Another Dog Situation

[j.man]

I vote for rehoming the dog and being firm about not wanting a pet. If that costs your marriage? Then so be it.

 

A spouse who ignores the wishes of someone who does not want that responsibility and full-on impact of having a dog, is wanting pets more than the marriage.

I actually agree with both these points completely. If your puppy is still a puppy, it's a prime time to rehome it with minimal trauma and with as much opportunity as it can have at this point to be trained by more competent, willing, and loving owners. Note my biggest gripe isn't that you're doing a bad job with the dog you wanted nothing to do with, but that you weren't willing to put your foot down absolutely. The dog is still young, so I don't think it's too late to redeem yourself there.

 

And for all the **** anyone can give you (myself included), fact is she wanted to dog knowing full-well your opinion. This isn't her picking her taste in music to play over the speakers. This is asking you not only to tolerate a very intrusive physical presence in your home, but to play a very active hand in being responsible for it. And, being honest, to what benefit? Doesn't sound like it's a working dog by any stretch. Going by the fact she originally wanted a poodle for non-functional purposes, she just wants a living creature to serve as her entertainment and, on a very base level, at the expense of her husband's sensibilities.

 

You're within your own rights as well as those of the innocent dog's to assert the sheer fact his household isn't a suitable environment for it.

[jimthzz]

...fact is she wanted to dog knowing full-well your opinion. This isn't her picking her taste in music to play over the speakers. This is asking you not only to tolerate a very intrusive physical presence in your home, but to play a very active hand in being responsible for it. And, being honest, to what benefit? Doesn't sound like it's a working dog by any stretch. Going by the fact she originally wanted a poodle for non-functional purposes, she just wants a living creature to serve as her entertainment and, on a very base level, at the expense of her husband's sensibilities. ...

 

This, in bold! A lot of dog owners just want a doll.

[Cherylyn]

My 14 year old Golden Retriever recently passed away but the difference is, she was a saint, calm, quiet and extremely well behaved. I'm a dog lover but even though I miss her immensely, I don't miss the added responsibilities for 14 years. The break is wonderful albeit lonely. I only feel this way because she was a gem. She earned her keep plus went above and beyond with her exemplary behavior. She was of 'Guide Dog' status and extremely intelligent like no other.

 

As for your dog, I suggest dog training. Take dog training classes or hire a professional dog trainer to correct your dog's behavioral problems. Always remain consistent with training.

 

Neglected dogs misbehave so spend more time with your dog, take the dog for walks both morning and evening. Dogs force you to exercise, become active and healthy. Dogs improve your cardiovascular health. Keep your dog clean. Brush his teeth after dinner daily, bathe him twice a month or every 2 weeks, clean his ears, wipe his derriere daily and keep him clean after he poops, wash his paws upon entry to the house so he doesn't track outside dirt and bacteria indoors. Hose the lawn after he poops to keep the grass clean and so he won't track in odor and bacteria. Give him chew toys or veterinarian approved chews. A lot of times dogs are naughty because they don't receive enough positive attention and positive reinforcement.

 

Also, keep a calm, peaceful, quiet, non-confrontational household because a dog will reflect the household's chaos or lack thereof.

 

Socialize your dog with other dogs. It sounds like your dog is bored and stir crazy.

[Hollyj]

Not long ago, my husband and I got a 10 weeks Australian Shepherd (about two months ago) and for a good month we fought constantly... My husband and I have different personalities, made me saw how different our 'parenting style' are. Since we got married we have been wanting a dog and we kept disagreeing to which dog we wanted and this was the only breed we agreed on. High energy, highly intelligent, natural leader (aka alpha personality), stubborn and oh did I mentioned high energy?

 

Any way my husband believes that the puppy will outgrow his "puppy behaviors" and all we need to do is scold and "pop" the puppy snout when he does something wrong. Did that work? Nope. My husband also believes that rough-house playing with the puppy was ok because that's what puppies do with each other. However that sure didn't stop the puppy from biting the crap out of him. So when he had to be away for work for 3 weeks in Arizona, I told him I was going to train the dog my way. My husband wanted to take the puppy with him but since the puppy had giardia, he did not want to clean up the constant diarrhea.

 

Fast forward two weeks... puppy still needs work with mouthing my husband and anyone he thinks want to rough-house with him...and he still gets easily distracted with movement and sound when you tell him a command. But here are the small victories - he is now fully potty training, fully crate trained, stops barking when I say quiet, knows his name, knows to go time-out by himself, stopped chewing furnitures and yes he stopped licking his own poo. Did my husband help with any training? Nope. My husband believes all dogs outgrow their puppy behaviors. I can't really fault him since he grew up with dogs his whole life (have lived with 15 dogs). But I am 100 percent sure none of the dogs ever listened to him. My husband wears his heart on his sleeves and so, its also how the way he's with dogs too - all love, no discipline (for instance, my husband has been home this week and still gets bitten when he tells the puppy No and then I say No the puppy stops, and my husband rolls his eyes and wonders why it doesn't work for him.)

 

You and your wife just need to figure out a plan if your both willing to provide a consistent structure for your dog... the details in to that structure may vary between you two but sit down together. Because what worked for me, was making it a routine for the puppy to know he has a schedule. Once he has a schedule, gets enough daily play/exercises, take him dog parks regularly, and you teach him commands and provide discipline every day, they slowly process right/wrong behaviors. They are intuitive but they may not process logic like us, so it's our job as pet owners to show them consequences when they do or act wrong. I had to constantly turn my dog to the wall every time he barked back at me (always want last word) and every time he chose not to sit... took ton of patience and willing to get nipped and bit for him to see I wasn't backing down. Well now he knows when I say time-out, he runs straight to that wall and mull. The thing is... it takes a lot of effort to train and raise a puppy so you really need to ask yourself, are you willing to put those hours in and see improvement in your marriage?

 

Good for you!

[j.man]

Rehome the dog.

 

Nobody can responsibly advise you to keep a canine your wife is completely inept at training and you want nothing to do with. One of my biggest rules is to not let an animal suffer. It will with your household. Grow a pair and put your foot down. She wants to make having a toy as a pet an issue of life or death for the marriage, I'll be completely honest. Every one between you as the husband or the children are most likely better off without her as a full-time presence. Hoping both she and you will do the right thing.

[mustlovedogs]

It doesn’t matter if you rehome the dog. Your wife will want another one. So it’s dog or your wife.

 

You knew this going in - you knew this was important to her. At the end of the day, this is on you.

[j.man]

Not important enough to her to take care of it evidently. The dog isn't what's important to her. Having a creature as a toy is.

 

Rehome it. Put your foot down. She wants to be a child, let her do it on someone else's watch. With any luck, another man who loves and respects dogs more than her can pick up for her slack and lack of humanity will provide a dog that would otherwise be ill-fated in her care a decent life.

[mustlovedogs]

Not important enough to her to take care of it evidently. The dog isn't what's important to her. Having a creature as a toy is.

 

Rehome it. Put your foot down. She wants to be a child, let her do it on someone else's watch. With any luck, another man who loves and respects dogs more than her can pick up for her slack and lack of humanity will provide a dog that would otherwise be ill-fated in her care a decent life.

 

Maybe I missed it, but I don’t see where the dog had a bad life. Just an owner who doesn’t care for it.

 

I also don’t see where she’s being a child. So it hasn’t been trained yet. Are we getting the whole story? are we sure OP has nothing to do with that?

[j.man]

Not one but two who don't care for it, indicative from its behavior and the wife's stated attitude, blaming the OP for the non-functional poodle he somehow deprived her of. Baby wanted her toy poodle an didn't get it. Meanwhile she can't take are of what she's got. Classic child behavior.

 

OP has expressed being very vocal over getting a new dog. It is in fact *not* shame on him for the wife making a conscious decision to introduce an innocent puppy into a home she very well knew would be apprehensive toward its existence within. OP has been straight forward about an unwillingness to be an active and responsible party for the dog, which if the wife's IQ exceeds double digits would be considered intrinsic. OP is at fault for taking on a wife who, at least insofar as she's entertained by them, is a "dog person." The wife is at fault for going the extra four football fields and introducing a dog into a hostile household. So you've got two grossly irresponsible parties, though one of which (the OP) has at least never claimed or hoped to be one with regard to a dog. OP's sin leads to a pissed off wife. Wife's sin leads to an innocent dog getting thrown into the mix. I without hesitation weigh hers more heavily. And going by the fact she was breed shopping, I doubt it was even a dog being spared a rough life at the shelter. Just one being milled out for her entertainment's sake.

 

Rehome the dog while it's still young enough to have a chance. Don't encourage people to roll weighed dice keeping innocent animals in this kind of situation.

[itsallgrand]

I'm trying to get my head around a partnership where one decrees something and the other goes along as though they will be done inevitably.

I'll have to tell my guy he has some falling in line to do lol.

 

Seriously, getting this puppy now made zero sense. You weren't on board, you are both stressed out and exhausted as is. So let's throw the family, including kids and pets you already have, in chaos cause mom waaannts a pup!? What?

 

I can't help but think of an ex of my bros, they were serious and had lived together many years. They were talking marriage, but the relationship was starting to come undone. In the midst of this, she tells him she wants a kitten. He says no, doesn't make sense right now. She had a dog and a cat she had brought into the relationship. He was fine with that, even though he wouldn't have chosen it had they not already been in her life. He loves animals, but doesn't mean he has to have pets at all times.

They were living far away at this time, and then my mom got very ill. He had moved there for his career, so he had all this stress.

And sure enough, she comes home one day with a kitten. Turned out the kitten was I'll too, as she was in a rush and got the little one from a random ad/house.

Odd how the relationship kept plummeting, eh?

 

It's your relationship that is a problem here. The puppy is another casualty on the hill of resentments, and the attitude of ' how do I eat this further resentment' isn't going to fix it. Just my opinion you need to actually address the dynamic where resentment and power plays have become normal.

[mustlovedogs]

OP sounds like he expected to never get another dog. Shame on him if that’s the case - that’s what I mean. He met her when she had a dog, so it’s reasonable to expect she’ll want another dog.

[batso1340]

OP sounds like he expected to never get another dog. Shame on him if that’s the case - that’s what I mean. He met her when she had a dog, so it’s reasonable to expect she’ll want another dog.

 

I dunno.

 

That's how the relationship rules get applied to motorcycles at least.

 

Why shouldn't it work on dogs?

[bluecastle]

I dunno.

 

That's how the relationship rules get applied to motorcycles at least.

 

Why shouldn't it work on dogs?

 

What?!

 

This makes no sense. If what you're saying is the "rule" is that once a motorcycle dies or is sold another one does not replace it—too dangerous, too juvenile—than that's a rule a couple makes together, not something Moses carved into granite.

 

Plenty of motorcycle riders plan on buying another bike, and another, until they die. Were my girlfriend and I to get married tomorrow she would be marrying a man who planned to always have a motorcycle. She knows this. If she had concerns—if marriage was predicated on me selling the bike or giving up biking once it died—we would discuss it, coming up with a "rule" that worked for both of us. And if we couldn't? We would not get married.

 

You have an oddly passive approach about this whole thing, as if it is all something that has "happened" to you when in fact it's a choice you made with your wife. You don't like that choice, I get it, but I agree with itsallgrand that the puppy is a proxy right now for things you don't like about your relationship.

[batso1340]

Geez, relax already!

 

With the bike thing she does have a point, I'm pretty good at falling off the things.

 

 

Back to dogs...

[jimthzz]

Last I checked no spouse has to clean up motorcycle poop or get up to walk it because the motorcycle rider won't do it. Not a good analogy.

 

But if were to use a parallel construct, i would guess that the motorcycle rider doesn't even want the spouse to touch the machine!

[Wiseman2]

It's there now so sit and stew or jump in and do something to improve it's smell, behavior, etc.and your quality of life coexisting there.🐶😎

You can nag and complain but the dog and wife aren't listening🙉.

Back to dogs...

[mustlovedogs]

It’s like kids.

 

If you knew she wanted kids and you didn’t want kids, why would you get upset that now she still wants kids?

 

You KNEW this. Same with motorcycles. I wouldn’t date a guy with a motorcycle if it was a dealbreaker. I wouldn’t date a guy who smokes if it was a dealbreaker...

[bluecastle]

It’s like kids.

 

If you knew she wanted kids and you didn’t want kids, why would you get upset that now she still wants kids?

 

You KNEW this. Same with motorcycles. I wouldn’t date a guy with a motorcycle if it was a dealbreaker. I wouldn’t date a guy who smokes if it was a dealbreaker...

 

Exactly.

 

It's amusing, I have to say, that you keep telling us to "chill out." Can't help but think it's a little window into both how you got yourself in this situation and how you deal with it—outsourcing the spine to sarcasm, basically.

 

You're acting like this dog—and, by extension, this marriage—is something that just, like, happened to you. The dog is a choice you made, many years ago and recently. Own it. Train it. Live with it.

 

If you can do that you might find a deeper sense of chill than the momentary one brought on by telling others—us, your wife, whoever—to "chill out." Cause it's all super chill over here, rest assured—no unwanted dog, a motorcycle in the driveway, a cloudless spring morning.

[greendots]

I married my wife, knowing she was a dog lover.

 

I personally don't have a drama with dogs as such, my family had dogs while I was growing up but they were always an 'outside toy '.

 

Normally I wouldn't but we as a family have been coping with multiple heavy issues in recent months and we are both seriously exhausted, both physically and mentally.

 

Be clear on this - I don't actually hate the dog as an entity. I'm resentful of the additional stress, chaos and responsibility he represents in my life. I don't need it. I have more than enough already thanks very much.

 

Let me get this straight and please correct me if I am wrong. So, you personally don't dislike dogs as long as they remain outside. Still, you chose to marry her knowing full well that she already owned two indoor dogs. You took her love for dogs into consideration. Then, when they passed away, understandably she got another dog. But she got one forcefully, whether you liked it or not, and got a dog that lives indoors.

 

She didn't take your feelings into consideration, did she? Does this happen often? I'm genuinely asking because you mentioned that as a family you've got other issues on your plate.

[LootieTootie]

Good for you!

 

Thank you! My husband has become a believer! He started doing command training with me and I can tell he is so proud of our puppy especially since our dog knows how to touch us with one of his paws when he wants our attention and yes when one of us say time-out, the puppy willingly goes to the corner and gives us a look of "crazy teenage child I hate you" look or "crazy ex-girlfriend feel sorry for me ..." look. (The puppy is a great manipulator)... This was a lot of time and training - not something that happened overnight... It takes time and energy to train... and the right setting.

 

OP you never wanted this dog, but it also seems that you do not want to end your marriage over a dog. Because you chose this route to be married to someone who has made it obvious to you that she is a dog-person, you've made it this far to either:

1) suck it up and live with it.

2) rehome the dog which will lead further resentment and blame along the road

3) giving the dog a chance ... provide a schedule and time for training/socialization, which will lead the dog to respect you and love you.

 

There's a reason why these animals are called Man's Best Friend... and I hate to say this to you, but I think you can use a Friend that won't judge you.

[j.man]

There's a reason why these animals are called Man's Best Friend... and I hate to say this to you, but I think you can use a Friend that won't judge you.

They're man's best friend because they've in the most tangible way possible benefited our survival and evolution as a species through actual function, not because we love having them around as an animal in the house. I'd wager a whole lot on the fact our ancestors would not have simply tolerated a dog for it having drooled in their makeshift shelter and slept next to them. That's not to say there isn't plenty of reason for many of us dog lovers to enjoy dogs simply for being dogs, but that it's ridiculous to dismiss the fact there is simply going to be a whole lot of people out there who don't care for it nor will they ever.

 

So many self-professed dog lovers encouraging conditions wherein this dog won't be adequately loved nor properly trained, and it truly baffles me. I love dogs. As someone who loves dogs, there's no way on god's green earth I'd introduce one to a household wherein I knew my partner didn't want it. I say again, the husband's sin is pissing his wife off. Hers is, despite the fact she has an apprehensive husband and very obviously being unable to care for and train the dog herself, dragging an innocent puppy into the mix. Lady's an ***hole. No real getting around it.

[itsallgrand]

^ Whole heartedly agree with jman here.