Was I played ??

[Lexismith]

36 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes he will. Because he’ll realize that even though you’re completely wrong for each other he cannot do better than you. He will then shape up for you and be the person you need. He will compliment you enough. He will understand when you’re frustrated he may see a snarky social media post instead of you being direct with him. Or - how bout this. He will come back with flowers and pleading and begging. This will reassure you and validate you. You will say “told ya so!!! You can’t do better than me! And - nahhhh I’m done. I’m sorry you regret your awful choice - I was wondering how in the world you could walk away from me and I see now you can’t. I wish you well. You’re a good person. We’re not right together “.  
So where does the “just wondering “ advance the ball of your life ? Will you want to tell the next suitor how your ex begged and pleaded to get you back ??

So this wasn’t sarcasm? Sounds like it to me ? 

[boltnrun]

I dated a man who was exceptionally good looking. And he knew it.  He was constantly being hit on by women. Even someone who I considered to be a good friend asked me if I would be mad if she had sex with him. "He's so good looking!" she said. He told me she had actually gone up to him, hugged him and grabbed the crotch of his jeans, trying to grope his penis. Nice. Anyway, although he was in fact very good looking his personality was lousy. He was sexist, egotistical, bigoted and all around annoying. He also did something that was, to say the least, very upsetting to me. So I left him and started dating someone else. Well, his ego could not stand it. He had never been "dumped" before, ever. It probably particularly rankled because I'm not exactly a beauty queen, yet I left him and went with someone else. So he proceeded to electronically and personally stalk me. I was told he was watching me at events with binoculars. He sent me message after message after message. For years. I had to change my number. Fortunately I had moved out of state so he couldn't come by, but it was still frightening. He had never said he loved me while we were dating (although he frequently told me I was a great "f**k"...) but suddenly he was signing his creepy emails with "love always". I blocked him because his attention was unnerving. A few years later I unblocked everyone I had ever blocked in a misguided attempt to remove negativity from my life. The very next day there were four messages from him. Keep in mind this was YEARS after I'd stopped dating him. I reblocked him. His attention was not cute or flattering. And I didn't want to be "friends" with someone who acted like that, whose ego was so fragile he would continue to pursue someone, for years, who didn't want him. 

I'm telling you this for two reasons. The first is, don't allow your ego to persuade you to pursue someone who's not right for you and who doesn't feel like you're right for him just because you don't like being rejected. And second, looks aren't everything. Beautiful people need to be as well rounded as anyone else or they're just pretty window dressing without substance.

I'm sure there are plenty of men who want to date you, who are better matches for you. Consider dating some of those men. 

[Lexismith]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I dated a man who was exceptionally good looking. And he knew it.  He was constantly being hit on by women. Even someone who I considered to be a good friend asked me if I would be mad if she had sex with him. "He's so good looking!" she said. He told me she had actually gone up to him, hugged him and grabbed the crotch of his jeans, trying to grope his penis. Nice. Anyway, although he was in fact very good looking his personality was lousy. He was sexist, egotistical, bigoted and all around annoying. He also did something that was, to say the least, very upsetting to me. So I left him and started dating someone else. Well, his ego could not stand it. He had never been "dumped" before, ever. It probably particularly rankled because I'm not exactly a beauty queen, yet I left him and went with someone else. So he proceeded to electronically and personally stalk me. I was told he was watching me at events with binoculars. He sent me message after message after message. For years. I had to change my number. Fortunately I had moved out of state so he couldn't come by, but it was still frightening. He had never said he loved me while we were dating (although he frequently told me I was a great "f**k"...) but suddenly he was signing his creepy emails with "love always". I blocked him because his attention was unnerving. A few years later I unblocked everyone I had ever blocked in a misguided attempt to remove negativity from my life. The very next day there were four messages from him. Keep in mind this was YEARS after I'd stopped dating him. I reblocked him. His attention was not cute or flattering. And I didn't want to be "friends" with someone who acted like that, whose ego was so fragile he would continue to pursue someone, for years, who didn't want him. 

I'm telling you this for two reasons. The first is, don't allow your ego to persuade you to pursue someone who's not right for you and who doesn't feel like you're right for him just because you don't like being rejected. And second, looks aren't everything. Beautiful people need to be as well rounded as anyone else or they're just pretty window dressing without substance.

I'm sure there are plenty of men who want to date you, who are better matches for you. Consider dating some of those men. 

I don’t know how this whole conversation or my whole topic made you guys feel like I’m conceited when it comes to my looks or my looks or everything to me. My looks have nothing to do with this situation at all. I brought up my looks because he never really gave me a compliment he would just stare at me. so the fact is I’m telling  myself that I know I’m a beautiful woman I don’t need validation, but it would be nice to have the guy I’m sleeping with at least give me a compliment. This is not a situation of me not having substance or a personality, or me depending on my looks for everything in life. I’m a very interesting person with a great personality, with an open heart.

 Now I know my ego is pretty high this is  not my first rejection and most likely won’t be my last. I’ve been in situations with men where things just didn’t work out either he left or I left so this is  not a first for me. I’m not everybody keeps saying that. This is more so me being upset with myself because you also have to remember a week before he supposedly ended up with me. I wanted to end it with him And he convinced me, or we convinced each other to stay and not throw in the towel, and that he thinks that it will work if we keep going hard at it. Why wait a week after? To pull what you pulled and before Valentine’s Day that’s kind of why I’m upset..

[Jaunty]

55 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Im not even going to argue with you. I was just asking a genuine normal question. If it was going to be a  sarcastic response you could’ve just saved it. Stay blessed though.

You've asked it 3 or 4 times. 

Why?  Nobody knows him here.   I'll say it again:  I sure hope he doesn't come back.

[smackie9]

2 hours ago, Lexismith said:

No, not necessarily it just feels like everybody kind of is blaming me and pointing out my faults yet I feel like he had a lot of faults as well and I’ve listed them. I definitely do appreciate all you guys as responses because it has open my eyes and I know that I do have to do a lot of inner work.

In my eyes no one was to blame...just turned out you two were not a match. When you can't be on the same wavelength everything falls apart pretty darn fast. 

[boltnrun]

If you're upset with yourself for not ending it before he had a chance to, why do you keep asking if we think he'll "come back"? If it's not ego and you planned to break up with him anyway, what does it matter? You should be relieved.

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, Lexismith said:

Yeah I do think every woman wants to feel wanted and reassured and at least told sometimes that she’s beautiful or that she looks good. We can even go past physical. Maybe it’s an accomplishment that she recently accomplished and you didn’t get congratulated by your partner.

I don't need any of that, and never have.  To me, it comes across as too needy and insecure, always needing reassurance and compliments.  I'm secure enough and happy enough within myself.  Do you have low self-esteem? Maybe that's why you crave the compliments and reassurance?

[boltnrun]

OK, I just reread more carefully. You are upset because you think you two had a chance to make it work and you feel he went back on that? Or are you upset you didn't follow through with breaking up when you originally intended to?

[Lexismith]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

OK, I just reread more carefully. You are upset because you think you two had a chance to make it work and you feel he went back on that? Or are you upset you didn't follow through with breaking up when you originally intended to?

Both to be honest. 

[rainbowsandroses]

@LexismithI think it's perfectly natural for a woman (or man) to want to be complimented from time to time, to be told she/he looks nice or beautiful/handsome by the man/woman they love, dating or in a relationship with. 

It becomes a problem when that need becomes excessive and your need for that type of attention and validation becomes essential to your survival. Without it, your self-esteem crashes, you feel worthless, etc.

I DO know women like this, they're all over Instagram and other social media plastering their pics in various poses, etc., counting how many followers they have, how many likes, they need it like a normal person needs air to BREATHE.

I am not getting that sense from you AT ALL, you are simply a woman who needs to know that your boyfriend finds you attractive/beautiful from time to time; there is NOTHING wrong or bad about that.  MEN need that too!  From the woman in his life.

Most do anyway there are always exceptions. I certainly do.  Occasionally.   From time to time especially when I have taken the time to put myself together before a date or event I am attending with the man I love.  

I also don't get the sense you are overly "full of yourself," you are a beautiful women, there is nothing wrong or bad about acknowledging this.  Again it becomes a problem when it becomes excessive, bragging and believing you are BETTER than other women because you are beautiful, which I don't get the sense is what you're about.

Re him missing you, there is a popular saying "people tend to want/desire what they cannot have."  Some people do anyway, not all.

I have found this to be true in my life with some of the men I have dated and had relationships with.  In fact, my ex husband recently returned, he sent me a heartfelt letter apologizing for all the ****, may sound mean but after reading it, I literally tossed it in the trash.

So yeah, if you continue to stay away from him, 100% complete No Contact, there is a likelihood that he will be thinking about you, wondering why you stopped chasing him, wonder if you are dating another man and perhaps even see you in a different, more flattering light.

He may (or may not) return; if he does, my advice is DO NO GO BACK.  Make a promise to yourself that that shipped has sailed, there is someone else, another man out there who will be much better for you and YOU for HIM!!

 

[Lexismith]

17 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@LexismithI think it's perfectly natural for a woman (or man) to want to be complimented from time to time, to be told she/he looks nice or beautiful/handsome by the man/women they love, dating or in a relationship with. 

It becomes a problem when that need becomes excessive and your need for that type of attention and validation becomes essential to your survival. Without it, your self-esteem crashes, you feel worthless, etc.

I DO know women like this, they're all over Instagram and other social media plastering their pics in various poses, etc., counting how many followers they have, how many likes, they need it like a normal person needs air to BREATHE.

I am not getting that sense from you AT ALL, you are simply a woman who needs to know that your boyfriend finds you attractive/beautiful from time to time; there is NOTHING wrong or bad about that.  MEN need that too!  From the woman in his life.

Most do anyway there are always exceptions. I certainly do.  Occasionally.   From time to time especially when I have taken the time to put myself together before a date or event I am attending with the man I love.  

I also don't get the sense you are overly "full of yourself," you are a beautiful women, there is nothing wrong or bad about acknowledging this.  Again it becomes a problem when it becomes excessive, bragging and believing you are BETTER than other women because you are beautiful, which I don't get the sense is what you're about.

Re him missing you, there is a popular saying "people tend to want/desire what they cannot have."  

I have found this to be true in my life with the men I date and have had relationships with.  In fact, my ex husband recently returned, he sent me a heartfelt letter apologizing for all the ****, may sound mean but after reading it, I literally tossed it in the trash.

So yeah, if you continue to stay away from him, 100% complete No Contact, there is a likelihood that he will be thinking about you, wondering why you stopped chasing him, wonder if you are dating another man and perhaps even see you in a different, more flattering light.

He may return, my advice is DO NO GO BACK.  Make a promise to yourself that that shipped has sailed, there is someone else, another man out there who will be much better for you and YOU for HIM!!

 

OMG YOU GET, YOU SEE IT THANK YOU. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Lexismith said:

No, I don’t want to actually be friends with him or get back with him at all. I don’t know maybe it is my ego I guess I’m more so mad at myself than anything. 

What are you mad at yourself for? I'm sorry you feel that way.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Lexismith said:

So this wasn’t sarcasm? Sounds like it to me ? 

No it was a reaction to your repeated going back to a focus on whether he misses  you or will come back even though you don't want him back. So I gave you the scenarios you seem to be craving hopefully to show you that while it might be momentarily flattering -where does it really get you?

I'm sorry you are mad at yourself. If you feel like you have so much to offer in so many ways -why care about whether he will "come back?" Was he really ever yours?

[Lexismith]

17 hours ago, Batya33 said:

No it was a reaction to your repeated going back to a focus on whether he misses  you or will come back even though you don't want him back. So I gave you the scenarios you seem to be craving hopefully to show you that while it might be momentarily flattering -where does it really get you?

I'm sorry you are mad at yourself. If you feel like you have so much to offer in so many ways -why care about whether he will "come back?" Was he really ever yours?

He told me he never goes back to women once it’s done lol 

[Batya33]

Just now, Lexismith said:

He told me he never goes back to women once it’s done lol 

That's good info to know.  I hope you're doing ok today!

[Lexismith]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That's good info to know.  I hope you're doing ok today!

Do you believe him? 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Do you believe him? 

I mean that doesn't matter if I do - I'd assume he is letting you know he wouldn't plan on dating you again if you stopped dating.  Whether or not in the past he has - who cares -different people etc and since you're not dating him - really, who cares? It sounds like he shared a lot of information about women he'd dated in the past including this information and you also shared information about other men in your life, etc. So in context it makes sense he'd share that information too.  I am married to my ex fiancee so obviously I am a person who did get back together!

[MissCanuck]

16 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Do you believe him? 

A sincere question: why does it matter if he's being honest or not about this?

 

[Jaunty]

Just a tip:  Nobody here is in a position to believe or disbelieve what you report that this guy has said.  We don't get to hear his perspective; we don't know his thoughts.   Strangers on the internet would have zero grounds to form any kind of opinion about where this guy is coming from.

What we all do know from what you have shared is that you were both incompatible,  both played toxic games, you were dissatisfied and wanted to break up two times.

That's enough.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Lexismith said:

He told me he never goes back to women once it’s done. 

Have you heard from him? If not, he's done. 

[Lexismith]

40 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Just a tip:  Nobody here is in a position to believe or disbelieve what you report that this guy has said.  We don't get to hear his perspective; we don't know his thoughts.   Strangers on the internet would have zero grounds to form any kind of opinion about where this guy is coming from.

What we all do know from what you have shared is that you were both incompatible,  both played toxic games, you were dissatisfied and wanted to break up two times.

That's enough.

What games did he play ?

[Lexismith]

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you heard from him? If not, he's done. 

Nope it’s been a week

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Lexismith said:

Nope it’s been a week

That's ok. Now you can move on because he's probably done. 

[Lexismith]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. Now you can move on because he's probably done. 

That’s fine. I’m dating new men already 

[Jaunty]

4 hours ago, Lexismith said:

What games did he play ?

Why don't you read back your posts, if you've forgotten.  You did the majority of the game playing, as you've described it, but he did play a part.  It was pretty lame on both of your parts.  I guess you enjoyed yourself though, you certainly are wringing every last drop of attention you can get out of it.

Best of luck to you.