Being ignored

[Jade Carter]

 I have been talking to this guy very heavily on and off. He lives in another country so distance has factored us into never really developing a relationship although he isn’t that far but, we both work full time jobs which doesn’t leave us with much free time. He brought up a concert he was going to in my area and asked if it was okay to see me when he goes with his male friend who was buying both of their tickets. He texted me about a week later that he was unable to go because of the spike in ticket prices. I am not a fan of this artist but, I took the initiative and bought tickets for both of us and surprised him. I texted him and he couldn’t believe I did it. He said we would call later that day and talk more about it. He hasn’t called me or answered my text in two days yet is active on his phone.  Do I give him more time and then reach out again? I’m tempted to resell my tickets without warning if he doesn’t answer by Monday.

[Alex39]

I think you over invested too fast and you scared him off. Buying concert tickets is a girlfriend move. I scared a guy off with the same thing once and it was horrible. 

You sort of cornered him into a date night with concert tickets, it seems. I think he's scared off. 

The right guy will never be scared off from you. The right guy will follow through, want to see you, and will call when he says and do what he says. 

Let this one go. Go to the concert with a best friend and have the time of your life. He had his chance and he blew it. 

If he contacts you closer to it, be honest- hey I never heard from you so I asked someone else to go. That's the truth. If he's hurt by it, he isn't the right guy. He had his chance. A real man grabs it. 

[junebug123]

It’s hard to tell the true intention of his reason for not purchasing the tickets. So what they spiked, by how much 100-200 dollars? It seems like a lame reason for blowing off the date. 

Then you went ahead and just bought them yourself, how expensive could they have been? It seems like he wasn’t being honest and could have either just changed his mind at the last second or decided to take someone else. 

If anything his reaction to you saying you purchased the tickets seems off. He should have been relieved not surprised. I don’t think he expected you to do that and now is at loss for how to respond. If it were me, I would reach out one more time before just reselling it, hoping it wasn’t a mistake. 

Only then will you know the real reason.

[Cherylyn]

He ignored you.  Ignore him back.  Resell the tickets or go with a friend to the concert if you'd like.  Since you're not a fan, I'd resell the tickets. 

LDR (long distance relationships) usually will not endure for obvious reasons.  Best for you to date someone local. 

Should he contact you, politely tell him that it's best to go your separate ways and be done with it. 

[Jade Carter]

9 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

It’s hard to tell the true intention of his reason for not purchasing the tickets. So what they spiked, by how much 100-200 dollars? It seems like a lame reason for blowing off the date. 

Then you went ahead and just bought them yourself, how expensive could they have been? It seems like he wasn’t being honest and could have either just changed his mind at the last second or decided to take someone else. 

If anything his reaction to you saying you purchased the tickets seems off. He should have been relieved not surprised. I don’t think he expected you to do that and now is at loss for how to respond. If it were me, I would reach out one more time before just reselling it, hoping it wasn’t a mistake. 

Only then will you know the real reason.

I plan on reaching out tomorrow if I have no response. The tickets were 400 usd the ones he was looking at and he lives in Canada which makes it a tad bit pricier. Its a Morgan wallen concert and he isn’t that popular that his ticket prices should be so high but, he had said he waited to buy so what was left was scalper prices and not the original face value. 

[Rose Mosse]

Have you thought about it from his point of view that now he may feel indebted to you for 400 USD? He doesn't know you that well either and you could just as well demand the money or assume that the next tickets are on him if he does go to the concert with you. 

See whether you can get a hold of him tomorrow. I do hope you're able to meet with him but also try not to do this again as it's too much too soon. Be wary of long distance relationships as well. If you're looking for something more down to earth or able to blossom into something long term/more meaningful, it'll may be difficult to see each other often. 

[Jade Carter]

6 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Have you thought about it from his point of view that now he may feel indebted to you for 400 USD? He doesn't know you that well either and you could just as well demand the money or assume that the next tickets are on him if he does go to the concert with you. 

See whether you can get a hold of him tomorrow. I do hope you're able to meet with him but also try not to do this again as it's too much too soon. Be wary of long distance relationships as well. If you're looking for something more down to earth or able to blossom into something long term/more meaningful, it'll may be difficult to see each other often. 

I have thought of that perspective. I plan on assuring him my attentions were pure and I expect nothing from him whatsoever. I hope he knows me well enough not to think otherwise. I’ll reply back once we communicate! 

[boltnrun]

36 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

So what they spiked, by how much 100-200 dollars? It seems like a lame reason for blowing off the date. 

Then you went ahead and just bought them yourself, how expensive could they have been? It seems like he wasn’t being honest and could have either just changed his mind at the last second or decided to take someone else. 

I got the impression they weren't originally supposed to go together, but rather he had planned to go with one of his friends.  Then when the tickets went up in price he decided not to go after all, then the OP took it upon herself to buy tickets for herself and for him to make it a date.

1 hour ago, Jade Carter said:

He brought up a concert he was going to in my area and asked if it was okay to see me when he goes with his male friend who was buying both of their tickets.

He's likely feeling awkward due to not being able to afford the tickets and then you jumping in and buying them.  He's beholden to someone he doesn't really know and that could be making him uncomfortable.

I used to date a man who had very "traditional" viewpoints regarding men and women's roles.  I offered to treat him to breakfast out one time because he was always paying, and he declined in a kind of abrupt manner.  I asked him if he was offended because he thought I was implying he couldn't afford to take me out to breakfast.  He said yes, that it did bother him and yes, he did think I was implying he didn't have the money.  So it could be something like that too.

If he doesn't respond I'd either sell the tickets or go with a friend.

[Jade Carter]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

I got the impression they weren't originally supposed to go together, but rather he had planned to go with one of his friends.  Then when the tickets went up in price he decided not to go after all, then the OP took it upon herself to buy tickets for herself and for him to make it a date.

He's likely feeling awkward due to not being able to afford the tickets and then you jumping in and buying them.  He's beholden to someone he doesn't really know and that could be making him uncomfortable.

I used to date a man who had very "traditional" viewpoints regarding men and women's roles.  I offered to treat him to breakfast out one time because he was always paying, and he declined in a kind of abrupt manner.  I asked him if he was offended because he thought I was implying he couldn't afford to take me out to breakfast.  He said yes, that it did bother him and yes, he did think I was implying he didn't have the money.  So it could be something like that too.

If he doesn't respond I'd either sell the tickets or go with a friend.

He had wanted to stop by and see me when he was planning to go to the concert. I’m not really a fan of Morgan wallen but, I wanted to spend time with him while he was in the area so I had offered to go. I can completely understand that he would feel uncomfy or frightened although, I wish he would be upfront about it. We’ve known each other for about two years now. 

[Rose Mosse]

31 minutes ago, Jade Carter said:

We’ve known each other for about two years now. 

Are either of you married or in relationships? Why chat heavily with a man for two years? Plenty of people work full time and full lives, also juggling relationships in person. I’d be wary at this point and rethink this chat situation. 

[melancholy123]

Either sell the tickets or go with a friend.  I'd forget about this guy and find someone locally.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Jade Carter said:

 I have been talking to this guy very heavily on and off. He lives in another country 

You never met? At this point you don't know if he's catfishing, married,or whatever.

Use the tickets to go with a friend.

Delete and block whoever this is.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local real life men in person.

Don't get wrapped up in cyberfantasy.

[Capricorn3]

Me thinks the dude is married.

[DarkCh0c0]

Uhhh you never met the guy. You have no idea if you would like him or not irl, and yet you bought him 400USD worth concert tickets?

I'm sorry. He's not that into you. He wasn't even planning on going with you, yet you acted so desperate and bought yourself a ticket. And yes, he wanted to meet you, but who knows if it was going to materialize and if it wasn't going to be a one night stand for him.

If he disappears by tomorrow, sell them or go with a friend. Please date locally. Ldr is just a virtual relationship... It only exists electronically. You have no idea if you have chemistry, if you are physically attracted to each other, if you like his mannerism, if you mesh, if he makes efforts... Nothing. You have to date locally and get yourself a real man. Is there a reason you are not?

[poorlittlefish]

Chalk this up to experience and resolve to never again spend money on someone you've never met.  He's only interested in you when you're on the other end of a device.  The first opportunity you had to meet and he bailed - that should tell you everything you need to know.

[MissCanuck]

Resell the tickets. 

Personally, I think it was too much, OP. You don't actually know the man. Yes, you've talked, but it appears you have never met. Spending that much on tickets was overboard. 

The fact that he's been ignoirng you for two days is your cue that he doesn't really want to go and doesn't have the stones to tell you.

6 hours ago, Jade Carter said:

Do I give him more time and then reach out again?

More time... for what, exactly? He knows where you are. He knows you have spent a lot of money for this. He doesn't need to be reminded that you exist and are hoping to hear from him. Thus, I don't see the point in reaching out. His actions are saying loudly and clearly that he's not into this the way you are. 

[boltnrun]

13 hours ago, Jade Carter said:

We’ve known each other for about two years now. 

No, you've communicated over electronic devices for about two years now.  That is not knowing someone.

I would sell the tickets if you're not truly interested in seeing this musician.

[Batya33]

On 5/29/2022 at 2:28 AM, DarkCh0c0 said:

Uhhh you never met the guy. You have no idea if you would like him or not irl, and yet you bought him 400USD worth concert tickets?

I felt the same.

[smackie9]

You are way overly invested in someone whom you talk to on and off over the net and not even in a real relationship with. I get it, the fantasy/attention feels good in the moment when it's there, but you are making yourself too vulnerable emotionally, which is leading you to do silly stuff like spend 400 bucks on tickets. Give your head a shake, sell the tickets and ditch this guy once and for all. Find/date someone locally.

[Jaunty]

His original proposal was that he would stop by and see you when he was already planning to be close by.  I'm assuming he would have been with his friend, with whom he was supposed to attend the concert.   

Frankly, if he lives close enough to you to consider attending a concert near your home, he definitely would have planned a visit with you over the past two years - if he were very interested in meeting you.  

He also could have chosen to invite you to the concert.  He didn't do these things.

It makes sense to me that he would be pretty flustered by a sudden very expensive date with you.  Definitely would make a guy feel like he was getting into a relationship, which from what you've described he's never shown any interest in doing.

Move on from this waste of your time, unless your "on and off" correspondence is actually worthwhile to you.  

 

[JoyfulCompany]

OP, your intentions were pure, I know, but you have something to learn here as you move on.

First, making grand gestures towards someone you're not in an exclusive and committed relationship with is way too much, way too soon. Investing that much may send the signal you're trying to buy time/attention/love, even if that's not your intention. It also puts the other person in an uncomfortable position - now they need to be super grateful and excited about something they didn't ask for.

Second, even if you were seriously involved, it may still come off as clingy or even controlling.
The original plan of the guy has been to go with a friend and hopefully see you - that was the arrangement done on his terms. Mostly "time spent with a friend at a concert" and something casual with you on the side.
But then you go and buy tickets for you and him, which totally changes the essence of the arrangement. Now it's "you and him at a concert, exclusively". Remove the friend, insert yourself - you buy on your terms. And for a concert you don't even want to go. It may come off as quite clingy and disrespectful.

So, again, I know you didn't mean it this way and were just excited to meet but it shows you may have the tendency to overinvest in people who haven't made enough effort to deserve it. You may be setting yourself up for others to stomp all over you, ignore you, neglect you because they lose respect for you. Seek better balance between giving and receiving.

As to the guy - I think there's no point to try to reach out to him again. Either scared, or not that interested in the first place, I think he has shown you that ship has sailed. Not in the most mature way either. Resell the tickets and forget about him. Turn your attention to yourself and to communication that can easily develop offline. Good luck, girl.