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Boyfriends contact with ex

LucyJane84

By LucyJane84
in Dating Advice

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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You cheated with him on her? The fact that she still doesn't know about you indicates that you are still just an affair. They most likely are going through a rough patch on/off and you provide a filler for the rough or off times. If you don't want to "feel insecure" don't be fwb with guys in relationships.

 

Interestingly he's using the same type of "she doesn't understand me" lines on you. He may be telling her you are "just a friend" or "a coworker". That's how these things operate. Do you "not go out a lot" because he doesn't want to be seen with you or because she may find out about you?

He broke up with his ex during the time we were getting to know eachother.

They were together for a few years, engaged with 2 children.

he just said he had fallen out of love with her.

 

 

We work together and i spend a few nights a week at his. We dont go out a huge amount. They have planned to spend next weekend together for one of the childrens birthdays, including taking them to his families house together.

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MurphyB Contributor

MurphyB

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What’s the story with this site?

 

Multiple posters writing conflicting/confusing posts pretending to be a girlfriend then the ex, then the GF then the ex. Threads being closed, then reopened? It seems to be all over the place.

 

It’s not just with this thread, there are others going on too.

 

Odd forum.

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MirrorKnight Community Regular

MirrorKnight

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What’s the story with this site?

 

Multiple posters writing conflicting/confusing posts pretending to be a girlfriend then the ex, then the GF then the ex. Threads being closed, then reopened? It seems to be all over the place.

 

It’s not just with this thread, there are others going on too.

 

Odd forum.

 

It's a place full of broken people. Broken people do weird stuff, some are mentally a mess, so cannot tell a coherent story, some just want to vent, some just want attention... etc

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MurphyB Contributor

MurphyB

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We dont go out alot because he never really has any money or seems interested in going anywhere. And as far as im aware she hasnt questioned him at all about anyone, including myself, other than the initial asking if there was someone else when they split.

 

 

Hang on, who are you now? You’re writing as the GF but last time you posted you were claiming you were the ex?

 

This is better than the Joker movie, and that’s saying something.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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And you are fine in this side-car, back-seat position you have in his life? Unfortunately it sounds like you are lonely and just tolerating this, when at some level you know it's not a good situation for you.

We dont go out alot because he never really has any money or seems interested in going anywhere.
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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Yes worry about that more. Don't be bored, lonely or desperate enough to accept this lame fwb type thing. It will end in heartache one way or the other. He clearly just wants to hookup if all you do is netflix and chill/cheap dates. Think long and hard if you want to be with a guy who hides your from his gf, etc and won't go out anywhere with you.

To me it didnt matter what we did, it was the fact he wanted to spend time with me
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LucyJane84 Enthusiast

LucyJane84

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Yes worry about that more. Don't be bored, lonely or desperate enough to accept this lame fwb type thing. It will end in heartache one way or the other. He clearly just wants to hookup if all you do is netflix and chill/cheap dates. Think long and hard if you want to be with a guy who hides your from his gf, etc and won't go out anywhere with you.

 

His ex girlfriend. They arent together

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Take a break from it if it is making you this annoyed. You can also put posters on your ignore list as well as report any suspicious, disrespectful, etc. posts. In general it's better to ignore posts/threads that annoy you than to flame other posters or the forum.

What’s the story with this site?

 

Multiple posters writing conflicting/confusing posts pretending to be a girlfriend then the ex, then the GF then the ex. Threads being closed, then reopened? It seems to be all over the place.

 

It’s not just with this thread, there are others going on too.

 

Odd forum.

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LucyJane84 Enthusiast

LucyJane84

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You mentioned they are going away together soon? And that he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her about you? Nonetheless, reflect if being hidden and in the backseat is where you want to be in a relationship.

 

They were making plans to take the children away yes. He told her to do it after christmas because he said he wouldnt be able to get the time off before christmas.

 

I do think he intends on actually going though. I think thats why hes put it off til after christmas.

 

And yes he has said that he doesnt want to hurt her anymore than he already has by telling her about us. But he seems to be quite desperate for her to not know. He lies to her about what hes doing and causes arguments with her rather than just tell her hes seeing someone

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Of course they are going to all go together. Why does he want to stay in the same room as her? Most cheaters lie. It's what they do. He lies to you too. She's the mother of his kids, you are new and hidden. Who is he living with? His uncle, her or his parents?

They were making plans to take the children away yes. I do think he intends on actually going though.

 

And yes he has said that he doesnt want to hurt her anymore than he already has by telling her about us. But he seems to be quite desperate for her to not know. He lies to her about what hes doing and causes arguments with her rather than just tell her hes seeing someone

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LaHermes Grand Master

LaHermes

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MurphyB.

 

Of course you are entitled to voice an opinion. And no, you did not flame anyone.

 

This is kind of the part where the expression "divided by a common language" comes to mind. We, the minority, have to watch our step, but not the other way around.

 

And I would agree. This is a "unique" forum.

 

I am being very diplomatic lol.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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You don't want to stop seeing him.

 

You'll deny and refuse to believe anything that doesn't go along with the story you're telling yourself.

 

You hide it by saying you want different points of view, but the only point of view you're pushing is the one you want to happen.

 

I've said this three other times...you will continue to see him because you want to. You don't want advice, you want people to tell you what you want to hear. That's why you keep repeating the same things over and over.

 

Why do you need us to tell you what you want to hear? Why do you need reassurance from online strangers?

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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No i dont want to stop seeing him but its becoming increasingly apparent that i need to to. I did just want to look at things from different views but they all seemed to get the same opinions anyway.

 

Yes, because despite your efforts to get someone to tell you what you want to hear, no one will because it's so glaringly obvious what's happening here.

 

No matter how much you try to spin the story into the way you want it to be, this guy is still a selfish, lying cheater who may or may not be a deadbeat father. And you are choosing to continue to involve yourself with someone whose moral character is non existent.

 

Do you honestly think the two of you will live happily ever after? You think he'll stop the texting and spending time as a family? You think he'll be honest and tell her the two of you are together and stop hiding you?

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LucyJane84 Enthusiast

LucyJane84

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I dont know what i think any more to be quite honest. I thought it wasnt right him spending time with her taking them out as a family but was told by a few people that that is normal and that i have unrealistic views of how he should be with his ex after seperating. But everyone on her says the same, that its not normal. That he wont tell her about me, not because he doesnt want to hurt her, but because he doesnt want to lose his back up. And no, i do not want to be with someone like that.

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MurphyB Contributor

MurphyB

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Yes, i did. I did write that in my post this morning but it got deleted. I couldnt access my account

 

No you didn't. You started up a whole other thread under another username which was insanely similar to this one, but written from the current kid's mother POV. Aka you BF's partner.

Then you got sprung and fessed up, whilst constantly claiming that one minute you were writing as the GF and then next the EX.

 

And now you are just asking for the same advice which is already posted/answered in this thread between pages 1-14 or whatever.

 

Weirdest thing I have seen on a forum in years.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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No you didn't. You started up a whole other thread under another username which was insanely similar to this one, but written from the current kid's mother POV. Aka you BF's partner.

Then you got sprung and fessed up, whilst constantly claiming that one minute you were writing as the GF and then next the EX.

 

Weirdest thing I have seen on a forum in years.

 

Murphy, she has been trying anything she can think of to get us to tell her what she wants to hear.

 

Strangely, when she was the kids' mother she wanted the girlfriend to be a rebound. As the girlfriend she wants the kids' mother to be irrelevant and nonthreatening.

 

Whoever she is, she wants desperately to believe this guy is a wonderful guy who truly loves her. He's a lying, cheating selfish deadbeat who doesn't even pay his own way. Not sure why she thinks he's worth all this effort.

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