She wants us to have our "own space." How much?

[boltnrun]

I will update tomorrow. She is working 12 hours today without a break and then has to drive 45 minutes home. Today isn't the best time to talk to her.

 

So you're determined to ask to move back in?

 

I mean, not the greatest way to show you've "changed".

[Usa1ah]

Thank you. I really don't think I was abusive, but I was an a hole . She tried hard. I played tennis, hung out with my friends and occasionally took her to dinner. I never let my online friends know we were together. She tried though. We went on vacation with her family, and I wouldn't let her post pics of us together. I was an idiot. I'm going Friday to get my stuff. I don't really like this new place, so I am hoping giving her all this space will help us get past this and I can move into the spare bedroom for a little while. The new place still isn't finished. Owner of the place seems shady. That's what I get for moving out so quickly. She told me before I moved out that I had all the time I needed. She just wanted me to be looking.

 

My female friends all think I should give it another shot with her as friends first. They said she should not have cheated, but I was also stupid for treating her so badly. I believe in second chances. But just one.

 

Females almost always say to forgive your gf for cheating. But rip a bf to shreds if he does.

 

I thought she forced your hand on finding a place and took your key. This isn’t just wanted you to be looking for a place. She got mad and threw you out for showing up to sleep at the apartment you were sharing. Then she throws you getting mad over her cheating in your face.

 

Take everything back about her, she really sound like a narcissist.

[Usa1ah]

I just want to go back and try again just like she suggested would happen if I get help. I was not a good guy. Most people would have told me to leave a long time ago. For a while I was also messaging other women I used to date. I'm sure she picked up on that. I'm telling you all, we never ever communicated. We would go out to eat and get groceries. Other than that, she's stay home. I want to start communicating with her as much as possible and see what happens. That's all.

 

Everything you listed here most guys have done in their relationship at one point or another. Most gfs/wives don’t cheat because of if.

 

There is never an excuse to cheat. Never.

 

She is a cheater that blamed you and the fact that “we never had the exclusive talk” for it. She has never taken responsibility for her actions.

 

Answer this. If she really loved you, would she be giving her phone number out and having sex with other guys?

 

Were you having sex with other girls? No And why was that?

[boltnrun]

Well, he did say he was "messaging" other girls. I wonder what the content of those messages was.

[Usa1ah]

Trust me. If we end up back together, I will be making that trip with her just like I did last December. Yes, she needs to change. I am willing to see if she can. She's a good woman. Just young and impulsive.

 

How old is she again 16 18? She is almost 30 correct. She showed you who she really is. The only reason you found out is because you saw the OM’s text to her.

 

How many others has she been having sex with until this point?

 

She never would have told you about because she had no guilt from doing it. She would have continued having sex wiith others if you hadn’t caught her. She actually could still be cheating and you would never know.

[Usa1ah]

Good woman don’t cheat on their husbands or boyfriends.

[cousin]

Everything you listed here most guys have done in their relationship at one point or another. Most gfs/wives don’t cheat because of if.

 

There is never an excuse to cheat. Never.

 

She is a cheater that blamed you and the fact that “we never had the exclusive talk” for it. She has never taken responsibility for her actions.

 

Answer this. If she really loved you, would she be giving her phone number out and having sex with other guys?

 

Were you having sex with other girls? No And why was that?

 

Thank you. She's known the guy before she met me. I remember her texting him alot during our early days, but it was always here replying to him having panic attacks. She gave me her phone pin without me asking for it a long time ago. I know the odds are not good that we get back together. It's just hard to go from seeing someone everyday to not at all. I did give it five good days though. I'm proud of that. If we don't come to some kind of agreement tomorrow, I'm done. Trust me.

[cousin]

How old is she again 16 18? She is almost 30 correct. She showed you who she really is. The only reason you found out is because you saw the OM’s text to her.

 

How many others has she been having sex with until this point?

 

She never would have told you about because she had no guilt from doing it. She would have continued having sex wiith others if you hadn’t caught her. She actually could still be cheating and you would never know.

 

Trust me. She hasn't cheated any other times. We have spent basically every minute together when she isn't working. She rarely goes anywhere. She has gone out with friends two times since I've known her and they were work functions. She snapped or texted me the entire time.

[cousin]

Good woman don’t cheat on their husbands or boyfriends.

 

I believe in second chances. But no more.

[cousin]

Well, he did say he was "messaging" other girls. I wonder what the content of those messages was.

 

I was basically flirting. That was before the ex and I even were having problems. I wasn't sure if I really liked her or not. I was an idiot.

[cousin]

So you're determined to ask to move back in?

 

I mean, not the greatest way to show you've "changed".

 

She had told me to get help, give her space, and "start looking" for a new place. I didn't text her for five days. She said as long as I was "looking" she was fine with that. She knows I am going to therapy. She saw it on my Instagram. We talked about it a little this morning. She knows I am looking for a place. This one just didn't work out.

[cousin]

So you're determined to ask to move back in?

 

I mean, not the greatest way to show you've "changed".

 

It doesn't hurt to ask.

[reinventmyself]

I believe in second chances. But no more.

 

When it gets to the point that you are being asked to move and get psychiatric help, it's about as low as it gets.

Add in having sex with someone else .. . I don't know how you recover from that. Or why anyone would want to.

[abitbroken]

She had told me to get help, give her space, and "start looking" for a new place. I didn't text her for five days. She said as long as I was "looking" she was fine with that. She knows I am going to therapy. She saw it on my Instagram. We talked about it a little this morning. She knows I am looking for a place. This one just didn't work out.

 

5 days is not long enough for ANY real change to happen whatsoever. Right now you will do anything to make it look like you changed just enough that maybe she will take you back. stop posting things on instagram to hope that she sees the changes you are making. You need to not contact her again and leave her ALONE. Do you want to be with a woman who slept with someone else, btw? Or you don't care? if you have no family in the area, why not move back to where your support network is?

[cousin]

5 days is not long enough for ANY real change to happen whatsoever. Right now you will do anything to make it look like you changed just enough that maybe she will take you back. stop posting things on instagram to hope that she sees the changes you are making. You need to not contact her again and leave her ALONE. Do you want to be with a woman who slept with someone else, btw? Or you don't care? if you have no family in the area, why not move back to where your support network is?

 

I like my job. I have great benefits. Is it not possible to make change living under the same roof?

[cousin]

When it gets to the point that you are being asked to move and get psychiatric help, it's about as low as it gets.

Add in having sex with someone else .. . I don't know how you recover from that. Or why anyone would want to.

 

I'm no saint. Never cheated on her, but I was a jerk and she was scared to say anything until recently. You're only hearing my side of the story.

[cousin]

If she says I can't move back in, then I am done. I will let everyone know what happens asap.

[abitbroken]

I like my job. I have great benefits. Is it not possible to make change living under the same roof?

 

Nope. because one of the changes was giving her SPACE. and you are REFUSING to do that.

[cousin]

Nope. because one of the changes was giving her SPACE. and you are REFUSING to do that.

 

Not refusing. I tried. She initially said I had two months. My new place isn't what I thought it was. I am sweating my butt off from no air conditioning. I will have to shower at work tomorrow which means I will have to get up early enough that nobody notices. My commute is already 45 minutes. I got scammed. I still plan on leaving our apartment when I get paid in a few weeks.

[abitbroken]

Not refusing. I tried. She initially said I had two months. My new place isn't what I thought it was. I am sweating my butt off from no air conditioning. I will have to shower at work tomorrow which means I will have to get up early enough that nobody notices. My commute is already 45 minutes. I got scammed. I still plan on leaving our apartment when I get paid in a few weeks.

 

I get that your place was not ready and you couldn't totally give her space - but now you can and now you refuse -- you just talked to her. you haven't been gone more than a minute

[cousin]

I get that your place was not ready and you couldn't totally give her space - but now you can and now you refuse -- you just talked to her. you haven't been gone more than a minute

 

I am not refusing. I am asking. If she says no, then I move on or stay in touch and see what happens.

[boltnrun]

How is "staying in touch" giving her space?

 

We're trying to get you to see that you are completely disregarding her wishes. You're choosing to interpret her giving you a few weeks to move out as an invitation to move back in. You then insist you two can work on things while living together. Well, again, how is that respecting her wishes for space?

 

You are trying to get her to do what you want her to do. Can you not see that?

 

The best way to deal with someone who asks for space is giving them all the space they can handle. She can't miss you or regret her decision if you're in her ear (or on her phone screen) every few days.

[cousin]

How is "staying in touch" giving her space?

 

We're trying to get you to see that you are completely disregarding her wishes. You're choosing to interpret her giving you a few weeks to move out as an invitation to move back in. You then insist you two can work on things while living together. Well, again, how is that respecting her wishes for space?

 

You are trying to get her to do what you want her to do. Can you not see that?

 

The best way to deal with someone who asks for space is giving them all the space they can handle. She can't miss you or regret her decision if you're in her ear (or on her phone screen) every few days.

 

Most of the people on here have told me to leave her anyway. I don't see why just asking her would hurt. All she can do is say no. I'll probably stop talking to her anyway because that shows she has no heart. I wouldn't let her live like this. I am literally about to go to sleep at 7:36 my time because I am so miserable.

[boltnrun]

Most of the people on here have told me to leave her anyway. I don't see why just asking her would hurt. All she can do is say no. I'll probably stop talking to her anyway because that shows she has no heart. I wouldn't let her live like this. I am literally about to go to sleep at 7:36 my time because I am so miserable.

 

Because she asked for space!!!

[cousin]

Because she asked for space!!!

 

How much space is enough? She was pretty chatty this morning. All she can do is say that's not enough time.