Parents VS Fiancé

[abitbroken]

Yes and No. it depends, why?

 

What kind of answer is that? If you don't want to be on the pill, get norplant or an IUD PLUS he has to wear a condom - or better yet - no sex at all. But if no sex, still be on birth control in case he manipulates you into sex.

 

I am beginning to think you just don't get it...

[boltnrun]

Do you think having another baby will make him "change"?

[abitbroken]

Do you think having another baby will make him "change"?

 

Love is not enough. And your love is so terribly blind when it comes to this man.

Don't be surprised if your family one day has enough of you - says their peace and washes their hands of both of you

But that's what your fiance WANTS.

[Hollyj]

It is falling on deaf ears.

[mustlovedogs]

Yes and No. it depends, why?

 

Uh....

 

And you ask if you might be pregnant?

 

I know you’re not this naive.

[Jbabygirl]

No I asked if anybody has ever missed a period before!

[mustlovedogs]

No I asked if anybody has ever missed a period before!

 

OP, stop.

 

You know what that means.

 

You’re playing us or delusional.

 

Just wanted to ask if any of y’all ever had missed periods and weren’t pregnant? Thanks!

[Jbabygirl]

Thanks everyone for your feedback!! I understand where everyone is coming from and this post was was supposed to be about my family and my partner having a one time incident where it felt like they weren’t gonna get along but the days have passed and things are looking up. Again thanks for responding guys!! I really appreciate it and I really appreciate certain things that certain people have said to me ^^^^ y’all have no idea.

[boltnrun]

So your family loves your fiance now? Things have completely turned around since you posted the original question two days ago?

 

Interesting, but OK.

[Hollyj]

Op, we tend to look at the big picture, not a single incident. Yours is not good, at all. I hope you do not bring another kid into the mix. This guy has a lot of serious problems and should not be raising kids or in a relationship.

[Jbabygirl]

They always loved him it’s just this one time incident that happened really upset them and things have not completely turned around, they’re looking up! 🙏🏻

[Jbabygirl]

I know I know but at the end of the day, he is not a monster. He’s not a mean person. He isn’t this angry, abusive, cruel guy who beats on me every single day. He isn’t someone who comes home to me and treats me like sh*t. He has a mental disorder that involves having a temper and that’s something we need to take care of and as far as more kids I understand where you’re coming from! 100%. I was just wanting advice on family and your S/O getting into a disagreement or fight and what to do to (try) to get over it or move forward. As far as the cheating goes, it’s something we are going to try to work on.

[Hollyj]

Is your barometer not beating you every day? Good Lord.

 

He cheated, is controlling and manipulative, has anger issues, and is bi polar (which is not being treated, and is a serious mental health issue. " When I confronted him I threw our picture frame and broke glass and he picked up a piece and put it to his wrist This is where I would have ended thing. This is really unbalanced.

 

He is a terrible partner and you are putting your child in harm's way. You are not doing what is best for your child, and this guy is very unstable, but I do not think you will listen to anyone's advice.

 

Why do you expect so little in a partner and father of your child?

[SherrySher]

I agree with Holly. You have a child to think about now, not just him.

 

A father who is this unstable that threatens to cut himself when upset, needs to be sectioned. And what kind of example is he going to be for a child if he runs around with another woman? I know you said "you're working on it"..that's just your way of saying you accept what he's done and he's happy knowing he got away with it and will more than likely do it again.

 

At some point you need to stop making excuses for him and see things for how they really are.

[Jbabygirl]

I guess I just love too much. He is a good dad.

[Hollyj]

I guess I just love too much. He is a good dad.

 

It is called low self worth. Not putting you and your child's interests first. You are not thinking about your child.

[Hollyj]

Do your parents know about all of these incidents and instability? Do they know about the time he threatened to kill himself with the glass? Do they know about his anger issues? If not, why have you not told them?

[SherrySher]

Jbabygirl, that's not love, that an unhealthy attachment. Relationships are supposed to add to your life. When you start noticing that there is a lot of bad, such as cheating and drama where police might be involved, that's where it's gone from love to addiction.

 

You are addicted to him in unhealthy ways. You think you need him and can't be without him. This is more about YOU and possibly abandonment issues, low self esteem issues, low self confidence. But it not about love.

 

At some point you need to ask yourself why you feel you need him so much. I realize that addiction and love can feel like the same thing and you can't tell the difference.

The only thing I can do to help you tell the difference is, love doesn't hurt, love doesn't betray or lie or manipulate.

If those things are happening, it's no longer love and it's become some kind of toxic situation.

 

I know you are going to try to work things out with this man. I know you feel it's the right thing to do. And I hope and pray it does work and he does change.

But be careful and know when enough is enough. For both you and your child.

[Hollyj]

Jbabygirl, that's not love, that an unhealthy attachment. Relationships are supposed to add to your life. When you start noticing that there is a lot of bad, such as cheating and drama where police might be involved, that's where it's gone from love to addiction.

 

You are addicted to him in unhealthy ways. You think you need him and can't be without him. This is more about YOU and possibly abandonment issues, low self esteem issues, low self confidence. But it not about love.

 

At some point you need to ask yourself why you feel you need him so much. I realize that addiction and love can feel like the same thing and you can't tell the difference.

The only thing I can do to help you tell the difference is, love doesn't hurt, love doesn't betray or lie or manipulate.

If those things are happening, it's no longer love and it's become some kind of toxic situation.

 

I know you are going to try to work things out with this man. I know you feel it's the right thing to do. And I hope and pray it does work and he does change.

But be careful and know when enough is enough. For both you and your child.

 

Thus dude is not even on meds. I can't understand that!

[Jbabygirl]

My father does much worse to my mother and she stays. I guess I’m getting it from her. Sh*t even my sister takes it but she stays because she has more than one child. I hate the idea of splitting up a family. My fiancé grew up that way. I never did and I wouldn’t want my child to have to either. I don’t want to leave my partner I care a lot about him

[Jbabygirl]

This just made me tear up. Thank you so much for these words.

[Hollyj]

Now, I understand why this is so comfortable for you- not an excuse to expose your child to this. You grew up in this environment. Why are you doing the same to your own child? You are teaching your child the cycle of abuse.

 

If a child is in an unhealthy household, it is far more damaging/abusive than being raised by a single parent. I hate to see in this day and age, women who make themselves so dependent on men. Set a better example.

 

I'm out.

[SherrySher]

This is where behavior is learned. You watched bad, toxic relationships and you think it's okay. But you're also old enough now to know the difference and to change the cycle.

 

At some point you can no longer use your upbringing as an excuse as to why you stay with someone like this man.

 

No one wants to split up a family. But as I said, know when enough is enough.

 

If he cheats again, if he blows his top, if there is drama or fighting, if he continues to lie....LEAVE.

 

This isn't just about you anymore, a child does not need to be around this.

 

Ask for better for yourself than what your mom and sister did. Allow yourself better. They might not have been strong enough to get better in life, but you can.

[Jbabygirl]

Thank you. And when I mentioned that my father does worse I meant verbally, not physically. He calls my mom names when he’s upset at her. He’s given her the silent treatment that usually last a week or so. He’s bad mouthed to his family about her, etc so I guess when this incident happened with my fiancé I saw it as hypocritical of my dad to be upset at my fiancé. But anyway, thank you again

[MissCanuck]

I guess I just love too much. He is a good dad.

 

See, I disagree with that. He might not directly hurting your baby, but indirectly? You bet.

 

A good dad would not intentionally hurt his child's mother like this. A good dad does not knowingly do things that will bring this much chaos and instability into the family dynamic and risk the entire unit - and thereby risk the child's sense of security and comfort in the home.

 

You admit your own father modeled this behaviour. And now look where you are. Don't think for a moment that a parent's infidelity or anger issues don't negatively affect the child. You are living proof that's not true.