Was I played ??

[Lexismith]

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Why don't you read back your posts, if you've forgotten.  You did the majority of the game playing, as you've described it, but he did play a part.  It was pretty lame on both of your parts.  I guess you enjoyed yourself though, you certainly are wringing every last drop of attention you can get out of it.

Best of luck to you.

Do you think him posting what he posted on Valentine’s Day was him playing games ?

 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Do you think him posting what he posted on Valentine’s Day was him playing games ?

 

That's your interpretation. However you haven't heard from him and claim you're dating others. He doesn't really seem to care so why would he bother trying to make you that jealous? 

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Lexismith said:

That’s fine. I’m dating new men already 

Then why do you care what this guy does and thinks, or if he will miss you or come back? 

 

[Batya33]

Do you think if you met a man who meant what he said and said what he meant, who reliably asked you out and made plans or reliably agreed to plans you suggested, who never mentioned whether and what type of female attention he had had or has now - who didn't disparage his former dates as superficial and who didn't shower you with flowers and sweet nothings off the bat while being "nonchalant" and keeping you on your toes - who instead communicated simply, directly, reliably and complimented you -and you him -in the way that people who mean it (and aren't doing it as a grand show) - -what then?

I bet you'd be so so bored. I bet you'd find a way to post some cryptic message on IG or social media to see if you could shake things up a bit. I bet you'd nonchalantly mention how men DM you and mention how beautiful you are -and what does he think of that?? This is the sense. Absolutely go out there and date other men -and be honest with yourself about why you were so intrigued by Mr. Nonchalant who compared you to all those "superficial women/woe is me!!" he kept - somehow - encountering! 

I would have been bored too way back.  I mistook that sort of excitement, that sort of keep me on my toes -for chemistry and being "into" a person rather than into the thrill of the chase.  Because with all the flowers and great sex he also kept you wayyyy at arms length and suggested - hmm - so far we're going deeper than those superficial gals - but.... better keep it up cause the ladies all want me!

[boltnrun]

If he was "playing" you he did it perfectly, given that you can't forget about him and you're hoping he "comes back".

[Lexismith]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Do you think if you met a man who meant what he said and said what he meant, who reliably asked you out and made plans or reliably agreed to plans you suggested, who never mentioned whether and what type of female attention he had had or has now - who didn't disparage his former dates as superficial and who didn't shower you with flowers and sweet nothings off the bat while being "nonchalant" and keeping you on your toes - who instead communicated simply, directly, reliably and complimented you -and you him -in the way that people who mean it (and aren't doing it as a grand show) - -what then?

I bet you'd be so so bored. I bet you'd find a way to post some cryptic message on IG or social media to see if you could shake things up a bit. I bet you'd nonchalantly mention how men DM you and mention how beautiful you are -and what does he think of that?? This is the sense. Absolutely go out there and date other men -and be honest with yourself about why you were so intrigued by Mr. Nonchalant who compared you to all those "superficial women/woe is me!!" he kept - somehow - encountering! 

I would have been bored too way back.  I mistook that sort of excitement, that sort of keep me on my toes -for chemistry and being "into" a person rather than into the thrill of the chase.  Because with all the flowers and great sex he also kept you wayyyy at arms length and suggested - hmm - so far we're going deeper than those superficial gals - but.... better keep it up cause the ladies all want me!

I don’t get it ? 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Lexismith said:

I don’t get it ? 

I think partly you thrive on drama/thrill of the chase and you like getting messages from random men complimenting your looks and you think this somehow raises your worth as a potential girlfriend etc. or will make a man jealous and want you more.  It's not right or wrong but very often men who are serious minded, available, stable -won't particularly care for that.  And they might bore you without the "thrill of the chase" which his nonchalance allowed in this ase.

[Lexismith]

20 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think partly you thrive on drama/thrill of the chase and you like getting messages from random men complimenting your looks and you think this somehow raises your worth as a potential girlfriend etc. or will make a man jealous and want you more.  It's not right or wrong but very often men who are serious minded, available, stable -won't particularly care for that.  And they might bore you without the "thrill of the chase" which his nonchalance allowed in this ase.

It wasn’t just the compliments. He was nonchalant just in general all the time. Then when I would kinda pull away due to that, he would flip and stop being nonchalant??? I’m not sure if it was an act or not. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

It wasn’t just the compliments. He was nonchalant just in general all the time. Then when I would kinda pull away due to that, he would flip and stop being nonchalant??? I’m not sure if it was an act or not. 

Yes and I think that intrigued you and you liked that sort of challenge - whereas an available man might bore you -just consider it.  

[Lexismith]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes and I think that intrigued you and you liked that sort of challenge - whereas an available man might bore you -just consider it.  

It was different I’ve never dated a nonchalant man so it kinda made me want to figure him out 

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

It wasn’t just the compliments. He was nonchalant just in general all the time. Then when I would kinda pull away due to that, he would flip and stop being nonchalant??? I’m not sure if it was an act or not. 

I was thinking about this compliment thing. I think it’s ok if a man isn’t complimenting you as much was you would like IF he is good in other areas and you feel secure in the relationship. This can be applied to many other aspects. For instance if a man doesn’t want to vacuum but he provides in different ways, it’s still ok. The problem with your guy was not only about the lack of compliments, as you said he was nonchalant and had other negative traits. At the end you didn’t feel safe in this relationship, that’s why you ended up playing games. Just to say that you were not best for each other…. 

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

It was different I’ve never dated a nonchalant man so it kinda made me want to figure him out 

You wanted to figure out if his nonchalant behavior was him faking a lack of interest? 

[Lexismith]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I was thinking about this compliment thing. I think it’s ok if a man isn’t complimenting you as much was you would like IF he is good in other areas and you feel secure in the relationship. This can be applied to many other aspects. For instance if a man doesn’t want to vacuum but he provides in different ways, it’s still ok. The problem with your guy was not only about the lack of compliments, as you said he was nonchalant and had other negative traits. At the end you didn’t feel safe in this relationship, that’s why you ended up playing games. Just to say that you were not best for each other…. 

Boom spot on. Yet he claimed this was the deepest he’s been with a woman?? He would say  “ I do have deep feelings for you I was going to make you my girlfriend, I’ve never made a girl my girlfriend so I was serious about you”. Then I reminded him that he’s dated women sometimes 7 months at a time so how could those women you dated for that long be surface level ? Yet we’ve only been dating for three months and this is deep for you? 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

It was different I’ve never dated a nonchalant man so it kinda made me want to figure him out 

Right which is unrelated to wanting a stable solid relationship -it's a separate challenge thing.

[Lexismith]

5 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

You wanted to figure out if his nonchalant behavior was him faking a lack of interest? 

I’ve come to the conclusion that hr probably just wasn’t interested. Which makes me feel less bad about those games I played. 

[Sindy_0311]

2 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Boom spot on. Yet he claimed this was the deepest he’s been with a woman?? He would say  “ I do have deep feelings for you I was going to make you my girlfriend, I’ve never made a girl my girlfriend so I was serious about you”. Then I reminded him that he’s dated women sometimes 7 months at a time so how could those women you dated for that long be surface level ? Yet we’ve only been dating for three months and this is deep for you? 

But he didn’t want to make you his girlfriend… these were just words… please always look at men’s action. Look at them like you would watch a silent movie, and you will have the answers you need… 

[Lexismith]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

But he didn’t want to make you his girlfriend… these were just words… please always look at men’s action. Look at them like you would watch a silent movie, and you will have the answers you need… 

Ur right now you see why I feel stupid I feel like I was played? The fact that I knew this and I tried to end it twice makes me even more upset at myself 

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Ur right now you see why I feel stupid I feel like I was played? The fact that I knew this and I tried to end it twice makes me even more upset at myself 

You weren’t played, you just made a poor choice…

[Sindy_0311]

The guy showed you exactly who he was but still you sticked to him. You didn’t run from it when you first had serious doubts… I’m not blaming you, neither him, but I suggest you try to be more skeptical when starting to date someone… observe, if you see something you don’t like, address it and if not corrected, leave. Dont get so emotional that you get to the point to struggle to let him go. 

[Lexismith]

5 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

You weren’t played, you just made a poor choice…

Yes I was. I honestly I believe I was. 

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Ur right now you see why I feel stupid I feel like I was played? 

Sage advice I was given once.  Don't feel stupid because HE played games.

Feel stupid because YOU chose to play games and were not authentic.

Next time you encounter a man and situation like this, as so many have advised, make the choice to walk away! 

I think it's the best advice you'll ever get.  Meaning it's not about HIM, it's about YOU.  Your choices, what you choose for yourself.  Take ownership of your role in "playing the game" and make better choices for yourself next time.

Figure out what you want and if it's not a "player" then stop playing with them.

Simple as that. 

[Lexismith]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

The guy showed you exactly who he was but still you sticked to him. You didn’t run from it when you first had serious doubts… I’m not blaming you, neither him, but I suggest you try to be more skeptical when starting to date someone… observe, if you see something you don’t like, address it and if not corrected, leave. Dont get so emotional that you get to the point to struggle to let him go. 

I’m blaming myself because I was stupid to stay. The crazy thing is he knew he was being nonchalant. This what he said when I wanted to end it with the nonchalant stuff.
 

Hey I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for how I made you feel yesterday. The nonchalant stuff isn’t cool and I would feel a way if you did it to me, I’m willing to admit it and going to work on it. I know I can also be stubborn at times not realizing how it’s really making you feel, I want to make you feel wanted and know it’s coming from a good place. You really are a sweet, caring person and deserve to be treated like so, I really do like you and think about you 24/7 & see a future with you. I don’t like when you’re mad or upset with me it bothers me more than you know, this is a work in progress I’m going to do what it takes to make you not feel like that anymore. Don’t give up on me 

 

[Sindy_0311]

1 minute ago, Lexismith said:

I’m going to do what it takes to make you not feel like that anymore.

Did he do it? 

[Lexismith]

2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Did he do it? 

He started changing certain things but it wasn’t enough and I should have just left after that. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

I’m blaming myself because I was stupid to stay. The crazy thing is he knew he was being nonchalant. This what he said when I wanted to end it with the nonchalant stuff.
 

Hey I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for how I made you feel yesterday. The nonchalant stuff isn’t cool and I would feel a way if you did it to me, I’m willing to admit it and going to work on it. I know I can also be stubborn at times not realizing how it’s really making you feel, I want to make you feel wanted and know it’s coming from a good place. You really are a sweet, caring person and deserve to be treated like so, I really do like you and think about you 24/7 & see a future with you. I don’t like when you’re mad or upset with me it bothers me more than you know, this is a work in progress I’m going to do what it takes to make you not feel like that anymore. Don’t give up on me 

Remember this.  Words mean NOTHING if not backed up with action. 

Hear his words, acknowledge them.  But inside, take with a grain of salt unless and until he's able to back up those words with solid action.

Otherwise they mean nothing.