Parents VS Fiancé

[SherrySher]

I get what you're saying jbabygirl, but two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Both of these men need to grow up and be decent, respectful men.

 

It's your mom and sisters own decision to take this kind of behavior but you don't need to.

 

End the cycle.

 

If your bf doesn't smarten up, find one who will be decent. You don't need to lower yourself just because you're used to seeing it.

[abitbroken]

My father does much worse to my mother and she stays. I guess I’m getting it from her. Sh*t even my sister takes it but she stays because she has more than one child. I hate the idea of splitting up a family. My fiancé grew up that way. I never did and I wouldn’t want my child to have to either. I don’t want to leave my partner I care a lot about him

 

But you are not a family. You are a woman and man who created a baby and the man is holding the woman emotional hostage. If you want your child to grow up to see mom mistreated and manipulated and controlled, and possibly your child learned that its okay to treat mom like an emotional punching bag, then by all means, marry him tomorrow. But you can make a different choice. I know someone whose mom divorced the dad because dad was a mess - had been abusive towards her -- but the kids didn't see it after they split because the dad only saw them every other weekend and showered them with gifts and was on his best behavior because they only saw him limited. When they were older, they figured him out and became wise to him/rose above it because they were not subjected to seeing mom abused every day.

 

You have choices nowadays -- you don't have to marry a man because he impregnated you if he is harmful towards you.

 

Don't kid yourself that he is going to "get better" because he would have already been under treatment - psychiatrist, nutritionist, maybe even a neurologist if its phsyiological before you met. But this is who he is

[Jbabygirl]

Thank you so much

[Jbabygirl]

You’re right, thank you.

[Sportster2005]

Hi everyone. So I’ve been with my fiancé for 2 years. We love each other but my parents, especially my dad & sister) don’t seem to like him. My sister is a b*tch to him and I see it, he doesn’t. He is clueless. She’ll say little things or act a certain way around him. There was an incident that happened the other day where my fiancé got mad at my dad because my dad yelled at him and it really upset my fiancé. My fiancé is bipolar/ and has ADHD which my family doesn’t know about (now they do...) so they now think he has a problem and they don’t think I’m “good” with him. So anyway, ever since that incident I feel like my family now hates him and doesn’t think he’s good to me which he is! How would you deal with family interrfering with your relationship? Thanks guys. BTW: when my dad yelled at him It was because we were driving and almost got into an accident and my fiancé was driving so my dad and sister yelled to stop and to pay attention.

 

People yell when they feel threatened. They get a sudden boost of adrenaline, and then all hell breaks loose. No one likes being yelled at, but your fiance shouldn't have taken it so personal, and your dad should have taken the high road and apologized for yelling. If that didn't happen, it's best to keep them separated. It wouldn't be the first time inl-aws didn't get along.

 

You don't have proof your family hates him. That's on you. You might be catastrophizing a bit here. They may not like him, but I think it's unlikely they hate him.

 

If your mind is made up about marrying this chap, your family is just going to have to deal with it. It's their problem, don't make it yours. Be civil and respectful, but you can't change their minds.

[Annia]

You need to get on birth control and better yet, get your tubes tied if you stay with this man. Do not bring another child into the world connected to him. Raise the child you have and get into therapy to get yourhead on straight

 

Read up on controlling and abusive relationships. In addition to very quick involvement, very quickly living together, getting pregnant right away, making you financial dependent, he is now also trying to isolate you. Remember how he threatened you if you left the house and took your child to visit your mother? Remember him stabbing himself with a piece of glass to manipulate you?

 

AMEN. My ex isolated me. Picked arguments with my relatives, acted abrasively to people who i was trying to earn the business of, etc. at the end of the relationship i really didn't have anyone left.

File using a PO box or your parents house as an address and then move in with your folks.

 

Seriously, file with the court to establish custody and child support and make him someone who you only see when necessary to exercise his right to visitation with the child.

But you need to wake the heck up.

 

My abusive ex did the same to me. My family also didn't like him because they knew he was awful to me. But I turned against my family and friends who tried to warn me and he always tried to isolate me and put me against the supportive people in my life. This is classic abusive behaviour.

 

Please don't have more kids with this abusive cheater. I hope you also get tested for stds and begin birth control.