She wants us to have our "own space." How much?

[cousin]

This relationship was ridiculously unhealthy, OP.

 

It was never going to last.

 

As I type this message, I am also looking at some of the stuff she made and bought for me early in our relationship. She made me the most thoughtful gifts to put in my office at work. She used to want to hold my hand, take pics together and post on social media. I wouldn't let her. I was a jerk. I would kill to hold her hand and post pictures now. She was really good to me in the beginning, and I failed her.

[MissCanuck]

She never complained about anything. I never complained. I thought everything was going fine until I saw that text.

 

That doesn't mean everything was okay. Clearly, it was not.

 

Where the heck are your standards?

[cousin]

That doesn't mean everything was okay. Clearly, it was not.

 

Where the heck are your standards?

 

I really care about her. I didn't treat her right. My friends have all told me the same thing. I didn't realize how much of a jerk I am to live with. All I can do is try and get help and see what happens. If anything it will help me with future relationships. Today was day 2 of not contacting her. I have to go to her apartment Friday or Saturday. I'm hoping we can talk again. I've done a ton of research on Adderall. I'm sure my Doc is going to put me on it Wednesday. Hopefully she'll see me without the ADHD problems. ex: Difficulties with paying attention to others, missing important verbal and nonverbal cues, impulsively reacting or saying things that may be hurtful, moodiness, quick temper, low tolerance for frustrations, forgetfulness, zoning out in conversations, oversensitivity to criticism, emotional over-reactions.

[cousin]

I've had a couple of days to reflect. I have been very demanding. I bought us tickets to a musical a couple of weeks ago when she already told me she didn't like them. She went but she told me on the way she wasn't happy.

 

God I feel so bad. She had an appointment with a neurologist today, and I can't even ask her how it went. She has had migraines for weeks. I thought she was lying to get out of doing stuff with me. I feel like such a jerk.

[Wiseman2]

Two passive-aggressive people dancing around like this must be head spinning.

I bought us tickets to a musical a couple of weeks ago when she already told me she didn't like them. She went but she told me on the way she wasn't happy.

[cousin]

Two passive-aggressive people dancing around like this must be head spinning.

 

My head is always spinning because of the ADHD anyway. I just saw a cognitive behavior therapist this morning. She says I need to work on empathy and social cues. Shrink thinks I have a difficult time figuring out how upset someone actually is in a given situation. I am going to the Dr. tomorrow and hoping he prescribes adderall for the ADHD and anxiety. Like I said before, if she doesn't want to get back together, at least I have bettered myself for future relationships.

[jimthzz]

>

I'm hoping we can talk again.

 

>

 

Nope, nada, no mas.

 

Not even the right move right now.

 

Just get your possessions and go.

[cousin]

Nope, nada, no mas.

 

Not even the right move right now.

 

Just get your possessions and go.

 

You're right. I didn't even realize I had typed that. Thank you.

[abitbroken]

I really care about her. I didn't treat her right. My friends have all told me the same thing. I didn't realize how much of a jerk I am to live with. All I can do is try and get help and see what happens. If anything it will help me with future relationships. Today was day 2 of not contacting her. I have to go to her apartment Friday or Saturday. I'm hoping we can talk again. I've done a ton of research on Adderall. I'm sure my Doc is going to put me on it Wednesday. Hopefully she'll see me without the ADHD problems. ex: Difficulties with paying attention to others, missing important verbal and nonverbal cues, impulsively reacting or saying things that may be hurtful, moodiness, quick temper, low tolerance for frustrations, forgetfulness, zoning out in conversations, oversensitivity to criticism, emotional over-reactions.

 

Do not "try to talk to her" when you pick up your stuff. Just go get your stuff. The more you beg and plead or try to have "relationship talks" the less likely she will want to talk to you ever again. Oversensitivity to criticism is not a disorder - its something you consciously work on and develop your ability to take constructive criticism with grace. She won't see you without the ADHD because you have ADHD. I have ADD. changing my diet helped immensely, as well as outdoor work. you have to do other things like that in addition to self reflection even if you decide to go on meds. start journaling and figure out how you can treat people better.

[abitbroken]

My head is always spinning because of the ADHD anyway. I just saw a cognitive behavior therapist this morning. She says I need to work on empathy and social cues. Shrink thinks I have a difficult time figuring out how upset someone actually is in a given situation. I am going to the Dr. tomorrow and hoping he prescribes adderall for the ADHD and anxiety. Like I said before, if she doesn't want to get back together, at least I have bettered myself for future relationships.

 

Honestly, i would stick with the cognitive therapist and really work at what she is telling you to work on -- exercise, get fresh air and change your diet. it sounds like you looked up a med and researched it yourself and are asking the doc to presecribe something. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who is prescribing it or are you asking your general doctor for the meds? if your psych recommends it, that's one thing

[cousin]

Do not "try to talk to her" when you pick up your stuff. Just go get your stuff. The more you beg and plead or try to have "relationship talks" the less likely she will want to talk to you ever again. Oversensitivity to criticism is not a disorder - its something you consciously work on and develop your ability to take constructive criticism with grace. She won't see you without the ADHD because you have ADHD. I have ADD. changing my diet helped immensely, as well as outdoor work. you have to do other things like that in addition to self reflection even if you decide to go on meds. start journaling and figure out how you can treat people better.

 

Thank you. I work in an area where I can take a walk downtown every time I feel overwhelmed. I have taken three walks today.

[cousin]

Honestly, i would stick with the cognitive therapist and really work at what she is telling you to work on -- exercise, get fresh air and change your diet. it sounds like you looked up a med and researched it yourself and are asking the doc to presecribe something. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who is prescribing it or are you asking your general doctor for the meds? if your psych recommends it, that's one thing

 

This morning was the first time with a therapist. We didn't get very deep, but she thinks I may have ADHD. She said I need to work on my empathy skills. I am seeing a family doctor tomorrow to see if he will give me meds. If not adderall, maybe something for my nerves. I've had a weird twitch in my arm all morning. It won't stop shaking. My nurse friend said it's probably anxiety.

[abitbroken]

This morning was the first time with a therapist. We didn't get very deep, but she thinks I may have ADHD. She said I need to work on my empathy skills. I am seeing a family doctor tomorrow to see if he will give me meds. If not adderall, maybe something for my nerves. I've had a weird twitch in my arm all morning. It won't stop shaking. My nurse friend said it's probably anxiety.

 

I think a referral to a psychotherapist or psychitarist who is a clinical doctor that can prescribe meds is a better choice than your family doctor. You are going off the hunch from seeing a cognitive therapist who saw you once (who you SHOULD see again - you need to work on being a more considerate person). Paxil is an anxiety drug that is more a regular one for a general doctor to choose so i am surprised they are listening to what YOU want to be prescribed. I would start to work on your empathy - lay off the garbage packaged food, dairy and sugar and start eating fresh foods. There might be a withdrawal period for your body, but it might ultimately help you in the long run. I am not trying to steer you away from getting things straightened out in mental health but to see the right person.

 

Remember, part of this is also grief over the loss of the relationship.

[cousin]

I think a referral to a psychotherapist or psychitarist who is a clinical doctor that can prescribe meds is a better choice than your family doctor. You are going off the hunch from seeing a cognitive therapist who saw you once (who you SHOULD see again - you need to work on being a more considerate person). Paxil is an anxiety drug that is more a regular one for a general doctor to choose so i am surprised they are listening to what YOU want to be prescribed. I would start to work on your empathy - lay off the garbage packaged food, dairy and sugar and start eating fresh foods. There might be a withdrawal period for your body, but it might ultimately help you in the long run. I am not trying to steer you away from getting things straightened out in mental health but to see the right person.

 

Remember, part of this is also grief over the loss of the relationship.

 

Thank you so much for the advice. I am 100% certain I have ADHD. I remember my ex going over all of the symptoms in her DSM-5 guide early on in our relationship. We did some tests that she uses for some of her clients too. I just didn't think ADHD was impacting our relationship so badly until now. She would bring it up sometimes, but I thought that was just her being playful.

[MissCanuck]

I find it unfair that she tried to diagnose you, without really looking at her own behaviour. She isn't exactly the pinnacle of maturity and stability either, from what I gather.

 

You two had a questionable dynamic from early on.

[abitbroken]

I find it unfair that she tried to diagnose you, without really looking at her own behaviour. She isn't exactly the pinnacle of maturity and stability either, from what I gather.

 

You two had a questionable dynamic from early on.

 

I thought he said the cognitive therapist did? I have to reread

[cousin]

I find it unfair that she tried to diagnose you, without really looking at her own behaviour. She isn't exactly the pinnacle of maturity and stability either, from what I gather.

 

You two had a questionable dynamic from early on.

 

She basically works non-stop and then works more from home. On weekends, we would go out or stay home. She has no friends here. I guess I really never knew the real her until she went on that trip and slept with that guy.

[cousin]

I thought he said the cognitive therapist did? I have to reread

 

Therapist thinks I might have it. We didn't get very far today. First visit. Ex is convinced I do. I should have looked into it a long time ago.

[MissCanuck]

She basically works non-stop and then works more from home. On weekends, we would go out or stay home. She has no friends here. I guess I really never knew the real her until she went on that trip and slept with that guy.

 

No, you didn't. She isn't who you thought she was, and you two didn't take the time to get to know each other either.

 

You need to worry less about her, and more about looking out for yourself now.

[cousin]

No, you didn't. She isn't who you thought she was, and you two didn't take the time to get to know each other either.

 

You need to worry less about her, and more about looking out for yourself now.[/quote

 

Thank you. I can't wait to visit the doctor tomorrow and see what happens.

[Usa1ah]

Why didn’t you have her leave, she’s the one that wants space.

 

Your a doormat. She says jump and you say how high.

[Usa1ah]

I don't think she is going to bring a guy over. We did agree on that. She really just wants the stress I'm causing her to leave because her job is so demanding. She moved here from Wisconsin and knows nobody else here.

 

Many have cheated under this condition.

[Usa1ah]

I believe she has bpd. She makes very impulsive decisions. I won't go into details, but she fits the description to a T. I honestly think I should get some help. I think it will help me in the future with whoever I date. She brought up some stuff after I posted this that I didn't realize I was doing wrong (pushing for sex, verbally abusive). It scares me that I didn't realize I was doing that and how it was affecting her. I'm actually in tears right now thinking about what I did.

 

 

Are you sure what she is telling is true? Most people know when they’re verbally abusing someone. Being pushy for sex is just her opinion, another girl might think your now forward enough.

[Usa1ah]

I actually blew up a little bit a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting on the couch while she was in the kitchen. Her phone was beside me. She got a text from a guy. Long story short, the text was him thanking her for having sex with him. She had visited him in Louisville on her way to visit family in Wisconsin about a month ago. At that time it had been about a month since we had sex or even kissed. When I confronted her she basically said we had never determined our relationship which is true. We never flat out said we were exclusive, but I just assumed. I am not blaming her for everything. As I am here sitting in my office, I am looking at stuff she had bought me to decorate. She even hand made me some stuff. What did I ever do for her? I never bought her flowers or anything. Yes, we went out on dates, but I never went the extra mile. She would try to hold my hand in public and I wouldn't let her. She would post pictures of us together online, but I wouldn't let her tag me in them. I was an ass not that I've had time to realize it. I am praying that medication and therapy will change the way I behave in relationships.

 

Your being a fool or an idiot. Your living together and she claims your not in a exclusive relationship. She cheated on you.

 

Dump her as fast as you can and find someone that actually cares for you.

[Usa1ah]

She never called me out about being pushy for sex until this past weekend. At that point it had been five weeks since we had even kissed. If she would have told me when it was happening, I would have stopped. The only time she said I verbally abused her was when I found out she slept with someone else. Yes, I flew off the handle a bit. I raised my voice and smashed a cheap computer keyboard that I already had a ton of anyway. Other than that, I just tried to get her to talk and she wouldn't.

 

Your pushy for sex and she is out having sex with others. I am laughing my ass off right now reading this. Stop being a doormat.