Found another woman’s clothes

[BCC123]

He has stuck to his story of that he has NO CLUE how it got there while reassuring that hes never cheated. he asked his roommate while i was over if anyone had been using his room while out of town he said no.

 

no i did not wash and fold this - i came across this shirt while i was picking up all my socks and underwear that ive left in his room from staying there.

 

all i was trying to say was maybe it was a drunken mistake that hes chosen to forget and deny. IDK im just trying to come up with an explanation for the shirt because im not happy with his - which he has NONE.

[BCC123]

you all are right -

 

bottom line is that this is a little sketchy but not damning evidence - just need to be aware, truth does always prevail

 

i have to make a choice to either trust what hes saying and let it go or leave due to lack of trust.

[Hollyj]

Why are you doing his laundry?

 

"He is one of the most trustworthy people I’ve dated" I don't understand why you are with him?

[Unreasonable]

Definite red flag.

 

If you want to stay in this relationship, be on high alert. If someone has a pattern of cheating, you'll likely see it sooner or later.

[MissCanuck]

I would keep you eyes and ears open, OP. It might be nothing at all, but I will concede that it would not sit right with me either.

 

Why? Something very similar happened to me, years ago now, with my then-boyfriend (we lived together, alone, for a few years) There was suddenly an unexplained piece of women's clothing in his dirty laundry which definitely had not been there previously. I only noticed it as I was collecting both of our hampers to do a load. I had never previously had any notion that he could be capable of anything unsavory, but as he too couldn't tell me how it had gotten there, I knew something wasn't right. Call it a gut feeling, if you will.

 

Turns out, my gut feeling was bang on. I had just discovered the tip of an iceberg.

[annie24]

I guess I'm a Negative Nancy, but I think that the simplest explanation is true - there's a girl's shirt inside-out in his room because he hooked up with someone else and she forgot it there. Sorry.

[somechick99]

Lol at the guys on this thread telling you to be "more trusting" and "not pop in unannounced." Any guy who has another girl's shirt in his room is not worthy of trust and is probably asking she not drop by for a reason. Had the shirt not been there then those requests would be a bit more reasonable.

 

I mean let's be serious, there's another girl's shirt in his room. It's a 99% chance he cheated at this point. What he says is completely irrelevant - cheaters are dishonest people and are not likely to just admit what they did wrong off the bat. If you insist on staying with him, I'd say stay on super high guard and maybe do a little snooping around. The dating world is tough and you have to look out for yourself because most men surely will not. I'm not saying you have to go through his phone or any invasive snooping, though I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'd just maybe look and see if he recently added anyone on social media (she might have pictures in the shirt), if there's any bobby pins etc around the room that aren't yours, or something like that. But that's all kind of a waste of energy IMO since the truth is pretty obvious.

[MissCanuck]

While your situation is not mine, he may be telling you the truth. What you found is not damning evidence.

 

Think of it. Would you leave your shirt somewhere if you were fooling around? Wouldn't you want to be dressed when you left?

 

Not necessarily true. Have a look at my post. In my case, it most certainly was damning evidence. While I agree that it might be nothing, we can't rule out the possibility that it isn't.

 

You forget that women often layer up, and there are days when I wear a lighter shirt under a heavier one or under a sweater. It's not as though a woman would walk out topless, so I would assume that if does belong to someone paying the boyfriend a visit, it was one of a couple layers she was wearing and hastily left behind.

 

It's hard to say without knowing more about the boyfriend, and there could be an innocent explanation, but I get why OP is suspicious. I too tried to explain away (to myself) how another woman's clothing item wound up in my ex's laundry, but it turned out the simplest explanation - that another woman had been there and left in a hurry - was true.

[BCC123]

You guys I am so sad. He’s still sticking to his story of having no idea how it got in there and acting unapologetic because “apologizing would mean he did something wrong and he didn’t” I’ve had nightmares the last two nights. Just woke up from one. But there is absolutely no other explanation for this shirt...

 

He said that if tables were turned and he found a mans article of clothing at my place he would have throw it in my face and walked out without saying a word and that would have been it so I’m considering doing what he would have done to me. I am so heartbroken.

[Wiseman2]

8 mos and already a meltdown? Perhaps that's your cue to finally exit this situation. That and the lack of trust, lack of weekend dates, the late night drop-ins, "doing laundry together" as a "date", etc. The whole thing from stem to stern is wrong.

 

He sounds like a real jerk. Perhaps he wanted you to find it hoping you would pull the plug. His response is quite telling.

I’ve had nightmares the last two nights.

 

He said that if tables were turned and he found a mans article of clothing at my place he would have throw it in my face and walked out without saying a word and that would have been it

[Coolstorybro]

Maybe he forgot he cheated on me when he was drunk?

Maybe he forgot he had a girlfriend?

[IAmFCA]

Inside out. No explanation. Fits a pattern. And your gut is telling you to be careful.

 

I'd back waaaaay off, OP. He told you himself how he would handle it; he'd leave without even asking for an explanation. His words aren't helping!

 

Consider that, with that sentence, he gave you permission to dump him cold. He may swear he didn't cheat because they didn't do x or do y. But there is a shirt. Inside out. Near his laundry bin.

 

Back waaaaaaaaay off.

[Starlight925]

He said that if tables were turned and he found a mans article of clothing at my place he would have throw it in my face and walked out without saying a word and that would have been it so I’m considering doing what he would have done to me. I am so heartbroken.

 

Wow, it sounds like he's projecting guilt here, I'm sorry to say.

 

I don't know what to tell you that hasn't already been said. Me, I'd be on high alert. Yes, you could check his SM accounts and see who he's added lately, etc. But most "double life" types have multiple SM accounts, even multiple phones, so that one set remains clean. I'm not saying this is the case here, but if you choose to stay, I'd be an Investigating Irene.

 

Not sure if you're familiar with Evan Marc Katz (dating coach), and this isn't dating coach advice, but his story: he's now happily married/2 kids. When they were dating, she found a pair of female underwear in his laundry, and he says he honestly had no idea. She was like, ok cool, I trust you, and she let it drop. Several weeks later, his housecleaning lady asked if he had found her underwear, as she couldn't find it, from when she had house-sat weeks earlier.

 

While your story could be as plausible and innocent as this one, I'd still keep my eyes on this.

 

I just don't like how he's handling this.

 

Oh, and most people don't need to announce to their GF that they don't like pop-ins. It's just not something that comes up naturally in conversations. For him to have gone out of his way to drop that in, is just......odd.

[Batya33]

Does he ever like wearing women's clothes or different kinds of clothing?

 

You are going to think i'm the naivest person on the planet. Many years ago I was dating my boyfriend, now my husband, for about 8 months. We'd recently become intimate. We used protection, a specific brand. One day we both found an empty wrapper under his bed of a different brand. We also knew maintenance staff had recently been in his apartment. It really didn't occur to me not to trust him - I trusted him, I knew his character, I knew his actions over that time period, I knew his friends and family. I knew he didn't have other kinds of protection or purchased any. Without going into TMI I also believed 100% he would never cheat on me and never have intercourse with someone else. He was disgusted to see it there as was I. We both hoped that perhaps it had been there before he moved in and we only noticed it all the way under the bed then (or it got pushed closer to the edge because of maintenance done in the apartment, who knows -we never found anything but the empty wrapper). I've now known him over 20 years, been married almost 10, together longer. He has never cheated on me (nor I on him) and he has never given me reason not to trust him. And no I don't check up on him in any way and never have. So it can depend. In another scenario I might not have trusted the guy had I found the empty wrapper.

 

I sent my laundry out for years. Sometimes I'd get other people's clothing mixed in with mine. I get that you do his laundry but just throwing that out there.

[Starlight925]

One day we both found an empty wrapper under his bed of a different brand.

 

Engaged/living with someone......Many years ago, I found an opened box of condoms, with several missing. We had never used condoms. He produced the missing condoms, as they were in his travel kit. But why were they there? He said "just in case". Ummmmm.....just in case of what?

 

Only recently, as in 25 years later, someone confirmed that my suspicions back then were right.

 

Sure, in some cases, there are logical explanations. What I've observed over the years is that those are few & far between.

 

OP, I'm just sayin'......walks like a duck.....smoke there's fire.....and all that.

[Batya33]

Engaged/living with someone......Many years ago, I found an opened box of condoms, with several missing. We had never used condoms. He produced the missing condoms, as they were in his travel kit. But why were they there? He said "just in case". Ummmmm.....just in case of what?

 

Only recently, as in 25 years later, someone confirmed that my suspicions back then were right.

 

Sure, in some cases, there are logical explanations. What I've observed over the years is that those are few & far between.

 

OP, I'm just sayin'......walks like a duck.....smoke there's fire.....and all that.

 

Oh sure -that would be different to me if they were in his travel kit and you didn't travel with him (I could see where if you forgot to take a pill and you were away he might have needed a back up so you two could still be intimate).

 

In the OP's case it sounds like there was a woman in his room who left her shirt there or changed shirts, etc. And I think if there was an innocent explanation (yes, there could be- he could have let someone change her shirt in his room and she left it there, etc) he would have had it at the ready and with back up from the woman who left her shirt. It does seem more suspicious to me, than not.

[Wiseman2]

Every guy should keep a spare item of women's clothes, condom wrappers, etc. and strategically place them where they will be "found" if he wants the women he's dating to leave.😜

[Batya33]

Every guy should keep a spare item of women's clothes, condom wrappers, etc. and strategically place them where they will be "found" if he wants the women he's dating to leave.😜

 

Just like every gal should keep pregnancy tests and if possible a positive one borrowed from a friend if she wants him to leave ;-)

 

OP - go with your instincts also and what you know of him. Sorry to take this so off topic.

[journeynow]

You guys I am so sad. He’s still sticking to his story of having no idea how it got in there and acting unapologetic because “apologizing would mean he did something wrong and he didn’t” I’ve had nightmares the last two nights. Just woke up from one. But there is absolutely no other explanation for this shirt...

 

He said that if tables were turned and he found a mans article of clothing at my place he would have throw it in my face and walked out without saying a word and that would have been it so I’m considering doing what he would have done to me. I am so heartbroken.

 

So, you are struggling to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he clearly would not give that to you. That may be the important information here.

 

I don't know the laundry set up, if you are using public machines or not. I could see something being left in the dryer by someone else and getting stuck with your batch of laundry and maybe missed at first. Or a shirt from the past could have been delegated to cleaning rag status but still look pretty good. And I could see not wanting to apologize if I hadn't done anything wrong. However, he doesn't seem at all concerned in finding an explanation to something that is questionable. If he says he'd leave you under the same circumstances, sounds like he's telling you what he expects you to do.

[abitbroken]

He said that if tables were turned and he found a mans article of clothing at my place he would have throw it in my face and walked out without saying a word and that would have been it so I’m considering doing what he would have done to me. I am so heartbroken.

 

I would say he is telling you loud and clear that he wants you gone.

 

BTW, next time, don't "help" do a guy's laundry, okay? Don't do anything a maid would be hired to do or a parent would do for a kid or regularly show up to do chores. The next boyfriend you get -- if he says its laundry day "cool, call me when you are done....let's grab a bite later". And clean your own floor while you wait.

[boltnrun]

A guy I used to date brought his dirty clothes over one time. I walked with him down to the laundry room. He set his dirty clothes down and stepped back, looking at me. I told him "There's the machines, they're all available for you to use them!" He got angry and told me "Most girls want to do my laundry for me!" And I replied "Well, maybe one of them can do it for you then. Not me".

 

He never brought his dirty clothes over again. He did, however, cheat on me and then leave me. Maybe I wasn't enough of a maid/slave for him.

 

ETA: Oops, he is so insignificant I forgot I dumped him lol. He did cheat, however.

[RayRay63]

He got angry and told me "Most girls want to do my laundry for me!"

 

Made I laugh.

 

I won't let my ladies near my machine.

 

They tend to muck up my standard settings.

 

[And yes certain thingees go on handwash setting ;-)]