cycles of arguments for about half of your entangling-with-him time? That you weren't sure you guys were "working out?" And even before all of this.. he didn't actively pursue you? 

And it isn't "assumptions" of yours to wonder if a guy who just stopped talking to you without follow-through has lost interest.. because he never pursued you in the first place. He didn't even pretend to be interested in the first place beyond sex. He is shutting down your intuition and telling you it isn't okay to do exactly what he is doing. 

You've been playing a non-game with a non-chalant guy trying to understand a non-relationship for months. It was a let down. An ongoing let down.  You were dating someone who likes to go with the flow. To muse. To be in love with love. To not have a passionate interest at the current time. To go with the flow of a relationship. He never committed to you in any way despite verbally agreeing to a goal of it that he never actualized anything...but he did have sex with you. 

Sex, for him, was the practical form of relating for him, something fun to do and do over and it offset the inevitable weirdness of making strict agreements. He doesn't know how to do intimacy with someone, let alone understand he is doing the opposite that you want him to do. He mostly just wanted to meet his standards of an okay relationship balancing your needs with his lack of desire to engage  in a traditional relationship that is decidedly serious. He didn't take to following through too. He had time, motivation, enthusiasm other concerns blocking him and never prioritized them with you. 

In addition, he played a game about your time together he said he didn't. He lied to you. He wanted to mostly steamroll his way to where he feels comfy in the stagnant world he constructed for himself wandering around passively communicating and reminding you how he's chill, nonchalant and thought you were cute, if distant. 

You made the right decision the first time you ended it but you did it because you were insecure about him not being "excited" and scared and you thought telling him it gave him an out would up his pursuit. Your insecurity was right for the wrong reasons. 

It's time to move on and find someone who is willing and able to pursue a real relationship with you. This guy is not it and it's not worth your time, energy, and emotional investment to try to make it work.

Focus on loving and valuing yourself and finding someone who can reciprocate that love and commitment. Let go of this toxic dynamic and move on to better things.

Thank you I needed to hear this. That’s why I said I feel played because ultimately I was. I should have took it as a clue him never being in a relationship and dating girls months at a time we no commitment was a red flag. Also the fact he’s never been in love or even close to it. I’m not trying to make it work, I haven’t contacted him in a week and don’t ever plan on doing it. 

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, Lexismith said:

Do y’all agree with this ^^^???

Yes I agree with that particular post. I would say she nailed it.  But it doesn't matter either what any strangers on the internet think or agree with. 

At this point I am not sure what you are looking for (other than people to agree with you), because your topic question "Was I played?" has been answered a long time ago.  You keep going on about stuff that is over and done with. It's not going to change anything. He's gone. Moved on.  Maybe time for you to do the same and let it go already.  Too much time and energy and head space being wasted over something you can't change.

[Lexismith]

I’ve been talking to men and my options and have dates lined up… yet I still think about him ? Will this go away soon

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Lexismith said:

I’ve been talking to men and my options and have dates lined up… yet I still think about him ? Will this go away soon

Yes, but girl, slow down. 

You seem very hungry for male attention, and you're too young and inexperienced to really understand that having men around to prop up your self-esteem isn't the healthiest or most effective way to manage hurt feelings when a previous relationship doesn't work out. 

Having options and other men feeding your ego is meaningless when you have not actually processed the end of something. While it's fine to get out there and meet others, there is a lot to be said through working out your feelings on your own rather than immediately looking for a new guy to make you feel better about yourself. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Lexismith said:

I’ve been talking to men and my options and have dates lined up… yet I still think about him ? Will this go away soon

No it doesn't go away like poof!.  You choose how to react to the feelings whatever they are - if you choose to indulge in analyzing and getting all in your head about what if this and that and will he or won't we then the feelings get a prominent place in your life.  If you have a busy fun fulfilling life and the  thoughts come you might not even acknowledge like "oh yeah that guy I briefly dated - that cashier has his same look" or "oh wow I see from my friend's facebook page he's on some vacation with his new girlfriend - poor her- wait, did I put in my sushi order -better go do that now"

I agree not to collect men and "talk" to them for attention -what does talking mean -you seek men out and talk about what? What things do you have in common with these men? I talked to a man I just met yesterday for over a half hour - a dad who came to my son's bday party and decided to hang around.  We had a really involved conversation -very little small talk given his family's situation. I'd never met him and know of him through my son.  We're both married -we talked a lot -it's normal.  

Talking to a man isn't dating.  It might be flirtatious, it might be to see if they compliment you, it might be because a man is a human and some humans click. I wouldn't focus on "talking" as some sort of date-like connection since you seem to have a tendency to get very atttached especially if you're getting attention from some random guy who finds you pretty.  Especially since you're likely "talking" for validation not to have a real conversation where you actually want to get to know the man as a person.  That is why I agree with Miss Canuck. 

[yogacat]

12 hours ago, Lexismith said:

I’ve been talking to men and my options and have dates lined up… yet I still think about him ? Will this go away soon

It's great that you're keeping your options open and moving on from this situation. It's going to take time for you to fully get over it, but focusing on yourself and other potential partners will definitely help speed up the healing process. Don't worry about how long it will take to get over him – everyone's process is different and it's important to just go at your own pace. 

[Lexismith]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

It's great that you're keeping your options open and moving on from this situation. It's going to take time for you to fully get over it, but focusing on yourself and other potential partners will definitely help speed up the healing process. Don't worry about how long it will take to get over him – everyone's process is different and it's important to just go at your own pace. 

Do you think he’s already completely over me?