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Everything posted by junebug123

  1. I'm going to look into this. One of my female friends that I actually have a healthy friendship with explained to me this theory of detachment. Basically the concept is that I can still be around people, just not looking to feel fulfilled with their company. Like having my feelings not dictate my behaviors, and I realized that was what had been causing me pain the most. I would be feeling lonely and bored and using the platform to sort of not deal with this feelings or using my relationships to avoid those feelings. Then it would lead me to keep seeking out the platform or the person more
  2. I posted in cyber relationships a month back about how I fell very deep into this online situation with a girl 15 years my junior. Looking back at it now, I am realizing how I ignored so many red flags from the start and allowed my savior complex, coupled with my co-dependency issues to allow the situation to stew for much much longer then it needed to. In retrospect, I've probably been in the situation before without even realizing it and somehow blamed this individual for all of my issues feeling that somehow I had been wronged; when in fact they were just a catalyst for my pathologies.
  3. Alright thanks brother. I’m going to try this moving forward. Much love and thanks for the support.
  4. I feel like it’s hard to secure a relationship with a girl when sex isn’t involved. The faster I have it, the safer I feel and the more comfortable I feel around the person. Sometimes I don’t like to invest too much energy in dating someone who might not be into me romantically. This has happened to me a lot in the past, and it traumatizing to me every time I know a girl is dating several people at once. I hate having to compete for attention and if turning it physical means there’s less competition for me down the road, then I feel compelled to go there. I realize what your saying o
  5. Usually I dump them because I get invested too early in the relationship and I feel it’s not reciprocated. I think I’m just co-dependent and no one can meet my emotional needs except for other co-dependent people. The ones that dumped me I fall the hardest for, in this online situation I dumped the girl then regretted it. But looking back I realize it could never work because she was too needy and I couldn’t handle that. My first real sexual relationship was with a women who was 9 years my senior and had an extremely high libido. Of course I was a horny guy at 20 and went along with
  6. Yeah, I don’t know why people didn’t mention this earlier but I think your spending too much time worrying about this girl. Just ask her out and see what her response is. Your just speculating too much and that’s a waste of energy. Like your 25 and you have a job, why not just go to a bar and hit on girls. Sure you’ll get rejected a lot, but you’ll get better at talking to girls and I think that’s your problem. Your like literally scared to talk to girls and actually they aren’t all that bad. Worse case scenario they turn you down and gossip about you and people forget about it in like a
  7. I posted here a while ago when I fell very heavy for some girl a few states away from me. At some point I tried posting here again but then I abstained from it entirely. My life is sort of back where it was before I took this month long back from programming and studying. Applying for jobs, doing interviews, studying DS algos. Basically a lot of hours in front of computers and books. Recently, I’ve been hanging out with my friend more and going to the gym a lot. I think I was getting really depressed from having been isolated for so long especially after tearing my quad muscle and t
  8. I kind of have to agree with this here. If your the type of person who needs someone in their life to feel fulfilled then probably you are a clinger and not realizing it. I've noticed that when I date older women, they are generally more serious about what they want and are more willing to invest in the relationship early on and throughout. Sometimes, when women pull away it can be because they could be dating other people on the side or have an active social life. Forcing them to choose between that and you is a difficult thing for many of them to do, especially if they are attract
  9. You were right about everything you said, from the first day. I feel stupid not believing you. I know this sounds really immature but I eventually got her to block me. I didn’t want to do that but it just became a compulsion constantly checking the means of communication, deleting it, worrying, reinstalling, etc. I spoke to my best friend about the situation and even he said that he wished that she wouldn’t contact me anymore. Yesterday I felt like killing myself because I was hurting so bad. But recently, I’ve been going to the gym, playing more handball, and trying to feel b
  10. Eventually I checked my discord to see her reply. But I didn’t respond. I’m already starting to feel better like last time when I pulled away. I guess it is just hard because we were both part of this online thing and she kept reaching out to me. I don’t know how I got sucked back in but I don’t think she really cares about me at all. I think her ego was bruised and she just wanted my attention. Its just, even thou I can go back to feeling normal, I don’t think that has done anything for me. I’m just running away from the feelings that come up every time I meet and date women.
  11. Okay. Here’s what I gathered based on what you said. My attraction to this individual is not healthy. If it was healthy, then I wouldn’t be feeling this way, I wouldn’t have these worries. This is someone who isn’t healthy and I shouldn’t associate with them. Okay, so I think if I accept that, then going no contact will not be difficult. Yet, I think the problem is that even if I accept that, I think my emotions are overruling the logic. I don’t think I’ve disagreed with you guys at all. I’m just telling you that I can’t control my emotions and they are causing me to behave in a way
  12. Okay. Maybe you have a point here. Let me think on this.
  13. It would be the first night tonight that we didn’t talk. I can’t stop thinking about her my mind is just raging right now, the amount of times that my mind wanders to wondering if she has reached out is about 3-4 times every hour and will probably increase to 6-7 as midnight passes. Mostly likely I won’t get any sleep and if I’m lucky it might be able not to indulge in reaching out or wondering if she’s replied by 3 or 4 am but the most I’ve ever made it was until 2am and then she would comfort me. We both have serious issues, we usually just leave the phone on and listen to each oth
  14. Your annoying anyways, and pushy. More so then any other poster I met on this cite. Your just seeking negative attention when you make a reply like that. No one asked you to reply to this thread anyways, Jesus I though I was toxic but you just opened my eyes. Can we close this thread too. I’m done posting on this cite for a while every time I do I have to encounter people like this. Makes me so sick to my stomach.
  15. Okay. Block her and then what. How do I move on with my life. I would probably have to cry to like a therapist for like weeks to get over her and I don’t feel like spending money to do that. Ive tried blocking her before but then my anxiety starts kicking in and I start worrying about her like crazy. Part of me thinks this is why she has such a strong pull on me. She has put so many small signals forward to make me feel like a savior. Part of me knows she’s just manipulating me and that she engages in this behavior with others to trap them. However, it’s effective and it works and I
  16. Let me think on this. I think you hit on something here. Maybe that’s what’s going on and I don’t realize this.
  17. I have a friend whose also a guy. One day we were talking and I asked him if he still remains friends after a breakup. I told him I’m not the type of person to be able to do that because it just hurts me too much. He told me that he does, and he can move on and he isn’t attracted to people who treat him badly. Sometimes I think this is my problem, like I don’t know why my attractive level peaks for women who neglect me. I want to prove to myself that I can be an adult and if I can handle this online friendship that somehow that can transition into me developing healthier relationship
  18. I posted in here before about meeting this person online and how I developed really strong feelings in a short period of time. I basically ignored everyone’s advice even thou they were all spot on about the right thing to do in the situation and kept talking to her anyways. I talk to her every night. I think I finally figured out that she uses sexting to keep men interested in her because she is lonely and afraid. I never realized this before, but I have been learning a lot about myself by talking to this girl. I guess I never knew that women did that type of stuff. Also, I told
  19. I think you guys are right. I’m just looking like a desperate old fool.
  20. Hollyj, you think I don't know I'm co-dependent, of course I know this. Like whatever is happening now with this virtual relationship is the same thing that happens to me in every freaking relationship. I've literally been on a short fuse for like the past 2 weeks and my work is suffering because of the feelings that have been coming up for me. Secretly, I want her to be just using me and not care, and making up the bit about her parents because who would want to move in with someone they met online for less then a week. Of course I would love that, so I wouldn't have to deal with these f
  21. I plan to do that. She only has like 1 day a week off, she works a lot. So, I want to find a time when she has more time off and preferably when flights are cheaper like not on the weekend. Yes, I can travel in my own country. I think we will go on dates, its not like I have anything to prove to you guys here. I'm just sharing my fears and worries that's all. Also, I will go as far to agree with some of the posters here that say I am infatuated. At night I start to get really bad anxiety if I don't talk to her and I spent a lot of time thinking of those chats we have or will have. There's
  22. 2-4 hours on a plane. 12 in a car. You asked me how would my friends and family see the situation. If they loved me they would accept it and learn to love her as well. What you would say to someone who thinks they met their soulmate in some random online chat? All jokes aside, I’m not really in the frame of mind to tell the difference between what seems logical or not. I’ve literally been burying my issues with work for the past 3-4 years and I always pray that one day it will be all worth it. There’s a part of me that thinks that I will eventually understand everything you are sayin
  23. You’d be surprised how much I used that old name for different accounts, the nature of this discussion forced me to change it.
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