rainbowsandroses Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 34 minutes ago, Lexismith said: I’m just kinda hurt because I tried to end it and I should have just listened to my gut. I agree, lesson learned. 3 hours ago, Lexismith said: Most of are disagreements were about his lack of expression and nonchalantness.. IOW, and not to sound cliche, but he was/is "emotionally unavailable." Next time you encounter a man like this, do not argue with him about it. There is no point arguing or disagreeing about it, he is who he is. You cannot change a man's basic nature, as you have now discovered, three months in. Just leave! Had you done that, all the drama and the hurt you're feeling now could have and would have been avoided. Remember this quote: "Choose wisely from the get go and avoid hurt, pain, frustration, disappointment later." Words to live by. Anyway, again lesson learned and all the best moving forward. Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 16 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: I agree, lesson learned. IOW, and not to sound cliche, but he was/is "emotionally unavailable." Next time you encounter a man like this, do not argue with him about it. There is no point arguing or disagreeing about it, he is who he is. You cannot change a man's basic nature, as you have now discovered, three months in. Just leave! Had you done that, all the drama and the hurt you're feeling now could have and would have been avoided. Remember this quote: "Choose wisely from the get go and avoid hurt, pain, frustration, disappointment later." Words to live by. Anyway, again lesson learned and all the best moving forward. When I was trying to end things with him two weeks ago we were on the phone and this is how the convo went literally last Wednesday. We ended up working out after this. Him - your going to miss me Me - you too Him- I am Him - yeah but you’re really going to miss me, cause it’s harder to find a good man out here. It’s not hard to find a good woman. Me- it’s going to take you sometime to get over me. Him- nah not really I never double back or reach out once things are over. I’ll miss you for a little bit that’s about it I move on quick Me- well I’ll just block you Him- that’s crazy why would you do that? What if I want to check up on you. Me- I kinda Block all my exes once I’m done just to move on. Him- well I still want to give you your Valentine’s gift even if we’re not together. If you block me I won’t be able to do that Me- why would you still want to give me a gift if we’re ending things him - cause I care about you a lot Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 3 hours ago, Coily said: Were you played? Not really. You both seem very incompatible and not able to communicate clearly to each other. To be honest it sounds like you did some self sabotage here too. You tried to end things twice, and stayed, that built resentment; from reading this I think you would have found a way to end things regardless. What you are dealing with is not him playing you, but you both playing this back and forth game. When we are hurt we tend to want to find blame in others, don't let this one guy taint future relationships. I agree so much with this and I think your social media post showed poor judgment on your part. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 1 hour ago, Lexismith said: Yes I know I’m a strong cookie. Me contacting him won’t happen lol I have a pretty big ego. I’m just kinda hurt because I tried to end it and I should have just listened to my gut. Live and learn. I would not associate with him again -neither of you is available to the other in a healthful way. Link to comment
Jaunty Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 2 hours ago, Lexismith said: The whole Valentine’s Day was cruel, and the fact that he posted flowers, and a card on his story was cruel, making it seem like he was with another girl, which probably he was ??? But you said that you'd tried to end things with him ... twice. And the numerous arguments and disagreements, I'm sure you were a full participant because it takes 2 to play those games. Honestly it seems like it was over before it really got anywhere and you both contributed to it. Time to move on. 2 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 1 hour ago, Lexismith said: . Do you think he’ll ever come back ? Do you want him to? You both seem to be trying to convince each other what a great loss it is. Perhaps you are confusing intensity and drama with a relationship? Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you want him to? No I’m just curious Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Just now, Lexismith said: No I’m just curious I'd move on from this focus on ego -watch reality shows about relationships to feed your curiosity about why people do what they do in relationships. Move on from this -sooner the better. Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 2 hours ago, Lexismith said: I called him during those texts and he sounded so cold and mean. I feel embarrassed that he got to see that vulnerable side of me ... I agree with other posters that it takes TWO to play this game and you were an equal participant. I think it's important to own that, to own your role, and hopefully learn something for next time, next man. That said, I wanted to address the bolded because I hear this a lot and am trying to wrap my brain around it. I have asked this question previously on other threads but don't recall receiving an answer. Anyway, the question is - why are you "embarrassed" having a man know how you feel about him? That you care? To reveal your vulnerability in that regard? Even if he WERE playing you, which in this case I don't think he was, but even if he were, there is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, imo. When you reached out to him, even when he was being cold, you were being real, being genuine. You cared and your behavior reflected that. For the life of me I don't understand what's "embarrassing" about that? Is it ego? That would be my guess but I honestly don't know. I recall times when I have been played, and I was still open about my feelings, even though I was moving on and told him I was moving on. But I went out being REAL. No games, no hiding my feelings, in other words, NO BS. I wasn't embarrassed, I felt empowered! Course that's just me and we're all different. But I would still like to know the thought process behind it, behind being "embarrassed." You are not the only one, I hear this A LOT which is why I ask. 2 Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 28 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: I agree with other posters that it takes TWO to play this game and you were an equal participant. I think it's important to own that, to own your role, and hopefully learn something for next time, next man. That said, I wanted to address the bolded because I hear this a lot and am trying to wrap my brain around it. I have asked this question previously on other threads but don't recall receiving an answer. Anyway, the question is - why are you "embarrassed" having a man know how you feel about him? That you care? To reveal your vulnerability in that regard? Even if he WERE playing you, which in this case I don't think he was, but even if he were, there is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, imo. When you reached out to him, even when he was being cold, you were being real, being genuine. You cared and your behavior reflected that. For the life of me I don't understand what's "embarrassing" about that? Is it ego? That would be my guess but I honestly don't know. I recall times when I have been played, and I was still open about my feelings, even though I was moving on and told him I was moving on. But I went out being REAL. No games, no hiding my feelings, in other words, NO BS. I wasn't embarrassed, I felt empowered! Course that's just me and we're all different. But I would still like to know the thought process behind it, behind being "embarrassed." You are not the only one, I hear this A LOT which is why I ask. Because I feel like he didn’t deserve that from me. Especially when he was cold. All he did was give me a thumbs up. I just feel foolish even though it was three months. I put up with things I normally don’t. Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 7 minutes ago, Lexismith said: Because I feel like he didn’t deserve that from me. Especially when he was cold. All he did was give me a thumbs up. I just feel foolish even though it was three months. I put up with things I normally don’t. Okay fair enough... you feel how you feel, and that's okay. Again, I was just curious about it. I'm sorry this didn't work out. When one door closes, another opens and all that... Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 Just now, rainbowsandroses said: Okay fair enough... you feel how you feel, and that's okay. Again, I was just curious about it. I'm sorry this didn't work out. When one door closes, another opens and all that... Do you think he’ll miss me ? 1 Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Just now, Lexismith said: Do you think he’ll miss me ? I have no idea. But if I may ask, why do you care if he misses you? I know you said you were just curious, but it seems like more. If he called you tomorrow wanting to see you, would you? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 22 minutes ago, Lexismith said: Do you think he’ll miss me ? Do you want him to? You keep asking. Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you want him to? You keep asking. No idk Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 I Also thinking a lot of ways he was trying to humble me I’m a very beautiful girl and I get a lot of attention everywhere. We go out on a date and I spend a lot of time on my looks. He was just look at me and wouldn’t compliment me I would be like do I look good, he would say obviously I don’t date girls that I don’t think look good. He also seen my DMs and he seen that a lot of men were still trying to entertain me and I responded to a few messages a week after we started talking and he got upset and said “ right when we started talking he cut every woman off”. when we talk on the phone, he would also be around people and I’d asked him one day does anybody in your circle friends or family know about me or know about us and he would just give a dry response and say “Nope I mean some people know a little bit they don’t know who you are or nothing like that”. Just a little things like that it was like he was trying to make me feel unwanted in a way. then he would say things like I can’t believe I’m going to make you, my girlfriend I’ve never never made a woman, my girlfriend this is a big thing for me. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 20 minutes ago, Lexismith said: I’m a very beautiful girl and I get a lot of attention everywhere. We go out on a date and I spend a lot of time on my looks. He was just look at me and wouldn’t compliment me I would be like do I look good, I think for a lot of people this could be viewed as "fishing for compliments" and/or bragging - both of which is really off-putting (imo). 1 2 Link to comment
Jaunty Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 hour ago, Lexismith said: Do you think he’ll miss me ? I hope not. I hope that both of you are happy to be out of a relationship that, in only 12 weeks, was plagued by numerous arguments, weird passive-aggressive communications, and at least 2 break-up attempts. Sounds like no fun at all. Enjoy your freedom from it! 1 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 hour ago, Lexismith said: idk Seems like you do want him back but both your prides are in the way. Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Seems like you do want him back but both your prides are in the way. Do you think his pride is in the way? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 2 minutes ago, Lexismith said: Do you think his pride is in the way? Asked and answered: both your prides are in the way. Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 11 minutes ago, Lexismith said: Do you think his pride is in the way? I think both your EGOs are in the way. Like I said earlier, try being "real" for a change. If he can't handle a woman being real with him, then screw him, next. Seriously that should be your attitude imo. None of this being embarrassed nonsense, that's your ego and won't get you anywhere but confusion and frustration just like your experiencing now. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Both of you have some growing up to do before you'll really be ready for a relationship. How old are each of you? 2 Link to comment
Kwothe28 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 You literally posted cringy Instagram quote that says "I dont have no man right now" and you wonder why he got mad lol Anyway, I dont believe "you got played". Simply because other then his mom, no other woman is involved as far as you and we know. But, you both need more maturity, that is for sure. Also, please lay down Instagram cringe quotes. As you can see, they dont help you at all. 1 Link to comment
Lexismith Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 39 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Both of you have some growing up to do before you'll really be ready for a relationship. How old are each of you? 23 Link to comment
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