I did something stupid and I wish I didn’t

[Bluebird064]

Let me say. This stems from my last post of insecurities.  I let them eat at me today. Real bad.  They niggled at me and I thought about all the reasons why my partner has been different lately.  How he’s been distant and something jusy don’t seem right with him.  
 

i was stupid and went through his phone and broke that trust and privacy and it’s something I’ve never done before and I regret it and I understand people are going to tell me how wrong it is.  I know.  I really do.  
 

but 

 

I saw he had a private album - I assume his “sexy alone time album”. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened it (you know what they say curiosity killed the cat) and there were loads of pictures and videos of us - which I was aware of!  That’s not the problem.  The problem is that he has been taking photos of our neighbour in her garden, bent down and her thong showing at the top of her trousers and this was recent.  As In last week recent.   I felt sick. There’s one thing taking a photo and then there’s taking a photo and saving it in a private album for private use. 

 

 Idk how to even bring this up to him without telling him I gone through his phone because he would blow and rightly so but I’m sat here bawling my eyes out while he’s passed out next to me.    Idk why it hurts so much over 3 stupid photos.  I guess it’s the thought of him doing something so gross to someone that knows nothing and the fact he clearly getting off over it. 

[Bluebird064]

I know I shouldn’t have done it again but I did. Mainly to delete those photos as it’s not fair to my neighbour and I know it’s morally wrong. I’ve deleted them and deleted them from the recycling bin so they’re gone gone.   
 

i guess I would deal with the consequences if he finds out but I don’t think he will say “hey did you go in my phone and delete some photos” cause it’s outing himself 

 

I’ve made a choice not to bring it up to him mainly because I can’t deal with the argument over a photo and right now my head hurts.  My brain is trying to create an excuse such as “well he watches porn” and I’m fine with that.  I think I’m upset cause it’s so close to home. It’s literally next door.  

[KrazyKat]

You looking through his phone is nowhere near as appalling as his actions. He took sexual pictures of your neighbor without her consent. That's literally a form of sexual harassment. 

Definitely confront him about this.

[bluecastle]

What seems complicated right now is something, I hope, you come to see as quite simple. 

One: when you're looking through someone's phone after being together six months, you are in a relationship that is bad for your mental health or your mental health is in a place that isn't conducive to being in a relationship, and therefore should end the relationship. 

Two: when you learn that your partner is taking such photos, whatever the context, that is not something to "confront" or "bury," but rather the moment when you choose to end the partnership.

Here's hoping you can land on those sooner than later, as the moment you do you will find roughly 100 percent of the agony you're in right now to be gone. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Bluebird064 said:

 I don’t think he will say “hey did you go in my phone and delete some photos” cause it’s outing himself 

Try not to beat yourself up over looking through the phone. You already sensed things are off due to his "joking" about threesomes.

The relationship is only 6 mos and already you live together? Is it your place or his? Please consider cutting your losses since you're this unhappy already. There are a lot of red flags already:

 

[Batya33]

Unless he meant to take a photo of how she gardens or whatever and it's obvious he's taken the photo of her private areas I'd end things for this reason and based on your previous posts -no need to tell him you know about the photos.

[SooSad33]

I understand guys love to 'look' and could just say to try and not look at this as much of a big deal, except the fact that it's your neighbour! 😕 .

I know I had a few neighbours over the years and I would be creeped out if I knew a neighbour had any pics of me like that!

I see you posted before on 'Insecurities'...

and Wiseman said " How long have you been dating? Do you live together? How old is he? Please ask him to stop taunting you about threesomes.

Yeah, if you've got all of this going on after just 6 months, this is no good at all!

He's not your type, he sounds more like a sex fanatic 😕 .  Nope, get out of there.

 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Bluebird064 said:

The problem is that he has been taking photos of our neighbour in her garden, bent down and her thong showing at the top of her trousers and this was recent.  As In last week recent.

I am sorry, but after that, the only conversation you should be leading with him is how is he going to pick his stuff that you would throw in front of the house.

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn’t care if he blew a fuse because I’d be dumping him anyway. 

There is absolutely no way I would stay with a guy like this, and I would have no problem telling him exactly why.

What a creep. 

[Tinydance]

Taking a photo of the neighbour without her consent is pretty creepy. Whenever I was attracted to someone it actually never even crossed my mind to secretly take photos of them. Even if I was single. I understand men can find other women attractive but secretly taking photos of her underwear is pervert behaviour.

I don't think you need to say you went through his phone but maybe just say you don't think it's working out and end it. I mean, I'm not sure how you can salvage the relationship. You secretly went through his phone and he secretly takes photos of the neighbour. 

[Andrina]

This is voyeurism, peeping Tom behavior (you say he's done this more than once). Men have been arrested for this and taking photos of women unknowingly whether it be in stores, hotels, high schools.

You've stayed with a sicko, mentally unbalanced person without an immediate response of breaking up? Wow. If that's not a dealbreaker to you, what the heck is?

[goddess]

As the majority of posters said, dump this pervert.  If he does this now, do you honestly think it's not going to happen again, and again?    RUN and never look back!  You'll save yourself a lot of stress and heartache.