I can’t deal with another person’s emotional issues

[Seraphim]

Personally, I think if everybody stopped running to console her she would stop doing it . And if she’s not doing it ,her daughters are doing it . And it doesn’t matter what the event is it could be the happiest thing in the world those three will be bawling in 20 minutes

[thornz]

You could always book your own private room to sleep in. If anyone queries it, you are feeling anxious about the event and sharing a room and wish to have your own space. It's an honest answer but a diplomatic one.

[SarahLancaster]

I think you're right about people enabling her to be a drama queen. Can't you just totally ignore her outbursts? They obviously are in desperate need of attention. Don't let them ruin your time with their drama. Wear earbuds if you have to. ;)

[Seraphim]

I think you're right about people enabling her to be a drama queen. Can't you just totally ignore her outbursts? They obviously are in desperate need of attention. Don't let them ruin your time with their drama. Wear earbuds if you have to. ;)

While not in the room I can ignore her . Because I have to pay attention at the convention because there are things I have to vote on . While in the room I could pretend I am paying attention to movies on my iPad .

[Starlight925]

Ugh, I hate this for you.

 

The best way to handle her is to "Grey Rock" her. Talk to her with a flat affect, talk only about mundane topics (i.e. the food, the hand soaps in the room), and if/when she goes off, simply stare. No reaction, just stare. Treat her as you would a Grey Rock.

 

It won't be good for you to say anything to her, because she'll brand you a "bully", and you'll be the thing she cries to others about.

 

Grey Rock is the advice given to those who are victims of mental abuse, as to how to react towards their abusers. I think this qualifies.

[Capricorn3]

We all stay at the same hotel because it is a massive convention but we usually bunk 4 to a room to save money and rooms are booked two months in advance. She would be one of the 4 in the room. So I can’t really say go get your own room when two other people are staying there with me.

Could YOU perhaps share with someone else? Basically swap with someone else?

[Seraphim]

Could YOU perhaps share with someone else? Basically swap with someone else?

 

Usually we have about 25 people who go from our council but this year only 4 of us can go. 😔

[Seraphim]

Ugh, I hate this for you.

 

The best way to handle her is to "Grey Rock" her. Talk to her with a flat affect, talk only about mundane topics (i.e. the food, the hand soaps in the room), and if/when she goes off, simply stare. No reaction, just stare. Treat her as you would a Grey Rock.

 

It won't be good for you to say anything to her, because she'll brand you a "bully", and you'll be the thing she cries to others about.

 

Grey Rock is the advice given to those who are victims of mental abuse, as to how to react towards their abusers. I think this qualifies.

I think you are right. I don’t think she sees herself as abusing her friends though. She is a sweet person but messed up. But I know I will be labled as a “ bully” if I address the situation. I think maybe the blank stare and saying , oh my gosh I am so tired and maybe just go to bed.

[Rose Mosse]

Wear earbuds if you have to. ;)

 

The higher decibel ones too (heavy construction grade).

 

Sera: I'd ignore her where able and be respectful where you are obligated to be. You can also go downstairs to the lobby or check out the gym/pool or bar downstairs if there is one.

[reinventmyself]

You could always book your own private room to sleep in. If anyone queries it, you are feeling anxious about the event and sharing a room and wish to have your own space. It's an honest answer but a diplomatic one.

 

I was going to say this^

I get the room is a benefit for you but considering everything, I'd just say I am a really light sleeper and would prefer my own room.

[reinventmyself]

You could always book your own private room to sleep in. If anyone queries it, you are feeling anxious about the event and sharing a room and wish to have your own space. It's an honest answer but a diplomatic one.

 

I was going to say this^

I get the room is a benefit for you but considering everything, I'd just say I am a really light sleeper and would prefer to pay for my own room.

 

These might be one of those times that you can't put a price tag on some peace and quiet.

 

(I just had a similar moment with my boss over a work related trip. He wanted to know my hotel and flight reservations so we could share a car. I said `No offense, but we really don't want to be tethered to each other for four days' He agreed. But if not, I was totally prepared to pay for my own car)

[Seraphim]

I was going to say this^

I get the room is a benefit for you but considering everything, I'd just say I am a really light sleeper and would prefer to pay for my own room.

 

These might be one of those times that you can't put a price tag on some peace and quiet.

 

(I just had a similar moment with my boss over a work related trip. He wanted to know my hotel and flight reservations so we could share a car. I said `No offense, but we really don't want to be tethered to each other for four days' He agreed. But if not, I was totally prepared to pay for my own car)

To that I would say they each can pay 1/3 of their room and the council can pay for mine. No reason for me to lose my perks because she is unreasonable.

[reinventmyself]

To that I would say they each can pay 1/3 of their room and the council can pay for mine. No reason for me to lose my perks because she is unreasonable.

 

but will they?

 

It's a personal choice, for sure.

But you get to weight what is more important to you, the perk or the peace.

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks!!

 

I know she has problems ,everybody does and I’m not trying to be unsympathetic , really I’m not but there’s only so much anybody can take . Even the other past president comes to me to bemoan the fact that this person creates drama everywhere .

 

For some reason everybody comes to me to complain about everybody else and behind each other’s back‘s .

Then I'd say no one would believe her if she ever said that you were bullying her just because you shut her down graciously and with matter-of-factness.

 

Her (bad) reputation will proceed her as will your (good) reputation proceed you. ;)

[Seraphim]

Maybe I could stay in a room with another council😂

[Starlight925]

Maybe I could stay in a room with another council😂

 

Actually that's the best idea so far. Is there anyone else you could switch to room with? You could always say that you have council business to attend to.

[catfeeder]

For the sake of peaceful politics, I'd give the 3 the freebie and see what kind of discount I can get to book my own room. It would be my gift to myself for doing such a great job. As for drama, I'd just let it roll and let whoever wants to nurse it or stoke it do so without my attention.

[Seraphim]

For the sake of peaceful politics, I'd give the 3 the freebie and see what kind of discount I can get to book my own room. It would be my gift to myself for doing such a great job. As for drama, I'd just let it roll and let whoever what's to nurse it or stoke it do so without my attention.

 

The rooms are already discounted for the convention. I also don’t make the bookings the treasurer does. Plus the other two women have had freebies for eight years .

 

My husband also did not want me to take this position . So my spending hundreds of dollars for just one weekend on something he didn’t want me to do in the first place is probably not going to fly well.

[catfeeder]

The rooms are already discounted for the convention. I also don’t make the bookings the treasurer does. Plus the other two women have had freebies for eight years .

 

My husband also did not want me to take this position . So my spending hundreds of dollars for just one weekend on something he didn’t want me to do in the first place is probably not going to fly well.

 

Start a GoFundMe?

[LDJ]

You could get your own room if you can afford to or consider one at a nearby hotel and walk or take a quick cab ride to the hotel hosting the convention.

[Seraphim]

Start a GoFundMe?

 

I don’t need that. I would have the funds. My husband didn’t want me to take the position because with having a new business and working 60 hours a week and he sees how I fall asleep in my dinner plate sometimes. He doesn’t want me to wear myself out . He knows the event should be free for me so he would be outraged I would have to spend the money because someone else can’t control themselves.

 

I took this position to grow myself. My son no longer needs me a lot of the time. I have helped my son through educational hurdles from JK to college. I worked part time all those years to support him and help him in his needs.

 

I have supported my husband emotionally and in his career in the military for 30 years and took a backseat.

 

For my whole teenage years and early 20’s I supported my mom in business because my dad was worse than useless. He was purposely a hinderance.

 

I FINALLY get to come into my own , in my terms “ be somebody.” All my life i have been the shadow helping everyone to their achievements and personal glories. Now it is FINALLY my turn. My time to shine and all my family is against it. A lot of my personal satisfaction and self pride is at risk.

 

It is. also not only for myself I took the position offered me but because I also feel I can offer the organization something and be of service to things higher than myself

 

At the same time I am outraged that I could possibly have to pay when like every other president since time immemorial gets to go for free. Just, no.

[Seraphim]

You could get your own room if you can afford to or consider one at a nearby hotel and walk or take a quick cab ride to the hotel hosting the convention.

 

I will have my car there since I am driving everyone there.

[Starlight925]

I don’t need that. I would have the funds. My husband didn’t want me to take the position because with having a new business and working 60 hours a week and he sees how I fall asleep in my dinner plate sometimes. He doesn’t want me to wear myself out . He knows the event should be free for me so he would be outraged I would have to spend the money because someone else can’t control themselves.

 

I took this position to grow myself. My son no longer needs me a lot of the time. I have helped my son through educational hurdles from JK to college. I worked part time all those years to support him and help him in his needs.

 

I have supported my husband emotionally and in his career in the military for 30 years and took a backseat.

 

For my whole teenage years and early 20’s I supported my mom in business because my dad was worse than useless. He was purposely a hinderance.

 

I FINALLY get to come into my own , in my terms “ be somebody.” All my life i have been the shadow helping everyone to their achievements and personal glories. Now it is FINALLY my turn. My time to shine and all my family is against it. A lot of my personal satisfaction and self pride is at risk.

 

It is. also not only for myself I took the position offered me but because I also feel I can offer the organization something and be of service to things higher than myself

 

At the same time I am outraged that I could possibly have to pay when like every other president since time immemorial gets to go for free. Just, no.

 

This all makes so much sense. Can you explain it to your husband exactly like this? Maybe even show it to him in writing.

 

As for this roommate thing, there are several options, but none of them seem particularly viable, other than to simply stare when she starts her nonsense. You can then respond with, "I really enjoyed the chicken last night". She responds with some sort of drama, and you say, "I love the flowers in the lobby. I'm going to go ask the staff right now what kind they are", etc.

[Gary Snyder]

Not a problem. If she starts having one of her temper tantrums, leave the room and do something else or hang out with another member. You are not chained to the bed.

 

All you really need the room for is shower, makeup, and sleep.

[Cherylyn]

Hopefully you can get a separate room. If not, just try to remain patient and kind. It will be difficult but just remember it's only temporary.