I feel anxiety like crazy for no reason

[Alex39]

For the last day, I have been feeling this overwhelming anxiousness that I can't explain. 

Things were going well in my life. My job was good recently, I finally got my pets on a good schedule, I was eating healthy, and feeling positive about myself. I have good plans for my home. 

Now suddenly, I feel this horrific anxiety. I feel jittery, like I could cry, but overwhelmed too. I almost feel ill. 

My mind is racing. I almost feel panic. I feel so horrible for literally no reason. Nothing has changed in my life.

I keep thinking of my past job and feeling sick over that for no reason. I went through a bad experience.  I keep thinking of bad things that could happen. Overwhelmed with trying to maintain my home, even thought, I'm doing fine. I feel pressure to visit my parents who want to see me. I'd like to see them too. I feel overwhelmed wanting to get back out and date. I feel this immense pressure. I feel frantic. I feel upset. For no reason. I think I look around and see dishes in my sink, my mom calling me about a visit, my work needing me to do more. And I feel pulled in a million directions. I am actually doing fine, so I don't know why I feel overwhelmed. I can easily clean up my dishes, and do my work, and see my parents. 

I don't know why I feel so upset. 

I want to date so badly, but feel I need to lose weight first. But I'm running out of ttime. I want love in my life. I want a partner. 

Why am I so suddenly anxious? Like on the verge of anxiety attack. It's like my body is reacting, but I know my life is fine right now. But I feel it. 

 

[Batya33]

Did you drink enough water today? Have too much coffee? Sleep ok last night or the last few nights? What helps me is to prioritize my panic -make yourself list in order what is the most crucial to panic about -the act of organizing your "panic" will center you IMO.  

Also it's fine to observe your body feeling anxious.  4-7-8 breathing Weill method helps me a lot when I feel overhwelmed or nervous or can't sleep. 

And sometimes the anxiety is because you've been holding back for days in order to get stuff done, then you get stuff done and then your body can fall apart.  

Also try not to panic about feeling anxious -I know easier said than done.

Another thing that helps me -I actually did this during extensive dental work a couple of weeks ago.  Spread out your hands palm down to your fingers are spread out on a hard/firm surface -can even be your lap.  Press each finger down hard into the surface in turn and focus on the feeling and keep count of how many fingers until you're done.  

Also cardio helps a lot -go for a brisk walk outside while listening to a podcast.

I hope you feel better!

[Seraphim]

You are ruminating and need mental health help. 

[Wiseman2]

Have you been to a physician recently? Why not get some tests done. Metabolic profile and other physical tests. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist you can see regularly and consistently for ongoing support. There's no reason to suffer alone. Reach out for help.

[Jibralta]

10 hours ago, Alex39 said:

Things were going well in my life. My job was good recently, I finally got my pets on a good schedule, I was eating healthy, and feeling positive about myself. I have good plans for my home. 

Now suddenly, I feel this horrific anxiety. I feel jittery, like I could cry, but overwhelmed too. I almost feel ill. 

Maybe you need something to worry about! Or you feel like you need something to worry about. So when everything in your life is going well, and you have nothing specific to worry about, your anxiety can't focus and becomes a free-floating cloud all around you.

[Kwothe28]

Have you heard of "too much of a good thing"? When you feel that you are doing good and instead of focusing on that and use that energy to move forward, you focus on something that doesnt go good and sabotage yourself?

Are you going on therapy? You losing weight wont matter when your state of mind is like that you are ruminating over things. You need to get that under control if you want a good state of mind for dating.

[Lambert]

Have you had any alcohol? 

Are you sleeping OK?

Are you able to redirect your thoughts, even for a short time?

Has this happened before? 

It's hard to tell if you are in a mental health crisis and need to get professional help or if you're just venting.

Do you have people you can talk to? I'm sure if you're parents knew they were causing stress about visiting they would understand if you don't. 

The past trauma and worry about the future can be normal. we all have our problems.  Sounds like your coping with them, but then that is becoming hard for you to accept. 

Will you talk to us more about what "normal" is for you? 

[Alex39]

On 4/21/2023 at 8:53 AM, Lambert said:

Have you had any alcohol? 

Are you sleeping OK?

Are you able to redirect your thoughts, even for a short time?

Has this happened before? 

It's hard to tell if you are in a mental health crisis and need to get professional help or if you're just venting.

Do you have people you can talk to? I'm sure if you're parents knew they were causing stress about visiting they would understand if you don't. 

The past trauma and worry about the future can be normal. we all have our problems.  Sounds like your coping with them, but then that is becoming hard for you to accept. 

Will you talk to us more about what "normal" is for you? 

I am not sleeping ok, well, I am now, but wasn't when this was happening. I think that contributed to this. 

Normal for me. I honestly don't know. I'm alone constantly. I wake up, eat breakfast,sometimes go to work, but mostly work from home. I take care of my pets, I do my work, I sit around a lot, I cook, I clean, and manage my home inside and out. I occasionally visit my family. 

I make dinner, hangout, watch some shows, read, then bed. I'm alone so much. I get very lonely. So my family asks me to come over, so I'm not alone. 

I fear the future. That I'll be alone forever. I want love,companionship, support. To grow my own family, and not be so ingrained in my current one. My health is my great, so I am trying to lose weight to better myself. 

I get overwhelmed taking care of a house by myself. It gives me anxiety. I look around and see all these projects I want and need to do and I get overwhelmed and end up sitting and ignoring them. 

My mom recently came and helped me do a bunch of them. After, it did feel good that they were done. 

It's just a lot by myself. My mom says,it'll be easier when I meet a good man to help me and share life together. 

 But I'm not meeting any good men. Because I'm fat. 

Money gives me anxiety. I'm always living super close to the vest. I have so many student loans and bills. It's always tight. 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

A really good man will want to see that you already have a fun fulfilling life. He won’t want to be there to rescue you from loneliness. your mom can’t be more wrong. I mean yes there are people who are attracted to needy lonely people but not for good reasons. And they typically are not people of character and integrity. 
 

I’ve made many suggestions to you to avoid sitting around if you don’t want to sit around. In several of your threads. So have others. You can look at all those suggestions if you care to.  Do you ?

 

[Cherylyn]

Take good care of your health because it will help calm you down.  Exercise regularly / daily,  eat healthy,  get enough sleep,  pamper yourself with a bubble bath,  go to a hairstylist,  give yourself a perfect manicure / pedicure,  look put together,  do what you enjoy - reading / movies (streaming) / hobbies / crafts,  surround yourself with very moral friends and family preferably local.  After all that,  you'll be too exhausted to feel anxious.  You ought to try it.  It's what I do and it works wonders for one's soul. 😊

[Batya33]

Also if your doctor thinks your weight is unhealthy or your blood work is concerning and since you have time to sit around then you have time to prepare or buy healthful foods. Basic stuff. I make salads with salmon and avocado and hardboiled egg. I eat whole grains and seeds, apple slices, pear slices, I drink 10-12 glasses of plain water a day and some sparkling water with no sweeteners and no other drinks except some coffee with low-fat milk no sugar.  

I eat sweets and junk food in moderation and I don’t nibble on those foods. If I’m hungry between meals I’ll have some fruit or maybe some broccoli or carrots or a banana because then I know I’m really hungry and not emotionally eating.

I’m not fat. Never been other than a bit overweight for a couple of months in 1992 and when I was pregnant. But I make myself have reasonable eating habits to maintain. Portion control too.
Getting used to feeling hungry and realizing often hunger is really thirst. It’s ok to feel hungry as long as you’re not really tired from it or unwell.

I exercise daily and move around regularly because I walk to all errands - sometimes adds 2 miles to my power walk I do daily on the treadmill - I clean with energy - I mean I use my muscles and scrub etc - and make sure I don’t sit for long periods of time. I’m 56 and if I do that I feel icky and stiff. 

Not sharing as a healthcare person or dieting expert but a lot of it is basic changes that gradually lead to better health and often weight loss.

 My friends have down really well with weight watchers but I defer to whatever your doctor thinks. I do think if your excess weight is a health issue it’s best to get it under control now especially since you’re interested in getting pregnant and carrying a pregnancy in the future. Being in good health will help you conceive and will help you have a healthful pregnancy.  
also figure out what makes you feel attractive. It changes over the years for me. I feel attractive when I work my behind off on the treadmill and sweat a lot and drink a ton of water then shower and put some moisturizer on and maybe a touch of makeup.  
I do my hair if I have a work meeting or a social plan. I’ve had a few manicures in my life. No thanks. To me waste of time and money and too much risk of infection. For me personally. Yes even if it’s a posh place. Heard too many stories. Figure out what makes you feel good. I feel good when I work really hard , then get all cleaned up and wear flattering but not come hither clothing lol. 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I do my hair if I have a work meeting or a social plan. I’ve had a few manicures in my life. No thanks. To me waste of time and money and too much risk of infection. For me personally. Yes even if it’s a posh place. Heard too many stories. Figure out what makes you feel good. I feel good when I work really hard , then get all cleaned up and wear flattering but not come hither clothing lol. 

I pay attention to my grooming because whenever I look good,  I feel psychologically very good.  If I look like a hag,  I feel like a hag so taking care of myself boosts my self confidence and self esteem.  I frequent my hair salon but take care of my own hairstyle in between appointments and it still looks great.  As for manicures / pedicures,  I have all accumulated supplies so it's easy and luxurious to give myself my own manicures / pedicures.  Both my sister and I do very professional looking work on our manicures / pedicures.  They're my real nails, too.  No acrylics nor gels over here!  It's not that difficult and it saves money.  I enjoy pampering myself.  I like pretty purses,  nice clothes and shoes.  I love all things very feminine.  I'm very much a girly-girl.  I'm this way because I grew up very deprived of everything.  Therefore,  I'm making up for lost time.  🙂

When I was a little girl,  I was a teacher's pet.  During recess,  I held Miss Albert's manicured hand.  She smelled divine.  I wondered what perfume she wore?  She looked like the late, very beautiful Princess Diana from head-to-toe.  She let me grade papers while I sat next to her desk.  When I was a young ragga-muffin looking girl in raggedy old clothes and holes in my shoes,  I told myself:  "Someday,  I want to be just like Miss Albert."  I even told my husband this.  Yes,  I've since imitated Miss Albert.  She was my idol and still is.  😊

[TheCrow]

3 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I am not sleeping ok, well, I am now, but wasn't when this was happening. I think that contributed to this. 

Normal for me. I honestly don't know. I'm alone constantly. I wake up, eat breakfast,sometimes go to work, but mostly work from home. I take care of my pets, I do my work, I sit around a lot, I cook, I clean, and manage my home inside and out. I occasionally visit my family. 

I make dinner, hangout, watch some shows, read, then bed. I'm alone so much. I get very lonely. So my family asks me to come over, so I'm not alone. 

I fear the future. That I'll be alone forever. I want love,companionship, support. To grow my own family, and not be so ingrained in my current one. My health is my great, so I am trying to lose weight to better myself. 

I get overwhelmed taking care of a house by myself. It gives me anxiety. I look around and see all these projects I want and need to do and I get overwhelmed and end up sitting and ignoring them. 

My mom recently came and helped me do a bunch of them. After, it did feel good that they were done. 

It's just a lot by myself. My mom says,it'll be easier when I meet a good man to help me and share life together. 

 But I'm not meeting any good men. Because I'm fat. 

Money gives me anxiety. I'm always living super close to the vest. I have so many student loans and bills. It's always tight. 

 

 

 

Alex,

What do you mean by fat, if I may ask?

Size 14, or 'my 600 pound life'? Or something in-between? Fat means such vastly different things to different people.

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I pay attention to my grooming because whenever I look good,  I feel psychologically very good.  If I look like a hag,  I feel like a hag so taking care of myself boosts my self confidence and self esteem.  I frequent my hair salon but take care of my own hairstyle in between appointments and it still looks great.  As for manicures / pedicures,  I have all accumulated supplies so it's easy and luxurious to give myself my own manicures / pedicures.  Both my sister and I do very professional looking work on our manicures / pedicures.  It's not that difficult and it saves money.  I enjoy pampering myself.  I like pretty purses,  nice clothes and shoes.  I love all things very feminine.  I'm very much a girly-girl.  I'm this way because I grew up very deprived of everything.  Therefore,  I'm making up for lost time.  🙂

When I was a little girl,  I was a teacher's pet.  During recess,  I held Miss Albert's manicured hand.  She smelled divine.  I wondered what perfume she wore?  She looked like the late, very beautiful Princess Diana from head-to-toe.  She let me grade papers while I sat next to her desk.  When I was a young ragga-muffin looking girl in raggedy old clothes and holes in my shoes,  I told myself:  "Someday,  I want to be just like Miss Albert."  I even told my husband this.  Yes,  I've since imitated Miss Albert.  She was my idol and still is.  😊

Yes, you do you. When I was dating from ages 13-39 I absolutely took pains with my appearance and it paid off especially since in my early 30s really good hair products and devices came out that tamed my hair (now I like it naturally curly, then I did not) and I loved how I looked.  I looked more like an ivory girl than a glam girl - I was not a head turner and did not wish to be -I felt I was reasonably cute and attractive and felt that I attracted male attention and often the sort of male attention from men who wanted to marry as opposed to have a one night stand.  It just was that way.  

We each work on our appearance as we see fit.  There is no one size fits all.  From a health -not a looks perspective -I think being a healthy weight -whether that means you look thin or full figured or somewhere in between -and eating reasonably healthy and staying hydrated makes hair and skin look lush and sparkling and glowing.

  For example my skin and hair were like that when I was pregnant at age 42 - I've seen that on other women.  Some women like mani-pedis and perfect hair and lots of makeup and fancy shoes etc- but that wasn't me and had I attempted that I would have been not being me/feeling fake.  I defer to each individual person to do what makes him or her feel their best and look their best especially when dating.  

[Cherylyn]

19 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, you do you.

 

Absolutely and it's just the way I like it.  I like to feel and look my best even when I'm no longer dating and happily married for a long time.  I'm a mother of two sons and it's just a regular life in the suburbs.  It's all in good taste,  understated elegance and nothing outlandish.  To each his or her own.  😊 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Alex39 said:

My health is my great, so I am trying to lose weight to better myself. 

What are you doing concretely to battle that? Dieting? Cutting portions? Exercising?

Because from what you wrote you just cook, take care of house and sit at home. That wont get you anywhere. Nore get you to meet somebody. Why not maybe go out to see some friends? Or not even that, just go out for a nice walk? You may even meet some guy that way. 

Also what are your concrete steps on that field? Nobody would just ring your doorbell and offer to be with you. 

And lastly, yes, people are social creatures in general. So we strive to achieve relationships. But you are way too dependant on the image of some future husband and marriage. So much so that it blocks you out and makes you anxious. Your life isnt going to get better if you find somebody and marry tomorrow. It would still have to be a good marriage. And for that you would have to try hard. And not just sit at home and waiting for "Mr Perfect" to ring doorbell. Also, nobody likes dependant people. Your future husband probably wont sit at home and watch "Love is Blind" with you all day. If you are so dependant on somebody for hapiness, chances are that they would find that overbearing after some time. Also, as you can see, its not really a healthy way of life. So instead of just complaining how you need stuff to happen, how about working on make them happen?

[LootieTootie]

I'm happy to hear that your cats are doing well.

 

[Alex39]

On 5/8/2023 at 4:57 PM, TheCrow said:

Alex,

What do you mean by fat, if I may ask?

Size 14, or 'my 600 pound life'? Or something in-between? Fat means such vastly different things to different people.

Size 14, but I used to be a 6/8 

[Alex39]

On 5/8/2023 at 4:10 PM, Cherylyn said:

Take good care of your health because it will help calm you down.  Exercise regularly / daily,  eat healthy,  get enough sleep,  pamper yourself with a bubble bath,  go to a hairstylist,  give yourself a perfect manicure / pedicure,  look put together,  do what you enjoy - reading / movies (streaming) / hobbies / crafts,  surround yourself with very moral friends and family preferably local.  After all that,  you'll be too exhausted to feel anxious.  You ought to try it.  It's what I do and it works wonders for one's soul. 😊

I am trying. I lost 5 pounds so far and am eating healthy. I already feel better. I'm focusing on taking care of my body, health, skin, hair, etc. It does feel good. 

[Alex39]

On 5/8/2023 at 4:43 PM, Cherylyn said:

I pay attention to my grooming because whenever I look good,  I feel psychologically very good.  If I look like a hag,  I feel like a hag so taking care of myself boosts my self confidence and self esteem.  I frequent my hair salon but take care of my own hairstyle in between appointments and it still looks great.  As for manicures / pedicures,  I have all accumulated supplies so it's easy and luxurious to give myself my own manicures / pedicures.  Both my sister and I do very professional looking work on our manicures / pedicures.  They're my real nails, too.  No acrylics nor gels over here!  It's not that difficult and it saves money.  I enjoy pampering myself.  I like pretty purses,  nice clothes and shoes.  I love all things very feminine.  I'm very much a girly-girl.  I'm this way because I grew up very deprived of everything.  Therefore,  I'm making up for lost time.  🙂

When I was a little girl,  I was a teacher's pet.  During recess,  I held Miss Albert's manicured hand.  She smelled divine.  I wondered what perfume she wore?  She looked like the late, very beautiful Princess Diana from head-to-toe.  She let me grade papers while I sat next to her desk.  When I was a young ragga-muffin looking girl in raggedy old clothes and holes in my shoes,  I told myself:  "Someday,  I want to be just like Miss Albert."  I even told my husband this.  Yes,  I've since imitated Miss Albert.  She was my idol and still is.  😊

I definitely let myself go. I almost think of myself as two people. The good one from years ago who was skinny, pretty, took care of herself. And the bad version of me now. 

 

I am more motivated now than ever to get back to the real me. I have been eating healthy again. Lost 5 pounds so far. Working out. Fixing myself and not looking like a slob. I feel better overall too. 

[boltnrun]

I know you said before your hobby is baking and since you live alone you eat everything you bake.  So I would strongly suggest getting a different hobby.  Maybe something crafty since you enjoy artistic expression (cooking is an art form IMO).

Exercise in some form every day.  A two mile walk every other day with a fitness class or weight training in between.  Be mindful of what you eat.  A fitness trainer I know told me fitness is 90% diet and only 10% exercise. No sugary Starbucks "coffee" drinks or fast food.  Avoid pizza, burgers and fried food.  What you put in your body also definitely affects your mood. 

And make sure you reward yourself with something that isn't food.  Don't have a "cheat day" where you consume masses of calories.  Instead buy yourself something for your condo or a cute pair of shorts that are a size smaller than you currently wear.  Or some art supplies.  Do this as a reward for eating healthy for two straight weeks and for sticking with a fitness routine.

And stop isolating yourself!  You talk about all these weddings you're asked to be in, so surely you have girlfriends or family members you can get together with for a movie and tea.

BTW, "skinny" shouldn't be a goal.  Healthy and fit is a better goal.

[Alex39]

7 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I know you said before your hobby is baking and since you live alone you eat everything you bake.  So I would strongly suggest getting a different hobby.  Maybe something crafty since you enjoy artistic expression (cooking is an art form IMO).

Exercise in some form every day.  A two mile walk every other day with a fitness class or weight training in between.  Be mindful of what you eat.  A fitness trainer I know told me fitness is 90% diet and only 10% exercise. No sugary Starbucks "coffee" drinks or fast food.  Avoid pizza, burgers and fried food.  What you put in your body also definitely affects your mood. 

And make sure you reward yourself with something that isn't food.  Don't have a "cheat day" where you consume masses of calories.  Instead buy yourself something for your condo or a cute pair of shorts that are a size smaller than you currently wear.  Or some art supplies.  Do this as a reward for eating healthy for two straight weeks and for sticking with a fitness routine.

And stop isolating yourself!  You talk about all these weddings you're asked to be in, so surely you have girlfriends or family members you can get together with for a movie and tea.

BTW, "skinny" shouldn't be a goal.  Healthy and fit is a better goal.

I love everything you said here. I've stopping baking and now gotten into reading instead.  I challenge myself with goals like, you'll be able to have one small ice cream with a friend in one month. Small victories. No more baking. I honestly have less to clean now too. I am going to start zumba classes. 

 

My girlfriends are all married and constantly busy with their spouse or children. I'd like to plan things mode, but they aren't totally available all the time. I'm single. My life is different. 

 

I asked them to go on a short weekend girls trio this summer. Nothing too far or expensive. They all said they can't and won't spend the money. They are already going away with their spouses. 

[Batya33]

When I was single in my 30s I had many married friends and many with kids.  We made it happen - no -not for girls trips childfree -that's really challenging for most parents of young kids - but just because we had different schedules, different responsibilities - who cares we made it work. Yes I knew some smug married types who moved to the burbs and heaven forbid they make time for people who weren't married and/or didn't have kids.  Oh well.  I wasn't like that when I married -why would I give up good friends just because I got married??

Many people have different schedules/responsibilities -single people who care for siblings or their parents, people who have atypical work schedules, people who go back to school etc - people make it work.  Make it work or meet new people -put in that effort.  I'm 56 - I now avoid going out at night because of when I exercise/when my kid has to be  ready for school, etc - and I can't really manage to organize stuff with other couples because our schedules just don't match that way but I make it work too. And I did in my 30s -I met men through married friends too and when I was serious with a boyfriend I'd set up my single friends.

Just a suggestion so you stop making excuses to the extent you do.  You can create a fun fulfilling life for yourself. 

[boltnrun]

25 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I challenge myself with goals like, you'll be able to have one small ice cream with a friend in one month.

Definitely get away from using food as a reward or prize. That gives food a different connotation than what it's intended for; to provide nourishment in order to keep us alive. It gives food an allure. 

Instead, plan an activity with that same friend. Or buy yourself something small but enjoyable.

27 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

My girlfriends are all married and constantly busy with their spouse or children.

Then who were you planning to go have ice cream with? 😜 If this friend is available for ice cream they're available for shopping or a movie. 

[Cherylyn]

I asked them to go on a short weekend girls trio this summer. Nothing too far or expensive. They all said they can't and won't spend the money. They are already going away with their spouses. 

Even though I'm married and a mother of two sons,  I have single,  widowed,  divorced and unmarried friends.  I also have married friends with or without children and couples type friends. 

Time is limited for us all.  Despite our hectic schedules between family life,  maintaining our households,  employment,  etc.,  we squeeze in time to meet even if it's brief which is better than nothing. 

I've only been on several weekend trips with my friends and it's rare.  Most of the time,  it's meeting for walks,  park picnics,  coffee,  lunch,  sometimes dinner and other times spouses are included for dinner but not always.  Or, an extended day outing,  occasion,  event or whatever strikes our fancy.  We have to plan it and unfortunately, none of us are spontaneous anymore which is understandable.  We all reside in the suburbs and our outings tend to be local.  One of my very best local friends (and childhood friend) and I shop 'til we drop,  dine out and spend the entire day together once a month. 

Don't take it personally.  Some people can relate better when they're at the same station in life as yours.  Sure,  not everyone falls into this mindset but some people do.  If I'm just "as guilty" of it,  so be it.  It's my choice and it's a free country.  I can relate better to those who are in my same boat.  I still make time for others who don't share my same marital status but most of my friends and I (and other times including my husband) have more in common if they're experiencing our similar lifestyles,  demographics, socioeconomics, etc.  Also,  our schedules mesh better than those who have far more time on their hands,  childless,  more carefree and don't understand what we're going through. 

For example, even though he's not "my friend," my local brother is single,  childless,  never been married and even though I love him to bits,  with all due respect to him,  my rapport with him only goes so far.  He can't relate to me and I can't relate to his devotion to all of his critters,  his animals which he has gobs of time for whereas I don't.  All he has to do is think of himself and his pets.  I don't have his luxury.  He can come and go as he pleases and often times he asks me to visit his house at a moment's notice.  I've always told him that I can't simply just jump in my car and go.  No can do.  I have to plan my schedules accordingly and he doesn't get it.  I don't have limitless amounts of time as he has.  I have more responsibilities and time constraints compared to his life.  Sigh.  He thinks I have all the time in the world yet I do not.  Again, it's due to our different lifestyles.  He even keeps me on the phone longer by rambling about his pets to me ad nauseum for 1.5 hours!  🙄  I love him fiercely but often times we're not on the same wavelength because our lives are so different to no fault of one's own.  It's just the way it is for many. 

Another way we don't relate is he often asks me if my MIL (mother-in-law) "has gotten over" her late husband's recent passing.  He thinks she can simply snap out of it.  I told my brother:  "With all due respect,  you've never been married and never experienced losing the love of your life."  He just looked at me dumbfounded.  You see?  In some cases, there are times when two people can't relate because they can't. 

At any rate,  despite where you are at life,  people will make time for you if they juggle their schedules around.  It can be done.  Do whatever it takes to pin them on a date and time.  Sometimes you have to be insistent upon nailing them to a commitment and stick to it.  Then ping them with reminders as the date draws near.  However, don't be surprised if they cancel or reschedule because it's bound to happen.  Learn to accommodate and remain flexible especially if they have less time,  energy,  money,  etc.