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Are these good signs of him wanting something serious?


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He had been following me on Instagram for a while and noticed I put up a story about a loved one and euthanasia and he reached out with a nice message and it went from there. Having been speaking for a few weeks, we ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. We also agreed on a lot things; he spoke about family and he said his sisters boyfriend never takes initiative, for example doesn't help out in the kitchen and we both agreed that if it was us, we would be doing that. The odd compliment, but in good taste. For example telling me that I looked beautiful in a particular dress on Instagram and him saying he wishes I wear that to his birthday. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. Nice offer. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. Honestly was quite slow and passionate. He asked if I would like to see him again and said yes. He has offered breakfast and study dates before previously. 

He told me that an ex-girlfriend he had years ago was quite toxic and they argued a lot, I asked him in what way and he told me that they had different opinions on aborting a certain child for specific issues, I told him that I agreed with his point and that was good.

He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn't mentioned anything about catching up again. Our date was last Sunday. 

Good signs? It does finally feel great to be with someone that you just feel you could be compatible with and see them as a long term partner, irrespective of how things pan out. Things also feel easy and relaxed. 

**TL;DR** nothing indicates that he doesn't want a relationship. Only concern is that we still communicate via Instagram DM (perhaps out of habit).

Edited by minute_perception
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I’d assume if he wants to go on another date he will ask you on another date.  That is the only relevant sign of interest in dating you. You’ve made your interest very clear.  What kept me sane was by not waiting.  Assume that unless the person asks you out that date was the last. Not in a negative way in a realistic way. Because it’s a fact that you have no other date planned. When or if that changes you can decide then how to proceed.  Meanwhile live your life including being in places where you can meet people  - if it’s safe etc with covid.  Good luck!

Edited by Batya33
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Well he did kissed you and does seem like a genuine guy that wants more and that will not "ghost" you as he keeps contact. However, yes, until he actually asks to see you again, dont assume anything. Dont get attached that fast, sometimes one side assumes connection while other doesnt have that strong feelings, so until some time passes dont invest that much of yourself. Also, no matter the profession, dont fall for "busy" excuse, if he wants to see you he will find time to do it. Take it easy and have fun.

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Please don't put the cart 100 miles in front of the horse. You've barely talked and had a one nice date. That's way way way too soon to be thinking long term anything. In fact, unless he asks for another date, you have nothing to think about at all. Sloooow yourself down. You don't know him at all and have a long ways to go before you get to know him enough to make that kind of judgment, assuming he asks for another date in decent time.

Also, pay attention to red flags as he raised some. One that stands out in particular is badmouthing people in his life - his brother in law, his ex. Beware of people who do that as you are liable to find out the hard way that the seemingly nice guy is the actual toxic person who drives people around him crazy. Keep a careful eye on that and don't take it as "cute" or proof of him being a good guy. Good people don't badmouth others, especially to someone they are just meeting.

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4 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Definitely not married, do not think a relationship either. 

Find out more about his real life and who he really is. Chatting on social media about current events means nothing.  There are a lot of red flags you need to take note of.

2 hours ago, minute_perception said:

He's 27 and I'm 26. 

 

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6 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Having been speaking for a few weeks, we ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. We also agreed on a lot things; he spoke about family and he said his sisters boyfriend never takes initiative, for example doesn't help out in the kitchen and we both agreed that if it was us, we would be doing that. The odd compliment, but in good taste. For example telling me that I looked beautiful in a particular dress on Instagram and him saying he wishes I wear that to his birthday

Nice, you have been talking.. for a few weeks.

As mentioned, give it time.  Yah, he shows interest, but you have NO idea if you two are at all 'compatible'. ( Is always great in the beginning.)

He seems to be trying enough to impress you with the comment about his sisters bf.

And he mentioned something about his b-day coming up?

Just tread carefully, that he does not come out with too many 'expectations' on all HE wants/likes.  Think for yourself and do ONLY as you want to do.

Take some time on getting to know him more.  You will see soon enough on his character.

 

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11 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Nice, you have been talking.. for a few weeks.

As mentioned, give it time.  Yah, he shows interest, but you have NO idea if you two are at all 'compatible'. ( Is always great in the beginning.)

He seems to be trying enough to impress you with the comment about his sisters bf.

And he mentioned something about his b-day coming up?

Just tread carefully, that he does not come out with too many 'expectations' on all HE wants/likes.  Think for yourself and do ONLY as you want to do.

Take some time on getting to know him more.  You will see soon enough on his character.

 

Thank you! He first messaged me in April but officially spoke more in the last month I guess. 

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It appears that you have had two dates, excellent conversation, and he is showing signs of romantic interest (but not over the top, which is good). To me, he seems to view you as potential long-term partner. 

I do not agree that there are red flags here, nor that you need to be merely a passive participant in this new dating experience. Either he may ask you out again, or you could ask him out - if there is something in particular you would like to do with him. 

If the social media chatting concerns you, during the course of one of the social media chats, give your phone number and tell him you prefer sms texting or a phone call. 

Congratulations on the solid few dates so far, and I hope it continues to go well for the both of you. 

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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6 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

It's too slow. One date in a few weeks and messaging on social media. The way he speaks about his ex is unflattering and not attractive in a partner. 

If he doesn't ask you out this week, I don't think he's interested. 

I think he could have just simply been making a point about his ex. Would him following up messages though (when I don’t respond) after our date, be normal of someone who’s potentially not interested though? I understand he may be genuinely time poor but I find the alternative, that he’s not interested; a little strange of his character he showed on our first date. 

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4 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

I think he could have just simply been making a point about his ex. Would him following up messages though (when I don’t respond) after our date, be normal of someone who’s potentially not interested though? I understand he may be genuinely time poor but I find the alternative, that he’s not interested; a little strange of his character he showed on our first date. 

Why are you not responding to his follow up messages after the first date? If you are not responding positively, the other person doesn't know whether to ask you out again. You can thank him for the date and tell him you had a good time.

People can be charming and gregarious when they want to be especially in person with someone they find attractive. Observe this over time and see whether it's consistent and intentions match with actions. How he acted (the charming parts) on the first date is common, nothing out of the ordinary. Don't expect anything less than what he was when you met him. You also need to follow through and be consistent in your responses. 

 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Why are you not responding to his follow up messages after the first date? If you are not responding positively, the other person doesn't know whether to ask you out again. You can thank him for the date and tell him you had a good time.

People can be charming and gregarious when they want to be especially in person with someone they find attractive. Observe this over time and see whether it's consistent and intentions match with actions. How he acted (the charming parts) on the first date is common, nothing out of the ordinary. Don't expect anything less than what he was when you met him. You also need to follow through and be consistent in your responses. 

 

 

Thank you! His last text was ‘you too’ when I said sweet dreams and then followed up a few days later asking how I am. When he thanked me in the message, I did the same. 

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Just now, minute_perception said:

Thank you! His last text was ‘you too’ when I said sweet dreams and then followed up a few days later asking how I am. When he thanked me in the message, I did the same. 

Even though - hypothetically let’s say another date happens next week, that’s 2 weeks from the first date, could he be playing it cool? Given his age too. And his proneness to self deprecation and telling me he was nervous. Maybe it was a bit much meeting my mother too but he offered. 

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26 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

let’s say another date happens next week, that’s 2 weeks from the first date

So many red flags from chitchatting for months without meeting to not planning dates. Anyone can sit in their GF's bathroom and text "you too".

Unfortunately you have this romance built up mostly through imagining who he is but in reality from one date.

His age?  He's your age.

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5 hours ago, minute_perception said:

He's 27 and I'm 26. 

Definitely too early to know, then.

3 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Also, pay attention to red flags as he raised some. One that stands out in particular is badmouthing people in his life - his brother in law, his ex. Beware of people who do that as you are liable to find out the hard way that the seemingly nice guy is the actual toxic person who drives people around him crazy. Keep a careful eye on that and don't take it as "cute" or proof of him being a good guy. Good people don't badmouth others, especially to someone they are just meeting.

Agree 100%. 

1 hour ago, minute_perception said:

I think he could have just simply been making a point about his ex.

Yes, but why

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1 hour ago, minute_perception said:

Can it be possible that he is interested, despite still not suggesting a day? Although, he sent a pretty brief message (like he normally messages), 5 days ago which I did not respond to. We often have days of not messaging and this was evident before us meeting. 

This makes no sense. If he's interested he would want to see you.

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