Dumped for the 3th time, struggling to move on :(

[Pikachu]

Do you really think 2 visits are going to fix you? Getting over someone is a major lifestyle change. It's like exercise. If you want to stay under a certain weight, you can't expect to just try a diet for a bit or go to the gym once or twice and meet your goals. 2 visits probably isn't enough to even get a clear picture of your mental state. It's like breaking an addiction. You can't just wear a nicotine patch for 2 days and then conclude that patches don't work.

 

Maybe I should try someone else, I didn’t felt at my ease with this psychologist

[Carus]

I feel my posts get overlooked a bit but just want to remind you you're only 2 months into it.....

 

Patience Neo....The answers will come...

 

Can't force grief*

 

Carus*

[Pikachu]

I feel my posts get overlooked a bit but just want to remind you you're only 2 months into it.....

 

Patience Neo....The answers will come...

 

Can't force grief*

 

Carus*

 

Hi Carus,

 

I'm indeed only 2 months in. I think i'm not doing so bad for only 2 months in ..

[figureitout23]

Hi Carus,

 

I'm indeed only 2 months in. I think i'm not doing so bad for only 2 months in ..

 

No you’re not.

 

But seeking a new counselor isn’t a bad idea either.

 

This was a highly toxic relationship from the start that you willingly entered and still want to be a part of, there’s a lot going on beneath the surface with you and it would be a good idea to explore that with someone you feel comfortable opening up with and talking to.

[Pikachu]

No you’re not.

 

But seeking a new counselor isn’t a bad idea either.

 

This was a highly toxic relationship from the start that you willingly entered and still want to be a part of, there’s a lot going on beneath the surface with you and it would be a good idea to explore that with someone you feel comfortable opening up with and talking to.

 

Think it’s the fact that I think this was the one girl in my life I could be happy with. Like there is nobody even good as her available.

[boltnrun]

Think it’s the fact that I think this was the one girl in my life I could be happy with. Like there is nobody even good as her available.

 

But you know that's not true.

 

You're clinging to something that is not reality. I can only presume this fantasy is more appealing than your real life.

 

Best answer would be to see what's going on in your life that makes you long for someone who's so very bad for you and who treated you so horribly.

 

And before you leap to defend her by reminiscing about how she was in the beginning, remember that didn't last very long before she ditched you to go back to her ex.

 

She's bad for you. She's the one who makes you feel bad. She's not the answer.

[No1]

Think it’s the fact that I think this was the one girl in my life I could be happy with. Like there is nobody even good as her available.

 

This is your problem and this is why you cant move on. You say everything you are supposed to say. But you continue to look back to see if your X is chasing you. You say things like "its been 2 months, she wont contact me" "She probably has someone in her life by now" "I am sure she is over me" things like that is not an ending, its hoping. Rather than saying "Who cares, she is on her own path" you are saying things that gives you hope. "She will probably never contact me again" is hoping she will contact you again.

Im going to put your mind at ease. She will contact you again. She is not going to let a sucker go. She is not going to let an easy mark get away. You are the best option after all other options are gone. If you are happy with that, then by all means.. keep hope alive and let the cycle of pain begin because as you might fool yourself into thinking it. She does not see you as you see her. She does not see a future with you. This has been clear for years.

So again, you must decide.

[Pikachu]

This is your problem and this is why you cant move on. You say everything you are supposed to say. But you continue to look back to see if your X is chasing you. You say things like "its been 2 months, she wont contact me" "She probably has someone in her life by now" "I am sure she is over me" things like that is not an ending, its hoping. Rather than saying "Who cares, she is on her own path" you are saying things that gives you hope. "She will probably never contact me again" is hoping she will contact you again.

Im going to put your mind at ease. She will contact you again. She is not going to let a sucker go. She is not going to let an easy mark get away. You are the best option after all other options are gone. If you are happy with that, then by all means.. keep hope alive and let the cycle of pain begin because as you might fool yourself into thinking it. She does not see you as you see her. She does not see a future with you. This has been clear for years.

So again, you must decide.

 

It’s true. Quite confronting. I spent the last 4 years imagining a future with her. Saw her as the future mother of my children, so it’s quite hard to break through that patern. But as you say, it’s quite obvious that she didn’t shared the same view on the future than me. I only have one option and that is forgetting her and moving on with my life. But while I type this, some part of me won’t let go. Maybe with time, this feeling will fade away

[Pikachu]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=497391

 

Found this thread, describes the way I feel..

[No1]

It’s true. Quite confronting. I spent the last 4 years imagining a future with her. Saw her as the future mother of my children, so it’s quite hard to break through that patern. But as you say, it’s quite obvious that she didn’t shared the same view on the future than me. I only have one option and that is forgetting her and moving on with my life. But while I type this, some part of me won’t let go. Maybe with time, this feeling will fade away

 

 

I have not forgotten my first GF and I can think back and think of the wonderful times I had with her, but the thing is, I don't have any emotional ties to them. I don't cry or have it affect my day or moment if I think about the break up. Those emotional ties to those memories have long since faded away even tho I still have the memories.

Common mistake is to try to forget the X. Its like looking at a phone number every day and say "Im going to forget this phone number". You will have memories for years to come when it comes to your X, but the issue is the emotions attached to those memories. Do you remember scraping your knee or how you got your first scar or the first time you got hurt playing sports? You might have the memory but you don't cry when you think about it right? Same thing here with regards to an X.

If you are going to think of your X daily it doesn't matter what you say or what you do, just by thinking about her keeps the emotional vines attached to you alive. Just saying something like "she wont call me today" is a way for you to keep the wound fresh. what you will learn and must learn is that you just have to stop caring for the situation. Its over, she is not the one for you and you let her go. then you keep busy then you will notice you will go a day or two without thinking of her, then a week, then a few weeks, then a month then you wont even remember when the last time you thought of your X. Just live your life, that's the best way to heal

[Carus]

Maybe with time, this feeling will fade away

There's no 'maybe' about it my friend.....

 

The memory will always be there but the feeling associated with it will change.....

 

In the meantime you're just going to have to go through the motions...

 

Good last post from No1....^^

 

Carus*

[Pikachu]

I think it’s because she was my best friend and I have had lot’s of good moments too with hee. That’s why I fear I won’t find someone “as good as her”. When she came back I thought she was the best I could have..

[TeeDee]

I think it’s because she was my best friend and I have had lot’s of good moments too with hee. That’s why I fear I won’t find someone “as good as her”. When she came back I thought she was the best I could have..

 

Lots of people feel this way after a break up. However, that doesn't make it true. In the immediate aftermath the whole world seems off kilter. In time it will reset. For now, grieve the loss of something that was precious to you but then work on your own healing.

 

Hang in there.

[Pikachu]

3 months now since the 3rd breakup. Haven't heard from her, but will probably be seeing her at a funeral this weekend. Just gonna nod and say hi.

 

I'm accepting the breakup and realize that 'the love of my life' won't treat me this way. She won't want me to miss important events of her life and vice versa. It's over and there are plenty of other girls.

[figureitout23]

Very true P

[Blank State]

I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..

You don't win with people like her. I'm sure you've played it a thousand times in your head that she's going to get a hold of you and tell you what a mistake she made and that she wants to get back together with you, and you'll give her the middle finger, but it won't work out like that. You'll reluctantly give her another chance. Telling her how much she's hurt you and you'll be cautious this time. But it always ends back in the same place.

 

I was where you once were. I went through 3 years of it and it's soul sucking madness. You won't be happy. You'll get little dopamine rushes when she reaches out to you. You'll get a high from it. You'll feel good. But like all highs, when things start going south and she starts being distant, you'll feel so low. In my case, I would always go NC. But I wouldn't block her much like you because secretly, I desperately wanted her to call me or text me. And she would. And we would reconcile. And then a day or two later she would start pulling away. But what made my situation so much worse is that I worked with her. Still do. It's been about 2 years since we've done anything, and I still have rough days because it's tough seeing her all the time, but I am much happier not having that worry in my life.

 

I suggest you do the same. Because you have to face the facts. She's probably seeing other people. Block her. Social media, phone number, etc. She's likely not going to send you a letter, but if she does, just throw it away. Fight every urge in yourself to open it. Move on. Because she has. But she knows that when she feels vulnerable and needs an ego boost, she can always get a hold of you.

 

Let it go. Go NC and remove any expectation from your brain.

[Pikachu]

Hi Blank State, I appreciate your post. Thanks a lot.

 

I know that a 3rd or 4th round won’t be the solution.

Last week I went on a date with another girl, she’s pretty and sweet but somewhere I just aren’t ready for it. I still miss my ex and I sometimes wish she just called. I haven’t heard from her since the breakup 3,5 months ago.

 

I just wished It all went away, that I never met her. I keep trying to not think about her, to refocus my thoughts. But I still love her. I’m afraid I never stop

[Carus]

I keep trying to not think about her, to refocus my thoughts

If I say don’t think about elephants what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

 

Sometimes, instead of saying I won’t think about them, it can better just to accept that yes you still think about them and yes you still miss them...and that’s ok.

 

So long as you’re pushing on with building a good life for yourself then it’s ok. Eventually the pain will lessen and time, life and the day to day will take over*

 

Keep it moving Pik*

 

Carus*

[Pikachu]

A mutual friend told me yesterday that she had sex the day after she dumped me. And already has a new relationship with the ex of a good friend of her. So I was sitting her, whining and feeling hurt while she had sex 24 hours later. My intuition was right and I’m glad I know this now. She has no values and was obviously not in love with me anymore. Good riddance. And yes, I now finally blocked her.

[boltnrun]

A mutual friend told me yesterday that she had sex the day after she dumped me. And already has a new relationship with the ex of a good friend of her. So I was sitting her, whining and feeling hurt while she had sex 24 hours later. My intuition was right and I’m glad I know this now. She has no values and was obviously not in love with me anymore. Good riddance. And yes, I now finally blocked her.

 

Please ask this so-called mutual "friend" to stop feeding you information about your ex. Does this mutual "friend" dislike you or something? Why would they deliberately tell you things they know would hurt you?

 

However...if this was the motivation you needed to finally realize this woman is wrong for you, then that's a good thing. Glad you have decided to stop waiting for her to contact you.

[Pikachu]

I’m glad she told me. It’s the push I needed to finally give up on her.

I always thought she had some decency, but I don’t want to be with someone who has such low values and standards.

[figureitout23]

I’m glad she told me. It’s the push I needed to finally give up on her.

I always thought she had some decency, but I don’t want to be with someone who has such low values and standards.

 

Sl*t shaming?

 

Really?

 

Come on pikachu...

 

I’m all for you moving on, really and truly I am but get out of lala land please, she was decent enough for you to help her cheat...

 

You always knew who she was always, you just didn’t care. That says much more about you than her, a sentiment stated to you multiple times.

 

You’re fueled by anger right now, but it will subside because it’s not rooted in anything, again you’ve always known who she was.

 

Be real, you didn’t think she would do to you what you witnessed first hand her do to others, now you know without a shadow of doubt she can and will.

 

Keep her blocked.

[Pikachu]

Sl*t shaming?

 

Really?

 

Come on pikachu...

 

I’m all for you moving on, really and truly I am but get out of lala land please, she was decent enough for you to help her cheat...

 

You always knew who she was always, you just didn’t care. That says much more about you than her, a sentiment stated to you multiple times.

 

You’re fueled by anger right now, but it will subside because it’s not rooted in anything, again you’ve always known who she was.

 

Be real, you didn’t think she would do to you what you witnessed first hand her do to others, now you know without a shadow of doubt she can and will.

 

Keep her blocked.

 

It's true, I always knew it but had a very hard time admitting it. I still haven't seen her or spoken her and will keep that that way. She will always equals drama and trouble.

Just feeling quite nostalgic these days. Sometimes having a hard time believing there's someone out there for me who I'll be happy with again.

[Dmk1986e]

Just feeling quite nostalgic these days. Sometimes having a hard time believing there's someone out there for me who I'll be happy with again.

 

I know how you feel, I am going through it right now as well. Try to picture it like this.. If you were standing on a empty beach, and you could not see any ships on the ocean all the way to the horizen, does that mean there is nothing out there? There almost certainly ships heading towards the very shore you are standing on. Just because you cannot see them at the moment, does not mean they are not there. Take care of yourself, and know each day you are getting better.

[Pikachu]

Breakup was 9 months ago. I’m doing much better, but how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking about her several times a day.

She already had a new boyfriend and apparantly she was dumped this time (karma). So it’s quite pathetic that I’m still processing the breakup, while she moved on so fast.

 

I find it extremely difficult to love someone else or to believe there’s someone out there for me whom I will be happy with.

Self-confidence has dropped and due to the coronavirus, all social life has ended for at least 1 month. Sucks being single and alone these days.