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Are these good signs of him wanting something serious?


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1 hour ago, minute_perception said:

 he sent a pretty brief message 5 days ago which I did not respond to.

Unfortunately one-and-done dates are more frequent than not.

Also ghosting is another unfortunate reality of online dating, or any dating lately.

Just give this no more head space and start setting yup meeting with the other guys you are talking to.

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5 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Update: he's very keen to see me again, just very busy with Medicine and is keen to see where things go between us and wants to get to know me better. I think it was a failure on my end to not speak up. 

Nice words. Did he make a specific plan to see you even in advance?  When my future husband wanted to make sure he would see me he made plans two weeks in advance - specific day, specific time -he wasn't going to risk me not being available.  And I had no cell phone and he had to call me to make that plan.  Even though he was insanely busy.  So unless this person makes a specific date to see you assume he's not that into you.

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9 hours ago, minute_perception said:

he's very keen to see me again, just very busy with Medicine

I will second what Batya said. OP, If a guy wants to see you, doesnt matter if he is working 24 hours a day or that he is far away, he will find the time and day to arrange a date and see you. "I am very busy" without anything concrete is nothing. Its basically just an excuse for him not to commit. So if he is that keen, he will have no problem arranging that. So, be very beware there. Words are nothing without action that would follow those words. Does he express his interest in any other way? Meaning like texting you first or even calling?

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56 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I will second what Batya said. OP, If a guy wants to see you, doesnt matter if he is working 24 hours a day or that he is far away, he will find the time and day to arrange a date and see you. "I am very busy" without anything concrete is nothing. Its basically just an excuse for him not to commit. So if he is that keen, he will have no problem arranging that. So, be very beware there. Words are nothing without action that would follow those words. Does he express his interest in any other way? Meaning like texting you first or even calling?

Yes he’s initiated just about everything. He will often double text too. No calling though. I don’t mind a call before meeting but not the biggest fan of calling, so that’s fine. 

Edited by minute_perception
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2 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Yes he’s initiated just about everything. He will often double text too. No calling though. I don’t mind a call before meeting but not the biggest fan of calling, so that’s fine. 

So you mean he hasn’t yet asked you out for a date just mentioned he’d like to see you again at some point in the future. 

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This was his exact response: 'Sorry I wasn't able to reply immediately, I have been thinking about my answer. I'm sorry if it came across that way. You're not someone I would do that with and I had hoped to get to know you better and see where things go. I am busy but I should have more time once exams are finished. I do want to see you again so I apologise for not initiated'

Edited by minute_perception
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1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I think you're getting strung along. You're way too hopeful about this. 

Well aware that could be a possibility; no matter how busy he is, if he doesn't make a date, I will assume it's a polite and slow fade from him. I do find it hard to believe that since he seems genuine with his intentions with me, that he wouldn't be honest now to save himself as well. Seems like an unnecessary position to put yourself in, if he's really not that keen. But I guess - welcome to dating. 

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3 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Get to know him better which will take months.  As time goes on, both of you can determine where this relationship is going, whether it was meant to endure or not.  For now, remain patient. Let the relationship take its course.

Whether it's bs or not, I think lack of patience and jumping into things too quickly with my previous relationship turned out to a be a real indictment. I was obviously never going to be compatible with him but probably some patience from both ends and actually getting to know each other may have deemed to been useful. 

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51 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

This was his exact response: 'Sorry I wasn't able to reply immediately, I have been thinking about my answer. I'm sorry if it came across that way. You're not someone I would do that with and I had hoped to get to know you better and see where things go. I am busy but I should have more time once exams are finished. I do want to see you again so I apologise for not initiated'

You barely know each other and plus he's pretty busy at the moment, so at present you aren't a priority.

Sure, generally when a guy is very interested in you there's no guesswork. But in this case, either he's not fully convinced about you or, as he mentioned, just very busy. For the time being, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him. Show interest, but give him space as pushing him will drive him further away.

You will know for sure how he feels about you if by the time his exams are finished he has set up another date or not.

All the best. 🙂

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17 minutes ago, greendots said:

You barely know each other and plus he's pretty busy at the moment, so at present you aren't a priority.

Sure, generally when a guy is very interested in you there's no guesswork. But in this case, either he's not fully convinced about you or, as he mentioned, just very busy. For the time being, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him. Show interest, but give him space as pushing him will drive him further away.

You will know for sure how he feels about you if by the time his exams are finished he has set up another date or not.

All the best. 🙂

Thank you. Yes, I told him that I don't expect for us to stay in contact but I would have liked to have known if he wanted to see me again since he asked; that I also support him in what he needs to do and to be in contact once his exams finish as I would like to see him again. 

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6 hours ago, minute_perception said:

Thank you. Yes, I told him that I don't expect for us to stay in contact but I would have liked to have known if he wanted to see me again since he asked; that I also support him in what he needs to do and to be in contact once his exams finish as I would like to see him again. 

Why are you "supporting" someone you have had one date with who can't be bothered to plan another one? How does he get the benefit of your support? Certainly if he wants to plan a date not happening till after exams I'd be flexible as far as not insisting you plan it during exams. 

That's not "support" just common human decency you'd extend to an acquaintance making a plan.  If you would like to see him again under any circumstances -meaning last minute, as a Plan B or C or D -then yes but then you're showing him what you're worth - which is not much.  Find someone who values you and your time and can't wait to see you even if it has to be after exams.  And shows it by making a plan.

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7 hours ago, greendots said:

either he's not fully convinced about you or, as he mentioned, just very busy. For the time being, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him. Show interest, but give him space as pushing him will drive him further away.

I respectfully disagree that he's too busy to send a text "I'm swamped prepping for exams but they are over _____ then I need a day or so to decompress and I'd love to see you on _____ for dinner or a movie or both - does that work for you? Hope so!"

So incredibly easy with a text and especially easy when the person is interested in going on a date.  I think he's being honest - he's saying he's too busy because people who are not that interested are "too busy" to do what they are not that interested in.  

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Those were some awfully strange, heavy topics on a first or second date. Aborting a child or not, toxic relative not doing chores, etc. Sounds like a blast! I can see why you want more of that 😫

Don't let a stranger know your home address. If they are cuckoo, you don't want them knowing where you live. Meet at a public location until you can trust they are not unhinged.

Do you have a wish list on the ideal guy you'd want to date? It sounds like you'd like a someone you can do things with a few times a week. So that's not going to happen with this guy, right? Usually when the beginning of dating someone you're bonkers over, everything seems to be in overdrive and hormones are running wild. And then things come down to a nice normal. If this is all he's got at the beginning, with you having to inquire if there's going to be another date--why are you sinking this low as if you're pleading for his time?

At your age, seems like you'd be meeting a large pool of single guys. This fish doesn't want to stay on your hook. Release him back into the sea. And you need to start considering your own needs and cut the losers loose quickly, so you'll be free when someone who will make it crystal clear he's into you, comes along.

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10 hours ago, minute_perception said:

I do find it hard to believe that since he seems genuine with his intentions with me, that he wouldn't be honest now to save himself as well. Seems like an unnecessary position to put yourself in, if he's really not that keen. But I guess - welcome to dating.

That's what a 'normal' person would do, yes. But I think that as you gain experience you will find that not everybody is 'normal.'

There are quite a lot of character-disordered people out there who achieve their (invariably petty) end-goals by masquerading as normal people. They do a great job blending in. But their motives are totally self-serving.

Normal people cannot relate to this because it seems like a lot of effort for minimal payoff. You will most likely have to learn the hard way. So, be careful out there. 

Edited by Jibralta
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Genuine with intentions -balanced against how long you know the person.  He genuinely wanted one date with you.  He genuinely enjoys chatting with you and complimenting you with words.  His intentions show in actions.  Right now he doesn't have real intentions to date you because he's not asking you out.  Many normal people change their minds after one date and figure they'll stay in touch if they're kind of in limbo because they're still considering whether they want to pursue the person.  He's not leading you on.  In fact he's been honest about his priorities -he'd like to see you again and his actions show that his interest level is "meh" at best since he's not following through by actually making a plan.

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7 minutes ago, minute_perception said:

So he said that his exams is in 2 weeks, he doesn't expect to make me wait but would love to see me after. Acceptable or not? 

Yes I think so as long as he calls to make a specific plan in advance -meaning not last minute.  He wants you to wait and not date others??

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