LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Ive been seeing this guy for a few months and been 'official' for about 3 weeks. He broke up with his ex during the time we were getting to know eachother. They were together for a few years, engaged with 2 children. I dont think it was a bad break up, they werent fighting or anything, he just said he had fallen out of love with her. We became 'official' the day he first spent time with her taking the children out. They hadnt seen eachother in a couple of months as she had taken the children our of the country for a family emergency. When she came home he ended things with her and then they had been split for 2 weeks before the meeting. We work together and i spend a few nights a week at his. We dont go out a huge amount. But we spend quite abit of time together and we text alot when we are apart. He tells me he loves me quite often. Anyway.... he has spent the day with his ex a few times taking the children out to the playground and for lunch. They seem to get along really well still. They had a brief period of no contact. I think about 2 weeks, he broke it first by texting to ask how she and the children were and she replied a few days later. Since then she has text him daily. He always responds. Sometimes instantly, other times when he thinks i dont realise what hes doing. Theyve been saying good morning everyday and asking how eachother is. It only seems like small talk and he doesnt seem to initiate at all, just respond to her. Thats been going on for about a week. They have planned to spend next weekend together for one of the childrens birthdays, including taking them to his families house together. Hes been posting stories on snapchat from his memories, mostly old ones of the the children but his posts are all either from times when they were together or of himself with quotes expressing that hes not happy. He hasnt told her that he is with someone and he knows that she wants him back. Am i wrong for feeling insecure? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Why were you getting to know him when he had a gf back then? Messing with taken people is not cool. You can't possibly expect loyalty from someone that isn't loyal. And he jumped ship so you can't expect him to not have baggage. Duh it's pretty common sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 She wasnt around and i didnt know to begin with that he was taken. When i found out he said that he felt things between them had been over for awhile but he didnt know how to tell her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Why were you getting to know him when he had a gf back then? Messing with taken people is not cool. You can't possibly expect loyalty from someone that isn't loyal. And he jumped ship so you can't expect him to not have baggage. Duh it's pretty common sense. All of the above, yes. You're not wrong for feeling insecure, OP, but you are wrong for expecting any sort of real relationship from this man. It's not going to last between you. And you kept up with him anyway after finding out he wasn't actually single? Not cool. What goes around comes around, as you're now seeing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Are you saying im right to be insecure because of the contact he is having with his ex or because of how our relationship started? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Are you saying im right to be insecure because of the contact he is having with his ex or because of how our relationship started? Both. This isn't a relationship that is going to last. I would end it now and save yourself the heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 You think they will get back together? Does it make a difference if he just responds to her and doesnt initiate contact with her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Why would you get involved with someone directly out of a relationship? He needs at least a year to process things, plus there are kids. There is no way that he is over her. I do not think he loves you, and you have set yourself up for a lot of pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 And, why were dating someone who was involved. That's terrible. It seems like most of your dates are in the house (sex buddy). Why aren't you going out? You can't have a relationship in your home. You have a lot to learn, like staying away from other women's men. This is going to bite you in the azz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 We dont go out much as we rarely have the same days off so when we have abit of time we go for a few drinks or maybe the cinema or something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Yes, I think they are going to get back together. You need higher standards for the men you date, OP. Can you really not do any better than this guy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Even though he doesnt initiate any of the contact? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Even though he doesnt initiate any of the contact? Yes, even though he doesn't initiate. That is the least of your problems here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 What would you say are the other problems? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 What would you say are the other problems? Are you serious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Are you serious? Yes. Im interested in other peoples opinions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Your entire relationship with this man is a problem. What is you're being willfully blind to? I don't buy that you really need others' opinions of where the problems are. You might be trying to justify your own crappy behaviour with him but I don't believe you don't already know the truth about this non-relationship. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Can you really not do any better than this guy? Quoting myself, because I am interested in your opinion on this question. You didn't answer this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 I know what i think. But im interested in hearing opinions from people who are completely impartial and away from the whole situation. And why they think what they do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Quoting myself, because I am interested in your opinion on this question. You didn't answer this. Because i dont know the answer. Hes the first guy thats shown a real interest in me in a long time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I know what i think. But im interested in hearing opinions from people who are completely impartial and away from the whole situation. And why they think what they do Why don't you start by telling us what you think? We have already told you it's a bad idea to get involved with a man like this. He was not single, has not now been single long enough, and clearly isn't prepared to actually walk away from her and their kids. You're just someone who kept his bed warm. Your turn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Obviously hes not going to walk away from his children. I would never expect him to. But i feel that he shouldnt be spending the day taking them out together like they do. Im starting to feel as though maybe where she wasnt around for awhile he felt his needs werent being met so looked elsewhere. Got caught up in the excitement of something new and different. The more contact he has with her the more his mood swings, so i think hes conflicted about whether he wants to go back to her or not. Perhaps he feels like he should for the children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Im starting to feel as though maybe where she wasnt around for awhile he felt his needs werent being met so looked elsewhere. Got caught up in the excitement of something new and different. Gee, do ya think?! I don't mean to be rude, OP, but this is what you get for not cutting off a taken man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyJane84 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 So you think thats whats happened? And that now shes back hes torn between the new and exciting and going back to his family? Do you think then that he never actually stopped loving her, even if maybe he thought he did? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Have you considered that men with kids in general and this man in particular are not a good match for you? Were you having an affair with him hoping he would leave? Where does he live now? Your relationship is very new. You have no real say in how often and when and where he sees his own children. The most important thing to take note of is that he wants to continue to be a family with his exgf and is trying to get back with her. Your role may be to keep him warm until then, and at some level you realize this. He broke up with his ex during the time we were getting to know eachother. We became 'official' the day he first spent time with her taking the children out. We work together and i spend a few nights a week at his. He hasnt told her that he is with someone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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