Are these good signs of him wanting something serious?

[Jibralta]

7 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

Acceptable or not? 

That's up to you. But I'd move on.

[minute_perception]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes I think so as long as he calls to make a specific plan in advance -meaning not last minute.  He wants you to wait and not date others??

As in is that what he meant by not wanting me to wait? He didn’t say about others, no. I think just not to make me wait in general. 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

As in is that what he meant by not wanting me to wait? He didn’t say about others, no. I think just not to make me wait in general. 

Don't wait.  When he asks you for a date in advance decide then whether you're still interested. I'd stop chatting with him until then -don't give him the benefit of you being "supportive" or a chat buddy because right now there is no date planned.

[minute_perception]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Don't wait.  When he asks you for a date in advance decide then whether you're still interested. I'd stop chatting with him until then -don't give him the benefit of you being "supportive" or a chat buddy because right now there is no date planned.

Thank you. Would you consider last minute? 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, minute_perception said:

So he said that his exams is in 2 weeks, he doesn't expect to make me wait but would love to see me after. 

Ok, see him afterward if you wish. What he means is go out and date others if you feel like it.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, minute_perception said:

So he said that his exams is in 2 weeks, he doesn't expect to make me wait but would love to see me after. Acceptable or not? 

That would be what, 4 weeks from first date? Yeah, nobody is that busy, dont wait.

Also, for the love of God, even if you plan on waiting, dont tell him that. People in general hate when someone is "too available" because it makes them think you have nothing going on. Say that you are not sure if you will be and that he should check. 

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Also, for the love of God, even if you plan on waiting, dont tell him that. People in general hate when someone is "too available" because it makes them think you have nothing going on.

I would even cross out this last sentence. She shouldn't be strategizing about ways to impress him when he's making zero effort to impress her. 

Frankly, I think she should close the door on this. But if she's curious, I get it. 

[Kwothe28]

12 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I would even cross out this last sentence. She shouldn't be strategizing about ways to impress him when he's making zero effort to impress her. 

Frankly, I think she should close the door on this. But if she's curious, I get it. 

True, but she likes the guy. And he is still giving her at least "breadcrumbs" in the sense that he does keeps contact and at least on words wants her there. Still think its weird that he wont make an effort to actually see her and that its a sign that there is not that big interest from his side to actually date her. And that yes, she should move based on that alone. But that, as she likes him and probably wants to wait no matter what we say, that at least she shouldnt make herself that available. For a guy that in 4 weeks couldnt make himself available for her.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Thank you. Would you consider last minute? 

Since he knows when his exams end he should ask you out at least several days in advance.  Last minute would be day before or day of.

[minute_perception]

He's sort of stepped up the plate, a *bit*. Offered to study together this weekend.

[MissCanuck]

On 9/7/2021 at 5:05 PM, minute_perception said:

Although, he sent a pretty brief message (like he normally messages), 5 days ago which I did not respond to

Wait, why did you not respond for 5 days? 

You're anxious about his potential lack of interest, but you don't exactly appear to have given him overly keen signals of interest either. 

[sadchick83]

I would not worry at all.  I have dated investment bankers who literally work 18 hours a day.  They never know their exact schedules.  You can be sitting at your desk all day doing nothing, ready to go home at 6 or 7pm only to have to work come in from overseas that keeps you at work until 3am. It makes dating plans nearly impossible.

I was in a similar industry in NYC with crazy hours that left me physically and mentally exhausted at the end of the week. The last thing I would do is commit to a date days in advance, or even think about dating.

I have dated a few younger guys lately.  Some will ask you out days in advance which I actually find stifling because I am in the middle of a work crisis and can’t chat mid day, and there are those who will ask you out Saturday morning/afternoon for Saturday night.  I actually prefer less notice because I don’t know what I may feel like 5 days in advance.  Sometimes I say no, I’m busy, but may include them in my plan and, if they decline, they simply ask me out a week or two, or even three weeks later.

Men or women who are in time consuming training like medicine, banking, finance work/study crazy hours have very different concepts of time. Waiting 3 weeks to message or re-message is not a long time to them, although it may be for you.

I suggest you loosen your grip.  You are putting a lot of pressure on this guy unbeknownst to him. Note: I would not give up on him at all.  But, I would date other people and keep yourself busy. Go on a study date with him, but I don’t think that is the best thing to do when you first meet someone. 

 

[Batya33]

Like sadchick I had the same crazy schedule.  For 15 years.  But I made tentative plans in advance with the understanding that work came first - it was typical to twiddle my thumbs all afternoon then get an assignment at 6pm due the next day or in two days, etc.  Some men wouldn't put up with it and most did.  I had one serious boyfriend in a similar situation and he'd come to my office if I could take a dinner break if I had to break all-evening plans.  But yes I made plans in advance and weekends were a little easier -I had deadlines then too but I typically knew by Friday what the weekend would look like so the plans were tentative still but not last minute tentative.

[minute_perception]

On 9/18/2021 at 6:16 AM, sadchick83 said:

I would not worry at all.  I have dated investment bankers who literally work 18 hours a day.  They never know their exact schedules.  You can be sitting at your desk all day doing nothing, ready to go home at 6 or 7pm only to have to work come in from overseas that keeps you at work until 3am. It makes dating plans nearly impossible.

I was in a similar industry in NYC with crazy hours that left me physically and mentally exhausted at the end of the week. The last thing I would do is commit to a date days in advance, or even think about dating.

I have dated a few younger guys lately.  Some will ask you out days in advance which I actually find stifling because I am in the middle of a work crisis and can’t chat mid day, and there are those who will ask you out Saturday morning/afternoon for Saturday night.  I actually prefer less notice because I don’t know what I may feel like 5 days in advance.  Sometimes I say no, I’m busy, but may include them in my plan and, if they decline, they simply ask me out a week or two, or even three weeks later.

Men or women who are in time consuming training like medicine, banking, finance work/study crazy hours have very different concepts of time. Waiting 3 weeks to message or re-message is not a long time to them, although it may be for you.

I suggest you loosen your grip.  You are putting a lot of pressure on this guy unbeknownst to him. Note: I would not give up on him at all.  But, I would date other people and keep yourself busy. Go on a study date with him, but I don’t think that is the best thing to do when you first meet someone. 

 

Thank you. If we do catch up in early October, it's going to be a very busy month for me. Perhaps, worst case I could sort of not intentionally but intentionally give him a taste of my own medicine and catch up with him once I am, myself done with exams. Do you think this is a bad idea? 

[greendots]

1 minute ago, minute_perception said:

Thank you. If we do catch up in early October, it's going to be a very busy month for me. Perhaps, worst case I could sort of not intentionally but intentionally give him a taste of my own medicine and catch up with him once I am, myself done with exams. Do you think this is a bad idea? 

Don't play games. It doesn't work. If he was honest with you about being busy, he's definitely not going to like you behaving like that at all.

I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens in October. If he asks you out on a date, great.

Did you end up studying with him this weekend?

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

Perhaps, worst case I could sort of not intentionally but intentionally give him a taste of my own medicine and catch up with him once I am, myself done with exams. Do you think this is a bad idea? 

Yes. It's game-playing and you two have shaky foundation to begin with. It will backfire. 

[minute_perception]

37 minutes ago, greendots said:

Don't play games. It doesn't work. If he was honest with you about being busy, he's definitely not going to like you behaving like that at all.

I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens in October. If he asks you out on a date, great.

Did you end up studying with him this weekend?

I didn't no. I said after his exams is ok and he said 'that's very gracious of you' 

[Wiseman2]

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"?

You need to stop hunting him down for your "catch ups", whatever that means.