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I can’t deal with another person’s emotional issues


Seraphim
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In May I am going to a convention. I am president of our local organization. The past president wants to stay with me in my room so she doesn’t have to pay. The organization pays for me so therefore if she stays in my room she doesn’t have to pay .

 

My biggest issue is that she is an emotional nuclear bomb always threatening to go off. Any public event the organization is part of you can bet there will be some kind of embarrassing emotional explosion . I have to spend three nights in a room with this person . I’m not sure how I will be able to handle it because I might have to run away screaming . It is extremely hard for me to tolerate people vomiting their drama all over the place . However, I have to be at this event , it’s not something I can back out of .

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This is a really tricky issue. Can she not afford to pay for a room of her own? Here's what I might say to her:

 

"Mary, I think your staying in my room with me will be very stressful. I need to have a place where I can have some down time and privacy during the convention, and I'd really appreciate it if you could get your own room."

 

Maybe even recommend some nearby cheaper hotels.

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This is a really tricky issue. Can she not afford to pay for a room of her own? Here's what I might say to her:

 

"Mary, I think your staying in my room with me will be very stressful. I need to have a place where I can have some down time and privacy during the convention, and I'd really appreciate it if you could get your own room."

 

Maybe even recommend some nearby cheaper hotels.

 

We all stay at the same hotel because it is a massive convention but we usually bunk 4 to a room to save money and rooms are booked two months in advance. She would be one of the 4 in the room. So I can’t really say go get your own room when two other people are staying there with me.

 

Sorry I forgot to put that part in there .

 

I just know though I won’t be able to take her vomiting her drama everywhere .

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Forgot further to add that she is also a friend and also a friend of many other friends that I have . So that makes it very tricky .

 

Can't you just tell her that you are there to have a good time and any negativity is off limits for the whole trip. No whining from you or her. Include yourself in there so she doesn't think you're centering her out. If she starts, just tell her "Nuh...Huh we made a pact not to go there."

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Can't you just tell her that you are there to have a good time and any negativity is off limits for the whole trip. No whining from you or her. Include yourself in there so she doesn't think you're centering her out.

I can try that. She is always posting on FB about people bullying her etc about her mental health issues . I get it I do. I can’t tolerate her because I have my own issues . She runs to me about who has “ bullied” her this time. Her daughters are the same. I just thank God they are not coming this year . Even as I was installed as president one of her daughter showed up crying and bawling and interrupted the whole ceremony.

 

I just don’t know what to do with her anymore other than a bit of Toughlove and she will accuse me and talk about me with everybody saying I’m “ bullying”her .

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Is your organization requiring this of you? I can mildly understand them paying so them setting the terms (though assuming your position isn't paid, it'd be the most basic of courtesies they could extend you), but it seems awfully ****ty they'd just bunk you with someone else without giving you an easy out if you'd prefer not to. She's not president anymore, so boo-hoo. They're not doing you some amazing favor by you letting you put in the work to represent them at this convention. Sorry.... I'm betting politics probably has your hands tied, so maybe you can take solace in knowing you're taking a very high road in all this.

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I can try that. She is always posting on FB about people bullying her etc about her mental health issues . I get it I do. I can’t tolerate her because I have my own issues . She runs to me about who has “ bullied” her this time. Her daughters are the same. I just thank God they are not coming this year . Even as I was installed as president one of her daughter showed up crying and bawling and interrupted the whole ceremony.

 

I just don’t know what to do with her anymore other than a bit of Toughlove and she will accuse me and talk about me with everybody saying I’m “ bullying”her .

Just phase it so that it doesn't come across as bullying and do it in front of someone else so she can't accuse you of anything you're not doing.

 

I hope you have fun an no drama. Good luck. :0)

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Is your organization requiring this of you? I can mildly understand them paying so them setting the terms (though assuming your position isn't paid, it'd be the most basic of courtesies they could extend you), but it seems awfully ****ty they'd just bunk you with someone else without giving you an easy out if you'd prefer not to. She's not president anymore, so boo-hoo. They're not doing you some amazing favor by you letting you put in the work to represent them at this convention. Sorry.... I'm betting politics probably has your hands tied, so maybe you can take solace in knowing you're taking a very high road in all this.

Basically it is “ politics” of the organization that is strapping my hands and another past president who is also her friend and of course tradition. Trying to innovate any change is like swimming upstream in a river full of piranha . If I had my druthers I would be in a room by myself but ....

 

Basically all I’m going to be able to do is smile and maybe bring a bottle with me to the hotel even though I seldom drink.

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Just phase it so that it doesn't come across as bullying and do it in front of someone else so she can't accuse you of anything you're not doing.

 

I hope you have fun an no drama. Good luck. :0)

Thanks!!

 

I know she has problems ,everybody does and I’m not trying to be unsympathetic , really I’m not but there’s only so much anybody can take . Even the other past president comes to me to bemoan the fact that this person creates drama everywhere .

 

For some reason everybody comes to me to complain about everybody else and behind each other’s back‘s .

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You could always have a "friend" you're going out to catch up with until you're back at 2:00am to crash and another "friend" to sneak in a very early breakfast with the next morning. I agree with the advice centered on just staying out of the room. It's good to play nice, but I wouldn't risk your experience at the convention having to navigate an insufferable roommate in between.

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You could always have a "friend" you're going out to catch up with until you're back at 2:00am to crash and another "friend" to sneak in a very early breakfast with the next morning. I agree with the advice centered on just staying out of the room. It's good to play nice, but I wouldn't risk your experience at the convention having to navigate an insufferable roommate in between.

Yeah ,that’s probably sound . I can just stay out of everybody’s way and if they need me they can text me .

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Gosh, I wouldn't be hiding from her... I'd just have a nice friendly chat when she started her drama. Cut that jazz off at the root.

I would have to try and think of a way to do it she’s incredibly sensitive . She cries at the drop of a hat . And in the five years I’ve known her she’s quit five jobs because she felt people were “picking on her.” It is like she uses her anxiety and depression for people to tiptoe around her .

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Gosh, I wouldn't be hiding from her... I'd just have a nice friendly chat when she started her drama. Cut that jazz off at the root.

 

You haven't been in a hotel room with some of my family then ;)

When there are situations where a wild card cousin gets thrown in the room somehow, i jet, not going to lie.

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You haven't been in a hotel room with some of my family then ;)

When there are situations where a wild card cousin gets thrown in the room somehow, i jet, not going to lie.

 

Yes ,I feel the overwhelming urge to run when there’s mayhem. I think being raised by a parent that always had overwhelming ,over emotional, totally irrational outbursts all the time everywhere , every day ,in every situation I just can’t tolerate it . I just can’t go there .

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She latches onto you because you give her what she wants. Don't give her what she wants. She can interpret it any which way she wants but remain professional and discreet. You don't have to pay her specific attention. She is not part of the executive team any longer. Respect her as a person even if you don't want to. This is more about your development than hers and your leadership qualities and how you want to grow forwards. This shouldn't be in your immediate realm of concerns.

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She latches onto you because you give her what she wants. Don't give her what she wants. She can interpret it any which way she wants but remain professional and discreet. You don't have to pay her specific attention. She is not part of the executive team any longer. Respect her as a person even if you don't want to. This is more about your development than hers and your leadership qualities and how you want to grow forwards. This shouldn't be in your immediate realm of concerns.

Actually she is still a part of the executive as past president , as the past president’s position is the historian . So she is still on my executive team. So I have to deal with her regardless . Believe me this and running my own business has taught me more about diplomacy than I ever wanted to learn ... lol. My natural inclination is to be blunt however as my mother has told me all my life I could use some diplomacy . Which in the past five years I’ve learned a lot , but this one she goes beyond that and needs to be told that she’s making things very uncomfortable for everybody . It is just how to do it in a way that she’s not going to have a total meltdown .

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I understand. In that case, treat it as a case by case scenario. You've signed up for something and it's happening. What good is building up your anxiety going to do? You're going to be staying with other individuals and not all of them are pleasant. In a few days, it will be over and at the end of it, it's how you deal with your surroundings and other influences that make you who you are. Try to resist that helplessness or desire to work on a problem that hasn't even presented itself. Work on stress management techniques and prioritizing items in front of you. You're anticipating problems which is fine but you're also looking for a solution for a specific problem that has not presented itself.

 

One day at a time. It may even be a bit of comic relief having such an odd persona onboard. Is it a possibility for you to change your reaction to her behaviour?

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She will just start sobbing at public events and “ run” for the restroom with a bunch of concerned people running after her . This often disrupts events. Then she becomes the centre of attention and not the event. And no one even knows what the outburst was about because she keeps saying it was private but she has made it everybody’s business .

Can you give an example of how she melts down and creates drama?
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I understand. In that case, treat it as a case by case scenario. You've signed up for something and it's happening. What good is building up your anxiety going to do? You're going to be staying with other individuals and not all of them are pleasant. In a few days, it will be over and at the end of it, it's how you deal with your surroundings and other influences that make you who you are. Try to resist that helplessness or desire to work on a problem that hasn't even presented itself. Work on stress management techniques and prioritizing items in front of you. You're anticipating problems which is fine but you're also looking for a solution for a specific problem that has not presented itself.

 

One day at a time. It may even be a bit of comic relief having such an odd persona onboard. Is it a possibility for you to change your reaction to her behaviour?

Absolutely, I get what you’re saying . I should just worry about it if it happens.

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