Im writing this just in case anything happens to me
Dear XX
It's been decades, years, months, days that i have written this letter. You might forgot about me since we've moved on and I know it's been a long time.
I love you so much even though we broke up because of our childish reasons. We were wrong to ignore each other. I should've approached you out earlier but i was too childish thinking you are ignoring me on purpose. I dont know we even broke up to be honest. Why would you be silent FOR WEEKS if i made you mad? I wish you were being honest with me.
Im sorry for being a emotional and negative person in the relationship. I went through a rough childhood but i should've not talk about it. Thats why i grew up too early with responsibilities. You said you would care for me but deep down i know a woman wont like any man who acts like that, it is one of my biggest mistakes in the relationship. I should've kept the negativity for myself. I promise that i will change for myself, i want to be emotionally and mentally strong. I want to you to be the girlfriend and feel feminine around me instead feeling like you're just my friend or sibling. However, when we were in love, i should have told you that i wasnt really ready for this relationship but you came along to make me feel better and had to let myself in the relationship. I want to forgive myself from this negativity that i have suffered and i should love myself more before i go loving you. I regret rushing into love and desperation and making you a priority. I felt like i also used you as a mental stress relief which could be avoidable.
I may be clingy and desperate with you, which i've shouldn't done. because the distance is far away and being too avaliable is the only option i can do. I showed too much and care and love because of the distance as well. I understand being clingy is disrespectful because sometimes im not giving your own time and thats the wrong thing i did. Im sorry if i force you into something. my trauma didnt stop me from being like that, ive been cheated and got used as a rebound from my first relationship. Again, i love you so much but i shouldn't accept myself being a relationship and i regret it.
I appreciate our sweet messages, phone calls, cute photos, cute good night messages, jokes and laughter and the promises that we made for each other. We've talked about our future including us having kids and that made me feel happy but unfortunately it didn't happen. You also claimed we were meant for each other. Promises are just words and i understand you could say that to comfort ourselves. I wish theres more action than just words but the distance makes it harder for us to prove that we're capable.
To be honest with you, i wish i didnt met you on facebook or even approach by chatting to you even though i love you so much. If our relationship wasn't really legitimate then i understand. If you lied or hide something from me so i don't have to worry, i understand too. Im not holding any grudges against you. I accepted us being friends because i still want to keep you in my life. I wanted to get rid of you from my life but that is hard to do since i already saw your existence from my life. I understand people change and lose attraction and it is a pain to experience that.
I hope you have a great future ahead, i hope you can find a great city to live and have ample of opportunities. We look forward to meet each other in ****** even after our breakup which makes me happy, i wanna see how are you doing in real life, i want you to be happy and have fun and i mean it. I want to and i wish to show you that i've changed and not showing my old self anymore. I still want to see your face. I hope you take care of your health and diet as well. I still care about you deep down. I hope you find a guy that really cares about you and you should treat that guy the same.
I wish the promises were real and so we can have a real future. I would do anything to take you with me or i can move to vietnam and live with you.
My last question for you, is your love for me really sincere? I still love you so much and i dont know why. i'll see you in heaven. But I might forget about you which i hope i will not.
