Distances

[BeaTlesFan77]

Just curious. When everyone is not online dating and meeting people in real life, are you able to go to activities or places that are relatively close to your home or do you have to travel a ways?  In other words, do you live in the city where everything is close or are you in the suburbs where there isn’t much to do?

[mylolita]

Evening!

 

Small coastal town, small population. No huge supermarket here even, but plenty of things to do! Lots of independent shops, cafes - few ocean front restaurants. 
 

If I need to go anywhere to get anything serious, like some serious shopping or a large food shop, I drive 15 minutes out. If I wanted to go to a shopping centre or mall or somewhere to buy clothes that aren’t made locally it would be a half hour drive. It doesn’t bother me at all. I could technically get everything I needed at the smaller independent food places but it’s very expensive. There is online as well of course!
 

It’s big enough to have a small library only a 10 minute walk from our house which, I love. I need a library where I live! A library is like my church! 
 

Moved here since November, really liking it up to now. Everyone has been so welcoming and inclusive! We are renovating a period property, hopefully moving in within the next few months if the structural engineer and the architect and the builders and the plumber and the electricians can all get along! 🤣

 

c

[reinventmyself]

I can throw a rock and find something to do where it lands.

[Batya33]

42 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Just curious. When everyone is not online dating and meeting people in real life, are you able to go to activities or places that are relatively close to your home or do you have to travel a ways?  In other words, do you live in the city where everything is close or are you in the suburbs where there isn’t much to do?

I moved 9 miles from my parents' home in order to be in the middle of the major city because I'd finished grad school -yes I lived in my parents' home till I was done -I was 28 - and I wanted to live right near work and where all the singles lived even though it was only about 20-30 minutes by public transportation.  My friends who lived in the suburbs as singles were often at a great disadvantage.  For 15 years I was able to walk to work and didn't have to worry about how to go out late at night in the city. I worked crazy hours so I would have missed out on many events, activities, parties, gatherings had I had to commute or spend lots of $$$ on a taxi.

As a married mom we live in the city -but not the same city we grew up in. I finally have a drivers license but I don't drive.  We're walking distance from all major cultural activities and especially before covid I took advantage of all of them and my son has been exposed on a regular basis to all of them.  It's great.

[bluecastle]

I live in a gigantic, sprawling metropolis, so it's a bit of both. Plenty to do outside my door to occupy a lifetime, but also plenty that requires some driving—other hoods, the beach, the mountains—based on distances and traffic. 

[Kwothe28]

Small town, but in town center where everything is. I have a Farmers Market, shops, apothecary, supermarkets, all in close vicinity. So much that until recently I felt no real need for a car. Even events are generally there. More folk ones, less rock ones, but we were pretty diverse and still are with music. Miss better movie theater but town not so far has really great one if I want to go(leather big seats, tortilla chips with cheese dip, whole experience lol). For a very big events I would have to go to capital(Iron Maiden is in May for example). But its OK in general. 

[mylolita]

I guess it’s what you value and what you want from life isn’t it Beatles!

 

We wanted, fresh air, the cliffs coast and woods are only a 4 minute walk from our house. Only one small school. Everyone knows everyone. We are actually thinking of homeschooling maybe and it‘s a perfect little place for that, I would say, very outdoorsy! Has a big hippie vibe to some of it! Loads of yoga classes and beach yoga and yoga yoga beach sand yoga 🤪🤣 Everyone’s jogging along the coast on a morning, or running through the woods. All the walkers come here for the cliff walks.

 

Old fashioned buildings, lots of parks, few formal gardens, allotments, things like that. Close knit community. I have only been here 6 months and I walk out and know and get said hi and stopped by what feels like half the people here!

 

You have to be where is right for you! Everyone has different needs don’t they! 
 

Are you currently living where you want to be?

 

x

[mylolita]

Ever seen Top Gun? 
 

Do you know the little beach house the love interest lives in in the movie? All breezy billowy linen curtains, cream gauzey couches, plants, wicker table? All the wooden shutters and the flooding light in that little house right onto the ocean front?

 

I just love the idea of that house! 
 

x

[boltnrun]

I live downtown in an amazing, diverse city. I can walk to the beach and to any number of shops, restaurants, parks, museums, recreation places and bars. There's an outlet mall a 10 minute walk away. Or if I want to drive I can get to just about anything you can imagine, all within an hour or two.

I really love where I live.

[greendots]

City life. Shops, drugstores, bookshops, coffee shops and other essential services / businesses are all in walking distance. There are also awesome theatres, concert venues, museums and whatnot across the city. You've got to drive for a bit if you want to hang out at the countryside or swim at the beach.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Good evening!  Thank you for all of your responses.  Sounds like you all live in some great places with a lot to do nearby.  Especially those of you who are in walking distance to a lot of things.  Would you say that living in those areas helped out with your social life? 

I live in the desert suburbs myself and my apartment complex is a mixed bag.  All age groups, however it seems like there are more couples.  The housing developments around me are more family oriented.  So it's been somewhat difficult to meet people around here.  About 5 minutes from me there are some shopping centers with restaurants, coffee shops, bars, and a movie theater.  However, most of the time I see either couples, families, or high school and college kids.  So again, difficult to meet potential dates in my age bracket (30s to 40s).  The city experience for me is about a 30 to 40 minute drive.  Multiple universities have purchased and built a lot of buildings around there.  Making it feel like a college town depending on where you go.  Around the concert venues and sports stadiums it's more of a diverse age crowd.  So basically I have to travel to different areas depending on what I'm looking for since everything is so spread out. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

I guess it’s what you value and what you want from life isn’t it Beatles!

 

We wanted, fresh air, the cliffs coast and woods are only a 4 minute walk from our house. Only one small school. Everyone knows everyone. We are actually thinking of homeschooling maybe and it‘s a perfect little place for that, I would say, very outdoorsy! Has a big hippie vibe to some of it! Loads of yoga classes and beach yoga and yoga yoga beach sand yoga 🤪🤣 Everyone’s jogging along the coast on a morning, or running through the woods. All the walkers come here for the cliff walks.

 

Old fashioned buildings, lots of parks, few formal gardens, allotments, things like that. Close knit community. I have only been here 6 months and I walk out and know and get said hi and stopped by what feels like half the people here!

 

You have to be where is right for you! Everyone has different needs don’t they! 
 

Are you currently living where you want to be?

 

x

As far as the cost of living, being a few minutes from family, having freeways nearby in a centralized location, and it being quiet, I would say I'm happy where I am now. 

[smackie9]

16 hours ago, bluecastle said:

I live in a gigantic, sprawling metropolis, so it's a bit of both. Plenty to do outside my door to occupy a lifetime, but also plenty that requires some driving—other hoods, the beach, the mountains—based on distances and traffic. 

I'm the same. The burbs, city life is mixed. I'm surrounded by several cities within a 10 to 20 min drive. The mountains, the beaches, parks, hiking, camping, skiing, fishing boating, golfing, bars/shopping is like a 2 min to 30-45 min drive. The Lower Mainland BC is an amazing place to live. 

[bluecastle]

10 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Would you say that living in those areas helped out with your social life? 

A bit, though my city is famed for its car culture and general sense of isolation, despite the density. But we've got great neighbors who've become great friends. 

[Rose Mosse]

It sounds like what you're looking for is a sense of community. That can be found anywhere, whether cities or suburbs if you're interested in the history or area.

I usually find myself thinking about the geology/geography of a landscape and that seems to lead me down some interesting paths (hiking, exploring and finding hidden gems and smaller local communities). Over time you make friends with other locals and that's when you find your sense of community. I don't go to bars and pubs or movie theaters to look for people to talk to as those things don't interest me. You have to find what interests you. 

[greendots]

14 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Would you say that living in those areas helped out with your social life? 

My age bracket is late 30s, early 40's. Due to the pandemic, I don't think living here made a huge difference in my social life. But it's easier to meet friends who live in nearby suburbs.

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 4/29/2022 at 8:07 AM, Rose Mosse said:

It sounds like what you're looking for is a sense of community. That can be found anywhere, whether cities or suburbs if you're interested in the history or area.

I usually find myself thinking about the geology/geography of a landscape and that seems to lead me down some interesting paths (hiking, exploring and finding hidden gems and smaller local communities). Over time you make friends with other locals and that's when you find your sense of community. I don't go to bars and pubs or movie theaters to look for people to talk to as those things don't interest me. You have to find what interests you. 

I think you nailed it on the head. Where I live now I don’t feel that sense of community. From what I’ve seen, most of the neighbors around here don’t interact with each other. As far as ‘my people’ would go, I would have to move over to the other side of the valley which would cost a lot more to live. As far as hobbies and interests go. 

[waffle]

On 4/28/2022 at 5:35 PM, beatlesfan77 said:

. . . are you in the suburbs where there isn’t much to do?

I'm in the suburbs and there's plenty to do.

[Batya33]

49 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I think you nailed it on the head. Where I live now I don’t feel that sense of community. From what I’ve seen, most of the neighbors around here don’t interact with each other. As far as ‘my people’ would go, I would have to move over to the other side of the valley which would cost a lot more to live. As far as hobbies and interests go. 

So when I was single I lived in a huge city but in a highrise where I did know certain of my neighbors (and am still in touch with a few of them almost 20 years later) and I also had a community based on my religious faith.  I was surrounded by other single professionals.  I had a very active social life starting at age 12 or so for about 30 years since I lived right outside the city until I moved into the city in my late 20s. 

There was plenty to do and I did mostly typical social stuff -dinners, parties, going out dancing, lots of cultural stuff - theater, opera, theater-related parties and I was friendly with theater people through my then boyfriend so a lot of art events based on that.  Plus women's networking groups and a book club and volunteer work.  A couple of dance lessons thrown in lol. And religious activities geared to singles.  No driving required ever.  Rarely needed a taxi either.  Walking and public transportation.  

Ironically because I'm slightly allergic to suburbs, where I live now as a married mom I do not have a community in that sense.

[Rose Mosse]

On 4/30/2022 at 12:49 PM, beatlesfan77 said:

I think you nailed it on the head. Where I live now I don’t feel that sense of community. From what I’ve seen, most of the neighbors around here don’t interact with each other. As far as ‘my people’ would go, I would have to move over to the other side of the valley which would cost a lot more to live. As far as hobbies and interests go. 

Do you drive? I would probably be depressed if I didn't drive. I take a lot in from the countryside and surrounding neighbourhoods, sometimes going 2-6 hours out of the way to be in the places I want to be. I think of it more like a spider network of relationships and ties built up over some years, many of them lasting longer than my marriage or previous relationships. I have a good relationship with my neighbours but like to keep my distance. I feel connected to the land quite a lot so my feeling of community is tied to the land, local farmers and produce, local businesses and supporting local businesses wherever I can. Those interests also fulfill a need which is feeling more connected to the land and the people working it and so I feel a strong sense of community. 

I'm not sure if I'm answering your question properly from a personal standpoint but anyway I think it's good to think about what makes you happy and what you enjoy doing the most.

 

[mylolita]

Beatles!

 

I was also thinking, it so depends on yo personality where you beat are suited.

 

I read an article a few days ago and it hit me! If you are sensitive, emotional, maybe even an empath, or empathetic type of romantic soul, big cities overwhelm you and make you feel disconnected and lonely and claustrophobic. I can’t remember where I read it now, but where you choose to live and thrive probably says a lot about your own specific needs and personality. You want a good fit for you, ideally! I know people have to go where is best for their children and work and price ranges as well which limits people but, as close as you can to what makes you feel nice and relaxed and… at home 🥰

 

x

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Do you drive? I would probably be depressed if I didn't drive. I take a lot in from the countryside and surrounding neighbourhoods, sometimes going 2-6 hours out of the way to be in the places I want to be.

I would be really unhappy living in any place where I had to drive.  I never have thank goodness.  I am great with public transportation and walking long distances and I too love exploring and also traveling.  I've never related to the typical comments that refer to a driving lifestyle like "oh it's just a two minute drive to the store" or "I know a great salon just down the road!" - but the person means 3 miles "down the road by car".  Likewise people who get around by driving places don't relate to me thinking it's no biggie to walk to all shopping -typically 1-1.5 miles round trip or to check how to get around by public transportation when I travel.  

[mylolita]

49 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would be really unhappy living in any place where I had to drive.  I never have thank goodness.  I am great with public transportation and walking long distances and I too love exploring and also traveling.  I've never related to the typical comments that refer to a driving lifestyle like "oh it's just a two minute drive to the store" or "I know a great salon just down the road!" - but the person means 3 miles "down the road by car".  Likewise people who get around by driving places don't relate to me thinking it's no biggie to walk to all shopping -typically 1-1.5 miles round trip or to check how to get around by public transportation when I travel.  

Batya we are at opposite ends of the spectrum here!

 

I am someone who takes drives for fun, late late at night into the early morning! When I didn’t have kids sometimes I would wake up and just be like, I’m going to Edinburgh today, and I’d drive 4 hours and think nothing of it, stay the day, then drive back. Scotland is technically even a different country here in England!

 

Love cars, big petrol head - my ideal car would be an American muscle car! Loved owning a luxury sports car only a year back before the third bambino came along and it got totally impractical. Would do rally driving, race track hire for the day. 
 

Adrenaline junkie and driving obsessed! But where we live it’s a 3 minute walk to the supermarket so I don’t technically have to drive anywhere but I’m a bit like @Rose Mosse- if I couldn’t drive, or didn’t drive, I would personally feel like my wings had been clipped.

 

But I realise public transport is really great in some places. We live a 5 minute walk from a train station as well so there is no excuse if you don’t want to drive where we live but, I guess you just get used to travelling in your own private space in a way, it makes it hard for people to go back to public once they have got into that mode I guess. 
 

There is something therapeutic and romantic about travelling by train though, especially really early in the morning, I will admit. I used to ditch college to catch the train to go shopping and I would listen to music or listen to other peoples conversations and it was my most favourite, perfect part of my day, at 17, for sure.

 

x

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

Batya we are at opposite ends of the spectrum here!

 

I am someone who takes drives for fun, late late at night into the early morning! When I didn’t have kids sometimes I would wake up and just be like, I’m going to Edinburgh today, and I’d drive 4 hours and think nothing of it, stay the day, then drive back. Scotland is technically even a different country here in England!

 

Love cars, big petrol head - my ideal car would be an American muscle car! Loved owning a luxury sports car only a year back before the third bambino came along and it got totally impractical. Would do rally driving, race track hire for the day. 
 

Adrenaline junkie and driving obsessed! But where we live it’s a 3 minute walk to the supermarket so I don’t technically have to drive anywhere but I’m a bit like @Rose Mosse- if I couldn’t drive, or didn’t drive, I would personally feel like my wings had been clipped.

 

But I realise public transport is really great in some places. We live a 5 minute walk from a train station as well so there is no excuse if you don’t want to drive where we live but, I guess you just get used to travelling in your own private space in a way, it makes it hard for people to go back to public once they have got into that mode I guess. 
 

There is something therapeutic and romantic about travelling by train though, especially really early in the morning, I will admit. I used to ditch college to catch the train to go shopping and I would listen to music or listen to other peoples conversations and it was my most favourite, perfect part of my day, at 17, for sure.

 

x

I mostly dislike being in cars.  I do have a license and I last drove a couple of years ago - only twice without my husband in the car around the block.  I go months without being in a car. My area is really congested with crazy drivers so I have no desire to drive. I did enjoy the suburban driving I did when I was getting my license and after. I found it very slightly fun at times. 

 I don't relate to your comparison of not wanting to "go back" to public transport - I don't enjoy being in cars, I do enjoy that especially if it's by train I don't have to worry about traffic -I used to take my son home from karate by train.  Three minute ride during rush hour and we got to see the mob of cars and traffic jams on the highway from the window of the train as we sped along.  I loved knowing how much time and stress we were saving!  I don't relate to needing a "private space" to travel in.  When I walk alone I typically have headphones in and I can sort of stay in my head.  On a bus or train I don't have to pay attention to the cars around me of course so I can be in my own private space. 

My mother is 87.  Never drove. My sister is 60 -drove for a few years in her 20s and had an accident with the kids in the car and then breastfed with cracked ribs.  She never drove again (yes, the kids were totally fine!)  

If I wake up and am "child-free" and want to go somewhere I can travel somewhere by train or bus or I can walk less than a mile to:  a major museum, major theater and a little more than a mile to another nationally known theater.  I can walk two blocks and go to an amazingly gorgeous and huge park.  Or five blocks to the botanical gardens.  To me it's far superior than being in a car -no need to get gas, do upkeep, deal with traffic, figure out where to park.  For example.  

[boltnrun]

I'm not currently comfortable being around other people in pubic transport because of the pandemic. I guarantee many of the people I encounter in public, no matter where it is, are infected. At least when I go on walks I can avoid crowds and am outside in the fresh air. I don't want to be forced close to strangers on a bus or commuter train and I most certainly won't be getting on an airplane! Talk about being crammed next to strangers! I feel safer in my own vehicle (cue up Gary Numan's song "Cars" lol).

However, pre pandemic I would have loved to be able to take public transportation to work. I looked into it and it would be possible, but I just don't feel safe. Also it would take twice as long as driving because I'd have to take the local commuter train into the big city downtown and then change trains. So, two hours each way at least. No thanks.

I do live in a great, walkable neighborhood so I am very lucky there.