Dumped for the 3th time, struggling to move on :(

[Pikachu]

Well, "crumbs" can be avoided by blocking...

 

She hasn’t contacted me once in the 2 months after the breakup, so she won’t contact me :)

[boltnrun]

She hasn’t contacted me once in the 2 months after the breakup, so she won’t contact me :)

 

But she COULD contact you. And that keeps you "hoping". Hoping to get that text saying she wants to see you.

 

In other words, stuck.

 

But if you don't want to block, you want to still be available to her, of course that's your choice.

[saluk]

The more roadblocks you put up for her to contact you, the less likely she will go to the effort. And sometimes, even if it is just a symbolic gesture, things you can do that make your soul feel more closed off is what you need to detox from a relationship like this which you are particularly trapped in.

 

Blocking her number, deleting social media accounts, deleting photos, throwing away letters, burning memorabilia. All can be helpful. It's all about orientating yourself towards looking at a future without her rather than reminiscing about the past.

[No1]

op.. Im going to put this in very simple terms. What was said or promised has to be thrown out the window. Doesn't matter if she said you were the best guy in the world, doesn't matter if she said you were the worst either. You could of been her knight and saved her because it does not matter anymore. What happened in the past is now officially part of your past. You cant right a wrong, you cant show her anything new and she will not see you as the guy as you want to be seen. If she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, she would be with you right now.

Your situation is not complex have a lot of issues or ways it can go. Your situation is simple. You are no longer with her, you are single and the relationship is over. Now, I know in the past she or you has come back, so you are hoping that the past will work for you and any day now she will do what she always does and calls you and says I want you back. Now could that happen? Absolutely.. with her shifting needs and wants, she could very well call you and push all of your buttons and tug on all of your strings and say all the things you want to hear just to get back with you. The question is.. What do you want to do?

You are at a crossroads right now. On the left is you just going down the road where she contacts you and I think it is very probable that she will contact you. After all, she knows that she can always rely on you to be there to catch her. She knows she can use you until she no longer needs you. You will feel good again but then break up and the cycle starts all over.

Or you can take the road to the right without your X being in the picture. Sure you will be heartbroken for a little bit but think of the potential.. Think of who you can meet, maybe get married or have kids or whatever you want for your future. If you wait for your X, none of what you want will ever happen because with her, love flows in one direction.

Your choice, cant do both.

[Pikachu]

op.. Im going to put this in very simple terms. What was said or promised has to be thrown out the window. Doesn't matter if she said you were the best guy in the world, doesn't matter if she said you were the worst either. You could of been her knight and saved her because it does not matter anymore. What happened in the past is now officially part of your past. You cant right a wrong, you cant show her anything new and she will not see you as the guy as you want to be seen. If she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, she would be with you right now.

Your situation is not complex have a lot of issues or ways it can go. Your situation is simple. You are no longer with her, you are single and the relationship is over. Now, I know in the past she or you has come back, so you are hoping that the past will work for you and any day now she will do what she always does and calls you and says I want you back. Now could that happen? Absolutely.. with her shifting needs and wants, she could very well call you and push all of your buttons and tug on all of your strings and say all the things you want to hear just to get back with you. The question is.. What do you want to do?

You are at a crossroads right now. On the left is you just going down the road where she contacts you and I think it is very probable that she will contact you. After all, she knows that she can always rely on you to be there to catch her. She knows she can use you until she no longer needs you. You will feel good again but then break up and the cycle starts all over.

Or you can take the road to the right without your X being in the picture. Sure you will be heartbroken for a little bit but think of the potential.. Think of who you can meet, maybe get married or have kids or whatever you want for your future. If you wait for your X, none of what you want will ever happen because with her, love flows in one direction.

Your choice, cant do both.

 

I'm going to take the right. Thanks for all of your messages here, I will keep you all posted on my healing and possible new love. I'm hoping this will be my last thread here :)

[Carus]

She hasn’t contacted me once in the 2 months after the breakup, so she won’t contact me :)

Heh....Ah yes...I used to try and convince myself of that too, but 2 months...? Hmm....As my ex weaned off me the contact still came 3 months, 4 months, even 6 months down the track.....

 

But here's the thing, it never amounted to anything....It never meant anything.....

 

It's now been about 7-8 months so I believe I'm in the clear now....and it wouldn't matter as much any more anyway. I've moved forward and forged a new life from the ashes of what was*

I'm hoping this will be my last thread here :)

Well there's still a lot of great knowledge to be gained here. I know about 90% of people don't come back to this forum, but I also think a lot of those people probably just tape over the wound and go off only to repeat similar patterns....Internal changes to our core belief systems is not easy....But of course it's your life. It's up to you.

 

There is also a constant influx of newbies that could use your strength and wisdom Pik*

 

Carus*

[figureitout23]

But she COULD contact you. And that keeps you "hoping". Hoping to get that text saying she wants to see you.

 

In other words, stuck.

 

But if you don't want to block, you want to still be available to her, of course that's your choice.

 

This is true pikachu.

 

As long as the channels are open that hope will remain, it’s incredibly hard to do with on again off again, that hope, without setting obstacles as another poster said, you know it’s a possibility.

 

The question is will you be strong enough to resist the temptation. My now ex husband would come back after a few days, then weeks, then months, the longest being the last time - 7 months, I almost went back, thank God I didn’t but I almost did.

 

For your sake honestly I hope she doesn’t come back. Work on yourself during this time, Hopefully you won’t Go back

[boltnrun]

People will come up with 897 reasons why they "can't " block, or why it's "harsh", "immature" or "unnecessary". When the truth is, they are hoping their ex contacts them.

 

You can't move forward if you're looking in the rear view mirror.

[Pikachu]

True. Having a tough day today, I just miss her sometimes. Stupid, because by now she has probably been with someone else. So it’s really ridiculous to miss her

[boltnrun]

True. Having a tough day today, I just miss her sometimes. Stupid, because by now she has probably been with someone else. So it’s really ridiculous to miss her

 

What are you doing differently? What changes are you making? What efforts have you made to move past this?

 

Or are you wallowing, looking at her social media, checking your phone for messages and ruminating about her for hours?

[Pikachu]

What are you doing differently? What changes are you making? What efforts have you made to move past this?

 

Or are you wallowing, looking at her social media, checking your phone for messages and ruminating about her for hours?

 

I haven’t checked her social media. I do not expect any messages. It’s been “only” 2 months, I guess you can’t get over someone in 2 months

[Carus]

I guess you can’t get over someone in 2 months

Eh....Some seem to.....

 

But this is a deep one for you Pik....And no, missing her and grieving is not stupid ok*

 

Carus*

[boltnrun]

I haven’t checked her social media. I do not expect any messages. It’s been “only” 2 months, I guess you can’t get over someone in 2 months

 

You absolutely won't if you're not making a concerted and diligent effort to do so.

 

But when you make no changes, when you refuse to block her because you want her to contact you asking for reconciliation so you can allegedly reject her, when you don't make an effort to redirect your thoughts instead of ruminating...all of this will hinder your progress.

 

It's up to you what you want to do.

[Pikachu]

You absolutely won't if you're not making a concerted and diligent effort to do so.

 

But when you make no changes, when you refuse to block her because you want her to contact you asking for reconciliation so you can allegedly reject her, when you don't make an effort to redirect your thoughts instead of ruminating...all of this will hinder your progress.

 

It's up to you what you want to do.

 

Having another tough day today. I’m going to need surgery to recover from my injury. So no more sport for another 4-5 months. But that’s life I guess. When I look back at 2017 I had everything; sports, girlfriend. Kinda sucks right now to lose them both. But it can only get better now.. Tonight there’s a little festival in my neighbourhood. I know she will be attending it (because she always goes, didn’t looked it up), my friend are also going. But I’m going to stay home, don’t wanna see her yet. This summer sucks, last one did too. Both times because she decided to dump me. I’m sick of it, I just want to be happy again. But right now I’m staying home to avoid seeing her. While she’s just having fun and doing cool things..

[boltnrun]

Hopefully some day soon you will get sick of wallowing and take steps to move forward.

[Joanne1985]

Having another tough day today. I’m going to need surgery to recover from my injury. So no more sport for another 4-5 months. But that’s life I guess. When I look back at 2017 I had everything; sports, girlfriend. Kinda sucks right now to lose them both. But it can only get better now.. Tonight there’s a little festival in my neighbourhood. I know she will be attending it (because she always goes, didn’t looked it up), my friend are also going. But I’m going to stay home, don’t wanna see her yet. This summer sucks, last one did too. Both times because she decided to dump me. I’m sick of it, I just want to be happy again. But right now I’m staying home to avoid seeing her. While she’s just having fun and doing cool things..

 

Did you go to the festival

[Pikachu]

Did you go to the festival

 

No I didn’t..

[Joanne1985]

No I didn’t..

Thats a shame. This time next year you will go with no worries :)

[Pikachu]

Thats a shame. This time next year you will go with no worries :)

 

I thought it’s best to avoid all sorts of contact as long that I’m not ready

[Pikachu]

Anyway, day 60 since the breakup and no contact. Life hasn’t become any better. I’m doing al the things that I should do.

But I still feel like I’m stuck. I’m avoiding all the places where I could meet her, but it’s like my life is an hold because of her.

I’m very unhappy and often wonder what’s the point of my life. I hate it, I hate this summer and I want to hate her. But who am I fooling. I still love her, I will probably never stop loving her although I know we can never be together again. It’s like the best years of my life are over and I’ll never be as happy as when we were just together.

[boltnrun]

Anyway, day 60 since the breakup and no contact. Life hasn’t become any better. I’m doing al the things that I should do.

But I still feel like I’m stuck. I’m avoiding all the places where I could meet her, but it’s like my life is an hold because of her.

I’m very unhappy and often wonder what’s the point of my life. I hate it, I hate this summer and I want to hate her. But who am I fooling. I still love her, I will probably never stop loving her although I know we can never be together again. It’s like the best years of my life are over and I’ll never be as happy as when we were just together.

 

Avoiding places keeps you stuck. You think about her every time, right?

 

Also, are you still refusing to block her?

 

You're choosing to keep her in your life virtually. Then you are sad because she's not actually there.

 

Do you think it's time to seek professional help so you can stop making your life all about her?

[Pikachu]

Avoiding places keeps you stuck. You think about her every time, right?

 

Also, are you still refusing to block her?

 

You're choosing to keep her in your life virtually. Then you are sad because she's not actually there.

 

Do you think it's time to seek professional help so you can stop making your life all about her?

 

I visited a psychologist 2 times. Didn’t help me much. Only advice I got was: she’s not good for you. Yeah, that’s obvious..

[boltnrun]

I visited a psychologist 2 times. Didn’t help me much. Only advice I got was: she’s not good for you. Yeah, that’s obvious..

 

But what you've been doing isn't working.

 

Do you feel deep in your heart the only thing that will make you feel better is her coming back to you?

[Pikachu]

But what you've been doing isn't working.

 

Do you feel deep in your heart the only thing that will make you feel better is her coming back to you?

 

And this moment right now, yes. And I’m embarressed about it

[saluk]

I visited a psychologist 2 times. Didn’t help me much. Only advice I got was: she’s not good for you. Yeah, that’s obvious..

 

Do you really think 2 visits are going to fix you? Getting over someone is a major lifestyle change. It's like exercise. If you want to stay under a certain weight, you can't expect to just try a diet for a bit or go to the gym once or twice and meet your goals. 2 visits probably isn't enough to even get a clear picture of your mental state. It's like breaking an addiction. You can't just wear a nicotine patch for 2 days and then conclude that patches don't work.