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I dont know what to do in my relationship do i break up or stay?


Zoyq
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I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, it was love at first sight we met click and the spark was amazing it was when you meet your person. We never spent a day without seeing eachother apart from weekends when i worked. But then things got shaky after something happened and he felt he could not trust me and it broke him. At the same time i found out i was pregnant, he had started cheating on me and i did not know what to do as by this point i had a miscarriage also and i needed his support. 

So he continued to cheat, i knew but just needed support as i was going through it and i still love him, even after this. we took time apart here and there but it was hard given what i had been going through. 

 

ever since he has been wanting to break up and i ended up pregnant again and also miscarrying months later, but he has always just wnated to break up but when we try to we just always end up wanting to try make things work again. now it has gotten to a point where we both need space and love eachother but he does not feel the same way he did in the beginning and says he doesnt think he ever will and i want us to try work things out because i choose him everyday but its becoming draining. i just want him to feel the same way again, and he does too but his head is spun by all that has happened so he struggles to cope sometimes with us being together too much like before. 

 

what do i do? helpp

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8 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

what do i do? helpp

You end it once and for all, go full NC, and move on with your life.  You two are incompatible and a really bad match - this relationship is a total train wreck (sorry) and not good for either of you. Perhaps go to some form of counselling to help you sort yourself out and only once you are in a better space mentally, then think about a new relationship.  Right now, you both need to be free of each other. Permanently.

(I'm sorry about your loss/miscarriage.  Whatever you do, do not get pregnant again by this guy. Look into contraception etc).

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He's been cheating? Girl go get yourself check for all STDs. Next time find some contraception that is right for you. Condoms are not 100% without the use of a spermicide. It's horrible having miscarried twice, look at it as a sign that this guy is not the one. If you are able, seek out counseling. It can be offered at a family planning clinic for free.  

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I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. I can't imagine all the mixed emotions 

#1 Use protectionDid all his cheating make you think that he's father material? Or are you trying to baby-trap him? Cause it doesn't work this way!

#2 Please break up with him asap. You need to take a deep look at yourself and why you allow yourself to be treated like this. Do you not think you deserve better? Plenty of men would treat you right, be loyal and want to be with you. Stop going after toxic unavailable men, and start working on your self esteem and worth.

#3 Block this POS everywhere. Tell everyone you don't want to hear about him anymore. This man is the lowest of the low out there. I don't see anything appealing in him. 

#4 Girl, move on and get therapy. Practice self love and self care. Stay single for at least a year and make peace with being happy by being with yourself only. Get rid of all toxic habits and people in your life. You are worthy and deserve to be happy 💚 You've been through a lot, and it's time that YOU take care of YOU. You don't need a man to be happy. Ditch codependency and embrace depending on your beautiful self. You got this.

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5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. I can't imagine all the mixed emotions 

#1 Use protectionDid all his cheating make you think that he's father material? Or are you trying to baby-trap him? Cause it doesn't work this way!

#2 Please break up with him asap. You need to take a deep look at yourself and why you allow yourself to be treated like this. Do you not think you deserve better? Plenty of men would treat you right, be loyal and want to be with you. Stop going after toxic unavailable men, and start working on your self esteem and worth.

#3 Block this POS everywhere. Tell everyone you don't want to hear about him anymore. This man is the lowest of the low out there. I don't see anything appealing in him. 

#4 Girl, move on and get therapy. Practice self love and self care. Stay single for at least a year and make peace with being happy by being with yourself only. Get rid of all toxic habits and people in your life. You are worthy and deserve to be happy 💚 You've been through a lot, and it's time that YOU take care of YOU. You don't need a man to be happy. Ditch codependency and embrace depending on your beautiful self. You got this.

the worst part is i love his mum and she is the sweetest person i have no idea how to tell her that i cant be with her son anymore 

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5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. I can't imagine all the mixed emotions 

#1 Use protectionDid all his cheating make you think that he's father material? Or are you trying to baby-trap him? Cause it doesn't work this way!

#2 Please break up with him asap. You need to take a deep look at yourself and why you allow yourself to be treated like this. Do you not think you deserve better? Plenty of men would treat you right, be loyal and want to be with you. Stop going after toxic unavailable men, and start working on your self esteem and worth.

#3 Block this POS everywhere. Tell everyone you don't want to hear about him anymore. This man is the lowest of the low out there. I don't see anything appealing in him. 

#4 Girl, move on and get therapy. Practice self love and self care. Stay single for at least a year and make peace with being happy by being with yourself only. Get rid of all toxic habits and people in your life. You are worthy and deserve to be happy 💚 You've been through a lot, and it's time that YOU take care of YOU. You don't need a man to be happy. Ditch codependency and embrace depending on your beautiful self. You got this.

do i break up with him in person?

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31 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

i have no idea how to tell her that i cant be with her son anymore 

You don't need to. That's up to him. 

6 hours ago, Zoyq said:

i choose him everyday

He does not choose you though, and you can't make him. It's an absolute waste of your time to sit around and hope he'll notice your value. He won't.  His behaviour is telling you very clearly that he does not want to be with you, and I have a feeling he would have been long gone if you hadn't become pregnant a couple times (and girl, please be more careful and do not let that happen again) There is just no future here. His feelings are not going to change and sooner or later, he will end it for good. 

It doesn't matter if you break up with him in person or over the phone. It just needs to end so you can work on your own emotional well-being and eventually find a man who loves you and wants nobody but you. Your sort-of boyfriend is not that man for you. 

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18 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You don't need to. That's up to him. 

He does not choose you though, and you can't make him. It's an absolute waste of your time to sit around and hope he'll notice your value. He won't.  His behaviour is telling you very clearly that he does not want to be with you, and I have a feeling he would have been long gone if you hadn't become pregnant a couple times (and girl, please be more careful and do not let that happen again) There is just no future here. His feelings are not going to change and sooner or later, he will end it for good. 

It doesn't matter if you break up with him in person or over the phone. It just needs to end so you can work on your own emotional well-being and eventually find a man who loves you and wants nobody but you. Your sort-of boyfriend is not that man for you. 

he has told me he would only want to be in a a relationship with me and no one else but he wants to be single right now what does that mean?

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25 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

he has told me he would only want to be in a a relationship with me and no one else but he wants to be single right now what does that mean?

It's a no. He's sugar coating this and keeping you on the hook for more sex based on HIS future demand. He is and was never serious about you.

I would say he should be out of your life asap. You may shoot him a text and say "I can't carry this on like this. It's over. I don't want to hear from you anymore. Goodbye."

You owe him nothing for the way he treated you.

1 hour ago, Zoyq said:

the worst part is i love his mum and she is the sweetest person i have no idea how to tell her that i cant be with her son anymore 

Meh, his mom could be a nice person, but you can forgo speaking with her. Once she knows you two broke up, she'll get the hint like most adults.

Block them all everywhere as soon as you send the text. If you see them somewhere, keep walking or cut the conversation short very quickly ("I'm busy and got to go asap") and walk away.

Fyi I mentioned text because it can be a one way conversation. You are vulnerable and understandably feeling all over the place. So, if you actually have a talk, he might lure you back into having sex or staying in touch. But, he's done a lot of damage so you shouldn't speak to him anymore for a lifetime. So you need to rip a band aid and then cut him and his people out of your life.

You are worthy of a healthy, consistent, and loving relationship. Moving forward, don't sell yourself so short like this anymore 💚 learn to be single and happy. Only allow people who add to the beauty of your life to be in it. Remember these words whenever you feel any random urge to contact him.

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1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

It's a no. He's sugar coating this and keeping you on the hook for more sex based on HIS future demand.

I would say he should be out of your life asap. You may shoot him a text and say "I can't carry this on like this. It's over. I don't want to hear from you anymore. Goodbye."

You owe him nothing for the way he treated you.

Meh, his mom could be a nice person, but you can forgo speaking with her. Once she knows you two broke up, she'll get the hint like most adults.

Block them all everywhere as soon as you send the text. If you see them somewhere, keep walking or cut the conversation short very quickly ("I'm busy and got to go asap") and walk away.

Fyi I mentioned text because it can be a one way conversation. You are vulnerable and understandably feeling all over the place. So, if you actually have a talk, he might lure you back into having sex or staying in touch. But, he's done a lot of damage so you shouldn't speak to him anymore for a lifetime. So you need to rip a band aid and then cut him and his people out of your life.

You are worthy of a healthy, consistent, and loving relationship. Moving forward, don't sell yourself so short like this anymore 💚 learn to be single and happy. Only allow people who add to the beauty of your life to be in it. Remember these words whenever you feel any random urge to contact him.

thank you so much for your advice, but i keep getting this urge to fight back because i know his career and money wise everything is going to crap and he wants to destroy everything in the process because he feels like a failure i want to stick it out but i know its wrong to at the same time. 

 

he says he wants me we havent had sex in a while as i have been bleeding due to miscarriage i have such mixed emotions right now.

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41 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

i know his career and money wise everything is going to crap and he wants to destroy everything in the process because he feels like a failure

He's not your responsibility. He's not some project to take on.

You are not his mother. You are not his therapist.

He will survive without you and figure his life out like all adults do.

Listen, when you date a guy, your only job is to assess whether he's a good partner to you and to trust yourself to leave when he no longer fits that standard. And, when you date him, you take him as if he is at his best version and he won't change. He is who he shows who he is. So, why are your standards so low? Why stick around a guy who treats you like disposable trash? He's a cheater, liar and manipulator. Look at him playing you and telling you "I want you, but I wanna be single"! BS! He's keeping you as a side piece. You're an afterthought for him. Why settle for that? Dear, where are your dating standards? You don't need to be THAT desperate. Most women would run from such a man AND life.

Once you get rid yourself from him, a weight will fall off your shoulder.

Can you at least stick to using contraception for now? No babies until you find a man who who his partner or partner material. Your kids wouldn't deserve an unavailable father who cheats and a mom who enables him.

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9 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

He's not your responsibility. He's not some project to take on.

You are not his mother. You are not his therapist.

He will survive without you and figure his life out like all adults do.

Listen, when you date a guy, your only job is to assess whether he's a good partner to you and to trust yourself to leave when he no longer fits that standard. And, when you date him, you take him as if he is at his best version and he won't change. He is who he shows who he is. So, why are your standards so low? Why stick around a guy who treats you like disposable trash? He's a cheater, liar and manipulator. Look at him playing you and telling you "I want you, but I wanna be single"! BS! He's keeping you as a side piece. You're an afterthought for him. Why settle for that? Dear, where are your dating standards? You don't need to be THAT desperate. Most women would run from such a man AND life.

Once you get rid yourself from him, a weight will fall off your shoulder.

Can you at least stick to using contraception for now? No babies until you find a man who who his partner or partner material. Your kids wouldn't deserve an unavailable father who cheats and a mom who enables him.

its true your right he manipulated me to the point i cant get in touch with my standards, he’s completely destroyed me. i want to get my things from his but i dont want to go at the same time. 

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3 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

i want to get my things from his but i dont want to go at the same time

But this isn't the type of situation where you listen to your feelings and stay. This is a situation where you look at the facts and do what's logically right for you despite having feeling for him. That's what mature responsible adults do.

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11 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

 

But this isn't the type of situation where you listen to your feelings and stay. This is a situation where you look at the facts and do what's logically right for you despite having feeling for him. That's what mature responsible adults do.

its true i know i feel so stupid for how i feel i havent been able to sleep because of this and he is probably fast asleep right now i have a whole break up text i wrote to send him because there is so much i kept in i want to let out but i want him to see me and feel bad when i leave him instead of breaking up over text

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16 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

i want him to see me and feel bad when i leave him

It's not going to work.

He doesn't feel bad about you leaving his life. Her never did. He chose p**** over being with you many times. He uses his words to fool you, but his actions tell you all you need to know.

If you are confident that you will be brief and nasty to him, then go ahead. But you owe to yourself to stop falling for his fake words and promises. You owe it yourself to never let him back in your life. You owe it to yourself to love yourself and do what's right for you.

It's scary, but you got this 💚

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1 hour ago, Zoyq said:

i want him to see me and feel bad when i leave him instead of breaking up over text

Horrible idea. He doesn't care. This will backfire and make you feel worse.

Leave him by text, and leave whatever stuff at his place as the price of your tuition. You will thank yourself later for doing the smartest thing today.

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31 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Horrible idea. He doesn't care. This will backfire and make you feel worse.

Leave him by text, and leave whatever stuff at his place as the price of your tuition. You will thank yourself later for doing the smartest thing today.

my mum isnt well either and she wants to see him before she gets worse as she has cancer i dont know what to do

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35 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

she wants to tell him to marry me and be happy as her last wishes

 Sorry this happened. Stop talking to him or his mother.

First see a physician about your mental and physical health. Ask for STD testing and reliable contraception. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Getting pregnant won't make a man who doesn't want to have a relationship with you marry you.

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15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Sorry this happened. Stop talking to him or his mother.

First see a physician about your mental and physical health. Ask for STD testing and reliable contraception. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Getting pregnant won't make a man who doesn't want to have a relationship with you marry you.

its true what your saying and its hard because my mother has cancer and i have no one to love me whilst she is like this.

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1 hour ago, Zoyq said:

my mum isnt well either and she wants to see him before she gets worse as she has cancer i dont know what to do

You can tell your mom that you broke up and that he's not a good man for you. If she wants you to be happy, she'll forget about him.

This is YOUR decision and YOU have to live with it. It's not your mom, his mom, or whoever.

If you care about yourself and want a better shot in finding love in life, dump him asap. Start going to hobbies, events, meetups and mingle with girls in your age range. You'll forget about him as you move on to better things in life. And, once your self esteem heals, you'll attract healthier men who will treat you right and make you feel special.

Stop putting excuses and wear your big girl pants on. Time to be an adult and look out for you.

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42 minutes ago, Zoyq said:

its true what your saying and its hard because my mother has cancer and i have no one to love me whilst she is like this.

How old are you? Do you live with your mother? Do you go to school or work? It's not fair to try to bring a child into the world to hang onto a man who you stated doesn't want a relationship. Where is your father? Do you have siblings or extended family such as cousins aunts and uncles.  Since you claim your ex BF was cheating, you'll need to see doctors and get tested for STDs.

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2 hours ago, Zoyq said:

its true what your saying and its hard because my mother has cancer and i have no one to love me whilst she is like this.

He doesn't love you in any relevant way -he might have loving feelings but his actions are not loving actions.  There are many support groups for people who have parents or relatives who have cancer.  I'm so sorry she is suffering.  Those people may not "love" you but you are likely to find emotional support and people who can relate to what you are experiencing.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  One of my cousins and dear dear friend passed away of cancer in 2004.  I was in a relationship but it was rocky.  I had support from friends and family.

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