Is he avoiding me?

[SadGirl01]

Hi everyone,

I would like to know your opinion. There's a man who's around 30 and I have a crush on him. He's very friendly, social and confident, but he started to act a little bit strangely when it comes to interacting with me. When we are talking, he acts like a shy guy. He doesn't look at me much, he looks down on the floor or to the sides and just glances at me sometimes. When he looks at me, his eyes are usually widened and his mouth is noticeably opened. He also sometimes plays with different things around him or with his socks which looks funny. When there are more people in the room, he chooses to talk to everyone rather than me and he almost pretends I'm not there. He is more friendly through online communication, but even in this case he sometimes is very nice and sends emojis and then a few hours later he acts as if I was bothering him. Once when I told him I'm gonna go to the place where he works, he told me that's good because we might meet each other, and when I actually reacted and told him I could visit him if I have time, he told me he's got much work. So initially he acted like he wanted to meet me and then he wanted to avoid me. I know he's got a girlfriend, so I try not to show my feelings for him, but it's quite hard. I even told him there's a man (which is true) who invited me to have a cup of coffee with him and I told him I'm not sure if I should go and he told me to give it a chance. That looks like he's not interested at all, but on the other hand, his signals are quite mixed which sometimes makes me feel like he might be hiding something, even though I know that I'm probably overthinking it. Could you give me your advice or just your opinion? I know I shouldn't approach him when he's taken, but I don't know how seriously he takes the relationship. He's the type of guy who likes to change girls a lot which is also the reason why I should run away from him, but I still kind of want to know if he might like me just to at least be sure that he doesn't so I can move on without thinking about it anymore. Sorry for my bad English. I'm not a native speaker.

[lostandhurt]

8 minutes ago, SadGirl01 said:

I know he's got a girlfriend,

This is all you need to know.  Regardless of how serious he takes his relationship he is in a relationship so don't do or say anything.  If it doesn't work out between them WITHOUT you inserting yourself then perhaps one day you could get to know each other better.

 He has a gf and thus feels guilty since he can tell you are into him.

Leave it be

Lost

[moodindigo91]

14 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

This is all you need to know.

yep 

[Cherylyn]

He's taken.  He hides behind his computer screen to communicate with you and in person, he's shy and avoids you.  Don't bother him.  If you see him in public, act natural, say "hello" and that's it.  Move on.  Leave him alone. 

[Kwothe28]

He has a girfriend, doesnt seem interested and even gave you green light to see other men. Guy who is interested in you in any way would never give you a green light for something like that if he wants to have anything with you. So, take that as his answer and move on.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, SadGirl01 said:

He also sometimes plays with different things around him or with his socks which looks funny. I know he's got a girlfriend

It sounds like is wondering which socks he pulled out of the drawer while he is listening to you talk.🧦 He has a GF, end of story..

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, SadGirl01 said:

He is more friendly through online communication, but even in this case he sometimes is very nice and sends emojis and then a few hours later he acts as if I was bothering him. Once when I told him I'm gonna go to the place where he works, he told me that's good because we might meet each other, and when I actually reacted and told him I could visit him if I have time, he told me he's got much work. So initially he acted like he wanted to meet me and then he wanted to avoid me. I know he's got a girlfriend, so I try not to show my feelings for him, but it's quite hard. I even told him there's a man (which is true) who invited me to have a cup of coffee with him and I told him I'm not sure if I should go and he told me to give it a chance. That looks like he's not interested at all, but on the other hand, his signals are quite mixed which sometimes makes me feel like he might be hiding something,

I'm not sure why any of this is going on ....

The guy has a gf.  WHY you'd even look twice or continue on this weird game, I have no idea 😕 . He is not interested & he is not hiding anything.  YOU know enough.

Stop playing with him.  Leave him be if you can't accept the fact he is NOT there for you.

[HeartGoesOn]

1 hour ago, SadGirl01 said:

I know I shouldn't approach him when he's taken, but I don't know how seriously he takes the relationship.

Not to sound harsh, but that's not any of your business.  No matter how you slice it, he has a girlfriend and is unavailable.

[SadGirl01]

Guys, you know what’s interesting? I wrote almost the same thing on another forum where I just didn’t add the sentence about gf. 90% of people there told me he’s into me. So, yeah, you are right I shouldn’t approach him, but you are also so judging. And one thing that made me laugh was how you’re making an angel out of him while I’m the bad one bothering him. He was cheating on his ex on every party and I’m pretty sure he does the same thing with his new gf who btw is his ex student and they started dating when she was still studying there. She’s freshly an adult. So, yeah, he clearly is the good guy and just I am the bad one. I’m not going to read this anymore. Yeah, I’m going to avoid him, but please stop being so judging if you don’t know anything about him. Thanks to those of you who actually wrote at least something helpful. Bye.

[smackie9]

Some guys will test their boundaries to see if they "still got it". I think this is the case here. 

[MissCanuck]

19 minutes ago, SadGirl01 said:

And one thing that made me laugh was how you’re making an angel out of him while I’m the bad one bothering him. He was cheating on his ex on every party and I’m pretty sure he does the same thing with his new gf who btw is his ex student and they started dating when she was still studying there. She’s freshly an adult. So, yeah, he clearly is the good guy and just I am the bad one.

What would that make you laugh?

You are the one deliberately leaving out context to apparently get the response you want to hear - for a guy who sounds like a complete tool. 

Joke's on you, girl. 

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, SadGirl01 said:

He was cheating on his ex on every party and I’m pretty sure he does the same thing with his new gf who btw is his ex student and they started dating when she was still studying there. She’s freshly an adult. 

Why have a crush on a sleazebag like this? Date outside of work.

[boltnrun]

35 minutes ago, SadGirl01 said:

Guys, you know what’s interesting? I wrote almost the same thing on another forum where I just didn’t add the sentence about gf. 90% of people there told me he’s into me. So, yeah, you are right I shouldn’t approach him, but you are also so judging. And one thing that made me laugh was how you’re making an angel out of him while I’m the bad one bothering him. He was cheating on his ex on every party and I’m pretty sure he does the same thing with his new gf who btw is his ex student and they started dating when she was still studying there. She’s freshly an adult. So, yeah, he clearly is the good guy and just I am the bad one. I’m not going to read this anymore. Yeah, I’m going to avoid him, but please stop being so judging if you don’t know anything about him. Thanks to those of you who actually wrote at least something helpful. Bye.

If all this is true why would you want to pursue something with him?

[moodindigo91]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

What would that make you laugh?

You are the one deliberately leaving out context to apparently get the response you want to hear - for a guy who sounds like a complete tool. 

Joke's on you, girl. 

Post the same post on the other forum with the line about him having a gf and see how the responses change lol. The fact that he has a gf and that you are married (I think) change the fact pattern completely, so of course you'd get different responses. No one is trying to be mean here IMO some people on this forum tend to think in terms of black and white unfortunately, but in cases where one person is already in a relationship or both people are in relationships with other people, generally, it's always a bad idea to get involved. At that point, you're roping 3rd parties into what will more likely than not become complicated drama that they didn't want or ask for and creating hurt for them that they don't deserve and may never recover from. It's bad form, unless all parties consent. That is just reality. 

[Wiseman2]

 

1 hour ago, SadGirl01 said:

 I wrote almost the same thing on another forum where I just didn’t add the sentence about gf. 90% of people there told me he’s into me. 

So you lied there to manipulate responses to hear what you want to hear which is he's madly secretly in love with you and thinks you're super hot?  You claim he's a skirt-chaser so what makes you want to believe that other than being a thirsty woman, there is some sort of connection?

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, SadGirl01 said:

Guys, you know what’s interesting? I wrote almost the same thing on another forum where I just didn’t add the sentence about gf. 90% of people there told me he’s into me.

So when you take out a crucial information, perception of people changes? Wow, scientists should know about that stuff, its really groundbreaking. 

Say that he has a girlfriend there. Pretty sure you would get the same answers as here.

Because its kinda important info you left out there lol

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, SadGirl01 said:

So, yeah, he clearly is the good guy and just I am the bad one.

The thing is he didn't come here asking what he should do to pursue an attached person you did. 

And yes you feel judged because you were contemplating helping this guy cheat once again.

Tell us again why you want this guy in your life?  He sounds horrible

Lost

[catfeeder]

I guess the main question is what you'd find attractive about anyone who'd be willing to be disloyal to a GF? Even if you could'win' such a guy, how long would you trust that you're not the next loser?

Is that how you want to live?

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, moodindigo91 said:

Post the same post on the other forum with the line about him having a gf and see how the responses change lol.

Well, yeah. That's what happens when you manipulate the story to get the answers you want. 

Why bother? 

This guy sounds like a clown. Raise your standards and move on. 

[Jaunty]

11 hours ago, SadGirl01 said:

When we are talking, he acts like a shy guy. He doesn't look at me much, he looks down on the floor or to the sides and just glances at me sometimes. When he looks at me, his eyes are usually widened and his mouth is noticeably opened. He also sometimes plays with different things around him or with his socks which looks funny. When there are more people in the room, he chooses to talk to everyone rather than me and he almost pretends I'm not there. 

Seriously, you posted this on a forum where 90% of people said that it proves he's "INTO" you?  The best advice I have for you is to never post on that forum again.  

It sounds  to me as if he's looking at you with alarm and is anxiously trying to avoid you.  Whether he has a girlfriend or not, these are not auspicious signs. 

[DarkCh0c0]

10 hours ago, SadGirl01 said:

Guys, you know what’s interesting? I wrote almost the same thing on another forum where I just didn’t add the sentence about gf.

Despicable. Are you writing here for "research"?