A letter to my Ex in case something happens to me

[Shimoen_gaktoup]

Im writing this just in case anything happens to me 

Dear XX

It's been decades, years, months, days that i have written this letter. You might forgot about me since we've moved on and I know it's been a long time. 

I love you so much even though we broke up because of our childish reasons. We were wrong to ignore each other. I should've approached you out earlier but i was too childish thinking you are ignoring me on purpose. I dont know we even broke up to be honest. Why would you be silent FOR WEEKS if i made you mad? I wish you were being honest with me. 

Im sorry for being a emotional and negative person in the relationship. I went through a rough childhood but i should've not talk about it. Thats why i grew up too early with responsibilities. You said you would care for me but deep down i know a woman wont like any man who acts like that, it is one of my biggest mistakes in the relationship. I should've kept the negativity for myself. I promise that i will change for myself, i want to be emotionally and mentally strong. I want to you to be the girlfriend and feel feminine around me instead feeling like you're just my friend or sibling. However, when we were in love, i should have told you that i wasnt really ready for this relationship but you came along to make me feel better and had to let myself in the relationship. I want to forgive myself from this negativity that i have suffered and i should love myself more before i go loving you. I regret rushing into love and desperation and making you a priority. I felt like i also used you as a mental stress relief which could be avoidable. 

I may be clingy and desperate with you, which i've shouldn't done. because the distance is far away and being too avaliable is the only option i can do. I showed too much and care and love because of the distance as well. I understand being clingy is disrespectful because sometimes im not giving your own time and thats the wrong thing i did. Im sorry if i force you into something. my trauma didnt stop me from being like that, ive been cheated and got used as a rebound from my first relationship. Again, i love you so much but i shouldn't accept myself being a relationship and i regret it. 

I appreciate our sweet messages, phone calls, cute photos, cute good night messages, jokes and laughter and the promises that we made for each other. We've talked about our future including us having kids and that made me feel happy but unfortunately it didn't happen. You also claimed we were meant for each other. Promises are just words and i understand you could say that to comfort ourselves. I wish theres more action than just words but the distance makes it harder for us to prove that we're capable. 

To be honest with you, i wish i didnt met you on facebook or even approach by chatting to you even though i love you so much. If our relationship wasn't really legitimate then i understand. If you lied or hide something from me so i don't have to worry, i understand too. Im not holding any grudges against you. I accepted us being friends because i still want to keep you in my life. I wanted to get rid of you from my life but that is hard to do since i already saw your existence from my life. I understand people change and lose attraction and it is a pain to experience that. 

I hope you have a great future ahead, i hope you can find a great city to live and have ample of opportunities. We look forward to meet each other in ****** even after our breakup which makes me happy, i wanna see how are you doing in real life, i want you to be happy and have fun and i mean it. I want to and i wish to show you that i've changed and not showing my old self anymore. I still want to see your face. I hope you take care of your health and diet as well. I still care about you deep down. I hope you find a guy that really cares about you and you should treat that guy the same. 

I wish the promises were real and so we can have a real future. I would do anything to take you with me or i can move to vietnam and live with you. 

My last question for you, is your love for me really sincere? I still love you so much and i dont know why. i'll see you in heaven. But I might forget about you which i hope i will not.

[Wise Wally]

So, this only gets sent if something happens to you???

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Shimoen_gaktoup said:

 just in case anything happens to me 

Why would you write this? Have you met in person?

This type of thing is manipulative. 

What do you mean by "in case something happens"? Are you suicidal? If so contact a suicide hotline or go to an ER  asap.

If you are trying to journal, just do that with all your thoughts. 

 In any even contact a physician about these maudlin depressive and obsessive thoughts. Writing  fatalistic tomes is not the answer to your peace of mind.

 

[reinventmyself]

Consider writing the letter cathartic.   Don't send it.

If you were brutally honest with yourself, we often write letters like this, orchestrating the words very carefully to elicit a reaction.  We fool ourselves by telling ourselves things just like "in case something happens to me" (which is provocative in itself)

At the very least, sit on it for a few days and carefully consider whether or not it would be a good idea.

I used to write letters all the time.  I got to say everything I ever wanted to say in the most thoughtful way.  And. . .I didn't send them.

[SooSad33]

I agree with the other responses... IF you are struggling really badly, please reach out for some help (family or goto ER).

As for writing a letter like this, it is sensitive & shows your regrets.. We all have that when a relationship fails.. and Yes, is good to 'write' our feelings out. I;ve done it dozens of times.. ( Journal), but no, I never share it.

So, see this as a 'release' and write all you want. is good for you.. But don't send this. ( I am sure she knew you had regrets but you also had feelings).

Sad part of life, to lose someone we care a lot for.

One day at a time.

[Lambert]

I think this is a cruel thing to do to someone. 

It's manipulative and leaves the other person with more questions than answers or stirs up past emotions with no benefits or recourse.

Why would you do this? 

[MissCanuck]

Did you send this? 

[adviceplease2]

Write it and burn it.  Never send that.

[Rose Mosse]

11 hours ago, Shimoen_gaktoup said:

I dont know we even broke up to be honest. Why would you be silent FOR WEEKS if i made you mad? I wish you were being honest with me. 

Don't send it. Write to us here on the forum instead. The above quote suggests the person stopped communicating with you or chose not to explain their disappearance so there's no closure. Remember that closure comes from you, not from anyone else. When you decide that you've had enough of something, you can choose to move on with your life and pursue your happiness elsewhere. 

Framing the letter in such a way is manipulative as you're provoking someone to respond to you based on sympathy and a lot of sadness. Those are low notes to evoke response, as sad as you may feel or as real as those feelings are too. That sadness is valid but it shouldn't be the reason someone reaches back out to you. Since she stopped speaking with you, that is a type of raw honesty. She doesn't want to continue any relationship or friendship. Life goes on and you'll find new friends and be in other relationships. 

Keep writing if you need to get things out in the form of journaling or checking in on the forum. 

[Capricorn3]

On 9/28/2021 at 8:00 PM, Shimoen_gaktoup said:

It's been decades, years, months, days that i have written this letter. You might forgot about me since we've moved on and I know it's been a long time.

You wrote this letter decades ago and want to send it to an ex?  🤨  I agree with Lambert's post above:  "I think this is a cruel thing to do to someone. It's manipulative and leaves the other person with more questions than answers or stirs up past emotions with no benefits or recourse. Why would you do this?"

[Theonethatgotaway]

Don't send it. I wrote an email to my ex with the intention to delete it, to help me move on. I explained my regrets, things I missed, how I felt and wishing her well in life, etc etc. I accidentally sent it due to a track pad slip and because I am a moron I had put her email address in. To be honest, I felt like *** afterwards. I never wanted her to see it and felt like she would see it as manipulative, which is not the person she knows me to be.

As everyone else here has said, get a journal, or write the letter and burn it. Your ex reading the letter will do you no good. Even though my ex responded very well and kindly to my email, it didn't help...as it made me feel terrible for what I had done, even as a mistake. Which unfortunately I can not take back.

Also your "if something happens to me" seems very manipulative on it's own. If you feel a threat to yourself get help. If you are feeling this way due to your ex, harming yourself and them getting this letter will damage their view of you forever and have an untold negative impact on their life. If you truly love this person, do you really want to do that to them?

[smackie9]

OK now that it's months later. I hope your wounds are healed and very much relieved the pain is over. I know you sincerely are not going through with having this letter sent 50 years from now. You have your way of dealing with the end of this chapter of your life. The good news is, life continues, and you will meet someone new.