Need help with independent woman

[Confused2]

How old are you guys?? Maybe add some phone calls into the mix lol. Texting is great but phone calls still have a way of making you feel more connected. I’m pretty independent myself but it still feels a little strange to be the one suggesting dates all the time.  I personally don’t like to multi date but I know most ppl do these days especially with all the apps giving everyone so many options. But you just have to play the game. Keep up the connection and go out on a few more dates and then bring up the question as if she still dating other ppl. If she like you she will stop bc it will seem pointless to her. 

[Shyguy2021]

1 hour ago, Confused2 said:

How old are you guys?? Maybe add some phone calls into the mix lol. Texting is great but phone calls still have a way of making you feel more connected. I’m pretty independent myself but it still feels a little strange to be the one suggesting dates all the time.  I personally don’t like to multi date but I know most ppl do these days especially with all the apps giving everyone so many options. But you just have to play the game. Keep up the connection and go out on a few more dates and then bring up the question as if she still dating other ppl. If she like you she will stop bc it will seem pointless to her. 

She can’t give me a date for the next time I see her why would I spend anymore time texting her. 

[whiteroses3230]

How did the convo leave off? Like what’s the last few things said in either text or person etc? And when was it? 

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Shyguy2021 said:

She can’t give me a date for the next time I see her why would I spend anymore time texting her. 

Did she reply to the text you sent a couple days ago?

 

[Shyguy2021]

7 hours ago, whiteroses3230 said:

How did the convo leave off? Like what’s the last few things said in either text or person etc? And when was it? 

 

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Did she reply to the text you sent a couple days ago?

 

So Friday I told her I had fun let’s do it again when our schedules allow. 
she said definitely I’ll let you know and we can see. 
 

then Monday I told hey good morning, wanted to be the first to make you smile today have a great day. 
 

she responded well, said she wished she saw my message sooner cause her dog got sick and made a mess.

i didn’t respond after that

[maritalbliss86]

On 3/30/2021 at 4:29 AM, Ian4996 said:

But that's an extreme over-reaction. There's a healthy middle ground between text bombardment and 'never texting ever again'!

 

I think he was reacting to the poster attacking him as being too weak for an independent woman.

[whiteroses3230]

8 hours ago, Shyguy2021 said:

 

So Friday I told her I had fun let’s do it again when our schedules allow. 
she said definitely I’ll let you know and we can see. 
 

then Monday I told hey good morning, wanted to be the first to make you smile today have a great day. 
 

she responded well, said she wished she saw my message sooner cause her dog got sick and made a mess.

i didn’t respond after that

Oh. Well that’s strange to me. She was having a bad day, I would have showed concern about her sick dog. I would have followed up to see how her dog was doing. I would have asked if her week was going any better by now...? 

[Shyguy2021]

So she reached out yesterday, we texted a little bit then ended up having my message left on read when she had a Skype meeting after work. Im going to mind my business today and tomorrow, not even sure how to go about this anymore. It’s been a week and no date set still, I’m about to move on 

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, Shyguy2021 said:

So she reached out yesterday, we texted a little bit then ended up having my message left on read when she had a Skype meeting after work. Im going to mind my business today and tomorrow, not even sure how to go about this anymore. It’s been a week and no date set still, I’m about to move on 

Why haven't you moved on already?  All that means is if there is no date -time and place -then when you saw her last was your last date -unless in the future -since you left the ball in her court -she confirms a time and place. There's nothing to keep you from moving on after the date ends - what are you waiting for and why are you still texting with her if she's not contacting you with enthusiasm to tell you now she has time to see you, she would love to see you and she hopes you are free.  

All she did was send you a text, right? Did she mention getting together let alone set a time and place?

[Shyguy2021]

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why haven't you moved on already?  All that means is if there is no date -time and place -then when you saw her last was your last date -unless in the future -since you left the ball in her court -she confirms a time and place. There's nothing to keep you from moving on after the date ends - what are you waiting for and why are you still texting with her if she's not contacting you with enthusiasm to tell you now she has time to see you, she would love to see you and she hopes you are free.  

All she did was send you a text, right? Did she mention getting together let alone set a time and place?

I don’t know, I was starting to move on because I didn’t think I would hear from her again. I need to forget about her 

[Batya33]

Just now, Shyguy2021 said:

I don’t know, I was starting to move on because I didn’t think I would hear from her again. I need to forget about her 

Move on from what?  A few dates?  My point is - once a date is over that is the last date unless and until there is another time/place date planned.  Until you are a serious, exclusive couple -then it's understood you're going to see each other "soon" - no need to ask each other out.  You mentally and otherwise move on after saying "night!" - if there is another date planned -time and place then you don't move on because you're going to see that person again.  I realize it comes across as a negative mindset.  To me it was 100% realistic -if there is no date there is no date.  If you go on a job interview and you leave without an offer or a plan for another interview is your mindset "I won't move on/look to interview elsehwere- or at least look with my whole heart -until I know they're not going to give me a job.  No, you leave, you write your thank you note perhaps and buh bye.  The reality is -if there is no date there is never going to be another date unless and until that reality changes.  Waiting is not living your life!

[Shyguy2021]

48 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 

All she did was send you a text, right? Did she mention getting together let alone set a time and place?

Yes, I asked if her dog was feeling better and the conversation didn’t go anywhere, I don’t get why she would reach out with no direction in mind other than to keep me on the line 

[Jibralta]

You are not being very independent here. What can you do to put this situation in proper perspective? You seem to have become obsessed. Not healthy!!

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Shyguy2021 said:

Yes, I asked if her dog was feeling better and the conversation didn’t go anywhere, I don’t get why she would reach out with no direction in mind other than to keep me on the line 

Maybe she doesn't have evil intent. Maybe she likes you just fine but isn't wanting to go on another date. In that case yes, she should let you know. But I doubt she knows you are putting yourself on hold waiting for her. Since she's multi dating perhaps she assumes you are too. She most likely has no idea the torment you've been putting yourself through over her.

So, I would presume you two won't be going on another date. This means you can continue dating other women. 

Your match could be passing you by while you're waiting around for this woman.

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, Shyguy2021 said:

So she reached out yesterday, we texted a little bit then ended up having my message left on read when she had a Skype meeting after work. Im going to mind my business today and tomorrow, not even sure how to go about this anymore. It’s been a week and no date set still, I’m about to move on 

31 minutes ago, Shyguy2021 said:

Yes, I asked if her dog was feeling better and the conversation didn’t go anywhere, I don’t get why she would reach out with no direction in mind other than to keep me on the line 

 

There are plenty of people like this unfortunately. Flaky and wishy washy. I would be so turned off by this she'd have been blocked and deleted by now (nobody wants numbers you don't need cluttering your phone). And by the way, if she self-described as "independent" she's probably not. 

Yes, do move on and brush yourself off. I'd say overall good for you for putting yourself out there regardless.

[RubyTrue]

Hi Shyguy,

 

Sorry to say but sounds like it is more one sided than you think. I think of myself as a very independent woman (also stubborn, strong willed and spiky as my partner would say!) And whenever I am really feeling that connection, I wouldn't be dating other people. After 4 dates it would be enough to know if it's a yay or a nay and the fact you feel like you have to put in that much effort to keep a spark, sounds like a red flag in itself.

 

You sound like you have wonderful date ideas and neither you or her need to change, but you obviously just don't have that spark. I'd say leave it be and move on. If she really is that independent then she will have no problem reaching back out to you if it's what she wants. I can speak from experience when I say sometimes putting in ALL the effort has the opposite effect. It's odd.

 

Good luck.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Shyguy2021 said:

Yes, I asked if her dog was feeling better and the conversation didn’t go anywhere, I don’t get why she would reach out with no direction in mind other than to keep me on the line 

Because she can.  It's easy, effortless -who knows why and who cares- maybe she was bored.  The only relevant thing is she contacted you and didn't make a plan for a date.  She is not interested in dating you right now.  Do you need a chat buddy?

[MissCanuck]

I think you need to leave this one be. 

She seems only vaguely interested at this point. 

[boltnrun]

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