Do I continue seeing him?????

[lovergal]

Hello,

I met this guy at a wedding a few weeks ago. He invited me to his brothers wedding. He was super sweet. Very attentive. We danced all night. I can tell he was into me. We have been texting and calling. But the other night - he told me how he is going away for 8 months in January. He is an accountant but he is also in music so he's going for that.

I messaged him and decided to end it because my love language is quality time and I can't do long distance. I can tell he didn't really agree on it but I told him what's the point of seeing each other and investing our time with each other and investing our feelings for him to leave for 8 months.

I don't know if I made the right decision or not because I feel sad....

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, lovergal said:

 he told me how he is going away for 8 months in January. I don't know if I made the right decision or not because I feel sad....

It's good he told you in advance so you could make an informed decision about whether to invest or not. You could see him casually until he leaves but he's already given you an endpoint to the situation. 

[lovergal]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

It's good he told you in advance so you could make an informed decision about whether to invest or not. You could see him casually until he leaves but he's already given you an endpoint to the situation. 

He wants to do long distance. He still wants to continue the relationship in those 8 months.

[LootieTootie]

You're sad because you really like him and he will be gone for 8 months.

Also, I am confused why does he need to go away for 8 months for music? If he touring?

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, lovergal said:

my love language is quality time and I can't do long distance

Trust your instincts and do what's right for you.

[Coily]

January is a long way off, perhaps spend that time with the intent of seeing where things go. That is if you would rather discover if there is more to a potential relationship, that you would consider long distance with.

I would advise against doing casual just so you won't be bored or alone, that's a jerk move. If you can't even fathom trying long distance let him find a woman who will, and you can find a man who is staying local.

[lovergal]

12 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

You're sad because you really like him and he will be gone for 8 months.

Also, I am confused why does he need to go away for 8 months for music? If he touring?

he's not touring. i think hes working with other artists or something like that. i didnt really ask him but singing/playing music is a passion of his that he didnt have much time to focus on and so thats why hes doing 8 months just for music

[lovergal]

11 minutes ago, Coily said:

January is a long way off, perhaps spend that time with the intent of seeing where things go. That is if you would rather discover if there is more to a potential relationship, that you would consider long distance with.

I would advise against doing casual just so you won't be bored or alone, that's a jerk move. If you can't even fathom trying long distance let him find a woman who will, and you can find a man who is staying local.

None of us want anything casual. We  both want something serious.

Idk if i can do long distance tbh... i will hold a lot of resentment. 

[Coily]

2 minutes ago, lovergal said:

None of us want anything casual. We  both want something serious.

Idk if i can do long distance tbh... i will hold a lot of resentment. 

Harboring any resentment tells me that you should probably let this guy go. As this would be grossly unfair for you both.

[Kwothe28]

44 minutes ago, lovergal said:

I messaged him and decided to end it because my love language is quality time and I can't do long distance. I can tell he didn't really agree on it but I told him what's the point of seeing each other and investing our time with each other and investing our feelings for him to leave for 8 months.

That is generally OK. If you cant do long distance and he is a musician who wants to pursue his career where he would be on tour, then its better not to invest into something like that.

[shouldhavelearned]

Why so quick to end it?

Get to know each other and see what happens in the eight months.

What's says he won't come back for weekends or you can't go see him during the this time?

 

 

[lovergal]

54 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Why so quick to end it?

Get to know each other and see what happens in the eight months.

What's says he won't come back for weekends or you can't go see him during the this time?

 

 

hes going somewhere very far away from me lol so even the time difference is difficult

but now im thinking if i was too harsh and i was too quick to end it but i also dont want to get hurt in the end

[Andrina]

I think you made the right decision. He will be leaving in 4 months, and in that short period of time, you will only know him during the honeymoon period--not enough time to know if he's worth the wait. At this point in time, he will be back in a year, which isn't long in the span of time, and if you are both single and he has no future plans to regularly leave town for huge chunks of time, then you could both discuss a dating opportunity at that time.

In the meantime, I'd agree to no contact, so that you don't bond and thwart any other opportunities to date.

[MissCanuck]

If you only met a few weeks ago, it is way to soon to know if this relationship will even last until January, much less make it work long-distance for 8 months. 

It's too much pressure on a brand-new situation. I would take this a day at a time and see how you both feel a couple months from now. 

[smackie9]

Ending it with this guy is on point. You want a future, not a guy that travels around like a gypsy when the opportunity strikes for him. You understand yourself better than anyone else...you stick with your expectations/wants & needs.

 

[Cherylyn]

I would say no.  It's too impractical. ☹️

[catfeeder]

For me it would depend on where he’s going. If it’s a place I’d like to visit a few times, and he’d be willing to alternate some trips back to see me, then I’d consider it.

Otherwise, I might keep dating until then, but I wouldn’t shut myself down from dating others. I’d tell him he’s welcome to contact me when he gets back, and if I’m still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up.

[Jaunty]

I think you did what was right for you.  From your posts - especially where you said you'd hold resentment - I don't see any possibility for you to do "one day at a time" for 4 months.   

Your sadness will fade pretty quickly since you've known him only a few weeks.  If he's still feeling things for you next year when he comes home, he may contact you and you two can resume dating if you're interested too.  

[Sindy_0311]

You are not dating yet… right? What’s the point in not dating someone just because they will leave for a few month?  I would have gone for it, just to be sure to not have any regrets later.
Also have to say that you don’t even know if things would work out… it’s also possible that 3 month in you realize you aren’t a good fit for each other… you should approach dating one day at a time.
It’s also possible that you both develop  feelings after 4 month and agree you join him in the country he is going to stay for a few vacation… 

But sure you will never know, because you decided to stop something that didn’t even started yet… only you know what’s best for you. 

Just one question. Are you sure he is also looking for something serious? 

[SooSad33]

Nope, good call.  You've only known each other a few weeks.  Not worth it.

You are correct, come January, IF you were to continue, guarantee at lease YOU would be emotionally invested in him.  

Be done, move on.  😉 

[lovergal]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 

Just one question. Are you sure he is also looking for something serious? 

Yes, we've talked about it and he wants something serious.

He's sooo different from any other guy I've talked to. He doesn't believe in hookups. Doesn't do them. Thinks its a waste of time and energy.

He's a very focused and motivated guy. He doesn't go clubbing, doesn't drink a lot, doesn't party a lot. That's why this decision is so hard.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, lovergal said:

. He doesn't go clubbing, doesn't drink a lot, doesn't party a lot. That's why this decision is so hard.

Are you still talking with each other? How did you leave things? 

[lovergal]

57 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you still talking with each other? How did you leave things? 

I told him how I felt and how we can reconnect after the 8 months. He said he's still here now but he understood where I was coming from.
After that he responded to my snapchats (it was my cousins bday and he was like where was my invitation - as a joke)

but thats about it.

[Tinydance]

I actually don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. It's what YOU think is the right thing to do. I guess if you met this guy a few weeks ago, you could have been dating him for six months by January. I know long distance is really hard but I guess if you love the person, it can be done. 

For example, one of my best friends was dating her now husband for four months but he already had a solo trip to Asia booked for five months after that. He had already paid for all the flights and accommodation and other things. My best friend couldn't join him because she couldn't get leave from work or something like that. So they agreed he'd still go and she would join him only for ten days in India. Anyway, they did the five months long distance. They've been together for 15 years now, married with two kids.

Personally if it was me, I'd give this guy a chance. First of all, you don't actually know if it would work out. So it could be that after a few months you'd break up anyway. Or he could be the love of your life. But I think if you don't try then you might never actually know. You or him might meet someone else or the connection might just be lost. I mean, if you're talking in reconnecting in eight months after January, that's basically a whole year. I don't think it would be very likely that after a year you would start dating. Then again, maybe you will, who knows.

I think though that you have a much higher chance of being with him long-term if you date him now. You have control over dating him now, but you don't know what will happen in the future.