Jump to content

BCC123

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    306
  • Joined

About BCC123

  • Birthday October 25

BCC123's Achievements

Community Regular

Community Regular (8/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

6

Reputation

  1. So I moved in to his place in March 2020 since my lease was up. Then his lease was up in May 2020 and we got a shared apartment. Lease will be up May 2021 so timing is good to getting out. When I met him it was only a few months after he got his first own one bedroom apartment to himself. He made it seem like he was some cool, independent, musically talented guy with all these hobbies. It's like all of that went away and now he's lazy and complacent. I think this happens to most my relationships - is it something I am doing that makes others feel they can just give up and have me take care of them forever?
  2. I have. I have brought it up a few times. He will listen and then be motivated to make changes for a few days and then it's back to normal. I wonder why I minimized his annoyances so much in the beginning? I was wondering if it was the sex or if I was desperate to be in a relationship? I don't think desperation is it because I did really like him at first. I just hate that it all went away because everything was going well.
  3. I (32F) think I am losing feelings for my BF (28M) We met on tinder 2 years ago and on our first date I noticed he was a little bit of a dork and insecure but I found him to be cute and funny and we got along well. We continued to date for a few months and he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. The beginning was a little rocky. No major fights, I could just tell he had low self esteem. He would feel intimidated by me and all my friends (I grew up in a bigger city and know a lot of people, he came from a smaller town outside the city) and he would try to compensate which I found super irritating. If I tried to open up about a funny party story or something like that he would take it upon himself to "prove" to me that he could drink and party too! Or if my friends would invite me out and I would go out without him, he would try to get really drunk at home or just go to a bar by himself so he wouldn't look "boring" to me or something? Also in the beginning he would try to get attention from random girls when we went out, make jokes and eye contact with strangers, etc. I would like to mention that this has completely changed since I brought it up a few times. Which leads to my next thing. Besides what I have mentioned he's a great person and boyfriend. He is honest, loving, attentive, caring and patient. He is the nicest guy I have ever been with and I have not been treated this well ever. He is affectionate. If I bring up something that is bothering me most the time he listens and changes. Sex life was beyond great. I think we may have been a little too physical in the beginning and based a lot of our interactions around this. We moved in together right as COVID-19 hit in March of 2020. Everything was great. I don't mind spending time with just him. I had 2 cats prior to our relationship and he accepts them and loves them as his own. He takes care of them really well and has gotten attached. Then October of 2020 I started feeling .. idk .. like I was losing interest. The unattractive qualities of him started becoming more apparent. Instead of his dorkiness being endearing and cute I found it extremely annoying. The fact that he still doesn't take care of his own finances and his mom checks his bank account for him really bothers me. He is a little lazy with no ambition. I mentioned my goal of wanting to own a house this year and instead of helping and encouraging me, he said I was rushing. He doesn't plan any trips or dates, he has gotten very comfortable since we've moved in together. So any sort of doubt started in October of 2020, I got over it after a few weeks and the holiday season went well. I do notice that when we do go out together since then I do think he's annoying or some things he says I find stupid. Well then these last few months I started back up on birth control which I had been off for a few years. Now it's like the doubts are glaring me right in the face and I can't ignore it or get over it. I was doing some research and it says the hormones in birth control can change who you're attracted to and I think it may have made me lose my attraction to my boyfriend completely. IDK if my feelings have changed or maybe he acted different in the beginning and now maybe he is truly himself and I don't find us compatible. Does anyone have any advice or similar stories? Should I break up with him and get it over with? The timing works out because we only have one month left in our lease together. Or should I try and stick it out? Should I get off the birth control and see if that helps? I am scared I may never find someone who treats me better than he does. Thank you for reading!
  4. I am wondering if I’m too critical but sometimes I feel as if my partner is incapable of small tasks like dosing medicine or heating up leftovers or making a sandwich or cleaning the toilet properly? Sometimes I think he is child like and I get annoyed. Is this normal?
  5. Yes things are over all good with us! But say we will be out of toilet paper and instead of going to the store after work he’ll go to happy hour with friends instead. I know I’m just frustrated right now. I do see my friends without him occasionally as well. But it’s just like when things need to be done. I guess it snowed a lot today where we live and I came home and shoveled and dealt with our cat who has been sick while he went to his friends to hang out after work. So I’m just annoyed currently.
  6. Hi! I’m frustrated and wanted to vent but also want to see what you guys think. How come in my spare time I do things like shop for us and run errands. And when my boyfriend has spare time he seems to just go out with his buddies and it’s always leisure ? Is it my fault I don’t do that more often or that I prioritize things differently? It’s honestly just frustrating and it makes me think of my boyfriend as childish.
  7. i brought it up once and he said he's felt more comfortable around females his whole life, closer to his mom and aunt than his dad .. etc etc. he does admit that hes insecure - but thats no reason to not be with someone right?
  8. thanks for opening! so i have been in a relationship witha great guy for 8 months now. he's awesome. sometimes i feel insecure about something so i wanted to ask you all when my boyfriend gets drunk, hes get this confidence and starts being really friendly and flirty with females. we will be out at a bar or restaurant and there will be a girl bartender and a guy bartender and he will be friendly and flirty and nice to the female one and feels threatened by the male one - he will approach random girls to say something witty and funny but literally never does it with random males - why is this? any insights or thoughts? experiences?
  9. yes i was jealous for no reason! i do feel awful that i put him into a corner. it was a bad bad fight and i feel so guilty and am having so much trouble forgiving myself. i dont expect him to tell me the minute he saw her. im just saying i asked if she was going to be there prior. we have no issues with each other! shes a sweet girl and we've met and hung out before. we are very friendly with each other. i wasnt interrogating him on whether she was going to be there or not, just simply curious. the part that bothered me was that he told his friend it would be weird if we were all at an after hours party together. i felt bad as if i was the reason we couldnt go, because he didnt want to mix his new girlfriend with his old. i guess from my point of view i wouldnt care if an ex and my current boyfriend were there. so i expected him to think the same, which is wrong. i know this. i just dont see the issue with us all together at this party as we all had been together dancing and hanging out all night anyway.
  10. youre right. it was emotional abuse. i feel awful.
  11. - when i can calmly step outside and think about the jealousy it seems really stupid. but when im in the heat of the moment and feeling the emotions its hard to stop them from coming out. idk how to get a hold of this -
  12. i think someone who truly loves you would try to understand where you were coming from at least a little bit. maybe give you time to build some trust back if the trust was so badly broken. the fact that he gave up just like that speaks a lot to me.
  13. thanks for opening! so my boyfriend and i just had our first big fight, screaming and all. we've been together for 5 months and hes the most amazing, understanding, patient boyfriend ive ever had. on saturday we went to a wedding and of course it was open bar. we had lots to drink. towards the end of the reception some of the brides maids were coming up to him to meet him while i wasnt with him and one grabbed his hand and they held hands for a minute - i was upset. i went outside while he was smoking a cigarette and told him i didnt like it. so there was that- i know i get jealous and this is an issue of mine. before all that happened i noticed his ex girlfriend was there while we were at the reception. i had asked him several times if she would be there the previous weeks before the wedding, he kept saying he didnt know. when i noticed her i said - your ex is here. he said yeah i know i saw her a while ago. i was a little upset he didnt tell me he saw her - when he knew i was concerned before the wedding. he said it was because its not a big deal to him and he didnt want to make it one. understood. then at the very end of the reception - i asked his friend what everyone was doing for after hours. he said they were all going to his place but E***** (my boyfriend) said it would be weird if you two came because his ex is coming ... ok so now i was upset. why would it be weird if theres nothing left between them? why didnt he tell me she was there when he saw her? why was he holding this other girls hand? he loves attention from other people but would NEVER cross the line into cheating. i know this but it still bothers me that hes just gives in to attention from anyone - ive bickered about this before then felt bad as if i was attacking a part of his personality so i end up apologizing. so after the reception we go to a bar and im still talking about it which is making me more upset. i say im just gonna Uber home and he said no i'll take you. he screamed in the car the whole way home. not at me just in general. he was mad at his friend he was mad that he "never gets taken seriously" and what he says doesnt matter etc etc. we get back to my place, kind of calm down but we are still trying to discuss this all while pretty drunk. everytime we talk about it i get upset. he storms off to his car and instead of letting him leave i throw a tantrum, tell him i cant believe he would leave me in this state when im obviously upset. i tell him leave but idk what will happen tomorrow if he does. i KNOW i should not have given him an ultimatum. he comes back in. we start arguing again. it gets heated and he leaves again. i call him and he said hes going to go to bed and cool off. im panicking at this point. im so upset he left. im upset he left while i was so upset. im upset he left after i told him what the consequences might be (us not being together) i understand that he wanted to cool off. i understand we were just arguing and nothing good was coming out of it. i understand we were both drunk and being inconsiderate of each others feelings at this moment. he could tell how upset i was and came back. he said he didnt realize how upset it was making me that he left. he wasnt trying to leave ME just the situation. we went to sleep and spent the next day together, mostly napping from being hungover and mentally exhausted. i feel so sad and guilty. i shouldnt have said anything about it at all. im hoping i didnt ruin the dynamic of the relationship. im having a really hard time forgiving myself. a part of me is still upset he left. i guess im looking for words of encouragement, advice, even tell me how i should handled this better. anything helps.
  14. no - not missing anything! i was just curious - wasnt really asking for a specific situation my boyfriend and i made things official not long ago - we have had convos about past relationships since our pasts are so diff - mine are back to back pretty long term relationships (3 total) and he only had one long term one a few years back, some short term ones that he ended up getting cheated on during so he never out right was like "hey btw i will never cheat on you" it was like ive always been a faithful person and i wouldnt hurt you. he actually never said anything of the sort. i was wondering if what i said was a red flag. also came up when discussing what we were looking for while dating - as in long term relationship. like yeah im looking for something serious and i take it very seriously. ive had trust issues in the past, even though ive never been cheated on. we're really open with each other i just get jealous. he says hes more so jealous of my past and that is something he does in the beginning but will get over quickly. i get jealous once i get serious and i eventually get over it but it takes me a while. we've discussed these things. i agree that these discussions came up more so on an insecurity level, where he was wanting reassurance, wanting to feel me out to see how i would react to it .. etc etc
  15. i meant like the first few months after making it "official" -- after the dating period
×
×
  • Create New...