Upset I won't pay sometimes

[Anonymous]

BF is teed off that I won't buy dinner sometimes when we go out.  He has a good job and makes $68,000 yr so what's the problem here?  What a cheapskate.  We moved in together last month and that's when the complaints started.

I do the laundry, make dinner/lunch and buy groceries.  

I'm tolerant of him needing to watch the races on TV so why can't he just continue paying for our outings, like I ask?

This is getting to be a drag.  We were always having so much fun before moving in together.  Boo 😔

 

[MissCanuck]

Sounds a completely real and non-troll thread.

[Capricorn3]

You sound very entitled.

[DarkCh0c0]

Adults should be contributing equally in a relationship. If you see it's not a case, then you need to have a talk on reaching an agreement whereby you are both contributing and happy- no resentments.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

.  We were always having so much fun before moving in together. 

How long have you been dating? How long have you lived together?

Whose place is it? Do you co-own or co-lease? Make arrangements to move out or give him notice to move out asap.

You're not happy and playing house with him is turning into a disaster.

[Seraphim]

Entitlement never works in a relationship. 

[melancholy123]

What makes you so special that you should not be on an equal footing with this bf of yours?  You should be working on a half and half financial plan and pay your fair share.  Did you not discuss money and how to handle bills and expenses?  Doing laundry is not doing half of the family chores.

Assuming you have a job, you should buy dinner one time, he buys it the next time.  He is not the cheapskate!  You are.

[boltnrun]

Do you pay any portion of the rent or mortgage?  

Groceries only cost a fraction of what it takes to have a household.  If he's paying all the rent and all the utilities, why can't you pay if you want a night out?  

[Tinydance]

I'm not sure what culture you're from but even in very traditional cultures, this type of arrangement you're talking about is agreed on by both people from the get go. E.g. I'm from Russia and my parents have been married for 39 years and they had a very gender role conforming relationship. My Mum did and does work but mostly only part-time. Dad always worked full-time and made a lot of money and Mum does everything around the house.

If you would like this kind of arrangement and you want to just be a housewife and cook and clean and your boyfriend to work and pay for everything, you can agree on that with him if he's willing. However if that is not the agreement in your relationship and you are from a Western country then really your financial contribution should be basically 50/50. So what if your boyfriend makes a lot of money, you should be working too and paying for things too. 

Sure you do chores and let him watch TV but that's just normal things that a girlfriend does. Allowing him to watch the races on TV isn't anything special and he doesn't owe you anything for that. It's the 21st Century and women have fought hard for feminism and equality. So I think there's no need to act like you're in the 1950's.

[SooSad33]

Then eat in 😉 ... and if this money things a problem ( and since you moved in together.. then move out) . 😉 

[LaHermes]

10 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

buy dinner sometimes when we go out.

Well, OP, he isn't even asking you to buy dinner even every second time, but just sometimes. It would be a nice gesture on your part anyhow. 

I am having some difficulty seeing the connection between buying dinner out sometimes and watching racing on TV.  I assume he does not watch racing twelve hours a day. 

It is really, as other posters have remarked, a question of discussing your roles and reaching an agreement. Most couples I know both spouses are working full time, and share expenses. 

[Rose Mosse]

11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

BF is teed off that I won't buy dinner sometimes when we go out.  He has a good job and makes $68,000 yr so what's the problem here?  What a cheapskate.  We moved in together last month and that's when the complaints started.

I do the laundry, make dinner/lunch and buy groceries.  

I'm tolerant of him needing to watch the races on TV so why can't he just continue paying for our outings, like I ask?

This is getting to be a drag.  We were always having so much fun before moving in together.  Boo 😔

 

Talk with each other about your expectations. This may be a learning experience for you. Communicate a little more. If it’s not working out or you’re unable to come to an agreement, you both may not be compatible in your values or beliefs. 

[catfeeder]

Why not just set a date to treat him out and make him feel special?

During that meal you can negotiate other ideas with one another to help you BOTH feel important going forward.

Honestly, if a guy I'm otherwise happy with were to spell out so clearly one thing that he wished from me, I'd thank him for his patience with me for not getting it this whole time, and I'd offer him his wish with gusto--and I'd make it up to him.

Head high, and focus on your priorities. If one of those is to cherish your relationship, then step up and DO that.

[Kwothe28]

11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

He has a good job and makes $68,000 yr so what's the problem here?  What a cheapskate. 

Rich people in general are rich because they are savy with money. Meaning that they look at money as something very important to them and are not that keen to spend it. So if he respects his money why would he spend it on you every time you go out? Also, who pays the bills? Like rent(if you have one), electricity and stuff like that? Maybe he is annoyed because he pays for everything and wants you to pick up the tab every now and then? That would be very understandable. Also, why is it important that he pays absolutely all restaurant bills?

Dont get me wrong, I am from the ones that like to pick up the tab. On dates, unless the other side absolutely insists, its a gentlmeny thing to do. However, when you live together and "share the bread" its very important that both sides contribute, if not equally then as much as possible in that way. So if he pays for all of it including bills and you just buy groceries and cook, he might be feeling unappreciated. Even if you do cook for him. I mean, for all I know, maybe you pay for more. Just that, if he started to complain when you moved in together maybe the problem is that you just dont contribute enough from money side of things. 

[Anonymous]

Hello.  We started living together 6 mos ago. He pays for everything as I got laid off my job.  I'm looking for other employment but there are lots of responsibilities at home. My credit card is maxed out but I do have some savings. I used my card to buy things for the 🏠 and our dog.

I do all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking.  Isn't that enough?  I make him especially nice dinners, like his favorites, when he has a bad day at the office

 

[Tinydance]

12 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Hello.  We started living together 6 mos ago. He pays for everything as I got laid off my job.  I'm looking for other employment but there are lots of responsibilities at home. My credit card is maxed out but I do have some savings. I used my card to buy things for the 🏠 and our dog.

I do all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking.  Isn't that enough?  I make him especially nice dinners, like his favorites, when he has a bad day at the office

 

Look, I think that seeing as you actually don't work at all and your boyfriend does and pays for everything, that makes sense that you should be the one doing everything at home because you're not contributing financially hardly at all.

I think just circumstantially your  boyfriend is having to pay for everything but that doesn't mean he has to like it. I think the days where only the man works and the woman is a housewife are more or less gone. Unless they had kids and the woman stays home to take care of the kids. Otherwise I think you should get a job and contribute financially.

Also some of your comments didn't really make sense. You said you are fine with him/let him watch racing on TV so why can't your boyfriend pay for dinners out? That doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything because it's normal for a partner to be fine with their partner watching something on TV. The way you said it almost sounded like you deserve to be thanked or congratulated for doing this. You are actually not doing anything above ordinary at all so to be honest yes your attitude to always be paid for sounds entitled. You're doing house chores because you don't have a job so you actually SHOULD be doing those things to contribute.

[melancholy123]

51 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Hello.  We started living together 6 mos ago. He pays for everything as I got laid off my job.  I'm looking for other employment but there are lots of responsibilities at home. My credit card is maxed out but I do have some savings. I used my card to buy things for the 🏠 and our dog.

I do all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking.  Isn't that enough?  I make him especially nice dinners, like his favorites, when he has a bad day at the office

 

You should have clarified that you didnt have a job in your first post.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

We started living together 6 mos ago. 

I got laid off my job.  . I used my card to buy things for the 🏠 and our dog.

I do all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking.  

What, exactly did you buy for the house? Is it his house, or both of yours? 

He should have a lot more money now that he has a free housekeeper, cook, dog sitter, not to mention easy access sex, etc.

He knows you are unemployed so why is he expecting you to treat him to dinners? 

Stop buying stuff for the house. Move out. He's being petty, since he's aware you were laid off.

Stop going out to eat. Take all your stuff that you purchased and move back home.

[Rose Mosse]

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Hello.  We started living together 6 mos ago. He pays for everything as I got laid off my job.  I'm looking for other employment but there are lots of responsibilities at home. My credit card is maxed out but I do have some savings. I used my card to buy things for the 🏠 and our dog.

I do all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking.  Isn't that enough?  I make him especially nice dinners, like his favorites, when he has a bad day at the office

 

This doesn’t make sense, with all due respect. I’d treat his bickering as a means to breaking up or resentment for you in general. I would not be surprised if he tells you he doesn’t see a future with you or is looking for a way out. I don’t think this has anything to do with you paying for dinners or your finances.

[Anonymous]

Hello.  I don't think he's wanting to end things with me, not at all. I had a high paying job when we first met.  I got laid off 5 months ago.  Why are people on here thinking I'm entitled?  I bust my fanny looking after everything at home, including our dog who is a handful BTW.

He works all day and I stay home, not out of choice.  I've applied for jobs to no avail.  I think he's asking too much for me to pitch in financially now.  All my credit cards are maxed out.  My car needs a new muffler as well.  He says because I stay home all day, there is no need for him to pay for my muffler.

Where does he think I will find the $ for an expensive dinner?  Under a rock?

 

 

 

 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

He knows you are unemployed so why is he expecting you to treat him to dinners? 

Yea, exactly.

Even if you aren't working, and one of you had to step up, that doesn't mean you need to be his housekeeper. He should keep helping out (more or less) until you get back on your feet. In sickness and in health as they say.

Bottom line, he isn't a keeper. Focus on getting a job and consider leaving this classless man.

[Capricorn3]

Under review.