Do i leave or stay HELPP

[Zoyq]

My boyfriend and I have had rocky roads recently due to him having trust issues, i never cheated on him yet he always holds me accountable for not having his back in previous instances where women have messaged me saying they were speaking and what not whilst i was in a relationship with him. I have reacted badly of course - as any women would and his arguement has always been that i never had his back whilst she was saying all this instead i let her keep talking, he thinks i betrayed him in that sense. Then another instance was with a family member who wanted to meet him yet was being very defensive in doing so and called him names and in this instance he also argued i never had his back. 

 

fast forward to now, yes i have had instances in which i have not acted dumb and supported him knowing he was wrong - but was that actually a problem? i do understand now that no matter what i need to discuss with him first before i react because i have reacted before knowing the full story before. however i was hurt. due to this stuff he had started to take things further and started cheating on me seeing other people talking to other women even went onto having sex with them. 

he was loyal once but it didnt last after i broke “his trust” he wants to end our relationship but he cant at the same time he wants an open relationship hes being ***ty we dont have sex he doesnt want to do things with me anymore im just sad. ontop of this my mum is sick, my sisters in mental health care, my dad suffers from depression he has never once asked me how they are only how i am when i go home because he knows its a lot. he doesnt care about anyone he just cares about his sport and if he cant play its the end of the world and nothing comes before him and his dream. 

i have tried to end things many times over. he tells me he will never change and has given me the cold shoulder many times how do i detach my feelings from him and end this relationship once and for all?

[Jaunty]

Walk away.  

[Zoyq]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Walk away.  

how because i care so much but i know this is draining he isnt right for me

[Mammalyssa]

You already know its not going to work. The longer you wait the harder it is to leave,  start making plans. If you want to still be in this same position in 10 years time, go for it. Somehow I don't think that's what you want. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Zoyq said:

 i know this is draining he isnt right for me

This man treats you poorly. Do you work? Have health insurance? No one but a healthcare provider can help you gain the insight you need to leave. Please refer to my advice in your previous thread:

https://www.enotalone.com/topic/454901-i-dont-know-what-to-do-in-my-relationship-do-i-break-up-or-stay/#comment-5772231

 

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, Zoyq said:

i have tried to end things many times over

You need to stop trying, and just do it. 

It sounds like you need some support. Do you have a friend in real life you can talk to about this? If not, perhaps enlist the help of a counsellor. 

Your lack of self-respect is what is keeping you stuck. Once that improves, you won't have such a hard time getting rid of the dead weight (your "boyfriend")

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, Zoyq said:

he tells me he will never change

Then why are you not believing him?

He literally tells you that he is a cheater that wont change. And you are still wondering if you should leave. You should have left after you heard he is messaging other women let alone after he cheated. 

[DarkCh0c0]

9 hours ago, Zoyq said:

have tried to end things many times over. he tells me he will never change and has given me the cold shoulder many times how do i detach my feelings from him and end this relationship once and for all?

You need to break up and NOT allow for discussion.

If you don't live together, break up over the phone or in a public coffee shop. Tell him very briefly that this isn't working for you and it's over. Get up and walk away. Block him everywhere and tell all his people you don't want to hear about him anymore. You need to do this in order to support yourself in moving on from him. He is toxic and does not respect you. You owe him nothing. You just need to use that little strength you have to go through it and block him. If you have a trusted friend or sibling, ask her to be with you and to make sure you break up with him.

Keep in mind that he begs you back because you act like a doormat despite the cheating. He insists you don't break up because he wants  the easy gf benefits you provide like sex, intimacy, listening to him, helping him in the house, ect. But that needs to stop. You cut that at the source. You stop allowing someone to use your kind heart. You're worthy and can find a quality partner.

[smackie9]

You can leave. Have a game plan. Find a new place to go to, whether it's with your parents, a coworker, or friend, sleep on someone's couch. Wait till he goes to work, then quickly pack up and get out of there...leave a note. It's easier to detach when he's not there or doesn't know. Have a friend give you support/encouragement about your decision. Talking through it with a close friend or family member will ease the pain. Once you have time away from him, you will slowly start to feel relief like a weight off your shoulders.

[DarkCh0c0]

17 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Wait till he goes to work, then quickly pack up and get out of there...leave a note.

Absolutely. OP if you live with him, totally walk away while he's not at home. Ask a friend to help you pack and leave. Make sure to get the most necessary items to make sure you never need to go back there. And, have a plan to stay somewhere he doesn't know and tell your people to block him or pretend they know nothing.

Sometimes, you have to leave when the other person is not around. If you do it when he's around, it can require a lot of strength for you emotionally to leave. The same applied to me with my ex. As long as he was around, he'd block the door physically and he'd block me mentally from leaving by using different manipulation tactics. Enlist the help of friends and family to have your back and ensure you don't go back to him 💚 I'm sorry it's like, but you need to take care of you and free yourself to a better life.

[Jaunty]

15 hours ago, Zoyq said:

how because i care so much but i know this is draining he isnt right for me

You put one foot in front of the other and walk.  

[boltnrun]

What are the benefits of staying in an "open relationship" with someone who lies to you?

Have you always dreamed of sharing the man you love with other women?

[SooSad33]

You need to get a backbone.  Which is learning what you will NOT tolerate.

I would have been long gone, after realizing how his behaviour/actions are!  So, you need to see this.  And NOT be disrespected anymore.

You be strong.  You stop answering him. You say no more!

And in time, as each day passes, it will get easier.  Hang more with friends, do your own thing. Go for walks, watch your shows, listen to your music, journal ( a way to get it out of your system) -- anything to not have to deal with any of his crap anymore!

I believe you can do this.... and come to learn what you DO deserve in a more meaningful, healthy relationship.  This isn't it.

 

[Coily]

When you say you care about him, I think what you really mean unconsciously is that you care about being in the relationship; he’s just not in the picture. I think it’s been said people are in love with being in love, and unfortunately I think that’s the trap you’re currently in. I would highly suggest you terminate this relationship and walk away.

And time is a precious commodity, so the sooner you do this the sooner you can find someone in the grand scheme of things who is worth being in a relationship with.