What is the best answer to a cancelled date with no reshedule?

[Shorthaired]

I met a guy couple of weeks ago and hit it off really well. We had a long date that ended up with a walk holding hands. After that, we were both traveling for work but agreed to go on another date when we are back.

 

He texted me every couple of days and we seemed to have a good banter. Then he suggested that we go out hiking (set for tomorrow) and have something to eat after. I was looking forward to it.

 

Today he texts me a long text about how he has to cancel. He is working on a start up and will be working all April ~80 hours weeks but he is really sorry. He wants to text during that time..

 

I haven't responded and am frankly pissed off. I work a lot myself and it's BS that he doesn't have 2 hours the spare the whole month. I haven't responded so far but am really tempted to send him a text calling him out on his BS.

 

 

Bad idea?

[Cope]

I think it's a bad idea because although it may seem like BS, maybe it's not. I am not saying though that you have to wait for him for a month. If he literally told you that he won't be seeing you for a month, then tell him that won't work for you. If he didn't, ask him if you will see him and reply accordingly.

 

Do you know if he's married?

[Wiseman2]

After one date, it's best to cut your losses and not agree to be a text buddy or backup. He met someone else, has someone else, etc. Delete and block him. It doesn't require a response.

I met a guy couple of weeks ago and hit it off really well.Today he texts me a long text about how he has to cancel. He wants to text during that time.

[RayRay63]

wiseman2, you might be right or wrong here, but to my mind the answer to this young lady's question is the same either way:

 

send him a message back:

 

"Ok, bit of a pity. I won't contact you since you are so busy."

 

It is faintly possible he is telling the truth. Be diffident. Leave it up to him to do the work. Date some other guys.

[Wiseman2]

That's exactly what mr too busy wants. To keep her on hold as a backup. Engaging him with passive-aggressive texts won't help reignite interest. It doesn't matter what excuse/reason he has. He canceled a date abruptly and suddenly has to work 80 hrs a week for over a mo.? After one date, it's best to move on.

send him a message back:"Ok, bit of a pity. I won't contact you since you are so busy." It is faintly possible he is telling the truth. Be diffident. Leave it up to him to do the work. Date some other guys.

[milly007]

I say cut your losses and text him something along the lines of, "I wish you the best with your work, however I'm not looking for a texting buddy. All the best!" And leave it at that.

 

Not responding at all, as wiseman suggests, is also an option. To be honest, I think I'd feel inclined to not respond. Either way, do what you feel comfortable doing. But don't send him an angry text and accuse him of BS (even though what he's doing is BS). It will only make you sound bitter and he won't give it or you a second thought.

 

I bet he comes back around at some point. Up to you whether you want to invest any time in him if he does come back around.

 

I don't blame you for being disappointed shorthaired. I believe that if you're genuinely interested in someone and want to see them, you'll find the time, regardless.

 

It blows my mind that this guy is basically asking you to wait around for a month while you text back and forth. Wow.

[RayRay63]

That's exactly what mr too busy wants. To keep her on hold as a backup. Engaging him with passive-aggressive texts won't help reignite interest. It doesn't matter what excuse/reason he has. He canceled a date abruptly and suddenly has to work 80 hrs a week for over a mo.? After one date, it's best to move on.

 

OK wiseman, lets work on this, how does she word the F*U* text that puts him in his place? Without completely cutting him off from any chance.

 

I think this is what OP is asking us.

 

PS: good to get some cross continent real discussion with you bro.

[RayRay63]

I say cut your losses and text him something along the lines of, "I wish you the best with your work, however I'm not looking for a texting buddy. All the best!" And leave it at that.

 

 

Yes, this is a good plan.

[Shorthaired]

Yes, this is a good plan.

 

I wish I texted him that but I have deleted his texts and number before I read all the replies with no way to recover it. I didn't respond at all.

 

Dating sucks. Why can't people just be straight forward if they are not interested..Sigh.

[SweetGirl28]

No reply needed. He's probably met someone else and keeping you as backup.

It was one date. He's not that busy, even if he were, he'd find time. And interested man always finds time.

[RayRay63]

No reply needed. He's probably met someone else and keeping you as backup.

It was one date. He's not that busy, even if he were, he'd find time. And interested man always finds time.

 

Pretty right as usual sweetgirl. I do think think shorthaired is looking for what I have at times referred to as the Jason Bourne response.

 

1. What is it you want from me?

 

2. Let me think about it.

 

3. Block, delete, reject list.

 

It is a remarkably cathartic power reversal.

[katrina1980]

shorthaired, if I may ask - why are you so emotional (pissed off) about a man you've had only one date with?

 

You ignored, blocked and deleted? Quite an over-reaction in my opinion. People do that when they are trying to move on from someone they've dated for awhile who's hurt them.

 

In your case there was nothing to move on from, and if you felt hurt and pissed off (which you apparently did), then again, ask yourself, why so emotional about a guy you've had one date with?

 

JMO as usual, and no disrespect to you or anyone, but some of you really need to chill out.

 

You had *one* date, okay he's busy for the next month, who the hell knows why, who cares.

 

You are a woman with options (or should be), this should be nothing but a mere blip; the classy response would have been to text back telling him you're not up to texting, but good luck with your business, take care.

 

And then forget about it, continue meeting and dating other man and live your life.

 

Learn to stand out from the other distrustful, pissed-off, bitter, self-entitled women who believe a man they've had only one date with owes them something.

 

You'll feel better for it, and men will be drawn to you (your attitude) as well, resulting in less men wanting to run away from you versus more men wanting to date you and move closer to you.

 

Good luck.

[milly007]

shorthaired, if I may ask - why are you so emotional (pissed off) about a man you've had only one date with?

 

You ignored, blocked and deleted? Quite an over-reaction in my opinion. People do that when they are trying to move on from someone they've dated for awhile who's hurt them.

 

In your case there was nothing to move on from, and if you felt hurt and pissed off (which you apparently did), then again, ask yourself, why so emotional about a guy you've had one date with?

 

JMO as usual, and no disrespect to you or anyone, but some of you really need to chill out.

 

You had *one* date, okay he's busy for the next month, who the hell knows why, who cares.

 

You are a woman with options (or should be), this should be nothing but a mere blip; the classy response would have been to text back telling him you're not up to texting, but good luck with your business, take care.

 

And then forget about it, continue meeting and dating other man and live your life.

 

Learn to stand out from the other distrustful, pissed-off, bitter, self-entitled women who believe a man they've had only one date with owes them something.

 

You'll feel better for it, and men will be drawn to you (your attitude) as well, resulting in less men wanting to run away from you versus more men wanting to date you and move closer to you.

 

Good luck.

 

I can appreciate that shorthaired is upset, even though they only met once.

 

She clearly felt a connection with this guy (which doesn't happen often), and was disappointed at his lack of follow through (or apparent interest).

 

What shorthaired is feeling is still raw...I get that, since it happened recently, but there's no doubt she'll move on in no time.

 

I think we all feel somewhat disappointed when something like this happens.

 

Gotta give shorthaired that opportunity to vent.

 

I think you even commented, Katrina (in one of your threads), about a gent you were chatting with online. He asked you if you were interested in meeting up, you said sure, and when he didn't follow through you were bummed. You decided to touch base with him again, because you felt you had nothing to lose. I think you mentioned that you didn't take his initial lack of follow through personally because you hadn't met in person yet. I think you may have mentioned that you would have taken it more personally if he didn't follow through after you had met. Correct me if I'm wrong!

 

Either way, at the end of the day, we're all looking for that special connection. If shorthaired didn't feel some sort of connection with this guy, there'd be no feelings of disappointment following what happened (which, funnily enough, would kinda suck, I think). Meeting guy after guy with no spark or feelings of connection would be boring and make me wonder why I'm meeting anyone at all. It's kinda bitter sweet, I guess.

 

But like I said, her feelings of disappointment and being miffed will be short lived, I bet.

 

It hurts now, but she'll be moving on in no time.

 

I know, at least for me, if I were to move without any feelings of disappointment, it would mean there was no connection in the first place.

 

But this too shall pass! And soon!

 

Typing on my phone. Hope this makes sense!

[Starlight925]

Shorthaired, I appreciate and understand why this upsets you. You date & date, and you finally feel a connection, you get all excited that you're going out again, and then....this lame cancel.

 

Wiseman is right: he wants to keep you as a text-buddy backup in case his new girlfriend/work project/whatever falls through.

 

Don't be the text-buddy backup.

 

You have 2 choices:

1) Do, as Wiseman suggests, and just move on, no reply needed. And don't respond to his texts. Which, blocking helps you with, as you won't see the texts.

2) Send a "thanks but no thanks" text. Problem with that, he'll reply, and you'll get into a stupid text exchange, which defeats the purpose, as you're walking right into being a "text buddy".

 

I'm sorry this happened. I think one of his other options opened up, and unfortunately, he's pushing you aside.

 

I've had this happen: a cancellation right before the 2nd date with a guy I was so excited about. He did call me back, one year later!! Turns out, he had gotten back with his on-again-off-again girlfriend after our 1st date, but now, he was "done forever with her". So, I decided to give it another chance, and after our 2nd date on the new cycle, one year later, he cancelled our 3rd date....because he got engaged between our date 2 & 3. What a waste of time that was. But it hurt!! So I get how you're feeling.

[katrina1980]

Hi milly, thnx for your response, and yes it made sense.

 

Not saying she should not be disappointed, if I had felt a strong connection during first meet, I would be too.

 

My opinion is more about how she chose to respond to that disappointment.

 

Ignoring, blocking, deleting; ok I understand she did what she felt was best for her, but honestly, dating is difficult, they come and they go.

 

Best to learn to let it roll off, especially after only one date. Not let it affect you too much.

 

How I suggested she respond is what I would have done, and have, and had men calling back practically begging for another date.

 

And just to update my situation, as you recall, many posters assumed he was not interested, blowing me off, and advised ME to block and delete him, remember?

 

Again, quite an over-reaction, an indication that him not texting back pissed me off or otherwise negatively affected me.

 

We had not even met yet!

 

Even though yes I was disaapointed, I was not pissed off, did not assume he was "blowing me off" went against the advice, remained positive and texted him back, something light.

 

He responded back within ten minutes, we met, clicked and are now dating!

 

Sixth date tonight in fact!

 

I dunno, jmo but best to try and remain positive in light of all the disappointments and set-backs we experience.

 

Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't, no sense in getting worked up about it to the point of ignoring, blocking deleting.

 

In OP's case, perhaps the timing wasn't right, for whatever reason, who knows, shyt happens in life, they had one date.

 

But now he's blocked, so even if or when the timing was better, there is no way for him to get in touch as he's blocked. After only one date!

 

I'm certainly no expert on dating or human behavior but one thing I have learned, through my own experiences and others, is that things are not always as they first appear to be.

[milly007]

Hi milly, thnx for your response, and yes it made sense.

 

Not saying she should not be disappointed, if I had felt a strong connection during first meet, I would be too.

 

My opinion is more about how she chose to respond to that disappointment.

 

Ignoring, blocking, deleting; ok I understand she did what she felt was best for her, but honestly, dating is difficult, they come and they go.

 

Best to learn to let it roll off, especially after only one date. Not let it affect you too much.

 

How I suggested she respond is what I would have done, and have, and had men calling back practically begging for another date.

 

And just to update my situation, as you recall, many posters assumed he was not interested, blowing me off, and advised ME to block and delete him, remember?

 

Again, quite an over-reaction, an indication that him not texting back pissed me off or otherwise negatively affected me.

 

We had not even met yet!

 

Even though yes I was disaapointed, I was not pissed off, did not assume he was "blowing me off" went against the advice, remained positive and texted him back, something light.

 

He responded back within ten minutes, we met, clicked and are now dating!

 

Sixth date tonight in fact!

 

I dunno, jmo but best to try and remain positive in light of all the disappointments and set-backs we experience.

 

Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't, no sense in getting worked up about it to the point of ignoring, blocking deleting.

 

In OP's case, perhaps the timing wasn't right, for whatever reason, who knows, shyt happens in life, they had one date.

 

But now he's blocked, so even if or when the timing was better, there is no way for him to get in touch as he's blocked. After only one date!

 

I'm certainly no expert on dating or human behavior but one thing I have learned, through my own experiences and others, is that things are not always as they first appear to be.

 

Fair enough. Different strokes for different folks.

 

I just don't see OP's lack of reply to be an overreaction at all.

 

The guy could construe her lack of reply in many different ways, from OP not caring, to being turned off - who knows. His interpretation doesn't matter anyway, since I can't imagine any guy in their right mind expecting the most positive of replies under the circumstances.

 

I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't even expect a reply if I were this dude, to be honest.

 

And if I ever sent a guy a similar message basically saying, 'hey, I have to reschedule our second date, as work has me bogged down for the next month. Did you want to continue texting for the time being?"

 

No way I'd expect a positive reaction. If anything, I'd feel like I'm offending the guy if I sent a message like that - expecting him to wait around.

 

I'm going off on a tangent here, but I know everyone's obviously entitled to their own opinion. All I'm saying is a no reply isn't so bad. Don't really know what else this guy would expect.

[Batya33]

I would respond like this "sorry you have to cancel, I was looking forward to seeing you. I'm not huge on texting back and forth - I'd prefer to get to know you -or at least better - in person. So how about you let me know when you're available to reschedule and we'll take it from there. Good luck with your start up!"

[WildChildOG]

I feel that if it isn't going to be a productive response, then no response is best. We really don't know if what he's saying is the truth, it very well could be. I don't blame OP for being disappointed, but honestly how a person reacts to something especially this early in will reflect on her as much as him. I would rather walk away silent then be dubbed rude, inconsiderate, psycho, not understanding, etc. by flipping off a test off of emotion rather than rationale. Silence is better for OP in this situation.

[purplepaisley]

Too little too late for this particular situation, as texts and numbers have been deleted and blocked, but I'm in the camp of not burning bridges. Even though his excuse is likely BS, maybe it's real, and maybe it's worth pursuing after his life slows down...not penpal or booty calls...but maybe connect again when he has the time to put the work in that encompasses any budding relationship. This was just one date.

 

And in thinking in a "rose colored glasses" fashion, this guy (anyone) can't fix it if he doesn't know it's broken, and if he has received repeated feedback from women that they are uninterested in pursuing a lackadaisical man who wants to penpal and keep them around when he has a spare moment, and these women are saying "no thank you," he will learn he's "doing it wrong" and change his behavior if he wishes to keep that potential someone special on board...as in make the time and put her in a priority status.

 

I have found that round two doesn't play out much differently than round one...and I will give it a second shot if I'm really into the guy, and this is more for me, and notsomuch for him. I want to know in my mind I tried, so that I don't look back on a "what if." My tolerance is pretty low...make the time or don't...I don't wait around anymore. Yes, I have been involved in a perpetual texting relationship, and I have been blown off repeatedly by "other things to do." I recently got involved with someone, and he had the time...and then didn't...very "busy." I told him one date a month, maybe, isn't going to work for me, but he's free to contact me when his life slows down. It probably doesn't matter what I said, as he either wasn't into me and was tossing out excuses, or he wants someone around to fill in the gaps, I don't know, but in the event his behaviors are stonewalling his dating prospects, he got a reason why. I got the satisfaction of a clean split and not wondering whether or not he would be available to go out on the weekend or be available for text or phone call in between and putting in effort for a nonstarter, playing this "wondering" and "hopeful" game of "I don't know what the hell is going on."

[katrina1980]

I would respond like this "sorry you have to cancel, I was looking forward to seeing you. I'm not huge on texting back and forth - I'd prefer to get to know you -or at least better - in person. So how about you let me know when you're available to reschedule and we'll take it from there. Good luck with your start up!"

 

That's good too.

 

A bit bolder than what I suggested but same premise. Same attitude.

 

That said, if OP is so turned off she just wants to ignore and next him, that's fine. Not debating that at all.

 

But she did not say she was "turned off" she said she was "pissed off" which is quite different, and don't understand after only one date; it's not like he made promises to see her again, then ghosted her.

 

But to each her own.

[Sportster2005]

If someone wants to see you, they will.

 

If someone doesn't reschedule they're not interested.

 

Being asked to be in his back pocket for a month is an affront to your dignity. If I were in the situation I would block them and move on. I don't think it's an overreaction. It's just very efficient. Don't waste time on people you don't know that jerk you around. This is a lame cancellation.

[katrina1980]

If someone wants to see you, they will.

 

If someone doesn't reschedule they're not interested.

 

Being asked to be in his back pocket for a month is an affront to your dignity. If I were in the situation I would block them and move on. I don't think it's an overreaction. It's just very efficient. Don't waste time on people you don't know that jerk you around. This is a lame cancellation.

 

Yeah and on my thread you suggested (more like insisted) the guy was not interested, suggested I "don't waste time" - which suggestion I did not follow; instead I chose to take initiative and text him, he immediately texted back, scheduled a date, we met, clicked in person, and tonight we're going on our sixth date!

 

Gawd I wish people could give each other a break and chill a bit.

 

They had one date for heaven's sake, he's not obligated to take her out again, and who the hell knows what's going on with him, at least he didn't leave her hanging and gave her a heads up.

 

And isn't it you who keeps saying to not take things so personally, that people are allowed to not be interested or change their minds after one or a few dates?

 

But now you're saying it's an affront to her dignity? They've had one date!

 

Talk about an over-reaction, geez.

[mustlovedogs]

Yeah and on my thread you suggested (more like insisted) the guy was not interested, suggested I "don't waste time" - which suggestion I did not follow; instead I chose to take initiative and text him, he immediately texted back, scheduled a date, we met, clicked in person, and tonight we're going on our sixth date!

 

Gawd I wish people could give each other a break and chill a bit.

 

They had one date for heaven's sake, he's not obligated to take her out again, and who the hell knows what's going on with him, at least he didn't leave her hanging and gave her a heads up.

 

And wasn't it you who keeps saying to not take things so personally, that people are allowed to not be interested or change their minds after one or a few dates?

 

But now you're saying it's an affront to her dignity? They've had one date!

 

Talk about an over-reaction, geez.

 

I find it really condescending that you continue to berate people’s reactions as over reactions.

 

He asked her to put one MONTH of her life on hold. That doesn’t sound very respectful to me. A better text from him would have been “I’m so sorry to cancel, but work is crazy for the next month. I really enjoyed my date with you, but I know you don’t owe me anything yet. Can I get back in touch when my life calms down?”

 

Mutual respect.

 

Him not being interested isn’t the affront to her dignity, it’s his approach.

 

Can you give posters you disagree with a break and chill a bit?

[katrina1980]

I will continue expressing my opinions as I encourage everyone to do, no matter much I disagree.

 

I respect Sportster and his opinions, I actually respect everyone and their opinions, and I would never suggest to anyone they stop expressing themselves, in whatever way they choose.

 

I disagreed with his opinion and do believe it was an over-reaction. JMO.

 

If I don't agree with an opinion, I'm not gonna squelch those opinions, I am going to speak up and explain why I disagree.

 

As we all do!

 

I am sorry my post(s) offend you MLD, it been fairly obvious as of late many of them do; feel free to not read; I won't be offended.

[mustlovedogs]

Not offended, just surprised that you ask people to chill.