How long to wait for a reply in text to determine that he's treating me as low priority?

[Guest]

Context: I like someone, but he's often taking forever to reply to my text. I don't overtext him, and I also do not text him everyday, for fear that this may lead things to go downhill and he may withdraw himself or something. He does not know I like him.

Even though he takes forever to reply, he replies within a day and he never leaves me on bluetick when I ask him questions. That's something I really appreciate. But the thing is, during weekdays, he somehow only responds to me either during lunch hours or in the evenings or nights. And for weekends, he cam be fast in response, but would take a few hours interval most of the times.

I'm not sure what to think, because this is something that I cannot directly ask him about it. It may ruin our friendship. I do not want to be quick to judge too because I do understand we all have our own things to do.

But the thing is, I'm not sure what to think. Is he treating me as a low priority? Or actually this is how he is in the way he texts, like I mean this is his texting habit? Is he disrespecting me in a  sense? I'm very confused, how long to wait for a guy's reply to determine that he is treating me as low priority or he's just busy dealing with life? How to tell the difference?

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, Mannitol said:

Is he disrespecting me in a  sense?

No. How is it disrespectful to not answer right away? He is busy attending to other things. You two are just friends so he doesn't really need to prioritize messaging with you. 

I think your expectations are heightened because you like him and are looking for some reassurance that he might feel the same way. But does he initiate communication with you? Or is it mostly one-sided, coming from you? 

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Mannitol said:

 I'm very confused, how long to wait for a guy's reply to determine that he is treating me as low priority 

How do you know each other? Have you met in person? Is the goal to hopefully date? 

If he's not asking you out, he's not interested. "Low priority" would be treating you like a test buddy rather than asking you out.

Try to to phone-tether anyone. No one is obligated to respond to communication ASAP. And you're right. People have busy lives and priorities.

Make sure your life is busy with work, school, hobbies, interests, friends and family. Try not to sit by the phone watching and waiting.

[Kwothe28]

I dont think he looks at you at the same way you look at him. Otherwise yes, he would maybe text you more timely and proritize you more. But the thing is, he doesnt have to. He considers you a friend and texts you when he gets a chance. 

Also I think its a terrible metric to look at it like that. You should look at his interest level. Does he wants to hang out, does he flirts, that kind of stuff. Does he message or not and in what intervals is not a metric you should be paying attention at all.

[Batya33]

Answer is never "wait" -how passive! And stop monitoring how long. Unless you have specific plans for a specific time.  I reconnected with a friend who ghosted me years ago.  She initiated plans.  We settled on a time and place.  The morning of I texted to double confirm.  She texted back in advance of our time to meet.  She showed up on time as did I and we had a nice time.  Had she not shown up or not initiated getting together after we ran into each other and she promised to text with suggestions for meeting up I'd not have waited either.  I simply would have realized at some point that she still wasn't reliable. 

She's suggested meeting up again next month.  I plan to text her next month to follow up and I'll take it from there. I won't "wait" for a response or see how long it takes her. If it takes her a really long time with no reason then I will respond in kind -meaning I won't jump to make time for her and will balance my convenience moreso.  But I won't "wait" -what a waste of headspace IMO.

[Jaunty]

I really don't understand.   You're not in a relationship and you say he doesn't know you like him.  In that case, why should he be texting you all through the day?   Weekends, nights and lunch is fine, and even that is pretty heavy texting with a person you don't even have any solid connection with.   

In fact, you two should not be "high priorities" to each other.   That's not negative.  You just haven't developed anything.  

If he doesn't ask you out, you can probably safely assume he's not interested in dating you.  You can go ahead and ask him out yourself if you'd like to cut to the chase and stop worrying about this so much.  Be aware, though, that in early stages or casual dating you're not going to get much more texting than you are now and that would be appropriate.

[Coily]

Texting isn't a great measure of someone's interest in you, especially when they don't know you like them. I am a terrible texter for example, I tend to forget even those who mean a lot to me. I am usually focused elsewhere, and only when Lunch or after work do I have time for most personal correspondences, and that's if I am not busy with some side project.

[Jaunty]

12 minutes ago, Coily said:

I am a terrible texter for example, I tend to forget even those who mean a lot to me.

Same.  I am older than most people here so that plays into it but I will say that my daughter (early 30's) and her bf are worse than me.  There are many of us.

Don't forget that the ability to shoot off BS one-liners on your phone "all-day-every-day" is just that:  BS.   It's very easy, it's tantamount to being a "smooth talker" in a bar.  If you don't really have a relationship with someone, you are not going to be able to gauge how interested they are in you by their texting frequency.

[boltnrun]

7 hours ago, Mannitol said:

during weekdays, he somehow only responds to me either during lunch hours or in the evenings or nights.

Does he have a job? If so, that would explain why he isn't disrupting his workday with unnecessary texting.

I've had jobs where either phones weren't allowed on the floor or personal texting during work hours is frowned upon. He isn't going to take time away from working and possibly risk losing his job or getting disciplined just to text you something that can wait until lunch or after work. 

If you "like" him why haven't you suggested a date or even coffee so you can explore dating him?

[Cherylyn]

He's treating you as if you're low priority because you are with all due respect.  Both of you don't know each other well.  Instead of texting,  if you want to get to know him better,  arrange meeting for coffee,  lunch or a walk.  Have an in person conversation.  Then,  arrange a phone chat, scheduled in person meetings or more scheduled phone chats.  People are very busy with work and daily tasks or chores. 

Some people aren't into texting.  I know some people who don't like to text nor do they reply promptly and if they do,  they're rather blunt yet polite.  Learn to adapt and follow other people's cues so you won't feel as disappointed nor miffed. 

[Andrina]

A significant other is expected to make you a priority, because you've come to an understanding, but friends literally owe you nothing. What you do in friendship is make an effort and wait for an equal/balanced effort from their side. If that doesn't happen, you can lessen that friendship and invest effort into someone who shares a similar interest in communicating and getting together. And friends can differ on their preferences for communication and how often to get together. Either you adapt to their way or realize it isn't satisfying and move on to friends who match your friendship style.

IMO, a friendship never lasts if one person has an unrequited crush. It's not healthy for either party. As for you, you'd be so hung up on him, you'd be missing perfectly good opportunities with dateable men. And as for him, when he gets a gf, you'll likely be shoved to the back burner or he'll totally end communication with you, since his gf will clearly see how you feel. Women are intuitive.

As for him, would it matter whether or not he knows you like him? If he had a crush on you, wouldn't he be thrilled to have your number and be working toward asking you out? Sounds like he never is the first to initiate communication, and that he never or rarely asks you to hang out. If that's the case, maybe take a hint. Stop communicating first and see if he fades away. It's better to know if someone wants you in their life or not so you're not wasting time on someone who is just trying to be polite when they reply.

[SherrySher]

Does he work fulltime, or go to school during the day?

If he does either one of those, then it makes sense why he takes a while to answer during the day.

[greendots]

Echoing what others have said here:

Does he know that you're interested in him? Playing it coy will get you nowhere. I'm talking from experience here. It never worked for me.

Don't wait for him to show an interest in you. What if he doesn't know you like him and is kind of playing it cool too? Thus, take a chance and ask him out for something low-key like coffee. If he says no, there's your answer. Should he say yes, see how the event progresses.

[Siofra123]

When you say you like this person, do you mean as more than a friend? If you are pursuing something romantic and he doesn’t reply; maybe then he doesn’t want something romantic. Maybe he isn’t a big texter. Maybe he sees your texts and doesn’t open them til he wants to. Does he have a girlfriend? Maybe he’s spending time with her instead of being on his phone? Just cos he has a phone doesn’t mean he needs to reply to you, it’s his phone and he can use it when he wants. If it’s upsetting you; maybe just don’t text him anymore. It doesn’t seem like you guys are close friends anyway if it takes him so long to reply