boltnrun Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 How much space is enough? More than 5 days. Remember I mentioned that when someone asks for space, it's a good idea to give them a ton of it. Also I mentioned that if you're in her face or ear or on her phone screen every few days it gives her zero chance to miss you. Are your anxiety levels soaring because you can't talk to her as much as you want to? If so, remember that is YOUR issue to resolve...not hers. Link to comment
cousin Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 More than 5 days. Remember I mentioned that when someone asks for space, it's a good idea to give them a ton of it. Also I mentioned that if you're in her face or ear or on her phone screen every few days it gives her zero chance to miss you. Are your anxiety levels soaring because you can't talk to her as much as you want to? If so, remember that is YOUR issue to resolve...not hers. I think you are correct about the anxiety. i have lost 12 lbs since this happened. I wish I would have asked for anxiety pills from my Doctor yesterday. Let me ask you something. Everyone on here has said to kick her to the curb. You are telling me to back off and see if we have a shot. Do you believe I should give her a second shot if all goes well? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I would end things now completely. Tell her if she ever changes her mind she can contact you and if you are still interested and available you’ll consider it. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I think you are correct about the anxiety. i have lost 12 lbs since this happened. I wish I would have asked for anxiety pills from my Doctor yesterday. Let me ask you something. Everyone on here has said to kick her to the curb. You are telling me to back off and see if we have a shot. Do you believe I should give her a second shot if all goes well? Do I think this relationship has a shot right now? With your refusal to respect her wishes and your attempts to get her to let you move back in? No way. And she probably was "chatty" because she's ENJOYING her space. Not because she wants you back in it. But...if you can get a grip on your need to control things as a way to soothe your anxiety and if the two of you have an honest talk about the infidelity (yours AND hers) with no blame and no excuses, and talk about how you plan to deal with conflict in the future, there may be a chance. But two things...first of all, don't cling to these words as salvation because I am speculating. And second and most important of all...she HAS to be on board with trying to save the relationship. She has to be 100% committed with no outside involvement at all. All your reconciliation fantasies and plans will mean nothing if she's not willing to sincerely try again. Please, please give her space. All of it. Do not ask to move back in, do not message, text, call, email, post on Instagram or any form of social media, do not "drop by" home or work, do not send smoke signals...leave her 110% alone. If you keep getting in her face she will never miss you and never see what life without you is like. And if she never gets to experience that I can guarantee she will never be interested in giving you another chance. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 She did, but I sent it back. I may see if she will send it back again. This is actually stressing me out big time. I will update after she and I talk.Why would you do that Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I need you to try something. The next time anyone in real life or on this forum talks / posts, I want you to listen to it and follow along as if the what the person was saying was the absolute one hundred percent truth. You can disagree with it after, but during reading the post or listening to the conversation, you should regard to something someone says as 100% truth. This will help you with your active listening skills. It will also help others understand that you are actually listening. Because right now, you're not listening to anything. Her wishes (space) or the advice others are giving you. It's all you, you, you right now. You need to solve that. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I am not refusing. I am asking. If she says no, then I move on or stay in touch and see what happens. you are refusing to leave her alone by contacting her to ask her a question. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I think you are correct about the anxiety. i have lost 12 lbs since this happened. I wish I would have asked for anxiety pills from my Doctor yesterday. Let me ask you something. Everyone on here has said to kick her to the curb. You are telling me to back off and see if we have a shot. Do you believe I should give her a second shot if all goes well? Good grief, no. She showed you she doesn't respect you and doesn't love you when she opened her legs to another guy. Even if you were foolish enough to go back, I can just about guarantee it won't last. You are 40 years old, man. You know better than this; you need to get yourself together, here. Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I believe in second chances. But no more. I believe in second chances as well on most things, cheating is not one off them. Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 I'm no saint. Never cheated on her, but I was a jerk and she was scared to say anything until recently. You're only hearing my side of the story. I will agree with every word here. Still not an excuse to go and another man. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 o you believe I should give her a second shot if all goes well? she might not give YOU a shot. so that's a little premature. She wants you gone and you won't leave her alone. If you are BROKE - can you actually afford to pay another month's rent at your new place to give 30 day's notice plus more rent? nope. leave her alone Link to comment
cousin Posted August 10, 2018 Author Share Posted August 10, 2018 o you believe I should give her a second shot if all goes well? she might not give YOU a shot. so that's a little premature. She wants you gone and you won't leave her alone. If you are BROKE - can you actually afford to pay another month's rent at your new place to give 30 day's notice plus more rent? nope. leave her alone Went to her place. She said I could move back in, but wants to make sure I make better decisions in the future. Didn't appear to be angry. I'm just going to lie low and find a better place than my last one. She won't even know I'm there because of our schedules. Thank you everyone for your advice. Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Find a better place then a better gf. Link to comment
helenh Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Hi! How do you imagne this relationship in the future? Link to comment
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