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Parents VS Fiancé

Jbabygirl

By Jbabygirl
in Relationship Advice

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

Posted
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I do have a loving family but my parents and sister donÂ’t have much right to think I’m being treated bad when they do/go through much worse. My sister has been cheated on twice by her husband & My dad calls my mom names when he gets mad. My fiancE has never laid his hands on me or even called me bad names. I donT see how my family can sit there and talk bad about my fiancé when they do worse.. I guess I’m defensive when it comes to people talking down on my partner because I love him.. who wouldnÂ’t be right??

 

Okay, you are a mother now, so the arguments about someone else has no right to be concerned about you because they are not perfect need to end and its time to put away childish ways of looking at things.

 

So your sister knows what its like to be cheated on, knows how to recognize it and doesn't want you to go down the same path with a two timer - she is married to her cheater but does NOT want her sister to marry a man who cheats so she is not fated to the same outcome. If i was married to a cheater and had to accept my lot, i would scream at the top of my lungs, buy a billboard or do whatever so my sister or brother did NOT marry a cheater.

 

The measure of a man is not "he has never hit me" -- my ex's family said "well he's a great man because he never broke your jaw". Really? that is where you set the bar?

He cheated - he raises his voice, he may have instability due to his diagnosis. I would absolutely NOT MARRY THIS MAN. If you do, you will be soon divorced, or the bigger fear, you will become a codependent shell of a woman always making excuses for him - even when he cheats again. LEARN from your sister's mistakes, don't pretend you are so much better if you will not

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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We got pregnant 6 months into our relationship it was unplanned but thank you for your feedback.

 

It doesn't mean you have to marry him. I am all for intact families, etc, but you didn't know this guy long enough before he showed his true colors. You can coparent with him -- set up visitation and file for child support, but don't let your feeling of OH i LOOOOVE him mean that you subject yourself to a life of mess.

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SherrySher Grand Master

SherrySher

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Okay then. Well if you stay with this man, don't complain if he cheats again or if he threatens suicide again or treats you badly again. You are choosing to be with him knowing these things can happen.

 

We try to help those who are having a bad time and want better. You made the decision to stay with him, so accept whatever comes your way now.

 

Please re-evaluate what a best friend is. Best friends don't get naked with another woman, nor do they lie, manipulate or betray.

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

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Fortunately your family loves you, has your back and your best interests at heart. Your bf is a danger and a loose canon. Stop making excuses for him.

 

You may believe that you are asserting your "independence" from your family by living with a mentally ill, cheating, abusive guy, but the harm you are doing to yourself and your child by staying with him is clear to your family.

 

Read up on controlling and abusive relationships. In addition to very quick involvement, very quickly living together, getting pregnant right away, making you financial dependent, he is now also trying to isolate you. Remember how he threatened you if you left the house and took your child to visit your mother? Remember him stabbing himself with a piece of glass to manipulate you? :eek:

 

Unfortunately, they are right about your bf, his cheating, disrespect for you and abuse. Your family was totally correct to get upset and alert him before he killed all of you because of his distractions, mental problems and reckless driving. Your bf most likely took it out on you that he scared the heck out of your family with his bad driving.

 

Your family loves you and seem to want to protect you from this louse. Sadly your rebellious nature makes you cling to him no matter how badly he is treating you. In addition to lying, cheating and manipulation, most abusers like this guy will try to isolate and sever you from your supportive family. He will create drama and try to convince you they are the "bad guys".:upset:

 

Spot on!!!!

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

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I stay because I love him I genuinely do. He is my best friend

 

I didn't realize this guy was as scary as I thought (thank you, Wiseman). This guy sounds dangerous and unfit to be a father or a partner. Is he on meds?

 

I ended things with my ex because he was bad for me. I loved him, but had to love myself more.

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reinventmyself Grand Master

reinventmyself

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I am not on BC I don’t see how that’s anyone’s business but I have skipped a period and wanted to ask if anybody else has had a missed period before and they *werent* pregnant! And I’m 22!

 

It's only no ones business when someone points out something you don't want to hear. Everything else in you other threads is on the table. Why do you want it both ways?

 

Do you want informed advice? Then you'll need to give the information necessary.

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Jbabygirl Enthusiast

Jbabygirl

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He cheated once and I got advice from it and have thought about it a lot! And as far as his temper and stuff, I’m trying to see if medication is something he will try to keep our family together. I’m thinking about my child and I don’t want him growing up with separate families. Thank you for your feedback though I really appreciate it honestly!

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Jbabygirl Enthusiast

Jbabygirl

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So after he cheated (last year) they Snapchatted for two weeks and then the messages stopped. Months past, I had our baby and even more months passed up until this September. That is when she reached back out to him through Snapchat to say Hey and that is when I discovered the messages from a year ago

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

Posted
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I am not on BC I don’t see how that’s anyone’s business but I have skipped a period and wanted to ask if anybody else has had a missed period before and they *werent* pregnant! And I’m 22!

 

You need to get on birth control and better yet, get your tubes tied if you stay with this man. Do not bring another child into the world connected to him. Raise the child you have and get into therapy to get yourhead on straight

 

Read up on controlling and abusive relationships. In addition to very quick involvement, very quickly living together, getting pregnant right away, making you financial dependent, he is now also trying to isolate you. Remember how he threatened you if you left the house and took your child to visit your mother? Remember him stabbing himself with a piece of glass to manipulate you?

 

AMEN. My ex isolated me. Picked arguments with my relatives, acted abrasively to people who i was trying to earn the business of, etc. at the end of the relationship i really didn't have anyone left.

File using a PO box or your parents house as an address and then move in with your folks.

 

Seriously, file with the court to establish custody and child support and make him someone who you only see when necessary to exercise his right to visitation with the child.

But you need to wake the heck up.

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