Ex husband - mixed messages

[Elphie]

Ex husband and I were friends for 12 years post breakup. Recently he has started a new relationship and said he had to distance himself from me as I am a distraction and he is ‘fighting with himself’. Since then he still finds reasons to come to my house and last time when I had to go past him in kitchen he said ‘oh I nearly shag##d you when you brushed past me in the kitchen’.  What is he trying to say?

[Cherylyn]

He wants to sleep with you.  He needs to focus on his new relationship instead of you, his EX-wife.  Remaining friends isn't a good idea for both of you.

[SooSad33]

You are ex's for reason's.

Why is he hanging out at your place anyways? ( think on whether you'd like something like this going on with your new partner...).

No?  Then tell your EX to bugger off.  To respect his new gf and you.

And I agree with not remaining friends with an EX.  Unless you two can properly respect each other in every sense. ( IMO, this is not it...).

 

[Kwothe28]

He started a new relationship and she probably minds that he hangs out with his ex wife. And he still wants to have sex with you because "I almost had sex with you" isnt just a normal sentence between friends. Well unless they are FWB lol

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Elphie said:

What is he trying to say?

That he is a pig without any respect for his wife or for you. 

Why tolerate this? Raise your standards and find a man who actually behaves like a man. This one is a tool. 

[Batya33]

He meant to say "oopps I missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught." Distance yourself immediately especially since you don't want his new partner finding out somehow and directing her anger at you.  

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Elphie said:

  What is he trying to say?

Does it matter what he means by that?

What matters is if you are happy. Are you dating/in a relationship? Is hanging out with him preventing you from moving forward to a satisfying relationship?

Reflect if his hanging around is what you want in lieu of finding happiness with someone available to you. Who he dates and who he makes passes at is a headache you don't need. You're divorced for a reason and that reason is to be apart from each other in order to move forward.

[boltnrun]

Are you hoping to reconcile?

Have you been having sex with him prior to him getting into a relationship?

[smackie9]

You two FWB off and on during those 12 years? 

[Elphie]

42 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Are you hoping to reconcile?

Have you been having sex with him prior to him getting into a relationship?

He always wanted to reconcile - I was the one who said no. We never had sex - until 1 week after he told me about the new woman, and that once and almost like a ‘goodbye’. Not proud of it but it happened. I was ready to start again just at the same time he met someone else.

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Elphie said:

He always wanted to reconcile - I was the one who said no. We never had sex - until 1 week after he told me about the new woman, and that once and almost like a ‘goodbye’. Not proud of it but it happened. I was ready to start again just at the same time he met someone else.

Then he probably expects you to be down for more sex, especially when you made it clear that him being in a relationship wouldn't deter you.

I hope going forward you will stop the home visits and won't be willing to assist him in cheating on his relationship. 

Are you open to meeting men and dating?

[Jaunty]

34 minutes ago, Elphie said:

He always wanted to reconcile - I was the one who said no. We never had sex - until 1 week after he told me about the new woman, and that once and almost like a ‘goodbye’. Not proud of it but it happened. I was ready to start again just at the same time he met someone else.

Ready to start your relationship again?  

[Batya33]

So you weren't truly friends -he saw you to try to convince you to reconcile.  What were you "trying to say" by choosing to have sex with him when you did?

[HeartGoesOn]

12 hours ago, Elphie said:

Since then he still finds reasons to come to my house and last time when I had to go past him in kitchen he said ‘oh I nearly shag##d you when you brushed past me in the kitchen’.  What is he trying to say?

"Two for the price of one, how lucky can I get?"

[Betterwithout]

3 hours ago, Elphie said:

We never had sex - until 1 week after he told me about the new woman, and that once and almost like a ‘goodbye’. Not proud of it but it happened. 

That's honest.
But this friendly relationship seems like it will be trouble for his new relationship and also a block for a promising relationship for you.
If there is another brush by in the kitchen, maybe your friendship with your ex might need to come to a close.

[catfeeder]

On 2/2/2023 at 11:24 PM, Elphie said:

... ‘oh I nearly shag##d you when you brushed past me in the kitchen’.  What is he trying to say?

...That he's a vulgar and disloyal jerk with no boundaries?

Unless you're sharing parenting with this guy, I'd rethink my position on staying involved with him in any way, shape or form.

Let his new GF get the full 'gift' of him.