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Everything posted by sadchick83

  1. BBOG, I totally get you. We have a lot of similarities. I have had guys I’m not even sure I have liked and as soon as they start cutting me off, I get hooked and anxious. So, the best thing you can do is follow something spiritual like “The Secret.” With The Secret you basically ask the universe for what you want, be grateful and although corny, it actually works for letting things fall into place as they should. It also kills anxious thoughts as a result. Or, even better, start to lightly date other women until you and your girl are a sure thing. You won’t be as desperate when another woman is into you, even if she is not as perfect as your girl. Your emotions are in your control if you want them to be. Distract yourself with a short trip, or have an old friend visit. You might also want to look up the term “limerance” as you may have a mild form of this condition. I admit I have it a bit, but as soon as I like another guy, I completely forget about the guy before him.
  2. There is nothing wrong with showing interest. Obviously she is into you! Personally, I find it refreshing when a guy I like is really into me because no one needs to play games and you can enjoy the unfolding of the relationship. If you start to show less interest, she may think you are gaming her. If you gently want to tone things down, go ahead, but not too much.
  3. Look up the meaning of the term limmerance and some websites that explain/define what it is. You have done nothing wrong by wanting to be with someone different than you ex. You wanted to make things work out with this person but for whatever reason he is not as interested. Blame COVID, you guys were in your jammies before you properly dated which snuffed the romance out of everything. Maybe like the others mentioned, try and date outside of your work.
  4. I would not put up with this BS. Your mom is 81 and is your mom, and, you will only ever have one. The husband can be replaced. I am of a similar age, Meg and have lots of friends married for as long as you. One thing that could possibly improve things is if one of you became very ill. I have witnessed couples who have had to deal with breast cancer or an organ transplant and it actually brought them closer together. With the cancer example the husband really stepped up to the plate and after the wife's heath was restored, they really just appreciated being alive and had a “better” marriage until he died about 10 years later. With the organ transplant example, the marriage improved and the couple had similar sentiments to above example for about 5 years after the transplant. On the other hand, most couples I know that have been married for 20-30 years, there is at least one of the two that is cheating. I find it a bit shocking to have more married girlfriends cheating on their husbands (organ transplant/caregiver wife 5 years post transplant) than husbands cheating on wives. Oddly, cheating has kept couples I know together. The cheater just gets what they need though someone outside the marriage. They stay married because they are fulfilled with someone else. Of course you don’t wish an illness on yourself or am I suggesting you cheat. I simply observe what can restore a broken, long term marriage. If I were you I would leave. I would not want to spend the rest of my life with a miserable man who hates my mother. I also don’t believe in cheating. Life is short. Become your best self and do what is best for you. Women have a much greater age range of potential suitors since the last time you were dating, so don’t be afraid of being 50 and single.
  5. Tiny, I also do IF. You have to be doing very clean fasting (only water and black coffee) for it to work. It also takes a month of absolutely no cheating for your body to adapt. Also, wine is basically sugar, so essentially you have an addiction to sugar and perhaps the buzz you get from alcohol. Have you ever thought of switching your fasting window to have breakfast and lunch instead of dinner? This really worked for me in the beginning. This will also improve your sleep. Also, cutting back on exercise makes fasting much easier. I am unable to exercise for the next few weeks and really noticed I am much less hangry and can increase my fasting time by a few hours. Wine is a horrible thing for your body (unless it is perhaps organic) It dries/ages your skin, erodes your stomach lining messes with your brain and is just overall bad for you. While you may have an addictive personality, I question why and am pained by the damage you are inflicting on your body. Could you try ditching sugar/wine for 4-5 days? It will be challenging but will hopefully undo the cravings. In the last week or so I have avoided pastries, soda and sweets (‘cause I can’t exercise) and am amazed I have dropped 5 lbs and no longer crave sugar. Like one of the other folks mentioned, only you can change you and you have to want to change. Good luck with this. I see your posts frequently on ENA and wish you the best of health.
  6. I will admit I have not read this entire thread - maybe the first page or two so I apologize if my post is irrelevant at this point...OP, why not approach this woman (even with a boyfriend), let her know how you feel and then she will either dump her bf for you, or reject you. That way you can plant a seed for later or move on for now.
  7. Amihan, Just a suggestion: Maybe try a light form of intermittent fasting? It helped me with my ADD and a lot of other health benefits. It is called a lifestyle and not a diet for a reason. Basically, you skip breakfast or dinner and eat heathy foods and a few treats are OK. For anyone who finds disciplined eating hard, it is easier because you can only have plain water during your fasting period. There is no guesswork or special foods. It’s a lot easier than it looks and has so many benefits. Not for everyone, but far easier than KETO in my opinion. Once you get what you perceive as your weight issues under control, I feel you will be able to tackle other issues.
  8. I agree with the others - best to change the locks. It is super easy and fast and may not even require changing the whole lock just the key mechanism. Mentally write-off your stuff. Assume you will never see it again and bonus if you do.
  9. It just sucks. I’ve moved to place with no young people and was about to move because of the crappy dating situation and of course I meet a date-worthy guy a fews days before this surgery. Anyway, I look like I have been in a car accident, so cannot see anyone for a while. But yes, I agree, need to focus on healing and see what happens.
  10. Thanks SooSad and Dancing Fool, So I guess if a guy doesn’t contact you (it’s been about 2.5 days) after a first date to forget it. I believe he is about 40 years old. Not sure if people still go by the wait 3 days thing. I’m on like 20 different drugs right now, so a bit doped out LOL.
  11. I met a cute guy at a bar this past weekend. We did a bit of texting post-meeting which he clearly showed he was interested in me. My sister was visiting at the time so I was going back out the Saturday night he texted. I had surgery booked for a long time 2 days ago (Wednesday). I really wanted to see the guy again because I probably have about 1.5-2weeks of recovery, so I decided to message him to suggest going out (on the night before my surgery). He fully planned an evening - wanted to go to the gym, then go to his favorite restaurant. I could only go to the restaurant since I had to work. I mentioned prior to meeting up that I could not drink because I was having surgery the next day. He texted no problem, that he was not drinking this week anyway. We are both into healthy lifestyle. The date went very well. The conversation was easy and we have a lot in common. After dinner he suggested we walk on the beach and then parted ways. I tried to hug him good night but it was a bit awkward. He also mentioned on the date he would send me links to all of these interesting things we discussed on the date. He did not send. So I get home and send hime a short text thanking him for the evening and mention something funny he said during the date. He answers back “Ha!" That’s the last I have heard from him. So, Tuesday night date and now crickets. Any thoughts as to what is going on? I now have about 4 days to stew by myself in my house and don’t want to drive myself nuts. Thanks in advance!
  12. So basically you are roommates with a past. Before doing anything drastic, imagine your life without her, like really try to imagine it. If you decide you won’t regret your decision to leave, have a plan and break up. Life is way too short to live like this. At 63 you still have time to meet someone who will give you a little more kick in your step, have more in common and a sexual relationship. Methods of meeting people have totally changed since your last bout of singledom At your age it is much harder to meet people than at 20 or 30, as not as many folks in your age range are looking. Just be aware. Good luck!
  13. Being a decade or two older than you I can tell you don’t rush into marriage. So many of my 40 year old friends are divorced or getting divorced and or cheating. Don’t feel pressure to be in a LTR due to your friends’ statuses. Much better to meet someone in your early or late 30s as you will continue to grow and will find a better match.
  14. There are two issues here: one is that she has some psychological issues and two is that she is not into you 100%. I think you are blaming the psychological issues for wavering her interest in you and you should not. I recall being quite volatile at that age due to figuring out career, self-imposed expectations, etc. She is all over the place. Also, you are 29 years old and will likely have a few more partners before you find your person. I know it’s hard, but it doesn’t seem like she is going to do a reversal and be totally into you any time soon. You sort of want something you cannot have, which sometimes heightens attraction to something and she might be somewhat turned off by your not giving up and moving on. It’s unfortunate you cannot fast forward your life a year because I think you will find that you will be healed and on to bigger and better things.
  15. I don’t know...I have a free Match account with absolutely no intention of using it for dating. I am sure at the beginning there were a few emails confirming my subscription. Had someone looked at my email inbox, they would have seen a few “confirmation" emails. I have the account because I feel I live in the ugliest town in America. As soon as I have an urge to try online dating, I scroll through photos and am reminded of this horrible truth. Everyone looks like an ex-convict and so often, holding a big fish. Anyway, maybe he was just checking out the site to assure himself there is no one out there better than you? I would not let this slide, but you don’t know if he actually had the intention to date/cheat. I always found the best way to find out the truth was to ask a man a question while lying in bed, with my hand on his heart - a de facto lie detector of sorts. Maybe try this when he returns.
  16. Good luck! This was a perfect thing to do. He might just be shy want wanted you to show interest and you did by making the list and giving him your number. I think he will be reaching out soon. Please post back and tell us what happens.
  17. You might want to look up the work limerence. It is a word used to describe people who get very intense crushes to others who may or may not reciprocate. There is a spectrum and I feel I am on it. When the limerent person is receiving attention from the person, they are high on life, however when the attention disappears they become very depressed. You have to cut yourself off of this person.m Force yourself to stop thinking about them, don’t follow on social media, etc. There are some in-depth explanations as to why this happens. I suggest you read up on the subject so you can understand your triggers.
  18. Not sure how old you are but maybe just accept you will likely have 10-20 or more “relationships” before you marry or may never get married. Stop holding on to guys like they are the last creatures on earth. The next time you are in a relationship tell yourself they probably won’t be the one and enjoy the relationship for what it is. Also, overly nice people finish last. Sorry to say, but it's true. Learn to give to yourself first, then others. Clutching on to people and being overly nice are going to drive people away rather than attract them. Maybe get a great group of female friends and strengthen relationships with family. Sometimes those relationships are as or more sacred as those you will have with men.
  19. Wow, surprised to read all the harsh comments. Reverse the genders here, and “he" would be getting high fives. All kinds of respected men date/are married to women 25+ years younger. Maybe not 18 years old, but much younger. I think 18 is too young, if he was a few years older I think it would remove some of the “taint.” I also have a lot of younger men hitting on me frequently and I too try to date guys my age. Just my opinion, but it is a lot harder to connect with men in their late 40s. I try and generally it doesn’t work out, or they are scarce - one’s that are single that is. I recently put a lot of effort into an age appropriate guy who basically vanished. The younger guys are aggressive and make it easy, and generally don’t vanish. Enjoy/live the moment. You aren’t going to marry the guy, but you probably wouldn’t be marrying the next 40 year old either.
  20. Think of it this way: You are saving his marriage! I know lots of people who cheat and basically the cheating relationship is maintaining the marriage. If you actually think he will leave his wife for you set a hard deadline. Give him a month. If he doesn’t leave, then leave him. DO NOT WASTE YOUR 20s on a loser.
  21. You might want to look up the term limerence. It’s when you crave attention from men (in your case) and develop a romantic infatuation and crave their attention. There is a spectrum for this mental state and perhaps you have a mild form of it. I feel I have it to some extent as well. I love the idea of fantasizing, over an actual relationship at times. Anyway look it up, it may explain your feelings.
  22. I believe folks are all over the place lately. I have had so many random people start conversations just to check in, to know if I am single and I have done some similar reaching out myself. None have amounted to a date, however, a few are hours (by drive, or by flight) away. I had a much younger man basically engage in tons of chat without making a formal plan or plans that I cancelled. I feel like COVID/texting/messaging is making everyone unable to close a deal. First, please do not blame yourself. For all you know the guys could have gained 20 pounds, or have some other issue that is preventing them from actually making a date. You don’t know. I suggest you simply be your best self, and if you are actually into any of these guys, make it be known you are busy doing things, in good spirits, enjoying life. Nonchalance is both appealing and somehow a face within itself - just when you give up on a guy they call like a week later.
  23. I would let the urge to reach out rest for a few days. If by the end of the week you still feel like reaching out then do so. As I mentioned in a previous post, an ex of mine committed suicide several months ago. I always thought about reaching out to him over the years and I never did. Now I feel bad about that. No one is going to give you a medal at the end of life for being righteous. Do what you feel like doing and live in the moment. Maybe just be cautious of any red flags and have little expectations as to whether you will be more than friends.
  24. Pre-nups are always a touchy subject. I know many wealthy men on their third or forth marriages who insist one to limit their wealth exposure from divorce. They often want to be married, with a wife who doesn’t work and can travel at the drop of a hat, look after them, with no time for an income source of their own, only to pay them a paltry sum (compared to their net worth) should things go awry. Not sure why a guy who lives at home with little assets would worry about such things? Maybe he thinks he will be Jeff Bezos on day LOL. The solution for him would be to put his (his family’s) assets in a trust protecting his future wife from access. It would leave a bad taste in my mouth that a guy with less than you worries about you taking from him down the road. Maybe this is what he intends to do to you?
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