Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So do you think then that if she hadnt been chasing after him trying to convince him to work things out that he wouldve already gone back to her by now. But hes in no rush because he knows shes there waiting for him? I'm out. You refuse to listen to any of us. This is really disrespectful. I suggest that you continue dating him and learn the hard way. Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 I am listening. Its just that some of the things said bring new questions into my head Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So do you think then that if she hadnt been chasing after him trying to convince him to work things out that he wouldve already gone back to her by now. But hes in no rush because he knows shes there waiting for him? He's in no rush because he knows she AND you are there waiting for him. He thinks he's a stud with two girlfriends. Thing is, he has a FAMILY. Doesn't he feel the slightest bit responsible for his family? And I most certainly hope he's financially supporting his children. Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 I havent seen or heard anything to suggest he is and i know that he never really seems to have alot of money. Thats one of the reasons we havent really gone anywhere. He seems to struggle with money Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I havent seen or heard anything to suggest he is and i know that he never really seems to have alot of money. Thats one of the reasons we havent really gone anywhere. He seems to struggle with money Jeez... What do you find attractive about this guy? Is a good moral character a trait you require in a boyfriend or does that not matter? Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 It never really occurred to me to even think about the financial side of things between them. And it doesnt bother me if someone doesnt have alot of money. Im not interested in people just for the money they have or things they can give me and places they can take me Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Do you fear he's lining you up as a sugar-mama? He has kids to support and you're single, very lonely and have a job. Perhaps if you pay for stuff he can save enough to go back with his ex. it doesnt bother me if someone doesnt have alot of money. Im not interested in people just for the money they have or things they can give me and plaves they can take me Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Why would he need to save to go back to her? I think she used to pay most things when they were together Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 It never really occurred to me to even think about the financial side of things between them. And it doesnt bother me if someone doesnt have alot of money. Im not interested in people just for the money they have or things they can give me and places they can take me I'm not talking about wanting a man with money. I'm talking about a guy whose family went away for a bit and he decided to hook up with someone else while they're gone. He's having fun, so when his family comes back he dumps his children's mother. Then, instead of a clean break he continues to engage with her, hiding you from her for whatever reason. He reassures her via text that he's not ignoring her. Why would he need to do that? And, you're not even sure if he's financially supporting his OWN CHILDREN. You're concerned enough to stealth read his texts behind his back and come on this forum hoping people will assure you everything's perfectly fine. You WANT to believe everything's perfectly fine because this guy gives you attention and you haven't been getting that from guys lately. I can tell you that at the very least you will continue to be fearful and doubtful and you will continue to stealth read his texts because you're nervous and worried. What's more likely? He'll reconcile with her and you'll be left feeling heartbroken and sad. He might suggest continuing to see you secretly, so you'd be relegated to the side piece (not a pretty thought, is that?). But you don't want to believe any of that, so you'll continue. It's too bad. You seem to have plans for a good future but instead you're choosing to continue with a guy who doesn't deserve your time or attention. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I think we are being played. It can't be real. Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 He reassures her via text that he's not ignoring her. Why would he need to do that? Why would he ignore her? Or why would he reassure her? Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Definitely real. Its obviously just that much of a mess that it doesnt seem like it could be real Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So are you doing that also? Is that what you're afraid of, that he's just using you but still loves her? I think she used to pay most things when they were together Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Definitely real. Its obviously just that much of a mess that it doesn't seem like it could be real And also because you do not seem to be understanding what anyone has said. Now, we find out that this loser cannot even support his kids, and relies on women to take care of him. What makes this a good candidate, other than he is showing you some attention. What do your parents and friends think of this guy? Do they think he is a good catch? This is really what you want for your future? Are you ready to support him? I don't know how you can have an ounce of respect for him. OP, what happened to you? Why do you have such low expectations? Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 No i havent been paying for everything. My parents and friends havent met him. Just siblings that work and drink her and work friends. And i never realised quite how bad things were until i started writing them all down on here Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Do your parents and friends know the situation? He should be supporting his children. He is a deadbeat dad! He is a parasite. Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 They just know i have a new boyfriend Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Why haven't you shared all of this with them? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Do you live with your parents? Is that why you meet at his uncle's place? How old is he? Because it started with you as cheating on his gf, is that why she and your parents don't know about it? He is letting you pay for a lot then? Unfortunately he's pulling the wool over your eyes, talk to a trusted adult about what going on.My parents and friends havent met him. And i never realised quite how bad things were until i started writing them all down on here Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 My parents dont really show an interest. Theyre too busy with my younger siblings. Theres 9 of us all together so they have their hands full. And i havent really spent much time with my friends since ive been with him. It never really seemed to come up that he had children. And the rest, like him talking to his ex only started at the beginning of this week. Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Yes i live with my parents at the moment. Looking to flat share with a mate asap. Hes 25. I dont know why she doesnt know, he said he doesnt want to hurt her anymore than he already has. I dont really pay for very much. We dont go anywhere. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So you go to his uncle's place to just hang out, if you "don't go out much"? Is he afraid she will see you together or does he just want to have sex then you go home? Hes 25. I dont know why she doesnt know, he said he doesnt want to hurt her anymore than he already has. I dont really pay for very much. We dont go anywhere. Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 I dont know. Some nights i go home, some nights i stay and leave earlyish in the morning and sometimes i stay a couple of nights without going home. We just hang out in his bedroom as he doesnt socialise with his uncle. We just talk, watch films and have sex. I think yes hes afraid she'll see us as he used to bring her and the children to our work, before i started working here, and he brought them here a few weeks ago when they met but i wasnt working at the time. And i know he said to a guy we work with that she mentioned coming here when they met the other day but that he told her he didnt want to incase they asked him to work. I was working all day that day. And the only places we go are to stop for drinks at work. He pays for his own, well he puts it on a tab til payday. And sometimes the cinema. Things like that. We were supposed to go to the cinema last week on a double date but his ex was text him saying the baby had had an accident and she was taking them to the hospital. They were arguing so she said she didnt want him there. He had no credit on his phone to reply so instead of going to the cinema we went to our work so as he could use the wifi to talk to her. He then spent most of the day messaging her about plans for the babys birthday and arranging to take the children away after christmas. She asked if he wanted seperate rooms or just seperate beds and he said they didnt need seperate rooms. I thought he was probably just going along with it and wasnt intending on actually going and that thats why he said to do it after christmas, in the hopes it would get forgotten about Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 He was hoping you give him money. He has money to drink and go on vacation with her in the same room and all he does with you is hole up in a room for movies and sex? He is trying to get back with her and you know this. He is just releasing his load as cheaply as possible until he sleeps with her on vacation. He had no credit on his phone to reply so instead of going to the cinema we went to our work so as he could use the wifi to talk to her. He then spent most of the day messaging her about plans for the babys birthday and arranging to take the children away after christmas. She asked if he wanted seperate rooms or just seperate beds and he said they didnt need seperate rooms Link to comment
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 But he doesnt seem as though he is trying to get back with her. Thats the bit i cant understand. He doesnt meet with her very often, he doesnt initiate contact. Today he has ignored half of her messages. Although he has text her to say that hes not ignoring her, thats hes just busy working. I can understand the parts where like hes not only not telling her about me but hes actively hiding me from her by lying to her about things, which yes i can understand means he doesnt want her finding out so that he can go back to her. But he just doesnt seem to be actively trying to get back with her. Not right now atleast. And he told her theyd have to wait to go til after christmas as he wouldnt be able to get the time off til then Link to comment
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